Chapter 21 - Breathe

The first thing he noticed was that he couldn't breathe. His legs were giving out beneath him. He felt as if he'd been nailed right in the chest by a shotgun. He stumbled backward, stared into the flames of the burning car. Everything was dead silent in his mind, he couldn't hear the sirens or the people or the roar of flames. The silence was followed by a blackout. For a moment he lost all contact with reality. He was numb.

It couldn't be true.

It wasn't. There was no way. There was just no way.

"Leo?" a voice was yelling at him. "Leo!" Suddenly reality slapped him hard across the face, and his vision and the blaring noises around them came crashing down on him. It was overwhelming. "Leo, I—Leo!"

He hit the ground.

Moments later, Leo came to. He was in the back of an ambulance, and a paramedic was telling him to take it easy and calm down. He'd passed out. He looked around him. His was the only ambulance of three that wasn't treating someone. That meant it was the ambulance that was supposed to be carrying Piper—his Piper—away to the hospital for treatment.

Piper.

Leo's eyes shot up to see his dad and Cortez standing above him. Jake and Ron were close by. His father's hand was on his knee, calming, sympathetic. Leo looked up into the man's eyes and saw tears. He knew now it had to be true. That car in the fire was Piper's. That meant—

No.

No, no, no.

She wasn't dead. There was no way.

Suddenly Leo was choking again, this time on air that he was refusing to breathe in. His throat was constricted and a horrible pain had sliced through his stomach at the realization at what had happened. Suddenly the encounter with the fireman made sense.

We can't get her out. The fire's too strong.

That was Piper's car in the fire. And Piper was inside.

Oh, God. Leo doubled over, choking on what felt like a knot in his throat and what he recognized as tears. He was wracked with them, and he felt the arms of his father wrapped around his body. He wasn't crying, but he was coughing up dry tears. The feeling was indescribably horrible.

Rick held his son through the ordeal, not knowing what to say or do but be there for him. What was he supposed to say, Chin up, Son, just because your wife's dead doesn't mean you can cry!? He knew the protocol with strangers who had lost someone, usually a victim just cried and screamed and grabbed him and yelled, "Why?". This was different. This was his son. And Piper, well she was like his daughter. He wanted to cry, too. Everyone around them wanted to cry.

But no one did. They held it all back.

But not Leo.

"This isn't right," he said, speaking for the first time since he'd yelled at Cortez just a few minutes ago. "This—No, it—"

"Shh…"

"No!" Leo tore away and stood up so fast that he almost fell again. He started to walk away, shaking his head. "This isn't happening!" he yelled. Ron and Jake chased after him. They grabbed his shoulders and yanked him around to face them. "No…" he muttered, walking away. His brothers followed. "No, this just isn't right…It's not—No, we—She can't be—"

"Leo!"

"No!" he yelled again. "It's someone else's car! It has to be! It—There's no—"

Ron shook his head. "It's Piper's car."

Leo stared at his older brother. His voice sounded so calm, so sure. How could he be calm right now? "No!" It seemed to be the operative word…"She's not dead! She's not dead!" He was yelling it, pushing against his brothers as the reality of the moment, coupled with the realization of Piper's mortality, hit him harder than anything ever had before. He was choking again, but there were no tears. He was fighting against his brothers arms, and they were holding him back, away from the fire. "No! Let me go!"

"Where would you go, Leo?" Jake yelled at him.

"I'm going into the fire! Where else would I go?" He moved forward again, pushing against his brothers. "Let me go! Let me go die! Dan did this, I know it! I swear I'll—"

"Leo!" Ron yelled, pushing Leo back so that he stumbled a few feet. "I know what's going on and I know this is too much to take in, but what the hell good is it going to do if you go burn, too? C'mon, just breathe!"

Leo wasn't listening. His mind was on a time years ago when he and Piper had engaged in a sort of Truth or Dare game just between them. He had asked her how she wanted to die. She'd said in her sleep. Anything but burning. I would never want to burn to death. That was what she had said.

He couldn't breathe again.

After the screaming and the fighting and the choking, Leo's brothers managed to drag him away from the scene of the crime. The fire was out by then, but the miles of traffic were still present. They weren't sure where they would take him, but he had to get away from there as the firefighters started pulling out anything that they could find inside the car.

Everyone else, including Mike, stayed behind to help out in directing traffic and filing reports. They watched Ron and Jake force Leo into a squad car and drive away. He sat in the back and stared out the window. He was quiet now, silent in fact. He watched the smoke climb up into the air from Piper's car.

Piper's car.

Piper.

He tried not to think about what was happening. Piper wasn't dead. There was no way. It had to be a different car, a different Piper, certainly not his. No, not his wife. She wasn't dead. Not a chance. His thoughts got more and more jumbled as he watched the scene of the accident get smaller and smaller as they drove away.

His brother's voice made him look up to the front of the car. "Where do we go?" Ron asked Jake, who shrugged.

"The station, I guess."

Ron nodded. He glanced in the rearview mirror at his younger brother. Leo's eyes were closed and he was very obviously fighting to stay sane. "Leo." The broken man looked up. "We're going to the station. Is that okay?" No answer. Ron sighed and continued to drive.

At the station, no one tried to give Leo any physical sympathy. They didn't want him to explode. They didn't treat him like a child, but they offered sympathetic glances and asked what they could do to help. Ron and Jake led him to his office and locked him in. He literally fell into the chair and just laid his head on the desk. He wasn't ready to verbally admit the truth. He wouldn't even admit it in his own mind.

Outside the office, Ron and Jake were talking to Adam. "He's in some state of shock," Ron was saying. "He won't talk at all. He was barely even breathing earlier. He passed out once, too."

"That's to be expected," Adam said. "Although I don't know what else we can expect. Leo's probably going to sit there for a while."

"Adam, I don't think he really believes that Piper is…well…" Jake couldn't say the words either. "He won't believe that she's…"

"I know, he probably won't for a while."

Amy cleared her throat from the desk a few feet away. The men turned to look at her. "I just got a fax in from the fire department chief," she started. Adam nodded for her to continue. "Their guys found parts of a, um, bomb under…Piper's car. They say somebody planted it and detonated it from somewhere close to the accident. That was why her car…caught fire and," Amy paused, "exploded. It was what sent her car into the other two, also."

"It was planted?" Ron asked.

Amy nodded. "That's what they just told me."

Adam cursed under his breath. "Dan," he muttered. "It had to be."

Jake nodded. "The evidence adds up."

Ron glanced through the glass window to look at Leo, who had barely moved. "This isn't gonna go over well with Leo."

He could feel the tears inside, but was unable to cry. It wasn't an issue of pride, it was because there was a great wall there that made his throat close up and his face burn that wouldn't let anything out. Before grief, he felt anger. Anger toward Piper for leaving him, toward God for taking her, and toward Dan for helping. He knew Dan did it. There was no other explanation. And there was the fact that he had heard Adam and his brothers talking because they were so close by. When he heard the truth, confirming that Dan was involved, that was when the anger started surging through him.

And suddenly he was sick.

Standing on shaky legs, he opened the door of his office and disappeared down a hallway to the bathroom. He knew everyone in the lobby had seen and were wondering where he was going. He didn't care, just found the nearest toilet and threw up instead of crying. He felt the burn in his throat more prominently afterward, and he sat back and wiped his mouth. He surveyed his surroundings in the public bathroom, then stood again on now shakier legs and turned to stare into the bathroom mirror.

In his own personal opinion, he looked like shit; felt like it, too. He leaned against the cool marble wall for a moment and thought he was going to be sick again, but just ended up spitting into the toilet a few times. He washed his hands and face and wandered into the lobby, where time seemed to stop again as everyone looked up at him.

"Prue and Phoebe. Do they know?" was the first thing out of Leo's mouth.

Adam shook his head slowly.

"Then I'll be back." Leo turned and walked right out the front door. He didn't have a car with him at the station, but had keys to his brother's squad car. He drove to Prue's house with the lights and sirens on the entire time.

Phoebe had been at Prue's house at the time, thank God. That way he only had to tell the story once. Andy hadn't been home, and Leo wasn't sure if that made it easier or harder for him. Once he told the sisters that their sister was dead, they immediately started to cry, and he almost envied them for it. He was feeling just an empty void inside; at least they had some way to say how they felt. Prue up and broke down in his arms, and Phoebe crumpled to the floor in the living room. They asked if it was true. They denied it. Then they realized the truth and cried more.

"Dan?" Prue asked quietly.

Leo nodded. "It's been confirmed."

Prue didn't comment on how emotionally cold Leo seemed. He had to have been drained, she thought. She was angry at Dan just as he was, but she couldn't have imagined the things he was planning on doing to the man. Leo already had a slow death planned for him.

That night, Leo went home to a dark and empty house. He wasn't sure if he'd be able to stay there that night, but he knew he had to try. Yukon slept on the bed where Piper usually slept. He sensed something was wrong as soon as Leo got home. He barely closed the front door, and he didn't turn on a single lamp. He just kept his eyes on the floor and collapsed on his bed.

His bed. It wasn't their bed. Not anymore.

A dam broke inside of him and he was choking again, this time on real tears that were damned and determined to escape. That feeling of being emotionally cold inside all day was replaced by anger and tears. Piper was gone. That awful truth was evident now, and there was no stopping the tears. It was the first time in his life he'd ever cried so hard, not even when his grandfather died. It was the first time in his life that he ever cried himself to sleep.

He woke to a busy house. The bedroom door was shut; it hadn't been shut last night. There were noises coming from the kitchen, muffled voices. He sat up slowly, noticing that Yukon wasn't in the room. He stood up too fast and was punished with a head rush and a momentary blackout.

After getting his balance back, Leo wandered out into the living room, then turned right to glance into the kitchen. Rick, Prue, and Phoebe were in his kitchen, standing against the island. All three of them looked up at the same time. They looked more confused than Leo did.

He ignored the pounding in his head and the soreness in his throat. He couldn't breathe through his nose very well and he was sore all over. He ignored it all. "What the hell are you all doing here?" he asked quietly, walking past them to get a glass from the cabinet.

"Leo, we, uh…We need to talk. Seriously."

He filled the cup with water, and drank it all down at once. He turned to look at Prue, who had spoke. "Yep."

Phoebe and Prue led their brother-in-law—he was, after all, still their brother-in-law, right?—into the living room. Rick followed silently and watched the girls sit Leo down on the chair across from the couch.

"Now, this…This is going to be hard to say…" Prue started.

"Prue, I know Piper's dead," Leo said coldly.

The harsh statement made tears spring to both Prue and Phoebes' eyes. "You say it with too much conviction."

"Well it's true, isn't it?" he asked, barely looking up at the teary-eyed, angry sister. He watched them sit on the couch across from him.

"Leo, Piper was…"

The sound of her name brought tears to his eyes and he wanted to die. He felt as if he'd died last night, and he was up and ready to do it all over again. "I don't want to talk," he said hoarsely.

"I know. And you don't have to. But you need to listen." Phoebe sighed. "Yesterday…" she started, and couldn't finish.

"Did you come here to talk or not?" Leo asked. He stood up from the big chair and tried to walk away, but his father stopped him.

"Sit back down," Rick said in the same voice he used to use to scold Leo and his brothers when they were younger. "Just sit down."

Leo looked up into his father's eyes and let out a short sigh. He fell back down into the chair and stared at the floor. Yukon came up and nudged his hand. He waved the dog away.

Phoebe took another go at it. "Um…Leo, you're not gonna want to hear this, but…" She paused.

Leo looked up. "What?"

"…Piper…"

He winced at her name, feeling tears welling up again. He closed his eyes.

"She…Piper was coming home to, uh...To tell you…" Phoebe couldn't finish. She couldn't bring herself to say it.

Seeing as Leo could barely take anymore, Prue blurted it out. "She was coming home to tell you she was pregnant."

Leo suddenly looked up. "You're kidding," he said at first, with an almost-laugh that showed his disbelief. When no answer but sympathetic eyes met him, he shook his head. "Is this some sort of a sick joke?"

Prue shook her head slowly. "I'm so sorry…" she started.

"No, you've gotta be kidding…You've gotta be kidding me…" Leo was shaking his head and his eyes were pleading the sisters to tell him they were joking. He dropped his head, then leaned back against the back of the couch, running his hands over his face. "You've got to be kidding…This is not happening."

His dad has his hand and was telling him to breathe. But he couldn't. He stood up and almost lost his balance. He was already going for the front door. "I have to get out of here. This—This is all Dan's fault. I'll kill him, I swear—" With that the door closed behind him and he was gone.

Prue sighed, dropping her head and closing her eyes. "He took that well."

Leo was at the station before he even knew it. He literally threw the door open and demanded to talk to Adam. "I want every goddamn file we have on Dan right now!"

Most of the commotion at the station stopped dead. "Leo—"

"Don't give me shit, Adam, I want those files now!"

"Leo calm down. You're not thinking straight."

"You're damn right I'm not thinking straight! Amy!" he shot the words at the shocked secretary. "I want those files on my desk!" He had moved from grief to anger, and boy was there a lot of anger in there. "It was Dan, we all know it! I'm gonna kill the son of a bitch! I swear—to fucking God I am going to kill him!"

"Leo, calm down!" Adam said again. "Just breathe." He moved his hands up and down slowly to imitate calm breathing.

"Why does everybody keep telling me to breathe? I fucking know—how to breathe! And why the fuck do I have to calm down? My wife is dead! My life is over! Why the fuck do I have to calm down? All I have left to live for is finding Dan, and killing him!" He went into his office, slamming the door so hard that it shook the glass window. Suddenly the door opened. "Amy! Files!"

I know this chapter was a little fast-paced and jumpy, so forgive me. Also, I'm sorry that I had to kill Piper, but you don't understand—I had to kill Piper! Those were my intentions from the beginning. Go back and read the summary in Chapter 1, it says one day "Leo comes home and Piper doesn't". I'm sorry, but you guys had to know what you were getting yourselfs into! And please—please—don't let that keep you from reviewing. Leo is going to be out for vengance, and Piper will still be in the story. I'm good at this, I can incorporate her still, don't worry!

Also, I was very surprised and the number of reviews for the previous chapter. I mean, Chapter 19 got like 17 reviews but when I put up the climax of the entire story...I dunno, maybe just not many people were online...On my login site, however, I can tell who has vewied each chapter and how many of those numbers have reviewed. It's surprising really, that for most stories if 200 people view a chapter only like 20 of them actually drop a review. What does it hurt, really? And seriously, it makes a writer feel really good about themselves, like they're putting their work up and someone is actually enjoying it. Otherwise, why are we here?

I want to say thanks to everyone who has reviewed and keeps reviewing. I know Piper dying is a huge shock, but like I said, read the summary! To my friend Danielle, I'm sorry, but you asked a long time ago what would happen. Sorry if I ruined it for you, girl!

One last thing: a couple tornadoes hit my town (spfld, IL) Sunday, and even though my friends and I are okay and haven't sustained any damage (thank God—even my chicken sat in the tree the entire time!) my dad's block took on a lot of damage. He lives right where the tornado hit. I'll probably be over there for a few days, which means I won't have much time to write. Four of our neighbors over there have gigantic trees on their roofs, and one of them is handicapped, so I want to be there to be sure everyone is all right. No casualties, just major power outages. Two of my friends had no power until this morning (Tuesday). The good thing: school has been out for three days now (none tomorrow for sure) and my high school has become a shelter for people. There probably won't be any school for a week or so, so that will give me time to write, and if I get really bored, party! So bear with us, people, Springfield hasn't had a real touchdown tornado in years. This is kinda new to us!

And please review! I need to know what you guys think of this story still!