Trying To Be Human

Chapter 3: The Sins Are Back In Town

(Insert traditional apologies for overwhelming lateness HERE)

By the way, in case you were wondering, (my very first) OhayoCon was AWESOME! High point of my life, and definitely leading to more FMA stories from me, which I know you all are going to read...right? RIGHT?

Review Replies: It's a lot easier for me to reply via the "Reply" button on my review page thingy, but, I'm not sure it works. If you review me, and get a reply, could you please let me know somehow? I don't like leaving things to chance... Thank you! (Hey, here's an idea... you could review another chapter/story and tell me in the review. .:cough-please review-cough:. ... or my AIM is KalliopeStarmist)

And... Action!

At Elly's insistence, Reg returned to his couch to, in theory, get some more sleep. However, theory is very different from reality, and Reg wasn't in the mood to sleep. He was in the mood to worry.

And he had a good deal to worry about. His family was alive, and that meant that someday he'd have to introduce them to Gracia, which he was NOT looking forward to. Tomorrow he had to make small talk with the Mustangs, which he was definitely not looking forward to. Greed was having surgery, which wasn't exactly reassuring, and he still couldn't find it in him to accept that they had all forgiven Elly for her little killing spree.

With all this on his mind, he wasn't feeling all that refreshed when Elly tiptoed downstairs at nine and shook him to wake him up. "Reg, if you want breakfast, you'd better get it now. Mum's going to be taking over the kitchen soon."

"Hmmwahah?"

"She's starting dinner for tonight," Somebody in the kitchen dropped something heavy and metallic, possibly a pan, and Elly winced. "Uh-oh... You'd better go get dressed... We'll need to get out of the house soon."

Later, Reg emerged from the bathroom fully clothed and went down to the kitchen to try to find Elly, a fatal mistake.

The room in question was filled with a dense, savory-smelling steam. Through the fog, the stove burners gave off small flames, pots made bubbling noises, and the shadowy figure of Gracia floated around, stirring, chopping, and adjusting.

"Um... Mrs. Hughes? Do you want some help?" Reg asked, squinting to see if Elly was trapped somewhere in the haze.

Elly was not in the kitchen, but just walking up to it, just in time to hear her fiancee ask the fatal question. "REG! Get down!" she screamed, tackling him and knocking the young man to the floor as a skillet flew past above them.

"OUT! GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN! NOW!" howled the chef.

Giggling and pulling Reg out the front door and to safety, Elly explained, "Mummy gets a tad bit temperamental when she cooks for company."

"Oh," Reg managed, still recovering. "I've got to tell you, being almost shot, then attacked with a frying pan, isn't the most promising way to start off a visit to your future mother-in-law..."

"Don't worry... she'll calm down if we stay out of her way long enough."

Inside room 314 of Central Memorial, the Sins were having a little party-type thing. After all, it wasn't everyday one of them had a major operation.

"Hey, what do you say to an Ishbalan in uniform?" Greed asked. Lust twitched.

"If you weren't recovering from surgery right now, you know damn well I'd kill you."

"Yeah, I know. I figure I should use my immunity while it lasts."

"Why you little—!"

Outside room 314, one of the nurses was arguing with a disgruntled visitor.

"I'm sorry, sir, but unless you can prove you're a family member, I can't allow you in."

"I AM a family member. I'd show you some ID, but I left my wallet at my girlfriend's psycho mother's house."

"Well, there's nothing I can do."

"Yes there is! Please, just go in there and tell them Reg and Elly are outside,"

"Now, don't you get smart with me, mister,"

"I'm not getting smart! How am I getting smart?"

Their voices floated to inside room 314, where the other Sins were dying of suppressed laughter.

"Elly's such a dear," Lust sighed. "I hope she doesn't invite us for dinner."

"Yeah..." agreed Envy, "that would be... awkward."

Outside room 314, the nurse was getting fed-up.

"Do you want me to call security?"

"No, I want you to let me see my family!"

"Not until you show me some ID."

"I told you, I left my wallet..."

"Reg, dear," Elly interrupted for the first time, "This is getting repetitive."

Inside room 314, Sloth was controlling her smile and putting on her Ultimate Surly Bureaucrat Poker Face, then sticking her head into the hallway.

"Excuse me, could you try to keep it down? Patients are trying to recover in here," she snapped at the nurse.

"I apologize, ma'am, but this young man,"

"Is my son." The nurse went white as a sterilized hospital gown, and Reg and Elly pushed past her easily.

At long, long last, everybody important had gathered inside room 314. And there was much rejoicing.

"Reg?" Greed moaned with mock-feebleness, "Is that you, boy? Come closer, son. Your old father can't see too well no more."

Rolling his eyes, but grinning nonetheless, the young man knelt by his kinsman's sickbed. "Hey, Greg."

Still feigning weakness, Greed lay a shaking hand on Reg's cheek. "I always knew you would come back someday," he whispered, his voice hoarse. "Y'know, some dramatic music would really be appreciated right about now," he added grumpily, addressing the others present.

"Sorry, we left our violins at home," Lust shot back sarcastically.

"What a pity," the invalid man muttered, returning his attention to Reg. "God, you've gotten big. I'll bet you've grown six feet since I saw you last."

Reg beamed and shook his head wildy, like a little child. It was an old ritual, going back to pre-soul era, when he saw Greed maybe once or twice a year, and they both knew damn well he hadn't grown an inch.

"You sure?" Reg shook his head once again, and Greed scratched his head in perplexity. "Oh well. Maybe I've shrunk. Here, give your ol' man a hug."

And there was more rejoicing. Everybody seemed to be in a great mood. Except for one.

Elly, usually so sunny and bubbly, was standing quietly in a corner, staring more or less at her feet. Envy delicately broke away from the celebrators and tapped her on the shoulder. "Elly, is everything all right?"

Blushing ever-so-slightly pink, Elly shook her head. Then squeezed her sort-of in-law with all her might. "I'm sorry, Connie, I'm a horrible person, but, I didn't mean to. I mean, I meant to, but I didn't mean to,"

As soon as he figured out she was referring to her earlier rampage, Envy laughed. "Don't mention it."

"It takes more than bullets to stop us," Lust, who had been listening in, added carelessly.

"And if you hadn't put Greg in the hospital, we wouldn't have gotten to see Reg," Gluttony threw in.

"He only comes to visit if one of us is dying," explained Sloth.

"Hey!" barked Greed, feeling jealous of all the attention focused on someone besides himself, "How about some sugar for the terminally ill guy over here?"

Elly giggled quakily, going over to hug Terminally Ill Guy.

Sloth watched Reg thoughtfully for a while, then remarked to Lust, "He's worried about something."

Slightly amazed that someone could be so in tune with someone else's emotions (she certainly couldn't see anything unusual about Reg's behavior), but knowing you could trust Sloth with these things, Lust answered, "Do you want to talk to him, or should I?"

There was another moment while Sloth studied the young man again. "I think he'd rather talk to you."

Lust nodded curtly, then advanced on the boy. "Reg, how long have you been wearing those clothes?"

Reg surveyed his outfit: the same one he had been wearing when he arrived at his family's house three days ago. "I forgot my luggage at your place, 'Tasha," he explained shyly.

Elly now stopped to notice his attire as well. Truth be told, she was just as nervous about tonight's little dinner party. "Oh, no. What are you going to wear tonight?"

Reg had been thinking this, too, but they were in luck. Lust pulled out the car keys with a smile. "We brought your suitcase along... Reg, do you want to run out to the car with me and get it?"

They reached the car, but instead of opening the trunk, Lust sat down firmly on the hood and motioned for Reg to join her. "What's on your mind, puppy?"

Reg was astonished that she noticed his mood, but he quickly forgot about it and plopped down next to her, blurting out, "Oh, God, Natasha... The Mustangs are coming to dinner tonight."

"Mustangs? As in, there's more than one?"

"There are now. Roy and Riza."

"Riza Hawkeye? She married him?" Lust gasped. "How trite!... and yet... so destined..."

"And you know I'm scared to death of Military personnel," moaned Reg.

"Nonsense," Lust assured him, "We've always taught you, they're just regular people with slightly skewed morals and the inability to get jobs anywhere else. What did you think was going to happen if you married a girl from Central?"

"I told her we should have eloped," Reg sighed. Lust ruffled his hair.

"Relax. You've never met Roy and Riza, have you?"

Reg shook his head. "Well, they're good people." Actually, Lust hadn't officially met them, either, but she had heard a lot about them. "And don't forget, you're sort of the Ultimate Military Brat, yourself, what with,"

"Sloth and Pride, I know, I know..." Reg cut her off.

Lust thought about this. "Actually, that pretty much explains why you're afraid of the Military in the first place... But don't worry, the Mustangs are completely different."

"But... I'm going to be scared out of my mind, and Roy's, like, Elly's surrogate father, so it's really important to her that I make a good impression, and that's not helping at all, and what if he asks about you guys? What if he wants to meet you? What if he recognizes Envy? My life will be over!"

"Reg," Lust said gently, wanting to point out that the odds of Roy recognizing Envy were significantly small, as they had never formally met.

"I can't do this, I can't do this,"

"Reg, puppy,"

"I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die,"

"WRATH! Snap out of it!"

"... sorry." Reg murmured quietly.

"Calm down. You have nothing to worry about. Just be yourself. They're going to love you. We do."

Reg took a few deep breaths. "Um... did you actually bring my suitcase, or did you just say that to get me out here alone? Because I could really use some new clothes... these are getting a little crunchy..."