Thanks to all of you who have reviewed, it was the one thing that kept me sane during a day of fighting, yelling, doctor's appointments and maybe shed tears, not to mention the fact that my damn car broke down in the middle of the freeway.
Dlsnotes: No, I won't write how they ended up in her bed, it might destroy the story, because I don't think, I'd be able to come up with something satisfying. Thanks for your review though.
Bittersweetbloodbaby: nice image!
Cecilie: Oh boy, I never even dreamed of my story being mentioned in the same sentence as Lux et Veritas, because I simply don't deserve it. Thank you so much!
Love is strong yet delicate.
It can be broken.
To truly love is to understand this.
To be in love is to respect this.
-Stephen Packer-
Rory´s POV:
Steadily but slowly Jess and I formed a friendship. A friendship that went beyond sexual attraction and lust. We spent many nights in my apartment, some at his. We'd read, eat, talk; we'd just enjoy the company of the other. The tension between us was clearly palpable, stolen glances, innocent touches, like when he'd brush my hair out of my face as if it was bothering him. There were nights when I'd snuggle into him while watching a movie, his hand dangerously close to my stomach. He'd never make a move to break the unwritten law. He'd kiss my forehead when he thought I had fallen asleep, trailing a finger down my cheek ever so often. Even if I had been asleep I would have still noticed him touching me. I missed his skin on mine and it was driving me crazy even thinking about it. I wanted him so badly, but I had told him that I didn't want to rush into things and he respected that.
Respect, I mused. It was an unfamiliar feeling that Jess would respect me. Taking me seriously, challenging me at the same time to do the same. He had been the one to comfort me when I had learned that I had failed a class, he had been the one who pulled me close when I had had an argument with my dad, whispering simple soothing nothings in my ear as he let me soak his shirt. I had realized when to leave him alone, when to back off to give him some space. He'd never let it show when he was upset, but I had achieved to learn those things. That's the difference between us. Whenever I was upset or hurt, I needed him. Whenever he was upset or hurt (which he would never admit) he pulled away, not wanting to bother me with his issues. But in the inside I was dying to know his issues, being the one to comfort him, being the one he confesses his deepest secrets. But I had decided to give him space and time. I didn't wanna push him; I wanted him to be the one to make the first move.
Ever so often after our traditional nights we'd fall asleep together, in my bed, in his, on the couch. Subconsciously he'd pull me even closer, wrapping an arm protectively around my waist until my back would be flat against his chest. His clothed chest. He had told me once that he didn't know what would happen if he was to take off his shirt during those nights. I had silently looked at him and had nodded, understanding what he had been implying.
The conversation at my mom's engagement dinner was now two months ago, and I started to feel unsatisfied with the situation, so when my grandma called me to invite me to a party she'd be holding at her house, I didn't think twice who I should take with me.
Lane and I were sitting at the table in the kitchen, both nursing a cup of coffee when the doorbell started ringing. I jumped up expecting it to be Jess. I could hear Lane chuckle, choking on the coffee she had been inhaling. I shot her my famous withering stare and shrugged my shoulders while opening the door.
As I had expected Jess was standing there, smirking, holding a paper bag. He held up said bag and shook it.
"Breakfast anyone?" He asked and stepped into the common room. Lane squealed, jumped off the chair herself and grabbed the bag from Jess's hand.
"I knew there was a reason I tolerate you." She simply stated and took a bagel out of the bag.
"Now she only tolerates me." Jess chuckled.
"When you were wasted a couple of nights ago and I brought you home, because Rory couldn't carry you, I remember you telling me that you loved me." Jess added, smirking down at Lane.
"I thought we had agreed that we are never and I mean never ever gonna mention this night again. I had had a fight with Dave, okay? I was desperate." Lane mumbled and hid her face.
I beamed at the display in front of me. Lane getting along with Jess, bantering, making fun of each other. She was so different with Logan. Forced conversations, forced smiles, rolling her eyes whenever Logan had turned her back to him.
Jess and I took our seats and started to dig in.
"So Jess?" I asked a little insecure all of a sudden. He stopped eating and looked at me.
"Yeah?"
"I have something to run past you." Jess raised an eyebrow and put his bagel down.
"Why is it that I have a weird feeling in my gut?" I ignored his question and took a deep breath.
"My grandma is throwing a party and I was wondering if you'd like to come." Jess chuckled.
"Your grandma? As in Emily Gilmore?" I had told Jess all about my grandma and her condescending way of treating my mom and even me.
"Yeah" I replied carefully. Jess ran a hand through his hair, deep in thoughts.
"Luke told me that she had broken up your mom and Luke." Jess had stayed in touch with Luke since the dinner. Apparently Jess had spent a lot of time with Luke when he still had been a kid and than had lost contact with him when his mother's life started to go downhill. Now the two of them slowly rekindled their relationship.
"She's not that bad." Lane snored, mumbling something under her breath. I shot her a look.
"You're not helping, Lane." She shrugged her shoulders and dropped her head.
"Why don't you take Lane?" Lane started shaking her head violently.
"Jess, don't give her any ideas, man!" I was starting to get annoyed.
"Come on, Jess. I can't take Lane. That's pathetic."
"Thanks, you know, I'm sitting right here." She pointed to herself and shook her head.
I went over to her and placed a hand on her shoulder.
"You know what I mean." she pouted playfully.
"So?" I directed my attention to Jess once again who was still sitting in his chair, swallowing from time to time, and thinking about my proposal.
"Okay." I nodded his head and locked his eyes with mine.
"Okay?" I stupidity repeated. Not blinking once.
"Okay, but you owe me big time, Rory Gilmore." I squealed and ran over to him nearly knocking him off his chair while hugging him.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you. I will make it up to you." I added suggestively and let it up to him how to take my words. He smirked.
"Lane, you're my witness, I'm gonna take her up on that." Lane looked from me to Jess and exclaimed.
"Hey, leave me out of this; I'm just an innocent bystander." Lane and I burst out laughing as I sat down again, happily munching my donut.
Jess wanted to pick me up at seven o'clock and now it was six fifty and I was still running around in my underwear. Lane hat left the earlier, she was gonna spend the night at Dave's, afraid of what she might run into later at night. It seemed as if Lane was slightly more convinced that Jess and I were gonna end up together. Tonight.
I sighed and put on my light blue dress and matching high heels. I once again brushed my hair and while applying my lipstick, the doorbell rang.
"It's open." I yelled. I heard footsteps coming closer and suddenly my door was pushed open, revealing a surprised Jess.
"You're ready." I nodded proudly.
"You've never been ready when I got here." I nodded again. I observed him through the mirror, letting my eyes travel up and down his body. He was wearing black slacks and a dark blue button down shirt. He looked absolutely stunning. He extended his arm dramatically as I swirled around.
"Shall we, milady?" I nodded once again as I grabbed his hand.
"So, your mom's not coming, huh?" I shook my head while looking out of the window; we were driving in his car since mine was at the shop.
"Nope, my grandma is still mad at her that she wasn't invited to the engagement dinner." He looked confused.
"But didn't you say that your grandparents had been out of town that day?"
"Your point?" I smiled at him as he was shaking his head in amazement.
"What have I gotten myself into?" he mumbled under his breath and started driving even faster.
"Welcome to the party, may I take your coats?" the maid greeted us when we entered the mansion. Jess looked around with wide eyes, trying to take it all in.
"They better have beer here." I rolled my eyes and handed the still waiting maid our coats, trying not to say something like "hey you rhymed."
I grabbed Jess's hand and started to mingle with the rest of the guests. Subconsciously I held tightly on to Jess's hand, not wanting to break contact, silently encouraging him to relax.
I could feel him calm down under my touch as he squeezed my hand tightly from time to time, telling me with his actions that he was indeed okay.
"Rory, I'm so glad that you could make it." I swirled around coming face to face with my grandpa. I subconsciously let go of Jess's hand, not noticing the fact that Jess had once again tensed up.
"Grandpa, I told you that I would come." I hugged him and pointed to Jess.
"Grandpa, meet my friend Jess Mariano." Jess accepted Grandpa's outstretched hand and shook it slightly, nodding his head.
"Nice to meet you, Mr. Gilmore." Grandpa eyed Jess curiously and returned the greeting.
"Nice to meet you too, Jess. What do you do?" I was surprised at how comfortable Jess seemed to be talking to my Grandpa.
"Oh, I attend Yale, That's where we´ve met." He pointed to me and I gave him a small smile. My mood dropped though when he didn't return the gesture.
"What are you majoring in?" Leave it up to Grandpa to interrogate people.
"English." Grandpa beamed.
"Oh, that's nice. Do I happen to know your parents?" Jess shook his head.
"I doubt it actually." Grandpa nodded and continued.
"It was nice meeting you, Jess. Rory I want you to meet a couple of my friends later, they are fine men, but I have to leave you two now. Greet guests." He rolled his eyes as if he wasn't quite pleased with this obligation. I nodded my head and took a glass of water from the tray of the passing waiter. I eyed Jess strangely.
"You okay?" he shrugged, not meeting my eyes.
"Just peachy." I sighed defeated by his sarcasm and let it go. I started to move again and Jess followed me reluctantly.
"Rory Gilmore?" I turned around as someone said my name. Suddenly a guy about my age appeared in front of me.
"Yeah?" I had no idea who the guy was standing there.
"Oh, a pleasure to meet you. I'm Rick Stiles. Your grandmother and my mother are in the DAR together." I shook his hand when he continued.
"Your grandmother actually suggested that I keep you company." I turned around, looking for a way out. I sighed relieved when I spotted Jess right behind me.
"Rick, nice to me you. This is Jess." Rick scanned Jess and smiled politely.
"Boyfriend?" he asked nonchalantly but before I could reply Jess cut in.
"Nope, just a friend." He said curtly and with a forced smile.
"Good. Good." He started to stare at me.
"Good, then it won't be awkward to ask you out, right?" I swallowed. Did he just ask me out?
"I'm sorry?" I didn't know what to say, think even.
"Do you wanna go out sometimes? I know a couple of fancy restaurants you might enjoy." Before I could politely decline someone came up behind me.
"Rick, don't be silly. Of course she's gonna go out with you. Right Rory?" Grandma looked at me with expectant eyes, smiling. What was I to say? Well actually, I could have grown a backbone and tell her that I was old enough to make my own decision but instead I opened mouth to say the most stupid thing in the world.
"Sure." My grandma clapped her hands together.
"Oh that's so nice. You're gonna be perfect together." With that Grandma turned on her heels, heading to the back of the room to chat with some other guests.
Rick stared at me.
"Tomorrow sounds good to you?" I nodded not knowing what to say, excused myself and turned around, half expecting to see Jess starring at me, but he wasn't there. I scanned the room and saw that the door to the patio was open. I walked over there and sure there was Jess, sitting on one of the chairs, smoking a cigarette. I hesitantly stepped on the patio, afraid of what he had to say to me.
"Hey, why did you leave?" I asked whispering. He looked at me with an expressionless face.
"Didn't want to interrupt the perfect couple. I was acting like a friend." He shrugged and took
another long drag.
"Don't do this, Jess." I almost inaudibly begged him.
"Do what?" I gesticulated from him to me.
"This." I was in a loss of words. I hurt him. Jess chuckled sadly.
"So, this is what it's gonna be like?" I was too scared to ask what he meant.
"I don't fit into your world, so you simply deny me?" I shook my head violently.
"Jess!" I exclaimed at a moderate volume. Loud enough to shake him up but still quiet enough so people wouldn't notice.
"Don't you Jess me! I was standing there like a total moron, listening to that guy asking you out. I half expected you to laugh in his face, telling him something about not knowing him, telling him that you weren't interested, but then I heard you say "sure" and I couldn't help but wonder what the hell is going on here. With us." I swallowed as the tears threatened to come.
"I told you I didn't want to rush into things and I thought you respected this." Jess stood up, leaning close to me.
"That is so not the fucking point, Rory. And you know it. Don't want to rush into things my ass. That guy just asked you out and you agreed. Excuse me, but I don't really get that. I though we were trying to go somewhere, but apparently I was wrong." I stared at him and suddenly it hit me. The guy had just asked me out and I had agreed. Oh shit. Jess got up and started to walk away. I grabbed his arm.
"Jess, please don't walk away." He glanced at me one more time and said.
"Nothing keeps me here. Ask Richy Rich over there." He pointed to the house.
"I'm sure he'll be very glad to give you a ride back home." He added and walked away in a hurry, leaving me standing there on the patio, tears streaming down my face, and I couldn't help but know that I had screwed up majorly, royally!
Shortly after him I left the party, after having told my grandma to stay out of my life, that I was actually able to make my own decisions.
I hailed a cab that would cost me a fortune and gave the driver the address to Jess's apartment. I wanted to clear this thing, I wanted to apologize, I wanted to ask him to forgive me, that I hadn't been thinking straight. I climbed up the stairs, preparing to wait for him even if it would take all night before he'd be home. I took out a book out of my purse and started reading waiting for Jess to come home. I heard footsteps coming up the stairs about two hours after I had settled down on the floor in front of Jess's apartment. I was prepared for a fight, yelling, an argument; I was prepared for overpowering passion, emotions, tears and maybe even sex. What I wasn't prepared for was a girl's face being plastered to Jess's, moaning.
Jess's back was facing me so he didn't see my face as I started to cry involuntarily. He turned around when my sobs became audible. Total shock on his face, eyes wide open.
He instantly pushed the girl back and came over to where I was sitting, knees up my chest, like a lost kid.
I jumped up as he said my name softly.
"Rory, I'm…." I didn't let him finish his sentence.
I slapped him across the face, the sound of it echoing through the hallway.
"You're such a fucking hypocrite." I yelled and started to descend the stairs, my vision blurring and all I could think of was that I had to get out of here. I didn't hear him shouting my name as I stumbled out the front door.
DUCK please, don't hit me; I thought I might spice it up a little. Please review; it'll make it all worth it. Again I had a hard time writing this chapter but please tell me what you think. Thanks and review!