A/N: Right boys and girls, this is it, the end of the road, the final countdown, the moment of truth! Oh what fun it's been writing this story, I just hope you've enjoyed reading it. To everyone who has left a kind comment - thank you for your support and the encouragement. To those who have yet to review - there's still time yet! Ok thanks again and without any further delay, here it is, the last chapter...

Chapter Fourteen

Katherine was a seasoned nurse. She had trained with the USAF and had served near to ten years with them, the last two here in Atlantis. During her career, she thought she had seen it all. War was a messy business and she did her best to patch up the broken pieces of what used to be men, to try and make them whole again. She had learned to form a clinical detachment with the patients she treated, to leave the work at the office when the shift was over, but here it was different. Out here they were alone, this small community was tightly knit and depended on each other to survive. So when a mission got botched and she found herself redressing the wounds of a friend she had just had lunch with that day, she felt it harder to distance herself from the job.

Tonight was no different. In a curtained off section away from the main entrance of the infirmary, sat a man who had logged in more than his fare share of time here, more than any man deserved. His file a work in progress, cataloguing the many ways in which a man could be hurt, torn apart, then put back together again, many of these things she had witnessed first hand. He had been brought back from the point of death and once from beyond that, but he always managed to hold on, refusing to be beaten. Tonight, she had finally seen the look of defeat take root in his handsome features, but it wasn't for him, the need to be healed this day.

Between the opening of the surgical screens that had been erected to provide at least some privacy from curious eyes that had come to enquire on the well being of their leader, she could see the way his shoulders were hunched over his usually proud and impressive form. His hair stood out at all angles, more dishevelled than normal and his checks were red and swollen, the tell-tale sign of his tears of despair. He looked small and vulnerable, things she had never thought would apply to this man and the sight shocked her, to say the least. Colonel Sheppard was never a man who cried, even when every part of his body would be in agony, he had kept it in himself, almost as if he was able to draw strength from the pain itself. Right now, all his attention was focused on the smaller, delicate hand, resting softly within his own. His lips moved forming silent words of comfort, whether they were for him or the owner of the hand, Katherine was unsure and she was loath to disturb this moment but she still had a job to do. Moving closer she cleared her throat, alerting the Colonel to her presence.

"Colonel Sheppard, I'm sorry to disturb you sir, but its time for Dr. Weir's check up."

The Colonel looked up at her with unseeing eyes, she wasn't sure if he'd heard her but then shook his head so he could focus. "Do I..." His throat was parched making his voice sound scratchy, he swallowed, licking his lips and tried again. "Do you need me to leave?"

"No sir, you can stay. I won't take more than a couple of minutes," Katherine didn't have the heart to kick him out, even if sitting here like this wasn't doing him any good, so she added, "If you like though, there's a fresh pot of coffee at the nurses station. Feel free to help yourself."

With the aide of his hand on the bed rail, he pushed himself to his feet. "Thank you, I think I will get some. I won't be long."

Of this she had no doubt. The Colonel had been a constant presence in the infirmary wanting to stay at Dr. Weir's side since she was brought in. Dr. Beckett had Major Lorne stay to keep an eye on him while she had been in surgery. For a change he had refused to leave the doctor's domain, insisting on being there to hear from Beckett the instant he had finished, and it was a good job Lorne had remained too...

It was well into the night when Dr. Beckett had retrieved the bullet, lodged deep within the soft tissue of her shoulder. He and his surgical team had been working hard, they had steamed the bleeding and repaired the damaged blood vessels. Satisfied that their job was done he had closed the wound himself wanting to see this through to the end, instead of letting one of the nurses handle it.

"Okay, good work people," Carson commended them. "Now, let's get her into recovery, if her condition changes come and get me, I'm going to speak with Colonel Sheppard."

Carson peeled off the latex gloves and scrubs, dumping them in the bio-hazard bin on the way out the door. He could see the Colonel slumped in his chair on the other side of the long room where he had been waiting, Lorne was with him, a silent sentinel, perched on the end of his seat, ready to jump into action if needs be. He stopped in the threshold taking in the sight before him, when the sound of sporadic beeping from the other room got his attention. There was a shout then from one of the nurses.

"Dr. Beckett, you better come back in here, her blood pressure just dropped like a stone!"

"What?"

The question had disturbed John and Lorne, both men now on their feet, rushing towards Carson.

"Doc what's going on? Is she all right? Can I see her?" The barrage of questions came from John as he peered over the smaller man blocking his way into the operating room.

"Colonel, I'm not sure, just stay here while I find out," instructed Beckett as he gave Lorne a stern look that said 'keep him out the way', then headed back in the room.

"Come on sir, let's leave the doctor to his work," suggested Lorne.

John didn't move, he just stared at the door as though he could will it to disappear and show him what was hidden behind it. "I have to find out what's going on."

This is what Lorne had been waiting for. The Colonel had come to the end of his tether, not knowing what was happening was driving him mad and he made to burst into the room to find out for himself. Lorne stepped in front of him catching his arms. "Sir, Dr. Beckett doesn't need us in the way while he's working. Just give him some more time and he'll explain everything."

"Get out of my way Lorne! I'm sick of waiting, I want some answers," shouted John.

"No sir. We have to wait until he's finished. If you go charging in there now demanding everyone's attention, you could endanger her life."

That seemed to make some impact with John and he took his arms back from Lorne. "Fine I won't go in, but I still have to see." He turned and strode away towards the stairs that would take him up to the observation deck above the surgical bay.

"Sir stop!" Lorne pleaded."Do you really want to see her like that?"

John didn't stop, but he faced Lorne as he slowed his pace and backed up the first of the steps. "She could die Lorne. I have to see her."

Lorne took a deep breath. He was still getting used to the revelation that the rumours had been true and Elizabeth and John were indeed together. The man he was talking to wasn't just in danger of loosing a friend, but it was his partner who's life was in the balance. He didn't really have any experience in advising someone with this kind of grief and he was damn sure if their places were switched, it would be him backing up those stairs.

"Yes sir, we knew that there was always a possibility that Dr. Weir may be beyond saving when she was brought in. Right now Beckett is in there with his team doing everything they can from preventing that outcome. But you have to consider what it is you'd see if you look in that room, 'cause you have to know, it ain't gonna be pretty. Seeing someone you care about lying on the slab is an awful thing, I know, believe me." He had to pause then as he tucked fragmented images from his past back into the box in his mind. "That will not look like the Dr. Weir we all know and if she dies, that picture of her will taint every memory you own. You won't be able to remember the way she was without seeing the things in that room. Would you want that? Would she want that for you?"

John stopped, shocked at what Lorne had said to him. He had no idea to whom he had been referring, but from the look on his face, they'd been close. Nevertheless, he words managed to sink in far enough for him to think about what he was doing. He was torn, he needed to see her, to know what was going on, but Lorne was right, if she were to die, this was not the last image he wanted to have of her. Slowly he came down the steps coming to a halt next to the other man. "You're right Major. I just...I..." He didn't have anymore words.

"It's okay, come on, lets go back so Beckett can find us when he's done." Lorne had led him back to the chairs where they had been before and they hadn't moved again until Beckett had come for them.

Beckett had heard John shouting at Major Lorne to get out of his way and was thankful that the man had had the nerve to stand up to him. He hadn't heard anything else from outside so he concluded that either Lorne had decked him or talked the anxious Colonel down, which was a skill in and of itself, but he could only worry about one patient at a time and right now, Elizabeth was his top priority.

The nurse was right to call him when she did, Elizabeth's blood pressure was dangerously low, at first he had thought the repairs they'd made to the blood vessels weren't holding. He was checking under the clean gauze he'd put over the gunshot wound when an tense voice from the nurse told him, "Dr. Beckett? Dr. Weir is bleeding out."

He'd thought as much but the freshly sewn up wound looked fine.

"No Doctor, not from her shoulder. Here. Was Dr. Weir pregnant?"

Carson's face was aghast. The medical robe and bed sheets at the top of her legs were soaked with blood. "Oh no," he whispered. "Here, help me with this!" He'd got straight to work with the aid of two nurses, but it was no use. They couldn't do anything to save the child and had required several units of blood to compensate for what she lost. Eventually, it came to an end, they were all tired and distraught, but Carson still had to see John. That was going to be harder than anything else he's accomplished tonight.

When Beckett had left the surgical bay the second time, the two men were in exactly the same place they'd been in before, but they'd seen him this time and stood to greet him.

Neither John nor Carson wanted to be first to speak. The question and the answer to difficult to voice. Lorne could see the trouble they were having as they faced each other, eyes imploring, but no words were forthcoming, so he broke the ice himself. "Doc, whatever the result, you and your team have been hard at it for hours. No one can doubt that you've done all you can."

The other men were both grateful for Lorne's tact. In one go, he'd both asked of Dr. Weir's condition and softened the blow for Carson if it was bad news.

Carson nodded, licking his lips, trying to get some moisture on them. "I have a very skilled team and they did well tonight. Elizabeth will fully recover from her injuries, but its not going to be easy, she's going to need to stay here for a while and take things very slowly or she could risk doing herself a damage. However, I know she has a strong support network amongst her friends and they will all be willing to help her in anyway possible."

The relief of Carson's prognosis made John buckle at the knees and found he had to seat himself again or they'd be scraping his butt up off the floor. He wasn't usually a religious man but he sent out a prayer to any god or higher power that was listening. She was going to recover, she was as strong in body as she was in will and she was going to pull through. Like Carson said, she wouldn't be short of help while she was getting better, he would make sure of that, he would keep the business running until she was fit enough to take over again.

Lorne was busy shaking Beckett's hand, congratulating him on a job well done, saying all the things he couldn't right then. His mind was a jumbled mess, his thinking process completely whacked, but something kept on getting through, catching his attention. He tried to assemble his thoughts into some kind of order, what was it he couldn't quite seem to make sense of? He turned down the volume on Lorne and Beckett's conversation, concentrating on the little bit of information that was starting to stir up his panic. Something wasn't right, but Carson had said she was fine. Everything went quiet then, the two men had stopped talking, their part of the infirmary was silent in his moment of clarity.

He wasn't entirely sure how he knew, Carson hadn't mentioned it, but there was something about his somber face that said it wasn't all good news. His stomach clenched, churning his insides, if he'd had anything to eat in the last day he was sure he would have lost it right then. He needed to speak with Carson in private, right now, but he had to get rid of Lorne first. He opened his mouth and the words tumbled out on their own. "Lorne, there's probably a few nervous people waiting around to hear what's going on. Would you please take care of things for the rest of the night? I think I'm gonna have to check myself in for the time being. It's all catching up with me. Can you handle it?"

"I'll get straight on it sir. You should rest up, you've been through a lot this week." Lorne gave them both a quick grin, then set out to put some order back into city.

Carson and John were alone now and again they found it hard to find the right words. John was still in his seat so Carson bent down so he was eye level with him, he was going to suggest they got John into a bed so he could rest a while, but John beat him to the punch.

"Tell me," he whispered. "The truth. All of it this time."

This was the worst part of Carson's job, but he wouldn't put it off any longer. "John, we were able to save Elizabeth, but there was too much strain on her heart. The blood loss weakened her greatly and her pressure dropped, that's when I came out before, remember?"

John did nothing to indicate that he did, but Carson went on. "We did everything we could, but it was already too late. Her body had to sacrifice something in order to survive."

"She lost the baby?"

"Yes son, I'm afraid so."

John felt himself falling then but Carson's strong arms held him steady, keeping him in the chair. He tasted blood in his mouth and realised that he'd put his teeth through his already burst lip. He didn't feel the pain like he should have, but the blood rolled down his chin and dripped on the pristine white floor.

"Oh, now, what've you done? Let me see that." Carson gently lifted John's chin to see the cut. "It'll be fine, come on, I'll clean it up for you."

He pulled John to his feet and started leading him towards a private room with a bed in it, but John stopped and looked back at the drops of blood on the floor. "I'm sorry Carson...I've made a mess on your clean floor."

That was all he said before he collapsed into the doctor, his heartache and anguish breaking him at last. With no treatment or magical cure to help, all Carson could do now was hold on to his friend as he let it all out. Offering soft words of consolation now and again, though he doubted much of it was getting through, what with the state he was in, but it was more just to reassure him he wasn't alone. He didn't try to stop his rare display of emotions and let the tears come. If he didn't allow himself to cry now John would bottle it all up, keeping it inside so he could put on a brave face for Elizabeth when she found out. Carson couldn't help but be moved at John's distress and soon hot tears of his own were staining his cheeks.

It seemed as though time had stopped for them while they expressed their sorrow as they stood in the empty room. It could have been minutes or hours that had passed, neither of them knew, but control was slowly re-exerted and they managed to get John cleaned up, changed and medicated. Carson had thought to get him sedated and into bed so he could get some sleep, but John had other ideas, insisting on sitting in with Elizabeth, in case she woke up. After what they'd just shared, Carson couldn't refuse.

And so John had stayed there, next to her through the night until the nurse had come to check on them.

He had been whispering assurances to Elizabeth while she slept, when a polite cough from beyond the screen made him look up. Katherine had come to do whatever it was nurses do for people who had been shot and subsequently suffered a miscarriage. She had told him he didn't have to leave but tempted him away for a minute to get some coffee. When he returned, steaming cup in hand, she informed him that everything looked good. Beckett's careful stitching would only leave the smallest of scars. With a final glance at the chart at the end of the bed and a couple of additional notes of her own, she was gone, leaving them alone again.

The coffee was a welcome treat to his parched mouth, but the caffeine boost just wasn't enough to keep his eyes open any longer. He took her hand once more and brought the chair closer so he could rest his head on the edge of her bed. He placed a tender kiss on her fingers, then let his weary mind go to a place where he didn't have to think about how he was going to break the terrible news to Elizabeth.

Some time later, in the early hours of morning she started to stir. Her body ached all over and her memory was a little fuzzy. She knew from the smell of disinfectant that she was in the infirmary, the reason why or how she came to be here, not quite clear. Testing what was sore, she wiggled her toes and legs, arms and fingers, relieved that she could and pleasantly surprised to find John sleeping soundly, his head on the side of her bed and her hand caught up in his. It all couldn't be that bad then. The small movements were enough to tire her, so she turned in her side to face John and went back to sleep.

When Elizabeth woke again, it was daylight this time. She didn't open her eyes, not just yet, she gave her senses time to put together the bits and pieces of what she could remember. Working backwards, she recalled briefly waking in the middle of the night. She had been in the infirmary and John was with her. Without moving, she accessed the sensations in her hand and recognised the feeling of skin touching warm skin. He was still with her, so nothing had changed since earlier. Before that she knew she had been off world, she had gone to rescue John. There had been running and gunfire and the stargate had rolled steadily away from them across the field. Then she had been in the gate room, back in Atlantis, but something had been wrong, she was looking up at the ceiling, a blurry image on John talking to her. There had been blood, lots of it and...oh my god..."I was shot!"

That last thought had been too much to keep in her head and the words were spoken aloud. She opened her eyes and tried to ease her sore body up in the bed.

"Elizabeth?" John had been dozing in his chair, the sudden action from the bed brought him back to life. "Hey, hey, take it easy." He helped her, propping up a pillow behind her back, then called out through the curtains. Hey Doc, Elizabeth's awake!"

Turning back to her his heart was breaking all over again. He pushed an errant strand of hair back off her face, the small gesture enough to calm her after her abrupt waking. He had been waiting all night and all morning for her to wake up and give him a sign she really was going to be okay, but now the time had come, he didn't think he could bring himself to tell her what had happened. Carson of course, had offered to break the news to her, but John had declined. This was something that had to come from him.

Sitting near her on the side of the bed, he took her hand again."It's okay, you're gonna be fine," he told her. "I thought you were going to sleep all day."

"I still might. I feel like I've been awake for days." Then she remembered that she had been.

"Elizabeth, it's good to see you awake," said Carson as he came in through the screens. "But you shouldn't sit up for too long. Now let's see how you're doing. Are you in any pain?"

She had to admit it, everything felt sore. "Umm, it feels like every inch of me is bruised and now you mention it, my shoulder is throbbing."

"Yes well you're bound to feel a wee bit sore after your dramatic entrance yesterday, lucky for you, you had a Colonel to break your fall."

The hard landing on the gate room floor coming back to her, she turned to John. "Then why aren't you in a bed? You must have taken it worse than me?"

"Few bumps is all. Don't worry about me."

Elizabeth thought he was being a bit quieter than usual. The smirk she had expected at what Carson had said, didn't appear. His grip was firm on her hand and he was having trouble looking at her when Carson spoke.

"As for your shoulder, you'll be glad to know that the surgery to extract the bullet and repair the surrounding area was a complete success. It'll heal nicely so long as you don't over exert yourself. You're going to need a lot of rest the next few weeks or so."

"Carson, I've seen men come back from missions with worse than a gunshot wound and bounce right back. Is it really going to take that long to heal?"

Now Carson was having trouble keeping eye contact with her and a sense of dread started to creep up into her chest. "What's the matter?"

"I'm...I'm going to give you some meds for the pain, they'll knock you out in a wee while. Then I'm going to give the two of you a bit of privacy. John's been waiting for you to wake up."

"Okay..." She watched Carson administer the meds through the port on the I.V. that was feeding her a bag of fluids. Once he was done he walked to the edge of the screens then stopped to look at them both before pulling them tight shut. She turned in John then. "John, what's going on?"

When he looked up and their eyes finally meet she realised why he had been having trouble looking at her. There were unshed tears gathering, threatening to spill down his tired face. She hadn't been paying attention before but regarding him now, she saw the heavy bags that told her he'd had even less sleep than her. The stubble was growing in thick without the use of a razor this last week. She would have thought he would have gotten rid of it as soon as he could on their return, but he hadn't even done that. The spark she always saw when she looked into his eyes was missing and if she was worried by Carson's words, John's sorry face terrified her.

She sat forward so they were closer and reached out to touch his cheek with the back of her fingers. She had to suck her bottom lip into her mouth to force back the smallest of sobs. Tears of her own were already starting to crest the rim of her eyes. His arm came up from his lap and put it around her, his hand on the small of her back, but still he remained silent.

"John, please, you're scaring me."

His had came up then to cup her face, while he found some resolve to put in his own. "Elizabeth, the operation, Carson said it was going well, he thought he had finished and he came out to see me, to tell me how you were doing, but he got called back in." John was starting to struggle about how to explain, so he fell back on the words Carson had used for him. "He said, your blood pressure, it dropped, your life was in danger and to protect itself, your body had to make a sacrifice so you could live."

Elizabeth didn't need to hear the rest to know the truth after that, but she didn't have to believe it. "No. Please, no. Don't say it. Please, no, no."

John wished for them both that it was a lie, that he could tell her everything was fine, but he couldn't. "Elizabeth, the baby, it just couldn't hold on. Carson tried, but he couldn't fix the damage and the baby died."

"No, John. I can still feel... It can't be right, I... I don't feel any different than yesterday. Please, no!"

The torrent of tears couldn't be stopped after that. Everything she had wanted had been cruelly snatched away from her. The exclusive little family she and John had been looking forward to becoming a part of was missing a member and she couldn't even remember exactly what had happened to her. John's arms were around her now, holding on to her, but the comfort she had always found within his strong embrace was short in coming. He was telling her she was okay, they would get through this, that he loved her, but it made it all the worse.

She could never forgive herself for letting him down like this, it was her own stupid bull headedness that landed her in this mess. If she had listened to Lorne, let him do things his way, she would never have been anywhere near Athen or his planet. She would have been here where she should be, safely waiting for them to do what they were trained to do and then John would have had a reason to come back to her alive and well. Her foolishness had put him in danger and her and now they both had to suffer the consequences.

Emptiness began to consume her. All thought was on this one moment and everything else was falling away. Her body was numb, the physical pain she had complained of before was insignificant compared to what her mind was trying to process. She couldn't get passed this one thought. She'd lost the baby, they had lost the baby. Of all the things that had hurt her in her lifetime, this came above them all. Despair was all she could feel, squeezing in on her chest making it hard to breathe.

For a moment, it registered somewhere in her mind, amid the chaos that denied any rational thought, she wondered if she might have said these things aloud because he called to her, pulling her back from the edge and when she wouldn't answer or look at him, he brought his hands up to her face and made her see him. "Elizabeth, are you listening to me? I know the rescue plan was your idea and because it didn't go like we wanted it to, it doesn't mean that it's your fault. Do you hear? You can't blame yourself."

"But if I hadn't gone..."

"Then someone else would have to have gone instead, and a lot more people would have probably been hurt in the process. You saved the lives of those people."

"But I couldn't keep our child alive. How can you even look at me again without this hanging over us?"

"How can I look at you?" John knew her well and like he suspected, she was placing the blame squarely and her shoulders. "You don't get to take the blame for this Elizabeth. Things were out of our control from the minute the gate address was taken from the data base. Too many things had an influence over what happened. We can spend all the time you want, pointing fingers, assigning blame to everyone that made a decision this last week, but it won't change anything."

"But..."

"No, no buts. You know how I feel about you, this doesn't change it. You told me once if we were going to be together, it was to be a relationship of equal halves and that still stands. We get to share the pain of our loss together. We get to comfort each other when it all gets too much and we learn to move on. As devastating as this is, we're strong and even more so together. I don't want this to be the end of our story, the tragedy that defines the rest of our lives."

"You can really forgive me?"

"Don't be silly." He stroked her face gently, "There's nothing to forgive."

That made her tears come anew, but she wasn't the only one. He showed her his grief as she showed hers, just like he said. They were together in this and would be in other things. He was right, this couldn't be what made them, there was too much they'd been through this to let it destroy them.

Nothing could stop her from throwing her arms around him then as they cried and he returned the gesture just as fiercely. They remained like that until there were no more tears, but couldn't bear to part from what little solace there was to be found. Elizabeth shifted over as far as the hospital bed would allow, making room for him to slide in next to her.

With not a drop of energy left between them they closed their eyes, sleep not far behind. Elizabeth found with John lying there pressed close to her, it was easier to breathe now. He brushed a chaste kiss on her forehead and she believed somewhere down the line things could get better. When she woke up in the morning she knew the pain would be just as raw as it was now, but one day, they would wake up and be able to smile at each other like they had before.

A/N: So... What cha think? Hit that review button!

Also, I've been having some ideas for a sequel. Good idea, bad idea? I'm not sure if I should leave things as they are or try doing a follow up to these events. Would you guys come back and read that if I did? What would you like to see happen after all this?Anyway, let me know what you think and I may be seeing you soon.

See ya next time...