Title: Kisses and thieves
Series: Slayers in space
Author: Sevangel
Disclaimer: Not mine; belongs to Joss and co
Rating: PG-13
-
"R, you're not paying attention." Faith comments. "You're supposed to clearing your mind, that's what this whole meditation thing is about."
"I know." River replies. She gives up on the whole thing and opens her eyes to look at Faith. "We'll be landing on Hasbro in less than an hour."
"I know." Faith replies.
"They have whores on Hasbro." River states.
"Okay." Faith replies, confused by where this was going.
"Jayne likes whores." River whispers.
"Oh, I get it." Faith says. "You're afraid he's gonna go get it on with someone else."
"Yes." River agrees. "But mostly I'm afraid that I'm going to catch him and rip the whore's head off. I just got done being a fugitive; captain will be mad if I make myself one again."
"This is why slayers shouldn't get serious bout guys." Faith comments. "The whole 'possessive thing' tends to get innocent by-standers hurt."
"Like I can help it." River mutters.
"I know." Faith replies. "Well, you're just gonna have to give him a reason not to get a whore."
"How?" River questions. "I've been thinking about it for the last couple of days. I don't know what to say."
"Now I don't know Jayne all that well, but I don't think he's one for talking." Faith says. "You go up to him and start talking a bunch of crap, all it's gonna do is either confuse him or bore him to death."
"You're right." River replies. "Jayne's not one for words, has no use for them. But that just makes it more confusing."
"Makes it pretty damn easy if you ask me." Faith comments. "Just make the first move."
"First move?" River questions.
"Kiss him, R." Faith explains. "Ain't ya got any experience with men?"
"No." River replies. "Was too young before I went into the academy and there were only girls there. After I got out, I was too messed up to even think about it. It wasn't until the last couple of months that I've started to feel those types of feelings."
"You sure you ain't looking at Jayne cause he's all that's available?" Faith questions.
"I'm sure." River answers. "I've been around other men besides Jayne, not many but enough. Jayne's the only one that makes me warm."
"Oh, he gives you that good, low down tickle?" Faith questions.
"Yep." River answers.
"Well, then, like I said, kiss him." Faith replies.
"Jayne Cobb doesn't kiss on the mouth." River explains.
"Hell, R, you're stronger than him, don't give him a choice." Faith says.
"That would be wrong, wouldn't it?" River asks. "I mean, if it was reversed and he forced me to do something, everyone would get all mad and try to shoot him. How is it okay for me to force him?"
"Trust me, R, you won't be forcing him." Faith replies. "I'd give him bout 5 seconds before his tongue's halfway down your throat."
River thinks about it for a few seconds before jumping up and grabbing Faith's hand. "Come on, I need your help."
"Whoa, R, help with what?" Faith questions.
"Need you to be a diversion." River explains. "Wash and Zoe are in their bunk; once they're done in there they will go up to the bridge. Simon is in the infirmary and will remain there until we land. I need you to distract the captain and Kaylee."
"How?" Faith questions as River drags her down the hall towards the mess.
"Ask Kaylee to show you the engine." River replies.
"Why would I want Kay to show me the engine?" Faith asks.
"Kaylee loves to talk about the engine." River explains. "It'll keep her distracted for a while."
"What about Mal?"
"He'll join you." River replies. "Please, this is my only chance."
"Fine." Faith agrees. "I'll distract them for as long as I can so you can go make your move."
"Thank you." River squeals and hugs Faith. Faith tenses up but eventually pats River on the back.
"You best go." Faith says.
"I know." River agrees. "Oh, god, I can't breathe. I forgot how to breathe."
"R, calm down." Faith says with a grin. "It's just a kiss. You don't stop freaking out you're gonna pass out before you even find him."
"Don't need to find him, he's in the bay lifting weights." River says. She takes a couple of deep breaths before smiling up at Faith. "Okay, I think I'm ready."
Faith watches her walk towards the bay before turning into the mess. "Hey, Kay, you wanna show me this engine you're always going on about?"
"Sure." Kaylee says excitedly. "Ya really wanna see her?"
"Yeah, just think I should probably see the thing that's keeping us moving." Faith answers.
"Shiny." Kaylee responds and jumps up to grab Faith's hand and drags her out of the room. Faith looks over her shoulder and sees Mal following them.
"You following us?" Faith questions.
"Yep." Mal answers.
Kaylee drags Faith into the engine room, chattering cheerfully the entire time. She stands Faith to the side of the engine and starts explaining how it works, gesturing to parts the entire time. About 15 minutes into this, Faith turns her head to look at Mal. "Do you understand any of this?" Faith questions the smirking captain.
"Nope." Mal answers. "She makes it interesting to listen to though, don't she?"
"Yeah, she's very enthusiastic about this whole thing." Faith comments.
They listen to Kaylee for a few more minutes when Mal cuts her off. "Alright, little Kaylee, it's probably almost time for us to be landing on Hasbro, so we're gonna have to cut this short."
"Fine cap'n." Kaylee says. She pats the engine gently before following Mal and Faith out of the engine room.
-
Jayne sits the weight bar back on its holder when he hears someone entering the bay. Sitting up, he sees River walking towards him, her hands held in front of her.
"Where's Faith?" Jayne questions. It's weird to see River without Faith.
"With the captain and Kaylee." River answers as she continues to walk towards him.
"Whadda ya doin?" Jayne grunts when she stops right next to the weight bench.
She doesn't answer; instead she puts one leg over his and sits down on his thighs.
"Girl, I don't know what ya think….." Jayne's growl is cut off when River drops her mouth onto his.
He's completely confused. His first instinct is to push her away, he don't kiss on the mouth. But as he goes to do it, she wraps her arms around his neck and pulls him closer. Her grasp is firm and he knows he ain't goin nowhere less she wants him too. He opens his mouth to yell at her and she slides her tongue into his mouth. He's stunned for a few seconds and then with a growl, he thrust his tongue into her mouth. She moans against his mouth and moves her hand down his chest to slide under his shirt. Her small hands rub against his abs before sliding up to play with the hair on his chest.
Jayne grabs her hips and moves her closer to his body. Then he slides his hands up from her hips to cup her breasts. She moans again and starts to rock her hips against his. His body is hard, harder than he can remember it being in a while. He wants nothin more than to rip her clothes off and pound into her. And judging by the way she rockin herself against him and moanin, she wants the same gorram thing.
"And you said he doesn't kiss on the mouth." Faith comments from the doorway.
Jayne pulls his mouth away quickly, panic evident in his eyes.
"You're supposed to be diverting attention." River growls over her shoulder.
"I did." Faith answers. "Mal, Zoe and Wash are on the bridge and Kay went to find your brother. You best hurry it up, Mal said he was coming down to find Jayne in a bit."
"Okay." River replies, still slightly rocking herself against Jayne. "Five more minutes, please?"
"R, I'm a slayer, I don't run smoochie patrol." Faith says and then groans loudly. "I just said smoochie; somebody kill me, please."
"That can be arranged." River growls.
"You need to work on your people skills." Faith comments. "When you're trying to get someone to cover for you, it works better when you don't threaten to kill them."
"You watch for me and I'll do it for you." River says.
"Oh, so you're gonna let me have a go?" Faith jokes.
"Didn't you learn anything from that gapping stomach wound and the 9 month coma?" River questions, turning her head to glare at Faith.
"Hey, I was just joking." Faith says, holding her hand up in front of her. "Ain't got any interest in Jayne."
"I know." River replies. "You like Mal."
"What?" Jayne grunts. He's completely confused by the entire situation. He's been in some strange situations before but he's got to say he's never watched the girl he was currently groping argue with one of her friends while she was still sittin on his lap.
"Faith is going to watch for me and one day I'll watch for her." River explains.
"You owe me, big time." Faith says as she turns to leave the room. "I'll cough if someone's coming."
"Thanks." River calls out before returning to Jayne's mouth. "It's okay, Faith will warn us."
She slides her hands into his hair and slips her tongue back into his mouth. Jayne gives up on tryin to understand the whole gorram situation and pushes his tongue into her mouth and moves his hands back to her breasts. They grope and press against each other, not breaking the kiss once during the next few minutes.
"Have to go." River moans against his mouth. "Faith coughed." She pulls back from his mouth and then drops a light kiss on his cheek. Then she's gone. All he manages to see is her standing up on the weight bench and the flutter of her dress as she jumps up towards the catwalks.
Jayne collapses back onto the weight bench, breathing heavily. He's so beyond confused and harder than a gorram pipe.
"Jayne, ya bout ready?" Mal questions. "We ain't got time for ya to be working out, we gotta job to do."
"A'right." Jayne grunts, standing up and moving out of the room.
"Have a nice workout?" Faith questions with a smirk.
Jayne stops for a second and then moves out of the bay, not saying a word.
"What was that about?" Mal questions Faith.
"Nothing." Faith answers. "I'm gonna go find R."
"That is one weird girl." Mal comments to Zoe.
"I don't know, I find her kinda interesting." Zoe replies. "And so do you."
"Don't even go there." Mal growls.
"Whatever you say, sir." Zoe grins. "Whatever you say."
-
Faith walks into the room she shares with River and finds her sitting there with a dazed smile on her face.
"R, you okay?" Faith questions.
"Shiny." River answers. "Is it always like that?"
"Like what?" Faith asks.
"Warm." River answers. "I felt warm all over and my body was tingling. I wanted to crawl inside him and never come out."
"Then, no, it ain't always like that." Faith answers. "I never look deep enough to find that kinda thing. It's usually get some, get gone."
"Oh." River replies. "It was very wonderful. I want to do it again."
Faith laughs and punches River in the arm. "I figured as much. Guess you'll have to do some more plotting."
"Mm…I think you're right." River agrees. "I'll have to come up with something."
"So, how are we gonna go bout getting off this boat?" Faith asks.
"That'll be easy." River answers. "Just follow my lead."
River puts her boots on and then grabs Faith's hand and pulls her out of their room. They walk down the hall towards the bay when they run into Wash.
"Hey slayers." Wash says cheerfully.
"Hey pilot-man." Faith says.
"Hi Wash." River replies.
"What are you two up to?" Wash questions.
"Taking over the universe." Faith answers. "Wanna help?" She doesn't wait for him to respond; she just walks past him.
"River, she was joking, right?" Wash asks.
River just smirks at him and raises an eyebrow before following Faith.
-
"Captain." River softly says.
"Aww." Mal screams and turns around from the crate he was investigating. "Gorramit, River, don't sneak up on people like that."
"Sorry." River apologizes. "May Faith and I have permission to leave for a couple of hours?"
"Mei-mei, I don't think…" Simon starts when Mal cuts him off.
"Now, little witch, I don't know how I feel bout you two roamin free in a place ya don't know." Mal says.
"We're not children." River replies. "We can take care of ourselves. Besides, we're starting to feel a bit caged in."
"And trust me, you don't want two highly agitated chicks with superpowers on this boat." Faith adds. "It can leads to all kinds of problems."
"We just want to walk around." River says.
"Be back in 3 hours or I might be tempted to leave ya." Mal says.
"You're really letting them go?" Simon asks. "Fine, I'm going with them."
"No, Simon." River replies. "I don't need you to baby-sit me anymore. Besides, if something was to happen, I'd only end up having to protect you."
Jayne snorts and Mal barely holds back a laugh.
"Besides, doc, you and Kay need to go do something couple-ly." Faith says.
"Couple-ly?" Mal questions.
"You know, holding hands and skipping through flowers." Faith answers. "All that cute, sugary but rather nauseating things that cute, little innocent couples like Kay and doc do."
"Nobody does that Faith." River says before turning to Wash and Zoe. "They don't, right?"
"Not that I know of." Zoe answers.
"Oh." Faith replies. "The only couple that I've ever really been round was B and Angel. All they ever did was kill things together before making out. Oh, they saw a movie once; B said it was something about fruit and kimonos. You guys could do that. There are movies here, right?"
"Yeah." Kaylee says excitedly.
"There ya go doc." Faith says. "Ya guys can sit in the back row and see how far ya can go before getting kicked out."
Kaylee giggles while Simon blushes.
"So, we'll be back in 3 hours." River says. She grabs Faith's hand and drags her out of the boat before anybody can stop them.
"They're up to somethin." Mal comments. "Wonder what it is."
"They're taking over the universe." Wash replies.
"WHAT?" Mal yells.
"Faith said they're taking over the universe." Wash explains. "She asked if I wanted to help. I think they were joking but I'm not positive."
"I hope they're joking but knowing those two they may not be." Zoe says.
"We gotta job to do." Mal says. "We can worry bout the verse later. Kaylee, if you and Simon are leaving, ya best be back in 3 hours."
"Alright cap'n." Kaylee grabs Simon's hand and pulls him out of the boat.
"I'm thinking I need a drink after this job is over." Mal says as he hops into the backseat of the mule.
"I'm thinkin I agree." Jayne replies as he sits down next to Mal.
Wash jumps into the driver's seat with his wife sitting next to him.
"Let's go do some crime." Mal says as Wash drives out of Serenity.
-
Faith looks around the town of Hasbro with curious eyes. If you took away the flying cars and all the hi-tech crap, it'd be just like a town on Earth. There are a bunch of stores; book, grocery, clothing, and stuff like that. She needs to get some clothes, she's tired of borrowing stuff from Kay and R and even she can't wear leather pants every day. She sees an older, rich man pass her and stops to follow his movements.
"We can't do that." River comments.
"Huh?" Faith questions.
"Pickpocket." River verifies. "We can't take his money; captain wouldn't approve."
"Thought you said he was all into the life of crime." Faith replies.
"He is." River answers. "But he has a code he follows. He won't steal from just anybody, unless he's being paid."
"He doesn't have to know." Faith replies.
River looks at her for a few seconds before grabbing her hand and dragging her through some alleys.
"R, you seem to be dragging me around a lot." Faith comments.
"I know." River replies. "I have a plan."
"Why do I get the feeling that Mal ain't gonna approve of your plan anymore than he would mine." Faith mutters.
"Cause you're smart."
-
"We have to be back on Serenity in 35 minutes." River tells Faith as they walk down a street. They are both carrying various bags filled with clothes, some weapons, and some other things.
"We got one more stop to make." Faith replies. She finally sees the building she's been looking for and points River in that direction.
"All night health clinic." River reads the sign outside the building. "Why are we going here?"
"You'll see." Faith opens the door and pushes River inside. Walking up to the counter, she addresses the woman behind it. "My sister needs to be put on birth control." Faith says, indicating to River.
"Faith." River growls.
"We're kinda in a hurry, can she get in." Faith slips the girl some credits.
"We have an opening in 10 minutes." The girl replies, pocketing the money.
"Come on, R." Faith says. "Let's sit down and wait."
"Faith, what are we doing here?" River questions.
"Getting you birth control." Faith answers.
"I heard that." River replies. "Why?"
"So you don't get knocked up." Faith replies.
"I'm not having sex." River says.
"For now." Faith says. "How long do you think you're gonna hold out? How long will Jayne?"
River's quiet for a few minutes before looking at Faith. "What kind of birth control should I choose?"
A few minutes later the lady behind the counter takes River to the back, leaving Faith in the waiting room with all the bags. She fills out the forms, lying on almost all of them, and pays the bill before grabbing a magazine looking thing off a table. It kinda freaks her out how the thing is all 3D but makes it more entertaining to read. Maybe if all Giles' research books were like this, she would've helped more with the whole researching part of slayer-hood.
"Faith, we have to go." River says as she walks back into the waiting room.
"You're done already?" Faith questions as she stands up.
"Yes." River answers. She grabs some of the bags back and leads Faith out of the clinic.
"What kind did you pick?" Faith questions.
"A shot." River answers. "It's more convenient that all the other forms. There's too much of a chance that someone would find the pill."
"Smart move." Faith replies.
"We have to hurry; we only have 10 minutes till we have to be back on Serenity." River says. "If we're late captain will be less likely to let us off boat again."
"I'm thinking when he finds out how we got the money for all this stuff he ain't gonna be letting us off for a good, long while." Faith smirks. "Not that he could really stop us."
"I know." River says. "But we should at least let him think he can."
"Okay." Faith agrees.
They make it back to Serenity at the same time as Mal, Jayne, Zoe, and Wash.
"You're pushin it a bit." Mal comments.
"We still have 3 minutes and 34 seconds." River replies.
Mal sees all the bags they are carrying and raises an eyebrow. "What's that?"
"Clothes and stuff." Faith answers.
"How did you get them?" Mal asks.
"Would you believe we found them?" River questions.
"Nope." Mal replies. "Care to explain."
Before they can respond, Kaylee comes running out the bay door. "Faith, there's a couple guys who say they know ya. They're waitin in your room." Kaylee says.
"What?" Mal yells.
"What'd they look like?" Faith asks.
"Big guys, one of em had a weird tattoo on is neck." Kaylee answers.
"I told you we should have tied them up." River says to Faith.
"Bit hard when we didn't have any rope." Faith responds. Faith hands Kaylee the bags in her hands while River hands hers to Simon. Then both girls move through the ship to their room.
Mal stands there for a few moments before indicating for Jayne and Zoe to follow him. They make it to the girl's room just in time to see a big man fly out of the room and bounce off the wall.
"You gorram bitch!" The man yells as he reaches towards his pants to grab a pistol.
"Don't even ruttin think bout it." Jayne growls down as he steps on the man's hand.
"Dude, you tried to grab her tit." Faith says as she walks out of the room. "Whadda ya expect? You're just lucky, cause if it was me, I would've ripped your balls off and shoved them down your throat. Still might."
"What the ruttin hell is goin on?" Mal yells.
"Those two gorram bitches stole from me." The man cries out as Jayne grinds his boot into his hand, breaking most of the bones.
"They what?" Mal yells. "This true?"
"Yes." River answers. "But he forgot to mention how he was planning on selling me through his prostitution ring."
Mal pulls out his own pistol and aims it at the man lying on the ground. "Ya got five ruttin seconds to get off my boat before I riddle ya with holes, dong ma?"
The man yanks his hand out from under Jayne's boot and runs out of the hallway, his two lackies right behind him.
"Wash." Mal growls.
"On it." Wash replies, running down the hall to the bridge.
"I want you two in the mess, now." Mal orders.
River and Faith look at each other before locking arms and walking cheerfully towards the mess.
"Mal, what's going on?" Simon questions.
"Don't know." Mal responds. "But I'm bout to find out."
-
Mal walks into the mess ten minutes later, the rest of the crew behind him. Simon and Kaylee drop the bags onto the table where Mal is pointing. Mal reaches into the first bag and pulls out a scrap of fabric. He holds it up, his brows furrowed.
"You plan on keeping it?" Faith asks with a grin. "Though I guess it's fair since I stole a pair of your underwear. But I don't think they'll fit you."
Mal drops the pair of thongs back into the bag, his cheeks turning a bit pink. He moves to grab another bag when River stops him.
"Captain, I don't want you fondling my underwear." River says.
Mal pushes the bag aside and grabs the heaviest one. He pulls out the two long boxes out of it and set them on the table. Opening the first box, he pulls out two pieces of wood, bout a foot long each. "What are they?" Mal asks.
"Retractable staffs." Faith answers. "Need them for the training. If you push the button on the side, both ends will pop out."
He puts them to the side and opens the next box. Nestled inside are two short swords.
"Oh, shiny." Wash says, grabbing one of them. He takes a practice swing and would have cut off Mal's head had he not dunked.
"Gorramit Wash." Mal yells.
"Husband, put the sharp object down before you hurt someone." Zoe orders.
Wash sighs heavily but puts the sword back in its box. "Are they for the training too?" Wash asks.
"Yep." Faith answers. "Oh, here." Faith pulls some money out of her pocket and passes it across the table to Mal.
"What's this for?" Mal questions.
"Mine and R's fare for the next couple months." Faith answers.
Mal pockets the money before looking back at Faith. "I wanna know how you two got this money."
"We stole it." River and Faith answer.
"Mei-mei, why would you steal from them?" Simon questions.
"It was part of the plan." River answers.
"Plan?" Mal questions. "What plan?"
"R's plan." Faith answers. "I was all for just pick pocketing but R said you wouldn't approve so she came up with a better plan."
"Well?" Jayne growls.
"I was the bait." River states.
"What the gorram hell do ya mean, bait?" Jayne growls.
"Bait, you know, standing around looking all innocent and helpless until someone attacks you." Faith answers. "We used to do it all the time when we did vamp patrol. It was usually Dawn or Red, cause they looked the most helpless. A couple vamps would attack them and we would jump in and save them. Simple as pie."
"You've got to be kidding me?" Mal mutters. "Ya didn't really do that, did ya?"
"Yes." River answers. "I stood outside of the tavern, Night Owl, and waited for the tattooed man to grab me. Him and his men dragged me down an alley, where Faith was waiting and we knocked them out and took their money."
"Qingwa cao de liumang." Mal yells. "Where the ruttin hell would ya get a idea like that?"
"From you." River answers.
"Shenme?" Mal asks.
"You did it once in a bar before you got stabbed." River answers. "Stole money from slave runners."
"Well, yeah, but that was different." Mal stammers out.
"How?" River questions.
"It just was." Mal answers.
"I don't see how." River comments. "You took the money because you knew you could beat them in a fight. We knew they couldn't touch us, which is why we did it."
"And what happens if they report this?" Zoe questions.
"They won't." Faith answers. "R said the cops here have been after them for a while."
"The tattooed one is running one of the largest slave prostitution rings in the verse." River explains. "He would never go to the authorities. We caught him right after he got done collecting from a run. It's why he had so much money on him."
Mal glares at them and Zoe can tell he's barely holding on to his temper. "Faith, why don't you and River take your stuff to your bunk, let everyone calm down a bit." Zoe orders.
Faith looks ready to argue when River grabs her arm. "Let's go, Faith." River replies. "We can try on our new clothes."
Faith stands up, grabs her bags and exits the room without saying anything. River grabs the rest of the bags before speaking to Mal.
"We're not helpless." River says. "We can take care of ourselves though it's nice that you guys want to do it for us. But Faith isn't used to that; she's always had to do it for herself and she won't respond well to your normal 'over protectiveness'."
River sends Jayne a small smile before leaving the mess.
"Told ya things was bout to get interesting round here." Jayne drawls.
-
Chinese translations:
Qingwa cao de liumang: frog-humping sumbitch
Shenme: what