Harry Potter and the Cranberry Affected Fanfic Chapter 4: Of Sombreros, Pubs and Cranberries, a harry potter fanfic

Some more randomness for you… This one's kind of short, bur not short of INSANITY AND CRANBERRIES! WHOOOOOO!

Harry Potter was eating a bowl of fruit. He picked up a handful of cranberries, and noticed there was something strange about them. Then he realised he was in a nuclear power plant. A loose pipe was dripping green nuclear waste into the fruit bowl. 'OMGWTF!' yelled Harry. Then the fruits, and the cranberries in his hand, turned into giant mutant fruits, and broke out of the plant, roaring.

'AHHH! I have to warn society about these giant mutant fruits!' screamed Harry girlishly.

'Giant mutant fruits! They will devour us all!' yelled Voldy. 'Life is not worth living anymore!' He picked up his wand and cried; 'Avada Kedavra!' Except he couldn't die because of his four-or-five remaining horcruxes. 'Dagnabit!'

'Haha! You can't die!' teased Harry. 'Wait…'

'Yeah, well…' Voldy looked strained.

'He looks like he's taken U-No-Poo.' said Ron to Harry, jabbing his thumb at Voldemort.

'Someone say me name?' asked Voldy.

'Huh? No,' said Ephias Doge. 'I was merely mentioning Sir Wollé de Morté of Lellefip, a famous jeweller in the mid 1300s.'

'Oh yeah, I read about him in this book called 'Famous onion-pickers of the 18th century, said Hermione.'

'Err… what?' said Katrina, Krum's girlfriend.

'Oh, you two look like you were meant to be.' said Hermione sweetly.

'Hey… Hermione?' asked Katrina.

'Erm, yes?'

'I can actually do something!' at this point Katrina rubbed her right eye.

'Come on, ve need to buy you a present.' said Krum, and he went to go and buy Katrina a fur carpet.

'Well… that was random.' said Denis Creevey.

'Yeah, and like the rest of the story isn't.' said Fred. Suddenly, Nott junior burst into the room.

'HEEELLLP! I'M BEING CHASED BY AN EVIL DAISY!'

'Do not fear, my dear,' said the Evil Daisy. 'I am merely an alien from Europa.'

'Europa? Cool! Can you take me there? I want to learn about the ice and mice.'

'Icemice,' corrected the Evil Daisy. 'Now, I hear that your friend Ron has invented a broomstick that will reach Jupiter. At this point, Europa is closer to the Earth than Jupiter, so I can take you to Europa right now.'

'RIGHT NOW?'

'No! Haha - psyche!' and the Evil Daisy and he ran off with a sack of money that came from no where in particular.

'Well, that was a bummer.'

'Yeah, I guess – but ice-cream heals all wounds.' Said Aberforth, a goat chewing on his long silvery beard.

Then a dragon swooped down from the sky and picked him up. Aberforth screamed for his dear life.

'AHH! A DRAGON HAS SWOOPED DOWN FROM THE SKY AND PICKED ME UP!'

Hermione, who was sunbathing below, looked up and saw the dragon carrying Aberforth, although from a distance, she thought he was Dumbledore as she didn't know who Aberforth was.

'Ohmigod! I have to save Dumbledore! Oh wait, he's dead! Er… maybe it's his brother! Anyway, I have to save him!' screeched Hermione.

'How do we find his brother?' asked George.

'We look for dizzy goats!' said Hermione.

'Dizzy goats? Nooooooo!' yelled Helga Hufflepuff's spirit.

'What's up with you?' asked Hermione.

'Dizzy goats are evil! Duh!' yelled Helga.

'You mean like… manticores?' asked George.

'And chimaeras?'

'Manticores and chimaeras and dizzy goats! Oh my!'

'Will you guys shut up? I'm trying to sleep!' yelled Poliakoff who was dangling from a bungee cord.

'You can't sleep dangling from a bungee cord,' said Hermione. 'It's scientifically impossible.'

Grawp strode into the paddock. 'HERMY! WHERE MY SOMBRERO?'

'Um… the basilisk stole it!' said Hermione, hiding Grawp's sombrero behind her back.

'Me no like snakey!' said Grawp.

'Wait, how did he know the basilisk was a snake?' asked Romilda.

'Um… he met him down the pub.' said Tongze, the current writer, with a shrug.

'Oh my God – this story sucks! You don't even know the name of any freaking pubs in the HP books!' yelled Hermione.

'Yes I do!' said Tongze. 'There's the Hanged Man, and The Hogs Head, and the Three Broomsticks…'

'OK, I get it.' said Romilda.

'I'm bored.' said Greyback.

'Me too.' said Tongze'n'Phawke.

'Can we end this chapter already?' asked Harry.

'OK!'

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