Title: Lessons
Series: Our Mrs. Cobb
Author: Sevangel
Disclaimer: Not mine
Rating: R
FYI: HI! I'm back from Florida. It was a nice vacation but I didn't really get much writing done. But I'm feeling refreshed and ready to write.
-
He pushes her back hard against the cold metal, rougher than he means to be. She just moans and jumps up, wrappin' those incredible legs round his waist. His hands slide up her smooth legs to cup her bare ass. He grinds his erection against her warm center and they both groan. He breaks their hot kiss to drag his mouth down her neck and burrows under the top of her dress to find a hard nipple. Teeth bitin' down, he worries the little bud. She whimpers and arches to give him more access.
"How much time?" Jayne growls, his tongue flickin' at her smooth skin.
"Another few minutes." River moans, her hands pushing though his hair to hold his head against her breast. "Mark me."
Placin' his mouth right above her nipple, Jayne sucks hard.
River moans.
Jayne just keeps on suckin', wantin' to see her pale skin dark with his brand. He wants it to be her neck, showin' the verse she belongs to him, but knows the verse ain't ready to know that yet. But it will be and gorram if'n he won't make sure she's always marked as his then. He pulls away after he knows she's gonna be marked and smirks all satisfied like. Right there, right above that little, hard nipple is his mark. It's big and dark and won't be mistaken for anything other than what it is.
River brings a hand up and touches the hickey with a happy sigh. She's been branded, a Jayne brand. It makes her happy. But she can feel the wonder floating around the air and knows their time is almost up. Willow and Kaylee can only distract Simon and the captain for so long. She slides her hand down the front of her body, her fingers brushing over growly before she finds her destination. She burrows her hands between her wet thighs, moaning when she brushes over her clit.
"Gorram, moony, you tryin' to kill me?" Jayne groans, lifting up the bottom of her dress so he can watch her play with herself. "Damn if that ain't hot as hell."
River pulls her hand away and moves her wet digits up to press against Jayne's lips.
Jayne greedily sucks her wet fingers into his mouth, growling softly at the taste.
River leans forward and presses a kiss to Jayne's forehead. "Time to let me go."
Another growl rumbles though his chest but he moves back letting her feet touch the ground.
River looks up at Jayne with a lusty smile. "Think of me when you touch growly." She purrs. "And I will think of you when I pleasure my girl parts."
Jayne's eyes close on a groan.
"Do you like that?" River questions curiously. "Do you like thinking about me touching myself?"
"Yeah." Jayne grunts, hands fisting at his side to keep from grabbing her.
"I like to think of you." River whispers. "Pretend that it's your fingers inside of me and your hands cupping my breasts. But it's not the same. My fingers are not like yours; they don't send shivers down my spine. And though I do fly, it's not the same. I can make myself fly but only you can make me soar."
"Moony." Jayne warns.
"I have to be quiet." River continues, her eyes glazed over with lust. "My fingers have to move slowly as Willow is only a few feet away. I think she knows what I'm doing but she never says anything. She just pretends to sleep while my knees are bent and spread wide to allow my hands access to my wetness. And she never said anything when one of her candles came up missing. It's hidden under my mattress and sometimes, I use it. It feels better than my fingers and reaches deeper than they can. I have to put my pillow over my face while I pump the long, thin candle inside myself to muffle my moans."
He can't ever remember bein' this turned on. The gorram thought of her fuckin' herself with a gorram candle of all things has got him so turned on he can barely see straight. He's draggin' her outa the bay and towards her room before he even realizes it. And he don't care, he don't give a flyin' fuck if'n Mal and the doc are waitin' in the gorram room; he's gonna have her naked and under him and there ain't a force in the gorram verse that's gonna stop him.
She's pushed him over the edge; she realizes that now. She didn't realize how much her words would effect him; didn't realize how much they would effect her. And when he pushes her door closed and pulls her hard against his chest, she can do nothing but moan as he eats at her lips. Her dress is off her body in the space of a heartbeat and she's being lowered down onto her bed. She watches through half-closed eyes as he strips down, his clothes hitting the floor one right after another until he's standing beside her bed naked as the day he was born. He's beautiful; like a sculpture in a museum. His chest is broad and scattered with hair. There's nothing small on him, growly proudly standing up to say hello to her. His legs are big and strong, just like his arms. She can see various scars from over the years and her mouth waters at the thought of licking every one of them. He's so dark compared to her pale skin; so big compared to her frailness. Then he's moving down on top of her and she automatically bends and spreads her knees to make a home for him.
Jayne kisses his way down her face to suck softly at her breasts. He loves these little globes, so firm and soft. And gorram if she ain't the most responsive girl he's ever had the pleasure to touch. Little moans and mewls are escaping her mouth at every touch of his mouth. He sucks at her skin again, peppering her pale breasts and belly with his brands. It's an animalistic urge that he ain't go no gorram control over; he couldn't mark her more less he ruttin' pissed on her. He nips at her belly button, smirking against her smooth skin when she groans. Then he's where he loves to be, his face nestled between her thighs. And gorram if'n she don't taste a bit sweeter every gorram time. His tongue licks between her folds before seekin' out that bit of flesh that's guaranteed to make her fly. He sucks sharply on it and brings his hand into the action, pushin' three fingers inside her. She bucks off the bed with a moan and he just places his other hand on her belly to hold her still.
River's mouth opens in a silent scream as Jayne forces a fourth finger inside her. He's stretching her, preparing her and she just goes with him, her hips riding his hand eagerly. She's flying after a few moments, her hand fisting against her mouth to muffle her release. She loves this bliss; this blankness where there's nothing but her, Jayne, and the pleasure they give each other. His fingers pull out and she whimpers in disappointment; she wasn't done flying yet.
Jayne kisses his way back up her body and nudges her fist out of the way so that he can kiss her mouth. His cock is harder than it's ever been, his tip restin' against the entrance of her body.
River can feel growly poking at her, asking permission to come inside. She breaks the kiss and lays her head back against her pillow so she can see into Jayne's eyes. It's all there; his desire to be inside her but his willingness to wait. It's entirely up to her. She tilts her hips and reaches between them to rub her thumb lovingly along his staff. "It's okay." She whispers. "It's time for growly to come home."
Jayne's eyes close with relief. He bends his mouth down to hers and slips his tongue into her mouth while at the same time pushin' his cock inside her. She's tight, so gorram tight and he has to mentally name all his guns to keep from comin' right away. But the time he reaches Betty, he's in her to the hilt. He can taste salt and pulls his mouth back to see tears slidin' down her face.
"I'm sorry, baby." Jayne whispers, his hands movin' up to brush the tears off her face.
"It's not your fault." River whispers back. "Growly is so big and my girl parts are so small; there was bound to be some confusion."
"Ain't confused, moony." Jayne grunts with a bark of laughter. "They know what they're doin'; just need a bit of time to adjust to each other is all."
"She needs a name." River says, rolling her hips slightly to test her body.
Jayne closes his eyes and fights for control. Gorram, if'n he don't feel like a randy teenager touchin' his first bit of flesh. "Smarty." Jayne grunts out the first thought that comes to mind.
River smiles and wraps her legs around his hips. "I like it." She purrs. "Growly and smarty."
"Yeah." Jayne agrees, his hands fisting against the mattress. This is the hardest thing he's ever done; holdin' still to give her time to adjust when all he really wants to do is pound into her.
"Jayne, the introductions have been made." River moans. "It is now time for the dance."
Jayne pulls out and pushes back in; they both groan. He tries to go slow, he really does, but she ain't helpin' things by bein' so eager and slammin' her hips up against his, her legs tightin' around his hips in a deathgrip.
She feels full and warm and safe. She can't help but wonder how he fits inside her and she also can't help but to want to see. And she will, one day. Jayne has enough experience; he has to know a position that will enable her to watch him fill her up. Maybe they can set up a capture so that she can go back and watch. She makes a metal note to ask Jayne. Then she can't think at all as he starts pounding inside her; all she can do is feel. His hand slips down to rub at her stretched skin before thumbing her clit. It's so different than anything she's ever felt before and this time when she flies, it's longer and harder and better than every other time.
The second her body clenches around his, he lets go and buries his face in her hair to muffle his release. Her body milks his tightly and he ain't ever come this hard in his gorram life.
"She's probably sleeping, Simon." Willow says cheerfully as she opens the door and peaks inside. "Yep, she's asleep."
"Maybe I should check on her." Simon replies.
"Now, Simon, we've talked about the smothering thing." Willow says. "She's fine. Just go to bed."
"Fine." Simon agrees. "Goodnight, Willow."
"Night, Simon." Willow says as she shuts the door. She kicks Jayne's boots out of the way and grabs the bags of clothes she took from Dawn. Unzipping the first one, she pulls out the first pair of pajamas she finds and goes into the small bathroom.
"Uh, I better go." Jayne mutters, having no desire to leave the room.
"No." River flips them over and lays on top of him, his flaccid cock still inside her. "No leaving."
Jayne wraps his arms around her, not wanting to leave but knowing he can't stay. While Willow might always be pushing them together, he highly doubts she's gonna want him sleepin' in her room.
Willow turns the bathroom light off and walks carefully to her bed. She crawls under the covers and adjust her pillow before moving onto her side to face the wall. "Night River." Willow whispers. "Night Jayne."
"Night Willow." River replies. "Is the door locked?"
"Yep." Willow says. "Everyone's in bed but Jayne, you should probably leave by 6 so you don't get caught."
"I'll wake you up." River assures him, cuddling down against his chest.
Jayne's mouth hangs open in disbelief.
"Night Jayne." River presses a kiss against his lips.
"Night." Jayne grunts, pressing a sloppy kiss against her cheek. "Night Red." Then, since they both seem okay with the whole gorram thing, he reaches down to grab River's blanket off the ground where it must have fell and covers them up. His hand claspin' round River's waist possessively, he closes his eyes and dozes off.
-
"Inara, it's a pleasure to hear from you." A beautiful, dark-haired woman says.
Inara smiles at the cortex screen. "It's a pleasure to see you, Nandi." Inara says.
"Is there something wrong?" Nandi questions. "Not that there has to be anything wrong for you to contact me."
"Yes, actually, there is something wrong." Inara replies. "I find myself in need of some council."
"The guild has people set aside for dealing with issues." Nandi points out. "Why not contact them?"
"I need a friend." Inara replies. "Someone I trust and someone who's advise will be for my best interests and not what is considered acceptable. I know you will be that person."
Nandi's face takes on a confused expression. "Of course, I will help you anyway I can." She says. "What is the problem?"
Inara sighs. "It would be better if we could talk in person."
"I can't leave." Nandi replies. "I'm having a small problem of my own; one of my girls just found out she's pregnant and if the father is who we think it is, he's going to want the child and will use any method to get it."
"How far along is she?" Inara questions.
"About 6 months." Nandi replies. "Can you come out here?"
Inara nods after a few moments. "If Captain Reynolds won't bring me then I will find another way." She says. "It will probably be a few days, a week at the most."
"I will keep an eye out for you." Nandi says with a smile. "Tzoo-foo nee, mei-mei."
"And you." Inara replies. Once the screen goes black, Inara turns off her screen. She doesn't know what Mal is going to say but she needs to talk to somebody that she can trust. She had been dealing well with her feelings for Mal; keeping them pushed back and not letting anyone see them. Then they kissed and now that control is fading.
And then there's Willow. She came out of nowhere and Inara has no idea how to process those feelings. Deep down, Inara always knew she wasn't cut out to be a companion; she cares too much. She glances at the clock in her room and sees that it is 6am. With a sigh, she removes her smock and pulls on the dress she laid out earlier. A small amount of makeup to hide the bags under her eyes and a brush through her hair, and she's ready to face the day. She makes herself a cup of tea and decides to take it to the common room, having no desire to be locked in her shuttle with her thoughts. The boat is quiet this time of the morning and she figures that she is the only one awake. Once she reaches the common room, she sets her cup on the coffee table and takes a seat on the couch. She loves this boat, always has. And she has no desire to leave but most of her thinks that would be the best thing for all involved. She so lost in her thoughts that she doesn't realize someone's coming until they are starting up the stairs next to the infirmary.
"Jayne?" Inara gasps.
"Gorramit." Jayne mutters, turning to face the companion.
Inara raises an eyebrow at the merc's shirtless and bootless state. In fact, the only clothing he's wearing is his pants and even those aren't on all the way. "Good morning, Jayne."
"Mornin' Nara." Jayne mutters and adjusts his bundle of clothing, figuring he's busted.
"Mal should be up soon." Inara comments. "You better hurry."
Jayne nods and moves up the stairs two at a time. He don't know why she's coverin' for him but he's too gorram grateful to question it. He makes it to his hatch without runnin' into anyone else but ends up jumpin' down the ladder when he hears Mal's open. He drops his clothes with a groan; he's too gorram old to be sneakin' round like a ruttin' teenager afraid of gettin' caught by his mama. He didn't wanna leave; when River woke him up to tell him it was time to leave, he wanted nothin' more than to go back to sleep, her nestled against his side. He's slept alone for close to 33 ruttin' years, hell, the only time when he's slept with another person is when he was too gorram drunk to leave a whore's bed. But last night, that was the best gorram night's sleep he's gotten in years. He's gonna hafta just give in and tell the doc that River's movin' into his bunk cause otherwise, somebody else is gonna catch her leavin' his bunk. Cause he was right; now that he's had her, he ain't lettin' her go.
-
"I hate you." Willow says to the smiling River. "You have that happy, just got laid look and I hate you for it."
River's smile just widens.
"So, just make me hate you more." Willow says. "Was it good?"
"Uh huh." River nods eagerly. "It was incredible."
"I hate you." Willow repeats. "Oh, and Kaylee's gonna be so mad that you got the sex before she even got the kisses."
"I know." River agrees. "Simon needs to stop being a boob."
"Mal said last night while you were getting your groove on that we're stopping at a postal station today." Willow wrinkles her nose. "He said we could do some shopping there but why would we wanna buy mail?"
River giggles. "They sell other things, silly."
"Oh." Willow mutters. "Well, anyways, I think we should leave Simon and Kaylee alone so he can make his move."
River snorts. "He's just going to make a boob out of himself."
"Probably." Willow agrees. "But Kaylee seems to like that kinda thing."
"Speak of the devil." River says, standing up to open their door. "Hello, Kaylee."
"Hey." Kaylee walks into their room and drops down next to Willow. "What's up?"
"River had the sex." Willow replies.
Kaylee's eyes go wide as she turns her head to look at the genius. "Really?"
"Yep." River grins widely.
"I hate you." Kaylee pouts.
"Me too." Willow agrees.
River rolls her eyes. "What can I say? My Jayne knows what he wants and goes after it. You two are the ones that fell for the boobs."
"First time anyone's called Nara a boob." Kaylee replies. "So, Willow, you decide what you're gonna do yet?"
"Yep." Willow says. "I've decided to let them do all the deciding."
"Looks like you ain't ever gonna have the sex." Kaylee replies. "Cause the cap'n ain't ever gonna make the first move and Nara's too confined by her duties to make one."
"I know." Willow agrees. "That's why I'm letting them decide."
"So, what're we gonna do on the postal station?" Kaylee questions. "Maybe we can go window shoppin' or somethin'."
"No, you've got a date." Willow replies. "With the good doctor."
"What're ya talkin' bout?" Kaylee asks. "Simon ain't asked me on a date."
"We know." River agrees. "But we're going to leave you two alone and let one thing lead to another."
Kaylee smiles softly. "It sounds nice."
Willow jumps up and grabs the bags of clothes. "It's such a good thing that we're all about the same size." She says as she starts pulling clothes out. "You guys can share Dawnie's clothes with me."
River catches the pants and shirt that Willow tosses to her and examines them. "Are they supposed to be this low cut?"
"Yep." Willow grins. "Low-ride jeans, sure to drive any man nuts."
River tugs off the nightgown she pulled on after waking Jayne up and walks naked to her dresser to find a pair of underwear, not the least bit bothered by her nudity.
"River, none of your panties are going to work." Willow comments as she digs through the bag. She finds a small, black pair of thongs and tosses them over. "These will work and they won't show any lines."
River pulls the panties on and wrinkles her nose. "It feels weird."
"Yeah but you get used to it." Willow agrees.
"Holy crap." Kaylee mutters, staring open mouthed at River's chest.
"Kaylee, I didn't think you swung….Jesus, River, what did he do to you?" Willow gasps.
River looks down at her chest and smiles at the hickeys covering her skin. "Jayne marks."
"Damn, he sure knows how to mark his property." Willow comments, counting at least 15 hickeys. "It'd probably just be easier if he just peed on you."
"But not as much fun." River replies as she pulls on the jeans. They are tight, very, very tight and are much lower than any pants she's ever worn. They ride her hipbones and she's knows if they weren't so tight, they'd fall right off. She pulls on the shirt Willow gave her and ties the halter strings behind her neck. It leaves her arms, shoulders, and back bare but remarkably, covers up all the marks on her belly and chest. The halter is a rose pink and she likes it; she feels like a real girl. There's a patch of skin showing between the top of the pants and the bottom of the shirt and she knows Jayne is going to barely be able to keep his hands off her; the thought makes her giddy.
Willow laughs and pulls on a little black tee, the words 'Bite me' on the front. They're printed in bright red, blood drops dripping down each letter. She pulls on her own pair of low-riders and then looks to Kaylee. "Well, Kaylee, what's your pleasure?"
Kaylee looks through the clothes before deciding on a pair of low-ride cargo pants and a tank top with a little kitten on the front. "You sure you don't care?"
"Nope." Willow replies. "Go ahead." She then digs through the other bag and takes out three pairs of sandals and passes them out. "We look good."
"Your friend Dawn's got nice clothes." Kaylee comments. "You sure she ain't gonna care?"
"Dawn's gonna be so excited when she finds out I'm around that she'll probably send more clothes." Willow replies. "We were very close."
"We should be landing in a few minutes." River says with a grin. "Let's go meet the crew."
Willow takes River's outstretched hand and then grabs one of Kaylee's with her free one. "You ready for your date?"
"Yeah." Kaylee smiles happily. "It should be so much fun."
-
"My food is problematic." River complains as she tries to take a bite out of her ice planet.
Willow laughs and expertly takes a bite out of her own treat.
"A mind readin' genius and she can't ruttin' figure out how to eat ice planet." Jayne shakes his head in amusement. "Don't make a bit of sense."
River swipes Jayne across the cheek with her ice planet.
Jayne snags the string and takes a huge bite out of her treat. "Thanks, moony."
River glares at him.
Jayne smirks and wordlessly hands Mal some cash. He's bout to steal another bite when he hears Amnon talkin' to Mal.
"The little one's for Cobb." Amnon says, indicating to a box.
"I got post?" Jayne says excitedly. He grabs the box and takes a sniff.
"Might we all want to step back a few paces before he opens that?" Book asks seriously.
"Haw haw." Jayne fake laughs. "It's from my mother."
River smiles at his obvious excitement and pulls Willow over with her to stand beside him.
Inara turns her head and smiles at Kaylee. "So, do aliens live among us?"
"One of em's a doctor." Kaylee replies glumly. "No post for me?"
Amnon shakes his head.
Jayne opens the box and pulls out the letter on top. Squinting, he reads it out loud. "My dear boy, I hope you are well and get this soon in your travels."
Half listening to Jayne, Mal looks to Zoe. "You order any equipment?"
"No." Zoe replies.
"Thank you for the credits you forwarded as Matty is still sick with the damplung." Jayne continues. "He waves hello and so does your father. Now, I haven't heard anything new about your wife, who I will want to meet and soon, and am glad to know you are not neglecting your obligations. Marriage is work and you best never quit or I will find you. I made you and the misses the enclosed…oh, enclosed." Jayne sticks the letter in his mouth and digs through the box, pulling out a bit of pink yarn and a smaller bit of orange. He hands the pink bit to River before finishing the letter. "To keep you warm in your travels. Hope to hear from you soon, love, your mother."
River unfolds the scarf and holds it up to her face to smell. With a bright smile, she wraps it around her neck, looking up when she hears Willow giggle.
"How's it sit?" Jayne asks, adjusting the hat. "Pretty cunning, don't ya think?"
"That is so adorable." Willow gushes.
"I think it's the sweetest hat ever." Kaylee agrees with a smile.
"A man walks down the street in that hat, people knows he's not afraid of anything." Wash comments.
"Damn straight." Jayne agrees. He looks over at River and smiles at the picture she makes. The scarf is too big but at least it covers up some of that skin that she shouldn't be showin' in public. He bout had a gorram heart attack when she walked out in the bay in them tight ass pants and that bit of fabric she's tryin' to pull off as a shirt. And when her brother ordered her to change, he was noddin' his agreement. And then smilin' when she told her brother to stuff his orders up his pigu. He's rubbin' off on her and finds it to be gorram amusin'. Still don't change the gorram fact that she shouldn't be wearin' them pants and that not-a-shirt in public. And as soon as they're alone, he's gonna make sure she knows that. He hears the gasps around him and cranes his neck to look into the crate Mal and Zoe just opened up.
"What'd you all order a dead guy for?" Jayne questions, eyebrows raised in confusion.
"He's not.." Willow starts to protests.
Shhh. River shushes Willow mentally.
He's not dead. Willow says back. Okay, he might be dead but he still has a soul. Oh, goddess, is he a vampire with a soul?
No. River replies. He is not undead.
But he's also not dead dead or alive. Willow points out. What is he?
Only time will tell. River says cryptically.
I hate it when you do that. Willow growls.
I know. River agrees.
"He's not what?" Mal turns to look at Willow. "Gorramit, Willow, you payin' attention?"
"Oh, yeah." Willow says. "I was just asking if he's some kinda message, like someone is showing you what you're gonna be."
"I ain't sure." Mal replies. "But it is Tracey."
"You know him?" Wash questions.
"Yes." Zoe replies.
Mal nods to Zoe and together they replace the lid. Together, they lift the crate and carry it towards the exit.
"What's going on?" Simon questions Kaylee quietly. "Did we get something fun?"
Kaylee glares at Simon, takes Inara's hand and walks away.
River rolls her eyes as she passes her brother. "You are such a boob."
-
"St Albans ain't two days ride, we push hard enough." Wash says, not even turning around to face Mal as he heads towards the bridge.
Mal nods and then turns to Inara. "This is gonna push off that visit you're wantin' to take."
"It's alright." Inara says quietly. "The situation will sit for a few more days."
Mal nods again and then quietly follows Zoe out of the bay.
Kaylee sees the recorder sitting on top of the crate and picks it up. Without a word, she leaves the bay, the recorder held tightly in her hand.
Simon sighs heavily. He's screwed up; once again, he screwed up.
Willow pats Simon sympathetically on the arm. "That foot might as well take up permanent residence in your mouth."
"I know." Simon agrees quietly. "I can't help it. I don't ever know what to say to Kaylee."
Willow's eyes go wide with excitement. "You need lessons."
"Lessons?" Simon repeats, brows furrowed in confusion.
"Yeah, lessons." Willow says. She grabs his hand with one of hers and River's with the other. "And we're just the people to give you those lessons." Then she's dragging the Tam's out of the bay, Inara, Book, and Jayne following curiously, and towards the common room. She makes a quick stop in the mess and sticks her head inside, glancing quickly around the room.
"Willow, you need somethin'?" Mal asks.
"Yeah." Willow replies. "We need props. Is Wash still on the bridge?"
"Yeah." Zoe answers.
"Oh, good." Willow says. "He's got just the props I need."
"Whadda need props for?" Mal questions curiously.
"Oh, me and River are going to give Simon a crash course in Sex Education 101." Willow replies cheerfully. Completely oblivious to the questions and protests that ring out, Willow drags River and Simon to the common room. "Okay, you stay here, I'm gonna go get the props from Wash and then I'll be right back."
"Willow, I don't need…" Simon starts to protests.
"Shhh." Willow shushes. "You're getting the lessons and you've got no choice in the matter. River, he tries to move, tie him to a chair or something."
River raises an eyebrow. "Wouldn't that be more of a lesson for Sex Education 202?"
"Naw, bondage is Sex Ed 404, at least." Willow replies.
River giggles and within a second, Willow is giggling too.
"I'll be right back." Willow runs out of the room, pushing past Mal and Zoe on her way.
"I think I'm going…." Simon starts to stand up but finds himself being shoved back into his chair, his little sister's hand on his chest. "River."
"Don't make me tie you to the chair." River says. "You heard what Willow said. You are getting lessons so you just sit still and learn."
"Little witch, what the gorram hell is goin' on?" Mal asks.
"Willow is going to teach Simon." River replies.
Mal takes a seat on the couch, his feet propping up on the table. "I think I wanna see what these lessons are gonna be."
"What did she need from Wash?" Zoe asks River.
River just shrugs.
"Hey, get back here." Wash's voice echoes into the common room. "You can't just take a man's toy out of his hand without asking."
"I need it more than you do." Willow yells back.
The crew looks up when Willow walks into the room followed closely by Wash.
"I want her punished." Wash demands, pointing a finger at Willow. "She stole my dinos."
Willow rolls her eyes. "I need them more than you do." She repeats.
"These are the props?" Zoe asks.
"Yep." Willow replies, moving over to sit cross-legged in the middle of the coffee table. She pats the space next to her, looking at River. "C'mon, River, it's time to start Sex Education 101."
"Now, I thought you was just jokin'." Mal says.
"Nope." Willow replies. "Not joking." She takes the raptor and hands it to River and then holds up the T-rex in the air. "Okay, with you being a doctor, I'm guessing we don't have to go all into the parts and mechanics of sex, right?"
Simon turns bright red. "No."
"Good." Willow says as she blushes herself. "Then we'll just stick to learning how to talk to girls without making an ass out of yourself."
"What makes you think you can help me with that?" Simon asks.
"Oh, I got loads of experience with teaching boys how to talk to girls." Willow replies. "Now, observe." Willow walks the rex of to the raptor River is holding. "Hello, Kaylee."
Everyone but Simon laughs at Willow's bad impersonation of Simon.
"Oh, hey Simon." River says, her voice sounding just like Kaylee's. "Watcha doin'?"
"Nothing really." Willow says. "Just thought I would come down here and see what you're doing."
"That's so sweet." River gushes, still using Kaylee's voice. "I'm just tunin' my girl."
Willow takes one of the rex's hands and brushes it against the raptor's face. "You had a little grease."
"Oh." River points the raptor's head down. "That happens a lot; I always got dirt on me."
"It doesn't matter, Kaylee." Willow says quietly, still trying to use Simon's voice though she sounds more like one of the chipmunks. "It doesn't touch you; you could be covered completely in grease and it wouldn't touch you." Then Willow touches the rex's mouth to the raptor's mouth.
"And that's how it's done." River says, making the raptor bow.
"Did you notice how dino Simon didn't say sure, I'll be with you but only because you're the last girl in the verse?" Willow asks.
"I didn't say that." Simon protests.
"No, you didn't." River agrees. "I believe you said 'every other girl you know is either married, professional, sly, or closely related to me so you are more or less literally the only girl in the world'."
Everyone stares at Simon.
"Gorram doc, even I ain't that big of a dumbass." Jayne says with a laugh. "Why not just have told her the only reason she's gotta chance is cause there ain't nobody else round?"
"I didn't mean it that way?" Simon defends.
"How did you mean it?" Willow asks.
"I don't know." Simon runs a hand through his hair in frustration. "I don't know how to talk to girls."
"You ain't a virgin, are you?" Jayne asks.
River giggles.
"What's so funny, moony?" Jayne questions her.
"Simon is quite educated in the physical aspects of sexual intercourse." River replies.
"What the gorram hell is that supposed to mean?" Jayne says.
"Father bought him lessons when he turned 18." River replies. "Her name was Nandi. She was very nice; she danced with me once."
"River." Simon scolds, his cheeks turning bright red. "They don't need to hear any of this."
"Sure we do." Mal says with a grin. "I'm guessin' she was a companion."
"Of course." Simon replies. "Father would have it no other way."
Inara bites the inside of her cheek to keep from asking what this Nandi looked like. She knows Simon is 26 and knows that the only registered companion eight years ago named Nandi is the same Nandi she is going to see.
"Simon, Kaylee doesn't want poetry or pretty words that don't mean anything." Willow says. "All she wants is for you to listen to her and talk to her."
"I think it's too late." Simon says quietly.
"Nope, it's never too late." Willow replies. "Just go in there and talk to her. Ask her questions but don't interrogate her. You don't have to understand what she's saying; all you have to do is listen."
"But I don't think…" Simon starts to protests.
"Sure you can." Willow stands up and pulls Simon off the chair. Placing her hand on his back, she pushes him towards the exit.
Simon, though he's completely confused, starts to leave the common room.
"Oh and Simon?" Willow says.
"Yes?" Simon turns his head towards her.
"Break Kaylee's heart and I'll bludgeoned you to death with a shovel." Willow warns seriously.
"What?" Simon gasps.
"A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend." Willow explains.
"I don't think we have a shovel." River says.
"Oh." Willow mutters. "Well, there's got to be some piping or something around here; we can just use that."
Simon stares open mouthed at his little sister and Willow before shaking his head and leaving the room.
Wash grabs his dinosaurs out of their hands with a fake glare. "I think you traumatized them." Wash whispers. "They aren't 't old enough for that type of play."
"So, what's in Sex Education 202?" Mal asks with a grin.
"Wouldn't you like to know?" Willow grins back.
"I would." Jayne says.
"You'll just have to ask somebody else." Willow replies. "My teaching days are over."
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