Hate Me
I don't know how many of you have heard the song Hate Me by Blue October before, but it's great. The first time I heard it, I immediately thought about RENT. (I guess I always am thinking about it.) I thought that it would be a song that Mimi would sing to Roger, or Roger would sing to Mark. It seemed much more moving to go with the latter. So here you go. The song is in italics.
Hate me today, hate me tomorrow. Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you.
Roger was packed and ready to go. There was just one last thing to do before he left. He usually hated writing letters, but this had to be done.
"Dear Mark," he started.
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.
"I know that what I'm about to say and do is going to hurt you. But I have to do it anyway."
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.
"I'm leaving for you after all. You deserve someone much better than me."
I'm sober now for three whole months. It's one accomplishment that you helped me with. The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again.
"I want to thank you for everything that you have done for me Mark. Because of you and your caring ways, I know I'll be clean and off drugs forever."
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night. While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight.
"I probably wouldn't be alive right now if it weren't for you helping me and keeping me sane. I know it must have been hard. Especially on those tough days at the beginning of my withdrawal. You always stood by me no matter what I did."
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate. You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take.
"I guess I have to leave so you won't waste anymore of your life and time with me. There is so much out there for you Mark. I promise that it will be better for you to forget about me."
So I'll drive so far away, that I'll never cross your mind. And do whatever it takes it your heart to leave me behind.
"This is goodbye Mark. I'm going to go off somewhere and try to better myself and work through all this pain in my heart where I can't hurt anyone with it."
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave. Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I have made.
"Just know that I love you and was never really happy until I met you. I'm truly sorry for every time I made you cry."
And like a baby boy, I never was alive, until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hands.
"But I promise this will be the last time you get hurt by me."
And I fell down yelling make it go away! Just make his smile come back and shine just like it used to be.
Something made Roger look up from his writing then. Mark was standing in the doorway. He took in Roger's packed bags and tears and hurt filled his blue eyes.
And you whispered ,"how could you do this to me?"
Roger sighed and finished the letter. "So you will probably hate me now, but it will pass and you'll find someone to make you happier than I ever could. Find that person Mark, and live a better life without me."
Hate me today, hate me tomorrow. Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you. Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.
Roger folded the paper and left it on the table. He picked up his bags and guitar and walked toward the door. He turned to get one last look at the love of his life. Then, doing everything he could to ignore the tears streaming down Mark's face, he left.
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.
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