Title: Delicate
Series: Slayers in Space
Author: Sevangel
Disclaimer: Not mine
Rating: PG-15
-
"Well, I said it before and I'll say it again." Wash comments. "He's going to have to marry her, well actually them."
Faith's hand moves up in the air, her middle finger waving at Wash.
"Zoe, tell your husband to shut his trap fore I do it for him." Mal growls, his arms wrapping tighter around Faith.
"Husband, don't." Zoe orders with a smile. "Sir, we just thought we'd come in here and tell you we made some eggs and bacon, the real stuff, for breakfast."
Kaylee sits up with a happy squeal. "Eggs?"
Mal grunts when Kaylee's knees dig into his back as she tries to crawl down the bed. "Gorram, little Kaylee, you're actin' like you ain't ate in weeks."
"But it's eggs, cap'n." Kaylee says happily as she runs into the bathroom. She returns a few minutes later with a happy smile. "Eggs and peanut butter, mmmm."
"That's just all kinds of gross, little Kaylee." Jayne grunts, opening his eyes to look at the mechanic.
"No it's not." Kaylee argues. "It'll be good. You guys comin'?"
"In a minute." Mal answers. "You go on ahead."
Kaylee runs happily out of the room and towards the mess, Zoe and Wash on her heels.
Faith stretches and opens her eyes to glare at Mal. "You gonna yell at us again?"
"No." Mal replies. "I ain't happy bout what happened but I know you didn't do it on purpose. Just call me overprotective."
"I'd rather call you an ass, thanks." Faith says, sitting up. She places both feet towards the ground and tries to stand up. She barely gets her right foot on the ground before she screeches and falls backwards onto the bed. "Note to self; don't try that again."
"What the gorram hell were ya tryin' to do?" Mal asks.
"Stand up." Faith answers, her eyes closed against the pain throbbing up and down her leg. "Didn't work out though so I'd advise not doing it, R."
"Okay." River agrees, propping herself up on one arm. "I'm still not sure if I'm talking to you. You hurt my feelings."
"I'm sorry baby." Jayne says sincerely. "Just don't like seein' you all hurt."
"I know." River agrees. She stares at him intently for a few seconds before dropping a kiss on his nose. "I'm still mad but I suppose I'm talking to you now."
"Well, darlin' you gonna forgive me or do I gotta do a bit of grovelin'?" Mal asks Faith.
"Oh, you're gonna have to do some major groveling." Faith grins at him. "Lots and lots; in fact, you best clear your schedule for the next couple of days."
"You too, Jayne." River agrees. "But for now, I have to pee."
"Me too." Faith says.
Jayne picks River up and walks her to the bathroom, Mal following him with Faith in his arms.
"We can manage to pee." Faith shoos them away with a wave of her hand. "We'll call when we're done."
Jayne follows Mal out of the bathroom and drops back down on River's bed.
"We're whipped." Mal says to Jayne as he sloppily makes the bed.
"Yeah." Jayne agrees. He spies one of his boots but not its match. "Gorramit, where'd my boot go?"
"Think it's under the bed." Mal says when he sees a shoelace.
Jayne bends forward and reaches under the bed but doesn't find his boot; instead, his hand touches a small box. Curious, he pulls it out and looks into it, a confused expression crossing his face. "Wait one gorram minute, ain't this a…."
"Pregnancy test." Mal finishes in a whisper.
"There's two of em." Jayne says, holding both boxes up. "They ain't been open yet."
Mal drops onto the bed with a dazed look on his face. "Faith never said nothin' to me."
"River either." Jayne mutters. "Thought they was both on that shot thing."
"Yeah, but it ain't a hundred percent, Jayne." Mal says.
Jayne stands up roughly. "Well, she's gonna take it now."
"Wait a second." Mal stops him before he can go storming into the bathroom. "They're both hurt and stuff. In their conditions, they don't need us goin' in there and yellin' at em to take a test."
"Gorramit, Mal, you don't wanna do nothin'?" Jayne replies, his hand running through his short hair.
"Didn't say that." Mal says. "Just think we need to give em time to heal before we start in on this." He takes the tests out of Jayne's hand and dumps them back into the box. He then pushes the box back under the bed with his foot and grabs Jayne's other boot. "Here, put this on and act like we don't know a thing."
"We're really not gonna say anything?" Jayne asks as he puts his other boot on.
"Not till they're all healed." Mal replies. "Don't need to be puttin' em through this much stress in their delicate conditions."
"We're done." Faith's yells from the bathroom, startling both men.
"We don't say a word to nobody till we're sure they're all healed, dong ma?" Mal whispers to Jayne.
"Yeah, I get it." Jayne agrees. "Sides, we don't actually know if'n they really are; maybe they thought they was and then realized they was wrong."
"Maybe." Mal agrees as he walks towards the bathroom. "Maybe so."
-
"Kay, I gotta say, this obsession you got with peanut butter is starting to freak me out." Faith comments as the mechanics shoves peanut butter covered scrambled eggs into her mouth.
"It's good." Kaylee says between mouthfuls. "You should try it."
River wrinkles her nose. "No, thank you." She says. "It smells funny."
Mal looks up at Jayne with a specific look and sees that the merc nods understandingly.
"Yeah, it's enough to make me sick." Faith agrees.
Another look is shared.
"So, how long will it take you two to heal?" Wash questions curiously.
"Couple days." Faith answers. "Week at the most and that's only if we put too much pressure on it."
"Which you ain't gonna." Mal says. "You two ain't gonna do nothin' but heal, dong ma?"
"Here you go with the bossiness." Faith mutters, glaring at Mal.
"Faith, I need you both to be healed and fine." Mal replies. "This boat ain't no place for people who can't walk. Too many damn things can happen."
"Fine." Faith mutters. "But once we're healed, we're going back to our old schedule, right R?"
"Yes." River agrees. "I believe it is time to move onto the swords we purchased."
Mal and Jayne both cough and sit straight up.
"What's up with you two?" Wash asks. "You've been like two mother hens where these two are concerned."
"Just need to make sure they're okay." Jayne replies, his eyes never leaving River. He's completely freak out by the baby. He never thought he'd ever have kids and now that it looks to be happening, he ain't sure what he feels. He loves River, more than anything, and the thought of her havin' his kid is kinda nice but he wanted more time with just her. He ain't really ready for the responsibility a kid is gonna bring.
"Yeah." Mal agrees. Mal's survived the war and so many other gorram things but he ain't sure if'n he's gonna survive this. He loves Faith and would one day like to have kids with her but not yet. Call him selfish, but he wants her all to himself for a while.
"You sure you're okay?" Faith questions Mal, seeing the dazed look on his face. "You look…you're brooding."
"Naw, just still a bit worried bout you." Mal lies. "No brooding."
Faith quirks an eyebrow and looks at River but sees she's just as lost as Faith is herself. "Alright, but we're good."
"Yeah." Mal agrees. "We're good."
-
Faith and River limp into the mess and sigh with relief when Mal and Jayne aren't present.
"What's wrong?" Kaylee asks.
"Mal." Faith grunts as she sits down. "He's driving me insane."
"Jayne too." River agrees as she sits down. "I am not permitted to do anything that could be considered the least bit taxing."
"They just want you two to get better." Zoe says, smiling to herself.
"But we are." Faith protests. "Sides the little bit of a limp and all, we're doing fine. Hell, one more day and the limp will be gone."
"See, that's just a bit freaky." Wash comments as he drops down next to his wife. "It's only been what, 5 days?"
"Almost six actually." River corrects.
"And it ain't just the overbearingness." Faith says. "I could handle that but Mal's not putting out anymore and I'm so fucking frustrated I could scream."
"Me too." River agrees, rolling her eyes. "Now, baby, you're in a delicate condition right now and I ain't gonna make it worse."
"He uses that line too?" Faith questions River.
"Yes." River groans, dropping her head onto the table. "Every time. I had to take matters into my own hands, which while it relieved some of the tension, wasn't the same."
"Yeah." Faith agrees. "Mal started to freak out cause I was taking so long in the shower."
"You've tried, you know, seducing them?" Kaylee asks.
"Kay, I've tried everything short of tying Mal to the bed." Faith answers.
"Me too." River agrees. "And if Jayne keeps holding out, that's going to be the next step."
Wash starts to stand up, growing completely uncomfortable with the conversation.
"Sit." Faith orders when she sees Wash walking away. "You're a guy, you can give us a guy's point of view."
Wash sits down but looks longingly at the open doorway.
"Now, is it because of the knee thing?" Faith asks, propping her right leg up on the table. Her knee isn't swollen anymore but is still a little purple.
"Huh?" Wash mutters.
"Yo, I'm asking you if the knee look good." Faith replies in a huff. "Mal's never complained about my body but I'm wondering if maybe he finds the purple knee repulsive."
Wash looks over to Zoe, a terrified look on his face.
"You can answer, husband." Zoe says, laughing at his look. "I know you don't got any interest in either of them."
"Here, we'll give you the whole picture and then you can tell us if we're losing something." Faith says. She grabs River's hand and they both move to stand on the table. They're both wearing short shorts and tight tank tops. "Well, pilot man, would you do us?"
Wash looks at his wife and sees her laughing her ass off. He swallows heavily before answers. "If I were unwed, I would take you both in a manly fashion."
"Cause we're hot?" Faith questions.
"Cause you're hot." Wash agrees.
They both jump down to kiss the top of the pilot's head. "Thanks, Wash." River says.
"We needed that." Faith adds.
"What the gorram hell is goin' on?" Mal and Jayne bellow from the doorway.
"They know any other questions?" Faith mutters.
"Oh, Wash was just tellin' Faith and River how he'd sex em up if he weren't married." Kaylee answers.
"Cause they're hot." Zoe adds.
"WHAT?"
Faith rolls her eyes. "Come on, R, let's go train."
"Okay." River agrees.
"You ain't goin' nowhere." Mal yells.
"Specially to train." Jayne adds.
"Not in your delicate conditions." Mal finishes.
"We're almost completely healed." Faith replies. "We're fine. Come on, R, let's go."
Both girls push past their lovers and start slowly towards the bay.
"What's this with you wantin' to fuck my girl?" Jayne growls as he advances on Wash.
"No, no fucking." Wash defends.
"Jayne, don't make me shoot you." Zoe says. "Wash has no interest in them and they don't have one in him."
"Then what the hell when on in here?" Mal yells.
"They just needed to be assured they was still attractive since you two ain't wantin' to sex em up anymore." Kaylee answers, glaring at them. "That's bout the meanest thing you can do, make em both feel ugly cause you don't wanna have sex no more."
"Course I wanna have sex." Jayne yells. "Gorramit, you got any idea how frustrating these past days have been. Hell, I've beat off more in the past 6 days then I did when I was a kid."
"I didn't need to now that." Wash groans.
"Then why are you holdin' out on em?" Kaylee asks.
"They're both in the delicate way right now, if'n you catch my drift." Mal replies.
"Pregnant?" Wash yells. "They're pregnant?"
"We think so, yeah." Mal replies. "Found the test under River's old bed but they haven't been taken yet. We was waitin' till they was both healed fore we brought it up."
"Well, they seem healed to me." Zoe comments. "I think it's time to bring it up."
"Yeah." Mal agrees. "Ain't sure if I'm ready for the answer though."
Jayne sighs his agreement. "Me either."
-
The dinner table is completely quiet, everyone lost in their own thoughts. Faith picks at her protein for a few seconds before pushing back with a growl. "Screw this." She then limps over to one of the cabinets and pulls out a bottle of whiskey and holds it up. "What'd ya say, R, you game?"
"God, yes." River agrees, pushing back and joining her sister slayer. She grabs her own bottle and opens it.
"NO!" The entire table yells.
"What?" Faith looks at them and then at the bottle. "Is it poison or something?"
"No, it ain't poison." Mal replies. "What're you two doin'?"
"Well, since we ain't getting any action except for our own fingers, we've decided to get trashed." Faith answers.
"Beyond trashed." River adds. She goes to take a swig out of the bottle when it's ripped out of her hand. She looks up to see Jayne seething. "What now?"
"What the gorram hell do you think you're doin?" Jayne growls.
"We just told you." River rolls her eyes and reaches for the bottle. "Getting drunk."
"You can't." Kaylee yells.
"What?" Faith replies confusedly. "Why?"
"You'll hurt the babies." Five voices yell.
"The what?" Faith says. "We'll hurt the what?"
"The baby." Mal says quietly, moving over to place his hand on her stomach.
River glances down when Jayne puts his hand over her belly and then looks at Faith.
They both burst out laughing.
"Ain't funny, baby." Jayne growls.
They just continue to laugh.
"Why…would…you…" Faith tries to say between laughs. "Pregnant?"
Mal walks over to his chair and pulls off the two small boxes he taped there earlier. "We found these, morning after you two got hurt."
River cocks her head to stare at the boxes. "Wait a second, is this the delicate condition you two were always referring to?"
"Yes." Mal replies. "Ain't no need to hide it anymore. You can take the tests."
"We're not pregnant, you dumbasses." Faith says, rolling her eyes. "They're not for us."
Mal and Jayne both drop down into the nearest seats, Kaylee actually having to move to keep from getting smashed.
River drops down onto Jayne's lap and studies his face. "You are relieved." She comments. "And disappointed at the same time."
"I ain't ready to be a daddy but it was kinda nice." Jayne says as he wraps his arms around her.
"One day." River whispers. "But I'm not ready to share you yet."
Mal snags Faith's wrist and pulls her onto his lap. "Ain't ready to share you either but it's somethin' to think on."
"Yeah." Faith agrees. "But not now."
Mal bends his head to kiss her but pulls back suddenly. "If they weren't for you two, who are they for?"
"Me." Kaylee whispers.
"What?" Mal replies. "You're pregnant, little Kaylee?"
"I ain't positive but yeah….I ain't had my monthly in almost 6 months." Kaylee replies. "Last one was before Miranda and that first time, me and Simon forgot to…"
"Don't need the details." Mal interrupts. "You two knew? Was this the thing bout Kaylee?"
"Yeah." Faith answers.
"Who's the other one for?" Jayne asks.
"Zoe." River replies quietly.
"What?" Wash shouts. "Wifey, you never told me you thought…I know we've been trying but…."
"I ain't pregnant, not yet." Zoe interrupts. "Still getting my monthlies, remember?"
"Yeah." Wash agrees. "She's still having her time."
"Some women rag the entire time they're pregnant." Faith comments. "Zoe might be one of those women."
"How do you know that?" Mal questions.
Faith laughs humorlessly. "It's the only reason I'm sitting here today." She answers. "By the time my mother realized she was pregnant, she was too far along to have an abortion without endangering herself. She never skipped a period."
"How'd you find that out?" Kaylee asks quietly.
"She told me." Faith answers. "First time she told me I was 5, I think, and she'd just smacked me across the face with a whiskey bottle and told me I was nothing but trash she couldn't get rid of."
Mal's hands tighten around Faith's waist as his body floods with anger. She don't talk bout her mother much and what she has told him, makes him wish the woman was in the room so he could kill her.
Kaylee sniffles. "That's sad."
"That's my mom." Faith replies. "Too damn drunk and strung out to care about anything but her next high."
"You really think I might be pregnant?" Zoe asks after a few minutes.
"Yeah." Faith answers, grateful the subject is changing. She can handle talking to Mal about her past but hates telling anybody else.
"Why?"
"For one, you're tits are bigger." Faith answers. "Two, you're looking a little run down and tired. But mostly, you feel the same way Kaylee does."
"And how's that?" Zoe asks.
"Vulnerable." River answers. "Innocent and full of light."
"It's a slayer thing." Faith explains. "We can feel the life inside you. Demons can too, which is why, until you give birth, neither one of you are leaving the boat at night without me and River surrounding you."
"I don't take orders from anybody but Mal." Zoe replies. "And I can take care of myself."
"Against humans, yeah, but not demons." Faith argues. "Zoe, you gotta understand, vamps will smell you coming miles away and they love pregnant women. Asked Angel once and he said it's the best tasting blood next to a slayer's; all that innocence inside a large body. Cause with infants, the blood isn't more than a snack. But you, well, you'd make a damn good meal and Kaylee'd make a good dessert. And there wouldn't be a damn thing you could do."
"We don't even know if I'm pregnant or not." Zoe protests.
Faith snatches a test out of Mal's hand. "Easiest way to find out." Faith slides the test towards Zoe. "Go pee on the stick."
River rolls her eyes. "You don't pee on a stick." River moves off Jayne's lap and takes the box. She opens it and pulls out a swab. "Open your mouth."
Zoe opens her mouth and River swabs the inside of it.
"That's it?" Faith questions.
"Yep." River replies, touching the saliva soaked end into the small reader she just pulled out of the box. "It takes a few moments." Then the genius walks over to Kaylee, snagging the spare test out of Mal's hand on the way, and performs the test on the mechanic.
"You done this before, baby?" Jayne asks.
"No." River answers. "Just read the instructions."
The crew is once again quiet as they wait for the tests. A few moments later, Zoe's beeps.
"Oh." Zoe mutters, staring at the test. She passes it to Wash who takes one look at it and passes out.
"Guess that means yes." Faith comments with a smile.
"Yeah." Zoe agrees, still slightly dazed but she does manage to focus when Kaylee's beeps.
"Oh, god." Kaylee mutters.
Mal reaches over to take the test out the mechanic's lax grip. He takes one look at it and then stands up, setting Faith down gently.
"Where are you going?" Faith questions.
"Wave the good doctor and tell him he's gonna be a daddy." Mal answers.
"NO!" Kaylee screams.
Faith grabs Mal's wrist to keep him from leaving. "One, you don't know where he is." Faith points out. "Two, it ain't none of your business."
"Course it's my business." Mal yells. "She's on my crew and…I'm supposed to be takin' care of her, I promised her daddy."
"I don't need you to take care of me." Kaylee says, tears filling her eyes. "I ain't gonna be nobody's obligation, specially Simon's. I ain't tellin' him."
"Gorramit, little Kaylee." Mal yells and then quickly quiets down. "He's got responsibilities and it's time he comes back to deal with them."
"No." Kaylee replies. "I don't want him comin' back cause he feels responsible to me. I want him to come back cause he realizes this is where he belongs."
"And if he don't ever realize that?" Mal asks.
"Then I'm prepared to raise this baby alone." Kaylee replies. "I've been savin' my money and I can do this."
"Yes, you can." River agrees. "But you're not alone; you have all of us."
"Yep." Faith says. "Right, Mal?"
Mal grunts when Faith squeezes her hand around his arm. "Yeah, little Kaylee, you got us."
"Thank you." Kaylee gushes. She throws the last bite of her peanut butter and protein mixture into her mouth and stands up. "I'm tired. I'm goin' to bed."
"Come on, husband." Zoe says, helping him up. "Looks like we got things to talk about."
"You're pregnant." Wash mutters, following his wife out of the mess. "Pregnant, as in going to have a baby."
"Yeah, I know." Zoe says, literally pushing him out of the mess.
Mal takes one look at Jayne and sees the same thought crossing his face. "Mess can wait till morning." Mal throws Faith over his shoulder at the same time that Jayne throws River over his. "I got some grovelin' to do."
"Me too." Jayne agrees. "Night."
"Night." Mal yells over his shoulder.
Then both men are running through the ship, their lovers balanced on their shoulders as they make their way to their bunks, intent on starting the 'groveling'.
-