A/N: YES IT'S BEEN FOREVER AND WE KNOW AS MUCH! Like ever! When was the last time we were writing this? BUT NOW SCHOOL IS OVER SO BE WARNED, MWAHAHAHAHA! Yes, we're back with vengeance! AND WE'RE COMING TO GET YOU! Of course, not if you review. We will not harm those that review. BUT OTHERWISE WE'RE COMING AFTER YOU!
Disclaimer: Sadly the plot is not completely our own. YES IT IS! WHATEVER YOU DON'T RECOGNIZE IS MINE! You wish. It's ours. YET I CAN STILL HUG IT!
Chapter 5: BOOM!
On their way to the mother ship, Princess Limburger was contained in a different cell and kept under close supervision. After the first incident, brought about by the fact that pink had a seemingly rather violent effect on her, it took 7 guards and 5-inch walls before she finally calmed down. Following this, she tried to engage the two guards stationed by her cell in a conversation. After 5 minutes of a very one-sided conversation with incoherent coughs and grunts from the two guards, Limburger cried out,
"You guys are my best friends." The two guards suddenly felt Limburgers' arms wrap around both of their necks as she abruptly pulled them towards her. " Did you know this is the first time I've been able to talk to anyone like this without them running away from me?" The two guards glanced at each other nervously. " I remember as far back as my second past life, I was a cat. The only thing I ate was pickles and for some reason I always had indigestion. I was a very fluffy black and white cat and could easily be distracted by plush toys and feathers. Then one day, I died. I woke up as an Orangutan. I took great pleasure in scratching myself in front of everyone who wanted to gaze at my splendor."
At this point Lummy was sniffling and the guards were looking for an escape. But she went on and on all the way through her first moments as a baby, through her childhood, and through her boarding school days. By then the guards were screaming for help and clawing at her arms. Her only response was to say," Oh wait, I'm not done. At this point I discovered that my teacher, Ms. Velveeta was keeping a fuzzy ball of pink cheese. It forced me to believe that she was evil, though the enormous amount of homework and pop quizzes she gave should have made me aware of this earlier, but it didn't. From this point on my sole purpose in life was to destroy that pink ball of cheese. But every time I tried, it spored on me, foiling my plans. For some strange reason I was declared mentally unstable. Do you believe that?" She asked, forcing one of the guards to look her straight in the eye. The guard merely wailed "I regret nothing!" and tried to run through the wall, which he had forgotten was 5 inches thick, he went through only 2 inches but it made a loud metallic ringing that vibrated around the Dorito.
On another part of the ship, Dark Grater immediately stopped staring off into space and said. "What was that?" He looked at Puff #1, whose face had fallen flat against the controls, snoring. Dark Grater threw Chuzzy at him. Chuzzy thudded against Puff #1 in a cloud of spores. Puff #1 immediately jumped up and shouted, "What!" Then realized who he was talking to and quickly added, "Sir?" Dark Grater then decided that it was not worth asking again and merely told him to sit back down.
Back on the planet
There was a loud boom that resonated across the dunes. A shockwave followed briefly afterwards. With the sudden realization that not only was his only known family in trouble, but their small-amassed fortune and his bedroom were at jeopardy as well, Swiss took off towards home as fast as his concussion would allow him, limping past Nacho who had just finished putting Parmesan together.
"Hey! Hey you! Kido! Where you go' in?" Nacho called after him. Seeing that he wasn't going to get an answer anytime soon, Nacho sighed, mounted his cow, and sped off after Swiss. Parmesan, quickly realizing that he and Brie were going to get left behind if he didn't do something soon, grabbed onto the cow's tail and put his hand back to grab onto Brie. Brie, not knowing what else to do, bit Parmesan's hand as he couldn't hold it due to a lack of arms.
Swiss loped across the dunes with Nacho and his cow close behind. They came upon the ruins of Swiss's home, now just a smoldering charred patch on the ground. Swiss sank to his knees, panting and stunned. Nacho pulled up behind, his cow sliding to a halt. "Swiss," he whispered, seeing the destruction. "I'm so sorry,"
"Gone, it's all gone. My bedroom!" he cried.
"Bedroom?" Parmesan sneezed from all the dust the cow had kicked into his face.
"Was there anyone here when this happened?" Nacho asked, trying to be sympathetic.
" Well, there was my aunt and uncle," Swiss said. Parmesan and Nacho exchanged glances. Brie just said Brie. " But of course I actually didn't want to see them again anyway." Lifting his head from his chest, Swiss noticed a lone figure on the dune opposite them, gawking at the smoke. "Hey! You!" Swiss yelled at him, scrambling to his feet and making his way toward the figure through the wreckage. Nacho, Brie, and Parmesan followed.
"Yeah?" replied the figure. As Swiss approached, he noticed that the figure was a man, in a shirt that was in the same pattern as the Italian flag. He had brilliant orange hair and a green baseball cap that said Pizza Goooooood! He appeared to have a flour-coated apron on as well. "Yeah?" He asked again.
"Did you see what happened here?" Swiss asked.
"Yeah," He said again. There was a pause.
"Could you tell me?" Swiss said finally.
"Well," Began the man, "There was this thing and this other thing and the thing went boom and it was really cool to watch." It took Swiss, awhile to figure out what he had said. Then he blurted out,
"And you just stood there?"
"Was I supposed to do something?" The man asked. Swiss looked shocked, and then burst out,
"Of course you were! You just let an entire fortune not to mention MY bedroom go up in smoke! That room had all my get-away money in it!" The figure man looked slightly confused.
"Get-away money? For what get-away?" The man asked, scratching his head.
"To get away from here!" Swiss yelled in exasperation. There was a pause.
"Oh, well that sucks." The man said empathetically. Swiss could hardly believe this. Who was this guy and what was his problem? "I just saw the Cheetos fly by and remembered one of them had ordered a pizza two hours ago." Nacho and Parmesan finally came up the hill, huffing and puffing because Brie had refused to go up another dune and had to be dragged.
"Pizza! What about Pizza?" Nacho asked.
"Who is this?" Parmesan asked seeing the man with the green cap and apron.
"My names' Provolone." Said the man, "and I'm a pizza delivery boy."
"Pizza delivery?" Swiss said, surprised. Then something hit him. "Does that mean you have a ship?" Provolone nodded. "Thank you! I'm saved!" Swiss yelled, falling to his knees and bowing before Provolone. Provolone looked up at the sky as if he might find which higher power Swiss was bowing to. There didn't appear to be any up there, so he turned back to Swiss.
"Well if that's all . . . I have to go and deliver that pizza now." With that Provolone began to briskly walk away.
Nacho, Brie, and Parmesan could only watch as Swiss shouted, "NOOOOOOO! Don't leave me!" and tackled Provolone. The two of them were knocked to the ground in a cloud of cheesy dust.
"I'm not letting you go until you agree to take me with you! I can't stay here with them!" Swiss pointed towards the pile that made up Parmesan, Brie, and Nacho. "It's the least you could do after making no attempt to save my bedroom." He took a slow breath, "So, will you or won't you take me with you?" His voice was near shrill.
Provolone looked from Swiss to Swiss' traveling companions and then back to Swiss. With a curt nod, he said, "Sure."
Swiss stared, flabbergasted. "Wait, you're just going to let me go with you, no questions asked?"
"Yeah . . . your friend people can come too . . . " Before Swiss had time to argue, Brie jumped up, suddenly renewed with energy, with a definite, "Brie!" and raced off.
"Wait Thing! Other way!" Provolone yelled. Brie did a wide U-turn and sped past them, kicking up tons of sand. "Right this way." Provolone said, gesturing them to follow him as he slid down the side of the dune. They walked for a few minutes and then as they rounded a pile of sand, a giant cheese enchilada came into sight. They all gawked at it.
"There she is," Provolone, said proudly, " I call her the Ushizi." Provolone said proudly, as he approached it. He knocked on the hull and a ramp came down. "Oh, ah another thing," He quickly said, turning to face them before he went up. "Do you guys mind living with another species?" Swiss and the gang looked at each, and then shook their heads. "Great! Meet my friend, Cheddar!" Provolone exclaimed, as he ran up the ramp. They followed and were met by a tall creature, covered in fuzzy orange fur all over his body. He had two large eyes on top of his head, which he surveyed them with.
"This is my friend Cheddar, say hi Cheddar." Provolone said. Cheddar blinked and waved at them. "He's my traveling partner. Together we make the best pizza delivery team in the galaxy." Provolone said, playfully elbowing Cheddar.
"Great, I'm still surrounded by idiots." Swiss grumbled to himself as he stalked off down the ship's hallway.
Provolone blinked, and coming out of his stupor yelled, "Okay, board 'em up!"
On the mother ship, the Cheesecake
It took a half an hour before anyone realized that the high-pitched shrieking was emanating from Limburger's cell. After saving the half-coherent watch guards from her chamber, a constant patrol outside her room was set up, instead of having the guards stay in the same room as Limburger.
Dark Grater laughed maniacally. After the chaos had died down on his ship, he was ready to begin questioning. Princess Limburger was said to know the location of the resistance group to the Cheese Puffs, The Trouble-Makers, and he wanted to see if it was indeed true.
"#1" He yelled. The infamous cheese puff came running, his feet covered in a sticky orange substance.
"Sir, yes sir!" he panted.
"Good, you're here. I want you to bring up Princess Limburger for questioning… And what is that awful smell?" He said indicating the mess on #1's feet.
"Sir. Chuzzy had an 'accident.'"
Dark Grader gave him an exasperated sigh, "Well, then call in the Janitor."
"Sir, yes sir, yes sir, sir." He shouted, leaving sticky footprints behind.
Limburger was brought up to the bridge and placed next to Dark Grater.
"Bye Fred, bye Rupert." She said waving at the two puffs that had brought her as they left. Dark Grater cleared his throat to get her attention. "You have really nice staff, how much do you pay them?" Limburger asked.
"That's beside the point." Dark Grater said, a little irritated. "You have a choice Princess Limburger."
"Okay, I prefer chocolate." She said, grinning. Ignoring that, Dark Grater pushed himself out of his chair,
"Tell us where the Trouble-Makers are or we destroy the planet of Kraft!" He threatened. Letting his hand dramatically sweep towards a large terra-form planet looming in the window. He was so happy that he'd taken drama instead of metal shop in high school.
"You've got to be kidding," Limburger said, her eyes becoming wide.
"Oh, but I'm not." Dark Grater said darkly. Inside he smirked. There was no way that Limburger was going to let her planet be disintegrated for the sake of a few measly lives.
"You want to make me choose? Between my home and family and my friends?" Her eyes were growing bigger by the second.
"Yes, that's exactly what I want you to do." Dark Grader said with a visible smirk. This was just too easy.
Suddenly Limburger's stupor ended. "Y-you are a-a b-beautiful person!" She said breathlessly.
"What?" Dark Grader was shocked; those weren't the words that he'd been hoping for.
Lummy jumped up, engulfing him in a hug. "I've been trying to get rid of that planet for years! Remember the toxic bean gas infestation?" Dark Grader shook his head. "Well, that was me! And that time when a comet with a magnet inside was sent hurtling into the planets core," Dark Grater was unable to speak. "That was me too!" Limburger exclaimed. She released Dark Grater and pressed her face to the window. "Make it go boom!" she shrieked, grinning maniacally.
"Activate Mega-Big-Fondue-Laser-of-Destruction!" was all Dark Grater could say.
"Roger that," Puff #1 said, saluting. "Activate the Big Lazar Thingy!" He shouted. In motions that resembled clockwork, the cheese puffs flew to their stations, checking the coordinates of the target in relation to the weapon.
"Check, check, ready when you are sir," they all said.
"I want a really BIG BOOM!" Lummy shouted.
"Clear," Puff #1 said, as he pressed a very big red button on the controls. The entire ship vibrated with a low hum, then a shrill whine as all energy was focused into a single red beam of searing light, hurtling towards the unsuspecting planet sitting helpless in space… and missed it by several inches.
"Wh-where'd the boom go?" Limburger demanded. "The planet is supposed to go boom! Whose fault is this?" she spun around and glared at all of them. Dark Grater reached up and grabbed Puff #1 by the collar, dragging him down close to his face.
"What happened?" He hissed.
"Well, there must've been a glitch in the aaah… I can't breathe." Puff #1 squeaked as Dark Grater tightened his grip.
"No, what… happened… to her? This… isn't… normal." Dark Grater said, putting emphasis on every single word. They both looked at Princess Limburger, who was now breathing on the window and writing destroy this now with a little arrow pointing towards Kraft in the condensation.
"Maybe it's space lag. She has been traveling through space for quite some time." Puff #1 one squealed. Dark Grater lessened his grip.
"And what do you suppose we do about it?"
"Reverse psychology?" Puff #1 shut his eyes briefly expecting pain of some sort. To his utter relief it never came. Dark grater released him and after a moment of thinking, said,
"Yes, we shall use reverse psychology, and then she will have to tell us where her little Trouble-Maker friends are." He got up and approaching Princess Lummy said very casually,
"Princess Limburger, we shall not destroy the planet of Kraft."
"What? You can't do that!" Lummy exclaimed.
"We can't, and we won't!" Dark Grater made himself look as menacing as possible.
"No! I'm this close, and no one's going to stop me!" Before any one could do anything, Limburger had lunged for the red button and pounded it with her fist. The ship once again vibrated, hummed, whined, all energy was focused into a beam, hurtling toward Kraft, incinerating it, sending molten pieces flying everywhere, completely obliterating it. "Yeah! What now, huh, HUH? That's right, back with vengeance! Princess Limburger one, Kraft ZERO!" She shouted gleefully. She began to do a victory dance. Most of the cheese puffs had retreated to hiding under their chairs.
"What now sir?" Puff #1 asked.
"Give me a minute." Dark Grater said, pounding his head against the wall.
A/N: Wow, really sucks for Dark Grater. HAHAHA, HE'S SO PETTABLE! But that's what we love about him. RIGHT, WE LOVE HIM. DON'T YOU LOVE HIM? Now REVIEW! YES, REVIEW! I'LL GIVE YOU PUPPY DOG EYES IF YOU DON'T. BE WARNED, MY PUPPY DOG EYES CAN KILL. If you don't, I'll send my friend after you. WE WRITE FASTER WITH REVIEWS AND SUGAR. YUMMM, SUGAR.