Hellooo people! More cranberry- affected fanfics for you coming right up. Do not own, blah blah insert disclaimer her

Aragog, risen from the grave, chased Harry and Arnold the Pygmy Puff around the orchard around the back of the Burrow. 'Arnold, help!' yelled Harry frantically. 'I've been cornered!'

'You can't be cornered, it's an orchard with only trees and stuff.' Replied Arnold. Then some light flashed. The car, from their second year, had come to rescue them!

"OH MY GOD!" screamed Professor Flitwick. "A CAR! Wait – what is a car?" so they all hopped into the car, but the engine wouldn't start! "Oh, bum" he said.

The UFO beamed him up, and Harry found himself naked, lying on a table made of green sticky goo.

Some aliens, which resembled Professor Umbridge, so more like they resembled cane toads, were surrounding him. Also they had big brains for bodies.

"Jeepers creepers, they must be hedgehogs!" yelped Dumbledore. "Nope, they're all the human intelligence in the world stored into those thingies." said Harry.

"Oh."

They crept throughout the sewer, and then Harry saw something. "Hey, I found sixteen knuts on the ground!"

"Harry Potter will give sixteen knuts to Dobby sir, and Dobby will buy some toothpicks and used band-aids with blood and pus on them and they will be used as ingredients for Harry Potter's favourite Treacle Tart!" The treacle tart opened it's mouth and said;' I declare a karaoke contest!'

But then the steak and liver pie spoke up. 'TURN ON THE TV THE NEW SIMPSONS ARE ON NOW!'

'Ohmigod like totally I love the Simpsons Homer is sooooo hot!' said Dudley.

'Oh, my Ickle Duddykins is growing up!' simpered Aunt Petunia.

But then… 'Hem hem' Umbridge kicked down the door and entered the toilet cubicle where all the rest were hiding from Ron who was trying to feed everyone U-No-Poo. She raised her wand and… it turned into a rubber chicken.

'AHHHH! The rubber chicken will kill us all!' shrieked Hermione and ran into the wall, which she went through, just like Platform 9 ¾!

'You guys are soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo immature, get a life and help me make this felly tone call Voldy,' said Snape.

'But- but- YOU BUST SLUG!' whimpered Kevin, yeah, that little kid from the world cup. 'I want slug!'

Then Dennis Creevey turned Kevin into a slug, which slugged its way towards a polyjuice potion then melted into it, the result being that whoever would drink it, they would turn into Kevin the slug for 1 hour.

Anyway. The 'You BUST SLUG' cries rang throughout the room, cursing everyone who heard it, but then Bill came along and broke the curses, because he was a curse breaker.

'Hey everybody, I know, let's play truth or dare!' said Ginny.

'I pick dare,' said Harry.

'Ummm ok' said Hermione. 'You have tooo ummmmmmm throw yourself off from the top of the astronomy tower, and when you are falling you have to summon your broom and then you can fly back up!'

So Harry and the rest traipsed up to the Astronomy tower, to find it had turned into a gello pudding.

'Holy Gello Pudding, it's mutating!' shrieked Mundungus.

'No it isn't,' said Ron. 'It's still a gello pudding and that's good enough for me!'

Neville Longbottom awoke on the morning of his seventeenth birthday with a start. Today was the day he became a man. YAY! Hooray! Halleluiah! Etc.

'Yahooo… WHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!'

Professor Sprout burst into the room. 'What is it that may be bothering thee, dear companion?'

'Eeeeeek! A…a…a… GIANT FIGURINE OF MALFOY! IT WILL KILL US ALL! BUT MALFOYS DEAD! HE'S CHANNELING HIS SPIRIT!'

'No worries, I will save the day with my joined writing,' said Lockhart who had popped out from Harry's box of make-up. "Awww man!" said Harry. "You suck!" and he shoved Lockhart out of the way so he could finally go down to live out his dream.

'Holy purple doorknobs!' screamed Ginny as the evil woollen blanket chased her around the orchard.

Then she had an idea! She had to find the master thread so the whole thing would unravel!

It turned out the master thread was for sale for $4.32 at the local gas station, so she walked down the road while reading the Quibbler to the petrol station.

Although, as her eyes were on the magazine, she banged into a brick wall which was very stupidly put in the middle of no where.

'Like, Ohmigod, this frickin brick wall is going to totally ruin my hairstyle!' shrieked Crabbe and Goyle, and put the bowl of custard into the pink backpack which swallowed it and burped.

"Trevor!" yelled Neville, outraged. Never had his toad shown such bad manners.

"Oh, Neville, I'm so, so sorry but I think he has that disease Professor Vector told me about… it was something to do with seventeen thousand stomachs."

Ron had walked in on them to hear only 'seventeen thousand stomachs'. "What the ruddy hell are you talking about, ay?" he asked suspiciously.

'Well,' said Hermione is her famous Matter-of-factly tone. 'When a star is spotted by a child whom is born under Saturn, that person will be doomed to a terrible curse, make up remover won't work on them.'

Everyone cracked evil grins and laughed. 'Mua ha ha ha ha ha…' Harry was laughing especially hard and really enjoying himself. Then he realised… he was standing around a bunch of people in masks, and he was laughing evilly.

"Awww, crap. I've turned into Voldy!"

'Yo Voldy, wassup dawg?' said Wormtail who had crept up from under Professor Mundungus's (he was the new Defence of Dark Arts teacher) robes.

'So, what are you guys doing tonight? I'm up for whatever!'

'Dude! It's our anniversary of going out together tonight, stupid!' and he went into a long, boring rant about their plans for their date together.

Finally he stopped. 'sooooo, can I come with?' Harry asked hopefully.

'Nah, Let's just go tenpin bowling,' said Dumbledore.

'Hey, you're alive!'

'So it would seem.'

So they went bowling. Then Harry slipped down the alley after tripping on his shoelace and disappeared into the hole at the other end.

'HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPP!'

Hello people! Did you like it? Well… what should the next chapter be about? Each reader should give a random topic or thing, and we'll put it into a story! Such as… killer insert type of cake here or an man-eating insert kitchen utenstil here

In any case, review! We know where you live!