Chapter 3
27th November
I decided to try to slow down on all of this, besides at least after exams I'll be free from school and all this work so I guess I can take it easy then. Things are looking up a little, I mean I still have time to practice and I still have time for work and rest so I suppose things are better.
28th November
Usagi offered to take me out for the day, trying to get me to do something a little more fun then what she titles, 'boring.' I'm not too sure but I might just take her up on the offer, I haven't decided yet though. It would be ok I guess, it's not like she's going to take me somewhere I hate. She just wants me to go out somewhere with a little company that wont annoy me.
She knows I've been pressured too much lately so I know she isn't going to make me do stuff I don't want to. So I think I'll go, still not sure. I just haven't felt like going out much lately, even if it's doing something I actually enjoy, I just don't feel like.
29th November
So I had finally decided to go out with Usagi. It was ok I suppose, we just went for a walk and then went for a drink. You know, you don't really know what you've got till it's gone. I actually enjoyed my day with her, I don't know why since all we did was talk a little, well, rather she talked and I listened and answered where needed but I enjoyed it. It was fun cause at least she wasn't the type that took me to places I hated, she knew what I didn't like and made it a point to adjust to that little knowledge.
When we got home I came up to my room just to lie down and do…well nothing actually, I just thought about the day and how it could have been if I didn't go out with her. Finally I had come to the conclusion that my day would have been boring if I hadn't gone out. Well later on, I went downstairs again, seeing Usagi crying on the sofa. I was confused when she replied that nothing was wrong. Why do woman just break down and cry for no reason? Well I found out it was the effect of some movie she was watching on TV. She told me to sit down and watch it with her, I decided not to and went to the kitchen for something to eat and was about to go back upstairs when I looked over at Usagi. She looked really lonely; I thought I was certainly not doing anything important so I decided to stay after all.
A strange action of mine I know but I thought…that if something ever happened to her that I would regret not spending more time with her. Besides, she had saved me from being boring all day so I thought I kind of owed her a little.
30th November
Well, it's already 8:30pm here and I've been studying all day for my exam tomorrow, I still can't believe I studied that long. Well Usagi once again stepped in and asked me to take a break from all the work and I've never felt so happy to listen to her. I wasn't sure what to do with the free time I had but decided to rest a little, since I spent most of the night watching the movie before falling asleep on the sofa in a very uncomfortable position.
I woke up this morning at four, finding that the TV had been turned off and that Usagi was gone. I walked into the kitchen to see if she was there and to see if I could have a good breakfast for once in these past couple of months. I found a note saying she had to go to work for a while, so I was all alone again. It's like when I finally accept getting close to someone, there is some sort of reason that they're gone when I want them around. So after that I spent the day studying till she finally came home at five and told me to stop for a while.
So I guess I have to stop writing again, dinner is ready seeing as I can smell the food from up here.
5th December
So I've spent my last few days working my ass off with all the shit from school. Soon is over in about a week which means I can burn my books once this is all over. I haven't had much time to catch up on my writing lately but at least I have these few minutes now, but there is nothing much to say apart from the fact that I've been studying all week and staring at the same examination room walls for about two hours which couldn't be more boring.
Also I cut my hand a little. I didn't mean for it to happen…much. I had dropped a glass onto the floor and it broke, I accidentally cut my hand while picking it up and felt how I always felt when I gave myself that little bit of pleasure, seeing the blood spilling out of the open cut. So I continued a little, cutting my palm open with the glass more. The cuts weren't deep, not at all, just enough to draw blood. I cleaned up the glass and went to my room again, leaving the cut open for a while before cleaning it up. So nothing much happened, it was just one of those weeks where it was just plain boring.
20th December
School is finally over but now I have another problem as usual. Christmas shopping. I wouldn't usually do it but this year I have…friends and family so it only seems right. I'll get right on the shopping problem after I go burn my books. People think I wont actually do it but Usagi isn't using the cooker yet so if they want to see if it's true or not they'll know when Usagi tells them cause she can be a witness.
Now that school is over I have much more time on my hands but I don't know what to do with it all. Time is a dangerous thing, especially when wasted or in the wrong hands. So what to do all this time? I have no idea but maybe I'll get some peace and quiet. Maybe I could disappear for a while, away from problems and away from everything I'm used to. It would be a good change, for a while at least.