Long time no updates, but here it is. This is a flashback to the end of My Noon, My Midnight.

Chapter 5 Flashback

Light from outside fell into the room as Alex looked into loved eyes. He heard himself talking and a part of him realised he was being ridiculous, but he didn't wanna stop it because he knew that, if he'd not do this now, there might be a chance he never would.

He needed her to know he loved her with everything within him, that she was catching his eyes with every move she was making, that he wanted to hold her tightly and never let her go. But words wouldn't be enough to tell her that. So he kept trying until she interrupted him. He was almost relieved to hear her voice.

'Can I… get a word?' she asked warmly.
He smiled at her. There we go, Ryan. Good luck.

'Make it quick.'

And he saw it. It was in her eyes. In was in the feeling of her touch.

Her voice kept echoing on his mind, seconds after she said it.

'I love you.'

I love you. He shivered. His mind was turning upside down and he wanted to shake his head and call out "what?", but he swallowed that just on time. He closed his eyes and wondered how anybody could experience so many feelings at one time. He opened up his eyes again to look at her and he saw it. He was not hallucinating. She had said it. She did. I love you.

Suddenly the entire world faded away, taking every thought and every feeling, until there was only one thing left. The thing people call love.

So he pulled her close to him. And he kissed her. And he held her tightly.

And nothing in the world had ever felt so right.

Weeks later, Alex sat behind the wheel, driving like devil himself was following him. Nick sat beside him, holding on to the dashboard, slowly getting carsick.

'Hey, take it easy, mate.'

Alex looked at him furiously. 'You don't understand a bit of it, do ya?'

Nick opened up his mouth to speak, but he didn't let him.

He struggled to hold back his tears.

'She means everything. I can't lose her.'

Nick looked at him and shook his head. 'I know that. But it won't help if you kill yourself first. And me.'

Alex fell silent. Nick was right and he knew it, but what if he lost her? He shivered. If he lost her. He'd prefer to die above that.

The cliff was deep and silent. Later Alex realised from that day he'd been scared of silence. The silence that covered this place was not like the silence that had fallen between him and Claire a plenty of times. That silence meant love, it meant they hadn't needed words to tell each other how they felt, or what they wanted. The silence here meant emptiness. And it frightened him.

Hoping for an answer he cried out her name. The echo kept hanging around between the cliff walls. No one answered.

Oh my goodness, I'm going out of my mind.

He desperately turned around and saw Nick, giving him a cord. Suddenly it felt like he had eaten cement. No. Nó.

Rocks fell down under his feet. He heard Nick's voice calling to him, and later he thought he'd told him 'easy', but that moment he didn't realise.

He let go of the cord as soon as his feet reached the bottom, and he ran towards the car. Or what was left of it. Drover's Run – C.L. McLeod, said the letters on the doors, and one moment he wondered what Drover's was gonna be without Claire. What life was gonna be without Claire. He shook his head, he wanted to keep believing she was alive. He would save her. Save her.

He reached the car but he couldn't see her face – her brown hairs were hiding it. In despair he prayed to every god he could imagine. Please.

He stretched out his hands and felt they where shaking. He thought he would die of a heart attack when he cupped her face and waited for her hairs to fall away. It seemed to last forever.

And then he saw her. Looked into the beautiful blue eyes he loved so much. Emptiness. He looked into her eyes but he couldn't find Claire. Gone. Staring at her he shook his head in disbelief. But the longer he looked at her, the stronger the power became that tore his heart out. The power that had killed Claire McLeod. You were so strong. Where did you go?

He put his arms around her, her cold face leaning on his shoulder. He felt her hairs touching his face. He held her until it became too much.

He slowly let go of her, sobbing uncontrollable when seeing her pale face again. Everything within him refused to believe this was the same Claire as a couple of hours ago, when he had seen her for the last time. A strange kind of anger within him wanted to scream out the feeling of the loss to the sky, but instead he sank down on his knees as the rain started pouring down. He didn't even recognize.

He started realising he was alive when he felt Tess' arms around him, felt her body shaking as she was sobbing uncontrollable on his shoulder. She must have come down with the rope, and a part of him realised that was impressing because for as long as he had known her, Tess McLeod had been scared of heights. He hated himself for thinking of such an unimportant thing at that moment.

He hadn't come with Claire in the ambulance. He couldn't stand seeing her like that, partly because he still didn't fully realise she was gone, partly because he wanted to remember her like she always was. Her strength. Her warmth. Her passion.

But later the longing for her became so strong he took his car and drove off to hospital, hoping he might get a chance to see her one last time.

He noticed the receptionist looked at him shocked before asking "can I help you?". He realised he was looking like a tramp, wet and muddy, but it didn't bother him because that was exactly how he felt.

'Well, the name is Alex Ryan, I came for…'

'Mister Ryan?'

He turned around as he heard his name and saw a slender woman with long, blond hairs in a white jacket running towards him. When she reached him he could read her name tag; Dr. A.L. Smith. She took his hand in hers and shook it warmly.

'My name is Anna Smith.' Her eyes were friendly. He tried to smile but failed terribly.

'I came for Claire McLeod…' He swallowed hard. 'She was my…'

'Fiancé,' she finished his sentence. 'Her sister, what was her name?'

'Tess,' he answered toneless. Fiancé.

'Yeah, Tess. She told me you might come later.' She fell silent for a moment. 'I've known Claire McLeod, you know, I was her doctor when she had that accident.'

He nodded; he remembered that. And what had come after that stupid lie he had told Peter.

'She was a nasty patient, a strong personality. Accept my deepest sympathies.'

He smiled weakly. 'Yeah, thanks.'

She took his wet sleeve and started guiding him to another room. She looked at him sadly.

'I know how you must be feeling. I lost my fiancé years ago. A car accident.'

'Oh, I'm sorry.'

'Thanks.' She smiled at him. She had a friendly radiation. 'It takes time, but it'll get easier.'

He smiled back, his attention somewhere else. This is never gonna get easier.

'Really,' she said, reading his mind. She opened a door to let him in. 'I'll be off, then.'

'Yeah, goodbye, and… thank you.'

She smiled. 'You're welcome.'

He found her on a white bed. She looked very peacefully with her eyes closed, and he tried hard to believe she was sleeping, but failed. He took her cold fingers in his shivering hands, leaning his forehead to her weak arm, and tried to keep remembering the good times. But he only felt the grief that was eating his soul away. He needed her too much. But she was gone and everything that was left of him was the yearning to hold her one last time.

Oh, Claire. What happened to us?