20th November
I've avoided Usagi for the past two days but now I think I need her help the most. I can't just go up to her and ask her for her help. Things are getting worse, people are just leaving me behind, school work is getting out of control, exams are coming up and I suddenly can't take all the pressure.
Things just aren't easy. They saythat you should try your hardest and it doesn't matter what you getbut if I do badly then it's no good. It's just really stressful that's all. People say that you should always study but sometimes all the studying could suddenly turn a person crazy. It's just that everyone sees me as someone strong but there is only so much a person can take. It's like there are times that I feel I want to just drop dead and that by studying 24/7 I'm wasting my life away. I know I'm not one to go and have a nice chat with my sister or go out for a drink with friends but I'd rather do any of that then spend my night studying till I fall asleep on my books.
21st November
It's like I just don't know when to stop. I'm not too surprised though, people have been telling me that for ages now. But they're right. I don't know when to give up onanything. I dont know how to giveup or let go. I never managed to let go of my parents after their deaths and when I set my mind to something I'm not going to stop until I'm the best at itor till I've accomplished what I needed to do no matter the consequences in the end.
I just don't know when to give up which is stupid seeing as how much I want to give up on life. Whoever said life is too short is one dead man and must have never taken alook at my life before saying that. Life is the longest shit I've ever had to go through. Life is...life. Plain and simple.Life's a heartbreak, life is pain and suffering. Life is wanting to be with someone but never finding the right person to be with. Life is filled with disappointments. I should know all this afterall I've been through it.
22st November
How does Usagi always know? How? I know that girl has a hint of the supernatural in her but how does she always know? Today after school while I was on my way up to my room she stopped me. By the tone of her voice I already knew that something was wrong. She told me to sit down which I did, she sat opposite me and asked me how things with school where going. I already knew I was in deep shit and just wished the ground beneath me would just open up and swallow me whole. Suddenly she came onto the part of the conversation about me working to hard and it was weird, I didn't even know how to answer her. Suddenly shelooked at me rather strangely and asked methemost weirdest of questions, "are you even breathing?" and that little rat wasright. I wasnt breathing while she was talking to me.
It's like I just...froze. I couldn't say anything. So when Idon't know what to do I do what Ialways do, I run away. Ok so this time it wasn't exactly running it was more like...walking really fast. I couldn't asnwer her, hell, I didn't even know how to answer her. Now I guess I need to make things upas Igo along. I can't ignore her all day, as much as I'd liketo, I can't. So I'll see how this turns out.
23rd November
Usually I'd say I would never give up but how can I defeat the girl that took all my books? Things are ok with Usagi for now. She isn't treating me too harshly after not telling her some things. She's telling me to lay off the books for a while which I am and I can't help nbut feel...good. At least now I have more time to do other things. It's good to have someone that can stop you from working to hard. I mean she even managed to convince me to give the team the day off a couple of times. I have no clue how she does it but in a way...I'm glad she does otherwise I'd be far worse then how I am now.
I can't say that Usagi never helped me, quite opposite actually. She's helped me more then anyone else ever has before. It's like...the more I try to hide from the world, the more she notices it and tries to help. It's a good thing...I should remember to thank her someday, someday soon.