Epiphany
Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine. The song isn't mine. Dammit, even this computer isn't mine. My dad gave it to me. Rotten hand-me-down piece of crap.
Spoilers: post TS
Rating: No smut. No heavy language. (Boooring)
A/N: This is my very first fanfic EVER! The last time I tried to do some creative writing was in year 11 and I recall it as being a painful and embarrassingly lousy attempt. As I lack something crucial called an "imagination," I had to rely on the lyrics of DJ Tiesto to get the gears going. I just think the lyrics really capture a future Ranger who realizes that he isn't being true to himself. Or something like that. I'm not sure. I apologise in advance for any typos. I'm Australian, so writing everything with 'z' is quite a challenge to remember.
Ranger was tired. He was on his way home from capturing a skip who had fled to the Caribbean and hadn't slept in over 24 hours. Stretching out his long legs in the business class seat, he closed his eyes.
You can travel the world
But you can't run away
From the person you are in your heart
He recalled the surprise in Stephanie's eyes as he told her he was leaving the country again.
"So soon? But you just got out of hospital. Bad business?"
"Yes. I'll be fine. Not as bad as Miami," he replied while taking in her appearance. She had clearly just woken up; her hair was a wild tangle of curls and her blue eyes were still puffy from sleep. Smiling to himself, he reached across and tucked a wayward curl behind her ear.
"Just have to catch a skip for Vinnie. Ran off to the Caribbean after embezzling a few million."
"So, when will you be back?"
"In a few weeks. If you have any trouble call Tank. Okay?"
"Sure, sure" muttered Stephanie giving him her best eyeroll Burg style.
Ranger took a step towards her and closed the gap between them. "Be careful," he said softly. "Try not to get shot."
"You care."
"You know I do. I've invested in you emotionally. That's more than I can say for anyone else."
"Wow. Deep feelings Batman. Very deep," Stephanie replied sarcastically.
"Babe."
You can be who you want to be
Make us believe in you
Keep all your light in the dark
Sensing someone looking at him, Ranger was jolted out of his memories by the sound of the food trolley.
"Would you care for some champagne Mr Manoso?" a hostess fairly purred. He name tag read Linda and her smile showed all her teeth. Bleach blonde. Tanned. Fake breasts. And married if the tan mark on her left ring finger was any indication.
"No thank you."
"Well, if you need anything just give the buzzer a push."
Mentally grimacing, Ranger glanced outside at the clouds. It was a beautiful day and the sky was a brilliant blue. The same shade of blue as Stephanie's eyes…no! Groaning inwardly he tried to concentrate on shutting out any thought of his babe. No luck. Abruptly standing up and drawing curious glances from the hostesses, he made his way to the men's room. He locked the door behind him and stood staring into the mirror.
If you're searching for truth
You must look in the mirror
And make sense of what you can see
Just be
A handsome face stared back at him, it couldn't be denied. He knew he was attractive. He had known since he was five and his older sister's friends couldn't keep their eyes off him. But the face gazing back at him was a strangers face. There were a few lines around his eyes that weren't there before and there was a world-weary look about them.They were theeyes of someone who had seen too much of the bad side of life and lately, the only light in his life had been his letters and emails with his daughter Julie and time spent being with Stephanie. When he was with her he could relax, he could actually be himself. No pretence, no Mister Badass. Just Ranger.
They say learning to love yourself
Is the first step
That you take when you want to be real
Ranger shook his head frowning. Where had all these sentimental feelings come from? Since the ordeal with his daughter's kidnapping and thinking that Stephanie's face was the last one he would see before his death, he had been plagued by quiet nightmares. To slap himself out of his reverie he bent over the basin and quickly splashed his face with water. Pressing paper towels to dry himself he stole another glance at his reflection as though afraid to see the person on the other side of the glass.
"Get a grip Manoso," he muttered to himself. Clenching his jaw tightly he lowered himself onto the toilet lid. "Focus. Detach. Concentrate," he whispered aloud puncturing each word with a deep breath. He knew the danger of emotional attachment especially in his line of work and the frequent trips he was required to make. He couldn't afford to cultivate relationships and although he had been convincing himself that it was for the best, that he wasn't relationship material, he had to admit that lately it was becoming harder and harder to convince himself of that fact.
Flying on planes to exotic locations
Won't teach you
How you really feel
Am I in danger of Stephanie? He questioned himself and then stood up, angry with himself for even contemplating the idea of him and her together. It would be a recipe for disaster. She hated control. He demanded control in all aspects of his life. It was what had kept him alive for so many years. But he tolerated her because she amused him; she made him laugh. She made him forget the dark side of human nature that he was forced to deal with everyday. He had made a promise to himself never to fall in love, but he had betrayed himself. But had he?
Your not getting any younger Manoso, he told his reflection. True, he was becoming more settled, having successfully sold out the branches of Atlanta and Boston so he could concentrate more on the physical side of his business in Trenton. Could he have chosen it unconsciously so he could closer to her? He realised that now he thought wryly, while pacing like a caged tiger 3000 feet above sea level.
Face up to the fact
That you are who you are
Nothing can change that belief
Just be
He was interrupted by a knock at the door.
"Is everything alright sir?" It was that simpering flight hostess Linda.
Ranger opened the door a fraction of an inch. "Fine. Thank you." Short and curt.
"Just wanted to make sure Mr Manoso." This woman was so sweet you could catch diabetes just standing close to her, he thought.
"I'm fine, like I said. Must have been something I ate."
Smiling uneasily at him, he ignored her as he strode to his seat. Suppressing the urge to chuckle out loud, Ranger looked out the window and was amazed that he could have reached an epiphany at this time and place. Well, a near death experience will do that to you, I suppose he thought grimly.
'cause now I know
It's not so far
The hardest part
Is inside me
I need
To just be
He realized that the hardest part was admitting to himself that he needed someone. That bothered him more he cared to think about. Since he had left the army, he had emotionally distanced himself from anyone that could come close to him but Stephanie had invaded him and before he knew it, he was wrapped around her little finger. While admittedly he had accepted this particularFTA so he could escape from her, the realization that he truly loved her shook him so much that he had to suppress a shiver. Suddenly the blue of the sky appeared to be even bluer.
I was lost
And I'm still lost
But I feel so much better
"Dear passengers," the captain's announcement broke into Ranger's thought. "We will be landing shortly in Newark Liberty International Airport and the temperature is a pleasant 74 degrees. On behalf of the crew…" Tuning out, Ranger turned towards the window while buckling his seatbelt. In a few hours he would see her. Tank hadn't called him while he had been out of the country so everything was probably fine with her. He realized that he couldn't sit still. He wanted to see her. He wanted to smell her. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to look into her eyes safe with the knowledge that he knew he loved her. Unequivocally and without a doubt in the world.
So there it is folks. My first, and probably my last attempt at fan fiction! I started out wanting to write a story with a concrete happy ending but for some reason, my fingers and the characters didn't obey my commands and went on a tangent. It was a weird experience! I'm aware that my expression and style is a little stilted so you guys can flame me, I personally don't blame you but hey! Constructive criticisms would be nicer! LOL. Actually I just want to sleep coz it's 2 and I have to get up in 5 hours for uni. Dammit.