Disclaimer: I don't own anything. It rightfully belongs to Sunrise, not me. Never me.
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For someone who has been with her for years, I was pathetically ignorant of her pain. All I ever cared about was myself, and how I could fulfill my hatred; how I could take my revenge on the first district.
I didn't take time off to take a real look around my surroundings, and all I did was to rush by what would have been the most important thing that I could do, the thing that I could have had, in this current short life that I'm living now.
All these times, while I was blindly seeking the truth that didn't even exist, she was always beside me. She was always there, patching up my wounds after the countless times that I injured myself – or just calmly sipping her favourite green tea while I rambled on about school or complained about reckless drivers that I met when on my bike. In addition, she lent me her laptop for my research, never asking, never questioning what was it that I did with such fervor. There had never been a need for much words with her at times… the wordless existence we had at these times was like a silent agreement, and it did more help to me than talking about it.
I would have expected her to stop at that, but I was wrong. No matter what I did, I could never seem to get rid of her. Even when I was still an insecure and rebellious elementary student, she never did give up on me. She guided me along, taking me under her wing, teaching me slowly that it was okay to live in this world. Even when all hope seemed to be lost when the image of my mother shattered, she was right beside me all the way, caring for me in a way that no one else could.
Besides that, whenever I was feeling down, she was always prodding the right buttons to get a rise out of me, letting me forget about my troubles for a while, and letting me believe that as long as I could respond, I was alive.
Shizuru… I never ever knew how you felt about me till the festival.
But why? Why did you leave me without saying goodbye?
Even as I said that I couldn't love you in the way you wanted, deep inside me, all I ever wanted was to feel your arms wrapping around me as they've done for so long. Your arms are my solace, but yet… I could no longer have you beside me, talking to me and letting me feel wanted.
I knew. I knew that in time, I would have learnt how to appreciate the thing called love, and how to return your feelings to me. All that I ever needed from you was some time. Just a little more time… a bit more and I could understand my feelings for you… Like how in the night I yearn for your warmth, your hugs that you gave me when I had the rare sleepover at your house; like how I missed the sound of your voice, the Kyoto accent strong and alluring – yet smooth and soothing at the same time; like how I missed seeing you whenever I open the door to the council room.
But now… I don't have the chance anymore… you're gone forever…
I no longer have the chance to show you my affection, no longer have the chance to amend my ignorance to you. Only you.
Even though I don't know whether you'll ever hear it… but… I still want to say it, and I'm proud to admit this in front of everyone… I've sorted out my thinking now, and it's all because of you…
Shizuru, even though you lie peacefully upon the deathbed, know this…
There had been a great many things that I regretted, a great many things that I did wrong. But nothing is worst than not realizing what I felt for you, what you felt for me. I'm sorry for all the time we've wasted on insignificant things, sorry for making you wait so long, sorry for never being by you when you need me.
It's all too late now, but I love you. Shizuru. Forever and always.
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A/N: Second fic of mine, so please tell me what you think of it.