As soon as the red craft pulled away from the hovering space station, Lona let out a long sigh of relief. She had been so afraid that Jeff and the boys would see through her act. Of course she wanted John and Gordon to get some time together, but she had to admit she had asked for this placement for purely selfish reasons. Lona was tired. She was tired of the fear that had been her constant companion for years. The whispered insults and jeers that echoed through her brain in her sleep and many of her waking moments. The screams from her mother and brother were sometimes all she ever heard. And finally, images of Scott and, later, other members of her family at the mercy of the mad man. It was all too much, and all she had wished was to be left alone; yet, that was the one thing the Tracy's refused to give her. On some level, she understood that their concern for her made them unable to allow her to retreat away from the pain. They were acting only for her own good.
Angrily, she stalked over to the gym and stripped down to her sports bra and shorts she had worn under her uniform. She had known a harsh work out would be in order when she reached the station. When she reached the room however, she did not even warm up but began indiscriminately hitting the punching bag hanging in one back corner. No gloves, no calm thoughts or reasoning behind any of it. She beat the bag until it was stained pink by the blood leaking out of her busted knuckles. She did not stop until the pain in her hands finally began to drown out the hurt and pain within her.
Cursing softly, she made her way to the bathroom and began the painful process of binding her wounds, made difficult by the fact that the hands that were aching were the ones that had to move to bind the sores. Finally, it was done. Sighing, she stood and made her way back to the main hub of the station and sat down in the pilot's chair. She sat for a moment, sweat-soaked clothes barely covering her ravaged skin. Shivering lightly in the cool, recycled air, she gazed unseeing down on the small, blue ball hanging in the middle of the vast, deep black that surrounded them.
A sudden, harsh squeal broke the silence that had cocooned her, notifying her that there was a call coming through. Glancing at the screen, she saw it was from Tracy Island. Glancing down at her lack of dress, she cursed softly, and then ran to find her discarded uniform. Before she made it to the hatch, a voice behind her brought her mad dash to a halt.
"Lona, what are you wearing?" Looking back, she forced a smile on her face and turned to face the large screen image of her father.
"Sorry, it was so cramped in TB 3, I ran through a quick workout to stretch my poor muscles out."
"It does take some getting used to. That's fine, just make sure that your uniform is always close at hand; if you had to answer a call in person…"
"I know, I promise to be a good girl and play nice up here." She hoped the joke would lighten the mood, which seemed so tense. "So, what can I do for you, fearless leader." Jeff favored her with a mock scowl, and then allowed a small smile to grace his face. The two of them had not talked like this since…the Bank of England incident. A small frown briefly touched his lips before he shook it off.
"Just wanted to make sure you'd settled in ok."
"Sure, I see no reason for there to be a problem. Do you?" He could almost see the storm cloud forming around his beloved daughter.
"No darling, I just wanted to check. I still check on John and he's there most of the year. It can get kinda lonely up there." Lona suppressed a growl. That was the whole damn reason she was up here in the first place. No people, no questions, no pity, and no emotional outbursts threatening to burst forth.
"I'm fine, really. Well, I'd better go find my missing uniform. TTYL?" Jeff, just sat there a moment, before he nodded silently. And the screen went black.
Jeff sat back and let out a quiet sigh. His daughter was not at all herself, and truthfully, he was worried about her being so far away from home right now. Not that he did not trust her; that was the furthest thought from his mind. He did however, think that she needed the support of a loving family at this time, instead of distancing herself as she had been doing for sometime now. But, one thing Lona was well known for was her stubborn streak and her obsession with fixing her own problems. She would not come to any of the Tracy men for help, she would try to work it out on her own. That was what had Jeff worried; her seeming inability to do just that. Something else bothered him too; during the entire conversation, Lona had hid her hands behind her back like a guilty child. Frowning, he pushed his worry from his mind and focused on the multiplying paperwork from his international company.
The complex was completely dark as the figure made its way stealthily through the long hallways. Finally reaching its destination, it keyed a code into the pad and the door unlocked, sliding into the wall to allow access to its secrets. The shadow confidently strode through the non-lit room, knowing its way well. Seating itself in the chair, it paused before touching a button on a screen. He waited a few minutes, then repeated the action. Suddenly, the screen lit up and a very disgruntled figure peered at him, its glare lost in its sleep laden eyes.
"Someone better have a damn good reason for waking me up. If the island isn't sinking, I ain't interested." The figure grinned, then switched on the desk lamp so the speaker could see his face. "John, long time no see. Let's see, only seven hours since our last visit; didn't know you'd pine for me already." John's grin grew stronger.
"Glad to see you too, Lona. Most of the guys found the first night up there pretty lonely, so it's tradition to call a first-timer on the first night and see how they're doing. You like it up there?" A pregnant silence settled on the two figures before the woman sighed and slumped in her chair.
"Yeah, it's peaceful up here." The bleach-blond head nodded but said nothing, waiting for the speaker to continue. "So, how's the family?"
"They're good. Missing you of course. It's just not the same anymore without you." Lona's hand brushed aside the complement. "You think you'll have enough to do up there?" John had been careful not to meet Lona's eyes, but rather asked the question in an offhanded manner while toying with the letter opener in front of him. Lona shot him a brief, questioning glare, then forcibly calmed herself down.
"Oh, yeah. The gym is great and you've stocked the library with plenty of books and movies. I doubt I'll be bored. That's of course assuming there is not a rush of rescues for me to monitor."
"Busy work." Now Lona was sure there was something behind her younger brother's remarks.
"Well, what do you expect me to be doing during my free time? Twiddle my thumbs?" John sighed. He did not want to be drawn into an argument now.
"I just thought you might be enjoying the quiet and be making good use of it. That's all." Lona frowned, but said nothing. Running a hand through her chin length hair, she let out a sigh and leant back in her chair.
A flash of white caught John's eye, before he could stop himself he was pressing his face towards the screen and half yelling in concern, "Lona, what did you do to your hand?" A grimace passed over the young woman's face but was quickly stifled.
"Nothing, just wasn't watching where I was going and nicked it. It's fine." John, however, was not fooled. Thinking back over their conversation, he remembered another flash of white, on the opposite hand. The second, now third oldest of the Tracy children knew something was up with his sister, and he was not about to let anything go-particularly when he knew she was hurt, by herself, up in a space station.
"So, how clumsy do you have to be to catch not one but both of your hands?" Lona's eyes lowered and refused to meet his. "Lona? What happened? Please…" Lona made no sound, just stared at some distant point to the left of the monitor. Her eyes seemed to grow more haunted with each passing second. John echoed her silence, knowing that any sound now would only push her further away.
Finally, in a whisper so low he had to max the volume to hear it, she said, "Sometimes I wonder if I even escaped from that place." The astronaut had a fair idea of the place she was referring to, but wanted her to say as much as she was willing to at this point. "At the beginning, I would dream that someone would sneak into my cell, wake me up by covering my mouth so no sound could come out and lead me through the dark corridors, into a waiting helicopter and whisk me away to some paradise. I would look back and see that hell-hole in ruins, and know that bastard would never come after me again. But life isn't a fairytale, or a James Bond film, is it? They don't show the aftermath, do they? The sleepless nights, the mind-crushing fear that floods your soul. The screams of agony as the emotional torment becomes physical pain. I…I thought it was fine, you know? I thought I had locked it away…that life here had healed the gapping wounds left by that madman. I was wrong.
Do you know what it's like to have all your mental defenses stripped from you and have someone else control your body? Brains told me…He made him reveal the control room to Him. Imagine…years…whispers in your mind telling to attack someone you'd never seen before. Having a front row seat to watch your body beat a stranger to a pulp while inside you're screaming…" John remained silent as he watched his sister's body shiver uncontrollably from the releasing of such a buildup of powerful emotions. Her arms were wrapped around her scarred arms in a defensive position, trying to shield herself from the world around her. Her eyes stared straight ahead, glistening with tears she was savagely suppressing, while her monotone voice had finally died away from the painful whispers that had harshly broken the silence. "I…I never wanted to see Him again…he said he would hurt you all…Scott, Alan…hurt…no!" The last word had been almost a controlled shriek, cracking sharply at the end and proving the final break in the armor.
Dry sobs shook the young woman's body mercilessly as she screamed out her despair for her loss, for her pain, for her never ending nightmare. The blond boy could only sit there, only watch this heart wrenching scene take place. Trying to think of something to help, he began to try to calm her down, speaking random things that made no sense, the words not mattering as much as the tone and the love behind it. But he was truly helpless; in secluding herself from people in order to not deal with her emotions, she had denied herself the ability for someone to provide comfort if a break down should occur. And it would have occurred; a week from now, a month from now-it would not matter except the longer it took, the worse it would be.
After a couple hours of continual weeping, Lona had calmed down enough to understand John's words. Her eyes slowly drew back from their distant gaze and settled on his worried eyes. Glancing down at her bandaged hands, now wet from tears, she sighed and could not meet his eyes.
"I…had a rather lengthy discussion with a punching bag."
"Without gloves."
"But of course." John sighed, and nodded. The pain and torment had to come out somehow, though tears and words were infinitely easier then physically damaging yourself. At least, this seemed to be a one time thing…hopefully.
"Do you feel any better?" Her eyes narrowed in thought before a self-deprecating grin tugged at one corner of her mouth.
"I didn't before. Do now."
"Who'd have thought." The sarcasm was light, but obvious. A slight flinch ran through Lona's body before she nodded.
"I have always been one for the hard way."
"Hard way? Bloody…Sorry, this is not helping and just is not the time."
"I don't know; a good kick in the pants might be just what the doctor ordered." He shook his head slightly; unbelievable, one minute she's in the midst of an emotional break down and the next she's trading light jabs back and forth-never, never would he get her limit.
"You made sure that was impossible. Little ways away you know." She smiled and nodded her understanding of the slight accusation behind his words.
"Coming up here might not have been the smartest idea."
"Now she tells us!"
"Hey!" The siblings shared the first real smile in…it seemed like an eternity. Another round of silence crept in around them, but it was a different kind of silence. No longer were words quietly begging to be said, but rather there was the calm after a storm. Many of the terrible feelings had been laid out on the table and acknowledged. There was much still to do, but healing could begin.