Thank you so much for your reviews once again, they are my oxygen. Thank you!

Disclaimer: I don't own a thing, except maybe Cat; at least I think I do…

Anyhow, I have actually thought about writing a chapter in Jess's point of view, but I am not so sure about it, since I think it could interrupt the flow of the story, so tell me your opinions, I'd like to know what you think and comment on the story as well please, you know you want to …lol

Bru Gravem: I am really glad that you think this is realistic, because I think my main concern is realism, because I want my Rory and Jess to be human, to be just like you and me, making mistakes, fixing them, making even more mistakes. It's the way life goes and I just simply don't believe in painless love. Love is passion, good and bad! Thank you so much for reviewing!

Rory´s POV:

Eight days, two hours, thirteen minutes, seven boxes of chocolate ice cream (the fluffy one), three million liters of coffee and one half smoked cigarette later and I was still in denial.

Yes, I actually attempted to smoke a cigarette, because it reminded me of Jess. Of course I had smoked a cigarette from time to time at a party or something, but I had never had the urge to actually taste it, smell it. I had never felt that abandoned and lonely as I experienced it now by not getting to taste or smell him. The miserable emotion that some psychologist might actually have a name for, was driving me insane. It was a mix of missing, longing (Lane announced when I told her that, that she always had thought that those two words actually meant the same thing. I had spent hours on thinking about that…) insanely guilty conscious, squeals of joy and excitement when I would wake up in the morning, forgetting about our situation, crying violently and grinning like a maniac in remembrance. I was definitely bipolar, but I couldn't help it. Sometimes when I would be down, a slight feeling of anxiety shot through me, what if I had lost him? What if I had actually screwed this up? I was sitting at the kitchen table, in front of me a cup of steaming hot coffee, filling the room with the familiar scent of home and safety. I always associated the odor of coffee with my mom and my mom made me feel safe in return, loved, taken care of.

I heard the door to our apartment open, heard footsteps approaching and for a second my heart actually missed a beat. I could feel it; it felt like having a little (very little) guy (I always pictured him having a mean smirk on his face) inside of me that took great pleasure in the fact of throwing a rubber hammer against my sternum. But as soon as Lane made her presence known by clearing her throat, I was shaken out of my pre-lethal state. I shook my head violently. It happened all over again. At the mall I had seen him at the pizza stand, I had spotted his hair while doing grocery shopping and had forced myself to hide behind a giant woman; aforementioned really big woman had eyed me curiously and then had proceeded to ask me if I was okay. Honey, are you okay? She had reminded me of Miss Patty then.

I had nodded my head and had left the grocery store in a hurry, leaving my purchased articles behind; I had decided that it was now Lane's duty as my best friend to do the shopping. I actually was slowly becoming paranoid. I heard his voice at places where he surely wouldn't be, for example in my gynecologist's waiting room, I was so distressed then that I had told the nurse that I needed to postpone my appointment and had run out of the room.

"You know what I read yesterday?" Lane's voice interrupted the silence. I didn't even look up.

"Huh?" even my behavior reflected Jess's now.

"I read an article that explained that coffee wasn't actually hydration because it makes you pee more, meaning you loose the fluid immediately." Great, now coffee wasn't even hydration anymore, anything else that could go wrong? I chuckled sadly as I shoved my cup away from me.

"Interesting." Lane nodded silently and sat down next to me.

"You wanna know what else I read?" Despite my urge to tell her to shut up, I nodded.

"Absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder. It's actually more a saying than anything else." I mumbled something that Lane didn't understand.

"What?" I took a deep breath and repeated my last statement.

"Absence makes you move on." I looked at my hands and waited for Lane's answer.

"You're sure that's what you want? Moving on? Forgetting that Jess ever existed? Because if your answer is gonna be yes, I will just leave you alone." I started to cry just then. I didn't want to move on; I didn't want to forget Jess, because even if I wanted to there was no chance in hell that I ever could actually forget him. Forgetting the way he looked with wet hair that were falling in his forehead. Forgetting how is voice sounded when he told me that he loved me, forgetting the way he'd wrap his arms around me in order to pull me even closer, Forgetting the way he'd wrinkle his forehead while concentrating on reading, forgetting the ways he had tried to seduce me. My shoulders were shaking and I could feel Lane's tiny arms around me. I sobbed into her shoulder.

"I screwed up, Lane. I really did." She stroked my back and tried to calm me down.

"Shush, baby. Everything's gonna be okay." I knew that my breakdown was more than Lane could handle, but this realization just made me cry harder.

"Okay how? I have no idea how to fix this." In the back of my mind I was aware of the fact that I was overreacting, I knew that I was blowing everything out of proportion. This was nothing a good talk couldn't heal. I took a shaky breath and pulled back.

"Tomorrow." I whispered. "Tomorrow, I'm gonna fix this!" Lane smiled at me and said.

"Otherwise you'd be gaining forty pounds in the next couple of weeks, we wouldn't want that now, would we?" I chuckled through my tears and pulled Lane into my arms once again.

"How come, you always know when to say the right things?" I shook my head in sad amazement.

"It's a gift." Lane simply stated and smiled at me, her glasses wet with tears shed for me.

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

So, I actually had made up my mind. I was gonna talk to him today. D-Day!

I was lying in bed, staring at the ceilings, counting the different shades of shadows that the sun created in my bedroom. I sighed, what seemed to be the millionth time in five minutes. I had decided to go by his apartment after my classes. I wanted to talk things through, I wanted to apologize, but most of all I wanted him to know that I loved him. I couldn't stand the image of his face when he had told me that he wasn't so sure if I really loved him. It was killing me, but whenever I closed my eyes, his words came back to me. Do you love me? I'm not so sure… Part of love is trust… that you don't trust me…

Snippets of things he had said that day haunted me. With yet another sigh I got up and went to the bathroom to take a shower. When I entered the kitchen, fully dressed with still dripping hair, I found a cup of coffee placed on the kitchen table; next to it was a note from Lane.

Screw that article, you need it today. Tell me how things went!

Lane

I smiled to myself and finished the cup of coffee in one large gulp; I was already late for my political science class; I scribbled down a quick thank you note for Lane and placed it next to my now empty coffee cup. For the first time in my life I actually directed these famous words to someone else than my mom, Dean or Jess: I love you.

I left the apartment in a hurry, slamming the door shut behind me. When I got to the campus and finally to my class, I was already so anxious of what was yet to come that I wasn't able to pay attention. At. All. The professor could have told me that George W. Bush Jr. had been abducted by aliens and had been replaced by a liver eating mutant. Well, it surely could be a possibility, right? I was still picturing Bush deforming his body in order to fit through the chimney to get to his next victim (Mom had definitely let me watch the X-files when I was way too young) as I made my way over to the Yale dining hall when I felt eyes on me. To be more specific: his eyes. I could feel it; don't ask how, just believe me. I started sweating, my heartbeat was getting arrhythmic and my legs suddenly felt like pudding. Now it seemed too ridiculous to even think that I could have avoided him on campus. What a joke! My head jerked up as I sensed his presence. First thought: Run. Second thought: You look ridiculous while running. Third thought: I don't care. Fourth thought: Oh my God, I am freaking out!

This was so not the way I had prepared myself to meet him. I had imagined it being me who'd surprise him, not the other way around. Listen world: I am not a fan of unpredictability! I was the exact opposite of a member of this specific fandom. I took a deep breath and scanned the dining hall for the one person who was able to make my heart race, who was able to make me laugh with something as simple as a funny expression on his face, who was able to make me feel whole with just wrapping his arms around my shoulders, who was able to drive me insane when all I had ever tried to achieve was being sane and reliable and, I rubbed my temples, who was able to make me transform into a jeaulous heartless bitch. I spotted him at the table next to the exit, his head up in the air, his eyes straight staring at me. I shivered at the intensity of his gaze. I swallowed and wandered over to him. His eyes followed my every move; he didn't seem to care that I'd notice that he was staring. Although having walked slowly, I was out of breath when I reached his table. I clutched my book bag tightly against my upper body, in desperate need to occupy my hands. My stomach suddenly started its own rebellion as the coffee that I had inhaled earlier was dangerously close to making its way up again. That article was so wrong. I tried to speak but my mouth was dry. I tried to wet my lips with my tongue, but it wouldn't work, all it did was that my tongue nearly glued itself to my lips.

"Hey." I finally started the conversation insecurely. I could see Jess's Adam's apple move as he swallowed. Apparently he had trouble forming words as well.

"Hey." He replied, never breaking eye contact. My mind was blank, I had a speech planned; I had actually made a list of things to say or things to do. Apologize, kiss him... Something like that. It suddenly dawned on me. When it came to emotions, flexibility and spontaneity were expected. I had to learn a lot.

"I …I …" I didn't know what I wanted to say anymore. I shook my head. That hadn't even been a sentence.

"Can I sit down?" I finally asked, and I hadn't know that something as simple and unimportant as asking him if I could sit down would actually be such a nerve breaking task. He nodded his head.

"Sure." I chuckled slightly and as Jess eyed me curiously, I spoke up.

"You know, I had a speech planned. I really had. And now here I am, sitting right in front of you and I feel like a six year old kid on the first day of school. It's pathetic really. I mean, I am, not you, just the situation." I stopped and looked at him expectantly. How was he taking this? He seemed calm but from the way he shifted in his position ever so slightly I could tell that he was nervous as well, but unlike me he didn't want to show it. I couldn't blame him.

"I'm sorry I didn't call you." I whispered. When he wouldn't reply I continued.

"I didn't know if you wanted me to. I don't know, I think I might have been afraid." Jess nodded and leaned forward.

"Before you ask afraid of what, I just as well might tell you. I was afraid of what you were gonna tell me. Hell, I don't even know if we're still together. I don't really know if you broke up with me. I just…" I swallowed.

"I just don't know what to think anymore. I was a jerk. I was a jerk because I didn't trust you when I should have. I was a jerk when I didn't listen to you. I was a jerk when I yelled at you for being there for a friend. Yes I admit it, I was jealous, and honestly? The whole aspect of you having slept with Cat didn't really help my sanity." Actually I had been too busy yelling at him then that I hadn't even digested the fact that he indeed had had slept with Cat before. It had all come to the surface when I had reached my place. I had been furious and I had been sure that he had cheated on me, but somewhere along the way, realization had made its way through.

Jess cleared his throat and fixed his eyes in his hands lying on the table.

"I had a girlfriend in California; we had met at a party and we instantly hit it off. It wasn't love or anything…" He looked up at me when he said that." But we had fun. Just fun, but still I got drunk the night we broke up. I called Cat in the middle of the night from some bar to ask her if she could pick me up. She did. I was drunk, which isn't an excuse, but I somehow don't have to justify myself for having a past, right? Anyhow, I was drunk and I think I initiated the whole thing with me and Cat. All I know is that we woke up the next morning in my bed minus clothes. You get the image." I wrinkled my nose and nodded.

"Cat and I have talked about that night, I think it was a mistake, but I don't regret it, you know what I mean?" I shook my head and still didn't say a word.

"I'm sorry." I finally said, taking his fingers into mine, intertwining them. He nodded and leaned forward even more, I met him halfway.

"I know." He whispered as he reached out to stroke my cheek. I closed my eyes as the sensation of his touch floated through my body, starting with the skin above my cheekbones, traveling south, resting between my breasts and finally in the pit of my stomach. Softly yet delicately his lips brushed mine and I couldn't help but think finally. I sighed into his mouth as he whispered:

"I missed you, Rory Gilmore." The playful banter was back I noticed relieved as I deepened the kiss not caring about our location.

"I missed you too, Jess Mariano." I replied when he pulled back slightly, his lips still never really leaving mine. It was the first time in days that I could keep my eyes closed without having my mind full of bad images and blurry conversations. When I now closed my eyes I saw Jess smiling, his eyes nearly green. I leaned into him and took him in, but suddenly my peaceful atmosphere was interrupted by an out of the blue thought. If Cat had picked Jess up that very night, that actually would mean that she hadn't been drunk as well, right? I shook my head forcefully in order to erase this idea from my mind. Rory Gilmore, you're being ridiculous.

No, Cat is still not out of the way, because I think that that would be way too easy. Be prepared for more fluff, more drama and tension. Not necessarily between Jess and Rory.

Anyhow, please, please REVIEW; I am totally not sure what to think about that chapter, anyhow, thanks for reading! You guys rock!