The morning after one of Joshua's parties was always quite disorderly. There would be people all over the house – draped over the refrigerator, stuck into cabinets, asleep in the bathtub, passed out on the pool table – and it was usually up to Joshua Sandeman to get things back into shape after they left. Of course, he always let them take their sweet time leaving. He liked having company, even if most of it was hungover and asleep.

Unfortunately today was not one of those mornings. You see, today, at precisely 9:23 in the morning, C.J. picked up the ringing house telephone, then exchanged a few words with the person on the other end, and put it back in it's cradle. To Joshua, he yelled, "JOSHIE! DAD'S COMING HOME!"

Joshua, asleep on a couch in the basement with a pineapple in his hands, jerked awake and looked around.

"Father?" he mumbled to no one in particular. "Father. Father. Father!" he jumped off of the couch and looked around.

The basement looked like a Croatian war zone – of course with more Cheetos instead of blood. One guy's arm had even fallen off in all of the excitement.

"Sally put arm back on!" Joshua ordered.

"Sorry, it just does that sometimes – " Sally apologized in a slur before passing out again.

"No! No! No!" Joshua yelled. "Everyone has to get OUT! Father is coming home!" he took another step and inadvertently stepped on a body. "Sketchy!" he said, looking down at the sleeping teenager.

"Mmmfghnnnahhh," Sketchy mumbled. Joshua took his foot off of him and grabbed Sketchy up by the back of his shirt.

"Sketchy, tell Max to come pick you up, now!" he said pleadingly. Sketchy looked at Joshua through cloudy eyes.

"Dude," he said slowly. "Max's here."

"Max here?" Joshua asked. Sketchy nodded slightly before starting to snore. Joshua shook him again. "Call Cindy then. Just GET OUT."

"Dude, where's your hospitality?" Sketchy asked, struggling to get to his feet. "I mean, here we are, all pumped up to go to your party and then eat pancakes or something in the morning and then we're – " as he started to get up he slipped and fell on a banana peel. So he started the process again. "We're rudely kicked out just because – "

"Father is coming home," Joshua told him. Sketchy's eyes widened and his sprang to his feet.

"Your dad?" he asked.

"Yes."

"You mean like, your dad-dad?"

"Yes." Sketchy held up a hand.

"Say no more. I've got the basement handled, you do the upstairs," he said. As Joshua hurried upstairs, he heard Sketchy yell, "EVERYBODY UP! PANCAKES ARE ON ME AT IHOP!"

And if there's anything that rouses a bunch of hungover, sleepy teenagers, it's the thought of free pancakes from the International House of Pancakes.

Within moments of waking up, Max found herself crammed into a van with the cat mascot that she'd shared a room with, as well as a variety of other mascots that Joshua had invited from the Regionals, Sketchy – who was wearing Pearly Pink lip gloss because he lost a bet, Sky – tiny, skinny and smashed between a burly lizard mascot in a football uniform, and an ant mascot – and Zack and his new girlfriend.

"Hi, I don't believe we've met," Zack's new girlfriend said upon entering the van.

"Oh, Chrisette, this is Max," Zack introduced her. "Max, this is my new girl, Chrisette."

"I've been wondering why Zack was looking so happy all the time," Max said with a big smile. A true smile this time – a happy Zack was a 'to hell with the rules' Zack.

"And he always speaks very highly of you, of course," Chrisette told her.

"He'd better," Max muttered as the van gave a giant lurch and wheeled off of the driveway.

"Buckle up, everyone!" the cat mascot yelled. "Bobby's not quite experienced on the whole driving thing!" The vehicle gave another lurch (which Max had a sneaking suspicion had more to do with the car's faulty engine rather than Bobby Kawasaki's driving) and sped off into the morning sun…

Which blinded everyone, so Bobby was forced to go another way to IHOP.

Alec emerged from his bedroom sometime around noon feeling the exact opposite of refreshed and clear-headed. Instead he felt kind of angry and tired inside.

Only, his morning path to the dining room was blocked by a lesbo in the hallway. Alec squinted, seeing Original Cindy clearer and clearer. And she looked mad.

"Um… morning?"

"No it ain't no damn morning!" Original Cindy yelled. "It's one in the afternoon, idiot!" she slapped him on the top of the head to punctuate her remark.

"Ow!" Alec said, his head getting less fuzzy by the minute. "What the hell was that for?"

"What you did to Max!" Original Cindy shouted. She smacked him on the ear this time. "I can't," smack, "believe," another smack, "you just," another smack – with her left hand this time, "left her hanging!" she used a sort of combination now, batting at him with both hands.

Alec ducked beneath her hands and hurried to the other end of the hall.

"I didn't leave her hanging!" he yelled back. "In fact, I think it was more the opposite! She left me hanging!"

"That is not what I saw on the video surveillance system, crackhead!" OC screamed. "You hid from her!"

"I was about to go on a drive!"

"You were about to go wallow in emotional hell!"

"No, that's really more Max's deal, isn't it?" Alec said bitterly. Original Cindy let out something between a scream and a roar and ran after Alec. Alec darted down the stairs and into the living room. Whatever he did, he had to keep her away from the kitchen – with the knives. They ended up on opposite sides of one couch – two teenagers locked in an epic duel of girl versus boy.

Of course, if you asked Alec it was psychotic lesbian girl versus sensible, good-looking man. And if you asked Original Cindy it was empowered Nubian woman versus idiotic, insensitive, commitment-phobic, rat bastard boy.

They were locked in a stand-off for a few minutes before Original Cindy grabbed up a pillow from the sofa and threw it at Alec. Then Alec grabbed a pillow and threw it at Cindy, and soon they were locked in a very different kind of battle. A pillow-kind of battle.

Ten minutes later, they were both crashed out on the cushion-less couch, panting heavily.

"What were we fighting about again?" Alec asked.

"You're a crackheaded rat bastard," Original Cindy reminded him.

"Damn, I thought you forgot," Alec cursed.

"Don't even think about it either," Original Cindy warned. "This ain't nowhere near over. Understand?" Alec nodded.

"Not over. Me a rat bastard," he summarized.

"Right."

Just then, the phone rang, interrupting what must've been one of the most touching conversations that they'd had in a long time.

"Is it a school day?" Alec asked. Original Cindy shook her head.

"It can't be the admin."

"So, maybe Mom and Dad lost it all gambling in Borneo and bill collectors are calling to collect their money, but since we don't have anymore, they're just going to start by taking the house and furniture." At that far-fetched idea, Alec and Original Cindy both burst out laughing.

As if Mom and Dad couldn't just dip into their Swiss offshore accounts they'd been hiding from the government for ten years! The very thought of poverty was insane!

Still chuckling to herself, Original Cindy reached for the phone and held it up to her ear.

"Her Originalness is in," she said. Her face fell as she listened to the person on the other end. "Oh no. Uh huh. Yeah, no problem. We'll be right over." She clicked the phone off and looked at Alec with a crestfallen look.

A silence fell upon them. Seconds passed.

One minute.

Two minutes.

Apparently she wasn't going to tell Alec unless he asked. Women. So damn complicated.

"What's wrong?" Alec asked.

"Max is in jail."

Ending Note: Aaah yes, I'm so happy to be typing on a regular basis now. Thanks for all of the lovely reviews!