Chapter 6

'Hey!'

Alex woke up from his dreams taking him back to that night by hearing a voice. A familiar voice. He moaned softly, not wanting to see her again. He couldn't. He just wanted to get over this.

'Hey! Wake up, you sleepyhead!'

He slowly opened his eyes to look around. She was sitting on the window sill, looking angry. He sighed.

'I'm going crazy.'

'No, you're not. But you will be if you don't let this go.'

He threw away his pillow, suddenly feeling angry. 'Claire, could you please leave me alone? It's hard enough without…' He fell silent, feeling guilty.

'I shouldn't be angry with you, should I?'

'I don't care, that's not what I came for.'

'And what are you waking me up for?'

'Hey, you better not fall asleep again, according to those dreams of yours… you'll get depressive.'

He sighed. 'Do you think…'

'I just think you need to move on. And don't understand me wrong, I love you too, right? But it's too long ago. You should be carrying on. For Charlotte. For yourself. And for someone else.'

'Who?'

She smiled. 'Your phone is ringing.'

He opened his mouth to say his phone wasn't ringing at all, when it started to. He crawled over to the other side of his bed to answer it.

'Hello?'

'Alex? It's Tess. I think I need your help.'

'Tess, it's 3 am, what the…'

'I'm sorry. It's Stevie.'

He fell silent for a moment, shocked. A feeling rushed through his mind. Concern.

'What's with Stevie?'

'Well, she went hours ago, in her car and she still isn't back and she uses to hang around with you all the time so I thought you might know where she went.'

He sighed. 'Right. I think I'll be looking for her then.'

After he hung up, Claire was still sitting there. A short moment he couldn't describe the look in her eyes, and he realised that was because it was a look that belonged to Tess. The look that had been running across Tess' face when they decided he'd move in with Claire. The look he'd seen every time Tess had found another "perfect match". It was like she was having fun. Someone else. Oh my goodness, she doesn't mean I…

'You care for Stevie,' she said content.

One moment he wanted to say he didn't, but he just couldn't because… Geez, I do care for her. But that's not that special because I used to care for her when Claire was still there.

I did, but that was different.

It wasn't.

It was.

'You care for Stevie,' she repeated happily. She kept sitting there looking around the room while he got dressed and turned the house upside down looking for his car keys.

'Goodness, what a mess in here,' she mumbled, and he sighed. And it made him feel terrible because he realised he thought she was annoying, and he wanted her to leave, and he was feeling guilty for that.

'Why the hell did she leave like that,' he mumbled, surrounded by trunk. He could hear her sighing behind him.

'Don't you see?'

He sighed. 'No I don't.'

She rolled her eyes. 'She's a mess. And you're the one to blame.'

'What, why?'

'Because she's in love with you.'

He paused. She couldn't be. But if she wasn't, why did she look so sad for when she left after the conversation had mentioned Claire again?

'Hey, wait a sec,' she called when he found his keys and wanted to leave. Suddenly she changed her attitude. Pain rushed through his body because that was so typical for Claire; acting tough and then becoming soft, patient Claire he'd loved so much.

She stretched out her hand but hesitated and took it back. She smiled.

'So… move on. Don't lose yourself because I died. It'll be fine,' she added when he wanted to protest. And he fell silent.

'Let it go,' she said friendly.

He nodded slowly. He shivered. The last weeks everything had turned up to be fine, and when he thought about it, Stevie' s company had felt pretty right.

'So… that means I won't see you again?'

She smiled. 'You won't need to.'

An awful silence covered the place. She was right and he knew it. Maybe somehow he hadn't wanted to let her go. Maybe he'd needed her too much.

'Well, right then,' he started. He looked at her for a long time, saving her face on his mind. The blue eyes he knew he'd remember for the rest of his life. And suddenly he felt like Tess on Claire's funeral. Sad, endlessly sad, but with some peace inside he hadn't known for years. And he knew it was alright. And he found himself whispering: 'Goodbye, Claire,' and he took his keys and left. And didn't look back.

He got in his car, slamming the door, leaning his head on the wheel and cried. But this time there was hope and relief next to the grief. And as he calmed down a bit, he started the car and looked through the window.

Claire stood there, and she waved at him as he drove away.

He saw her in the side mirror of his car until she'd become a black spot at the end of the road.

Our dream ended long ago
all our stories and all our glory I held so dear
we won't be together, forever and ever
no more tears
I'll always be here
till the end