Hannah's Song
October 25th, 1997.
11:30 pm.
Sometimes I'm not so sure what to think of life. There is so much death. Yet, a lot of us are having trouble remembering that we are still alive, and breathing. I'm not just saying this as someone who is completely unaffected by the events of this war. Matter of fact, I was one of the first ones touched by the second coming of the Devil himself.
I didn't even last until Halloween last year when Professor Sprout pulled me aside after class and told me the grim news. My mother had been attacked the night before and was found in the woods that outline our home. From what the authorities could tell us, she had been attacked coming home from work at the Ministry where she was personal secretary to the Head of the International Wizarding Relations Board.
I miss her. I miss her a lot. It took a long time for me to accept the fact that she was gone and she's not coming back. But thanks to the rest of my family, we are all going to be ok. At least I think we will. Sometimes I worry about Amy more than the rest of them. Sometimes I think she's the lucky one. Amy just had her tenth birthday when mum died so once in a while I think she didn't have the same amount of time to get attached to her the way Ian, Mary Beth and I did. But it's that same thought that makes me feel even worse that she didn't get to spend that time with her that the rest of us did.
My family wasn't the only one that helped me get though the hard time. Ernie was there. Though, he was still at school, he wrote to me religiously, sometimes twice a day just to make sure I was doing ok. He kept me up on some of the gossip among the students, sent along knitted presents from Megan and baked goods from Susan and Emma Jean. He even came and visited me several times over the cores of the summer. Ernie is such a wonderful person. I also began to see him in a new light, though I tried to fight it for the longest time. I don't know. Maybe it was because of the late nights we spent on my back porch talking, and me falling asleep with my head in his lap. Or maybe I was just attracted to his pure kindness, and fierce friendship. But I didn't actually realize how much we had both changed until we had gotten back to school.
I don't remember who said it, but "There is nothing like returning to a place that has not changed to realize how much you, yourself have changed." I've got that copied onto a spare piece of parchment taped next to my bed under a few pictures.
One of them is a family portrait, where Ian, fresh from his last year at Hogwarts, giving Amy, then a toddler, bunny ears. Mary Beth and I are being goofy in front of a Buddha statue in Thailand while Mum and Dad looked proudly at their four children. Another one was taken my first year with Megan Jones, Susan Bones, Emma Jean Bay, and Ivy Axleroot, the first night we were here in the dorm. Ivy gave it to me when I left last fall to go home, that was the last time I saw Ivy. She was pulled out of school the last year when she found out her Aunt was tortured with one of the Unforgivable Curses, and ended up in Saint Mungo's. The last picture is of Megan, Ernie and I over the summer holiday. Ernie was over for a visit and Megan decided to drop in. It's a rather long trip from Cork, Ireland to just outside of London. But I'm glad she made it. The picture was taken the morning we made wheat pancakes from scratch, and well, Ernie decided it'd be better if we did it faster and…well, let's just say the picture of the three of us covered in flour, egg, and batter. That's probably my favorite.
It reminds me that even in the darkness some light can still shed. It also puts a smile on my face in the morning when my alarm goes off and I wish I had a few more minutes of sleep.
Lately, I wish I could be getting more sleep. I was chosen to work in the Hospital Wing this year. It's like another class, I've got tests and homework and it only takes up twelve hours a week of actual "training". At least I'm not the only one. The other person chosen for this position is a nice boy from Ravenclaw named Jesse Killigan. He's a good guy, and we already have something in common, we both want to become Healers after leaving Hogwarts at the end of the year.
You wouldn't believe what I had to go though to get this job. And being away from the school for a year really didn't help. First I had to send in an Owl at the end of the year to even secure an interview. Then came the interview, then another one, then a test to see if we could brew the basic antidotes and the like, and then finally when we got back to school Madame Pomfry chose two seventh years, and luckily, I was one of the chosen ones.
So now I squeeze into my schedule from 1:00pm-4:00pm on Mondays/Wednesdays, 10:00am-11:00am on Tuesdays, 9:00am-11:00am Thursdays and 1:00pm-3:00pm on Fridays, as well as homework and six N.E.W.T. classes. Not to mention Ernie has me and the rest of the gals running with him and Justin every morning, and helping Amy out with her first year homework.
But I believe it will be all worth it when I leave school to become a Healer. Madame Pomfry said she can get Jesse and I interviews at Saint Mungo's in the area's we want to be in. I hope I do ok. This is something I've always wanted to do. When I was little, my favorite game to play Healer with my dolls and occasionally I would sucker Mary Beth and Ian to play along too. But I suppose if it doesn't work out, I could become a chef.
Speaking of becoming a chef…. The other night marked the first night of illegal cooking in our dorm. We decided that because it was the first ones, we would do it by ourselves, just the seventh years. Our next ones we'll begin to pass on the tradition to the first years, so they may continue our good-natured wholesome activities. Megan made the most amazing muffins, but she's very blessed when it comes to baking. Susan's smoothies turned out quite good too, lots of fresh fruit, man did they ever hit the spot, as did my mint-chocolate chip cookies. Unfortunately the same could not be said for Emma Jean's attempt at Pumpkin Pasties. We're lucky someone didn't send Professor Sprout on us, because we filled out entire room with thick black smoke. I think some second years might have caught a whiff of it, but luckily between the four of us we were able to make the smoke disappear before anyone became the wiser.
I ended up making a few extra batches of my cookies. Some for Ernie, mainly because we're now dating and it only seemed right, but also for, I know this is going to sound crazy, Blaise Zabini. He's been weirdly nice to me lately, and I thought it would be a good gesture of kindness on my part. After all he was the one who invited me to lunch at Hesta's table in Hogsmede and paid for it. Granted Tracy Davis scared me terribly with her talk of death, and I ended up leaving halfway though my chicken bowtie pasta. And I made a right fool of myself again when we took a picnic lunch over by the Greenhouses when I fainted when he told a particular gruesome tale about…well…I don't really remember but it involved someone dieing, and that such. I've always had a small problem with fainting, and I just had to get my first one in two years when I was with him. But then he gave me this strange gift of a really nice gold bracelet with ten little gold balls on it that'll deflect most minor curses and the balls will expand to create a short lived shield when it hears the world "Avada" in the Killing Curse. I still don't know what prompted it; he doesn't seem interested in a romantic endeavor, but who can really tell with boys? Hell, I didn't know Ernie was interested in me until he asked me to the Fall Ball.
That's another thing that is on my mind. We have only had one Ball here and that was in our fourth year. And all of a sudden Promise Dae decides that we need one to "relive some stress." Now, I like Promise and all, and in all honesty I think it's exactly what some of us need, but it just kind of came out of the blue. She's only been here a few months. Seriously. She's from Montana, America, and apparently already graduated from her school but didn't exactly pass all of her classes or something. I don't know. Frankly, I don't really care, she's a sweetheart, but Megan seems to mind a bit. But they both have strong conflicting personalities, meaning, and their pretty much alike and if they didn't get off on the wrong foot, they'd be great friends. But I suppose it happens.
Back to the Ball. Ernie and I had been fighting for a month or so, and he finally decided enough was enough and we went up outside of his dorm and just talked it all out. Next thing I know, I'm going with him to the Ball and we're sneaking kisses in the Library behind the "1,000 household Charms" section. But I don't know. I kind of like it. Being with Ernie, just kind of feels…right. Like something written in a story book, but I really don't want to think about "the right one'" right now. For all I know, it could end tomorrow. But I really hope it doesn't.
I feel so safe with Ernie. And not just physically, but emotionally. Now, I don't believe in love at first sight, because I'm a big fan of being friends first, then if you really like them more power to you, and so that's why I think it's so right, right now, for Ernie and I to be together at the moment. Not to mention, I don't think I could have one, could have stood by and watched him with another girl at the Ball, or two ignore this physical attraction I've developed for him.
Wow, I just looked at my watch, and it's almost one am. I guess that's what happens when you begin to write and just can't stop. I feel like I've got more to tell, but…I'm just so tired. Maybe I'll call it quits for tonight and get some sleep. I've got a ton of work to get done tomorrow, including a five foot essay on the properties of Waterroot on superficial lacerations for Madame Pomfry. Oh well, that seems to be my life right now.
Goodnight and sweet dreams,
Hannah Jane Abbott.