It's a commonly known fact that "what goes around comes around", which meant that Lydia, super-freak extraordinare, had been going around for a long, long time.
"I'll get you back!" Lydia screamed as the police hauled her off. "I'll get you back you sons of bi - "
As per cliche, the police slammed the door on her just as the curse word was about to come out of her mouth. Renfro rounded on Sketchy. But instead of the a scream-o-rama -- as would have happened in usual families, she sighed (Max could have sworn she heard the words "bad aura OUT; good aura IN" come out in that sigh), wiped her hands on her black executive suit, and sighed again.
And then she tore the cell phone off of Sketchy's head.
If that wasn't enough to kick Sketchy's "a joint a day" habit, then nothing (short of total paralysis and isolation) would.
Very soon, it was the day that Jonas Cale was set to arrive on campus. And arrive he did - in style.
Cale was driven up in a stretch-Hummer by a chauffeur. He exited the vehicle with a martini in his hand as the assorted teens of the cheer squad (who'd been awaiting his arrival) stood up as he approached.
Old, graying and undoubtedly just going to sit there while he ordered his flying monkeys around the football field; Jonas Cale surveyed his surroundings carefully as he stirred his olive around in his martini glass.
Max decided to speak up. "Thanks for coming, it's a real - "
"Quiet," Jonas said quickly. Max shut her mouth immediately. "I want all of you in a line, quickly, now; I do not have time to waste on your insipid activities."
"Dude, we're in the parking lot," Brin reminded him. At Cale's glare, she rolled her eyes and said sarcastically, "Sir, yes, sir!" with a mock salute and everything. They all formed one line along the curb and Cale started at the beginning - Jondy.
"You," he said, "you have strong ankles and calves - I presume you do yoga? Pilates? One of those Indian things?" Jondy nodded.
"Yes, sir!" she said happily.
"You have low self-esteem," Cale said. "Put your hands at your side and not in front of yourself. And your trust in those crap exercises is definitely a contribution to the flab around your legs and arms." He placed a hand on Jondy's shoulder. "I want all of that flab gone by regionals." He moved onto Syl and Jondy brushed off her shoulder with an angry look on her face. "You, what is your name?" Cale asked.
"Syl," Syl answered.
"Silly Syl," Zane supplied.
"Shut up, Zane!" Syl snarled.
"You're spending too much time with your boyfriend and not enough time practicing," Cale evaluated. Syl flushed (and a little further down the line, Krit suddenly found the cement extremely interesting). "Pick one extracurricular activity and stick to it; or at least try to cover those hickeys." He moved on to Brin. "You're too cocky. Join the army or go someplace where people will call you 'maggot' every three words - it will help." Brin looked at Max and shook her head, wrinkling her nose up as Cale passed Zane, Zack, Krit and a few others. "Male cheerleaders. Enough said there."
He got to Cindy and winced. "Child, please do something with that hair, it's hideous and your make-up is terrifying." Max quickly covered Original Cindy's mouth right before any of the sassy remarks on her tongue could escape, so all that came out were muffled words. "And you," Cale stopped at Max. "I assume that you are the captain, which means you will need more help than anyone on this team." Max opened her mouth and was about to say something when Cale shushed her, putting one finger up. "Just listen. Listen, and learn."
He took another step, then went back to Max. "And please have the decency to blend your eyeshadow correctly."
The rest of the comments were generally mild (Tinga shrugged off the one about her having "too much ass and not enough boobs"), until, of course, Cale got to Joshua.
"What is... this?" Cale asked.
"Joshua," Joshua answered. "This... Joshua."
"Well, Joshua," Cale looked up and down the suit. "Why isn't your head off when you are talking to a superior?"
"Can't take mask off," Joshua shrugged.
"Why not?" Cale asked.
"Because his face might get dusty," the team chorused together. Cale looked from the rest of the team, to Joshua again.
"That's the stupidest excuse I've ever heard," he announced. "What do you have under there, anyways? Hair?" he tried to peer under Joshua's mask, but Joshua pushed him away with one paw.
"Don't think so, Mr. Cale," Joshua said patiently.
"Fine," Cale straightened himself up and returned his gaze (piercing, but less piercing then Donald Lydecker's patented "make them fold" gaze) to the squad. "I have until next Monday to make this... pathetic excuse for a team into a squad that will wow," he struck a pose, holding his martini safe above his head, "and awe," another pose, "the audience. So, over the next few days you will train harder than ever, starting with the first step."
"And what would that be?" Brin asked sassily.
"I want to think of what you all had to eat today," Cale said, pacing along next to them. "Now, cut that in half - for some of you, Tinga, Jondy, Cindy, make that fourths. This is called a diet and everyone will be starting one today." He gulped down the rest of his martini (olive included) and threw it down on the ground where it shattered.
"Why do we all need to go on a diet?" Syl asked. "My dietician says I need to gain weight."
"My parents don't condone fasting unless it's for religious purposes," Jondy alerted him.
"My prescription drugs are making me gain weight," Tinga told him. "Doc Carr says I have to take them every day otherwise the world will meet the Tinga Smith that only the paramedics and the Seattle Special Weapons and Tactics squad has seen so far."
"My momma cooks soul food," Original Cindy said simply. This was a lie and Max knew it. Original Cindy's personal chef, a sassy Creole man appropriately named Bling made her soul food. Alec had a personal chef as well, only she was the woman who worked at an AM-PM downtown and supplied him with his essentials: pork rinds, Bolt soda, candy bars and (when he really sucked up to her), scotch. The woman at the AM-PM got paid a great deal less than Bling - who could spread his hourly wage out on his king-sized bed and roll around in it when the mood hit him to do so.
"These are all excuses!" Cale ranted. "Excuses are used by sissies! Which means that you - all of you are... sissies!" And if there was something cheerleaders hated being called (especially male cheerleaders), it was "sissies".
Luckily, the silence that followed that was only punctuated by the sounds of Zack cracking his knuckles menacingly, was broken by the roar of a performance engine as a red sports car drove into the parking lot. One of the tinted windows rolled down and Alec stuck his head out.
"Hey, Cindy! Mom and Dad want a word!"
"What's it about?" OC yelled back.
"I dunno!"
"Did they sound mad?" Original Cindy yelled. "Did they mention a girl named Veronica?"
"No!" Alec shouted. "On both accounts. They sounded really happy, actually!"
"Oh," Original Cindy grinned. "Okay! I'll be right there!" Her smile widened when she saw the look on Cale's face.
"You better not," Cale said dangerously.
"Later, dickhead. I'll see you tomorrow," Cindy said - quite guilt free. She climbed into Alec's car and the car zoomed away. Cale watched the car become a red dot in the distance for a few minutes before he turned back to the squad.
"Let's get started."
Author's Note: Jonas Cale, who always seems to have food in his alcohol.
About Sin City! Dark Angel Style and Kill Bill! Dark Angel Style: the final pairings are in. Sin City! Dark Angel Style will be heavily Max/Alec, Lydecker/Somebody I Can't Name Just Yet, Syl/Krit, and somewhat Syl/Someone Else. Kill Bill! Dark Angel Style will be past! Max/Ben and mediumly Max/Logan. Kill Bill! Dark Angel Style will also have a lot of character death (see the movie, you'll know what I mean).
... maybe I'll make a second Kill Bill! Dark Angel Style version with past! Max/Logan instead of Max! Ben... whatever, it depends.
Review me or I'll get sad and I won't know why...