Title: Intentions
Series: Let if Flow
Author: Sevangel
Disclaimer: Not mine
Rating: PG-13
-
Jayne finishes moving round the last bit of cargo and wipes the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand. Hearing a noise, he grabs his gun off a crate and starts looking around for whatever made it. When he don't see nothin' he slips the gun in the back of his shorts and walks into the mess. He don't see nothin' there so he grabs a bag of protein snaps and a glass of water to go sit out the rest of his shift on the bridge.
Plopping down in the pilot's chair, he kicks his feet up on the console and stares out at space, bored already. How Wash sits up here for hours, Jayne'll never understand. He wants nothin' more than to go to bed, seein' how's its bout 3am, but knows Mal'll kill if'n he does. He supposed to be watchin' the ship, makin' sure nobody gets on. He pops a couple of the snaps into his mouth, enjoyin' the cheese-flavored snacks.
Jayne hears a noise behind him and uses his legs to kick off of the console to push himself around, his pistol coming up in the air.
"What're ya doin' up here?" Jayne questions River. She just stares at him, her face lookin' awful pale against the dark strands of her hair. "Girl, you okay? Do you want me to get your brother?"
"No." River whispers, taking a few slow steps into the bridge. "He would just give her sedatives. She doesn't like them; reminds her of before, when she didn't know what was real and what wasn't."
"Oh. You want me to go get Mal?" Jayne questions between clenched teeth.
"No, she feels quite safe here." River answers.
Jayne watches as she stumbles forward, her steps lacking her usual grace. "What's wrong with you?"
"Sleepy." River answers. "Can't go to sleep though. They'll come; get under her skin, biting and scratching. Trying to make her theirs. But she doesn't want to belong to them."
Jayne swallows heavily, his hand gripping the arm rests in a death grip. "Nightmares?"
"Yes." River replies quietly. "She can feel them coming; knows they'll be there when she shuts her eyes. So she doesn't shut them."
"How long it's been?" Jayne asks.
"She doesn't want to answer." River replies. "You'll be mad that she didn't say something and tell captain daddy and then he'll be mad."
"How long?" Jayne questions again.
"Since the night before she told captain daddy her story." River answers quietly.
Jayne thinks back, calculating the time. "That's been 5 ruttin' days." Jayne growls.
"5 days, 20 hours, 43 minutes, and 12 seconds." River corrects.
"Little one, you can't go without sleep for that long." Jayne says quietly.
"But she can't sleep." River protests. "It's not safe. She doesn't feel safe; they'll get her."
"Ain't nobody gonna get you." Jayne assures her. "Won't let anybody touch you."
"You'll protect her?" River questions. "Keep her safe?"
"Yeah." Jayne grunts. "Ain't nothin' gonna happen to you."
River smiles brightly at him and walks over to the lockers to grab a blanket. She throws it over her shoulders and then crawls onto Jayne's lap.
"Uh, what are you doin'?" Jayne questions as River wiggles around on his lap, trying to find a comfortable position.
"You want her to go to sleep." River replies. "She has to feel safe first."
"And you feel safe here?" Jayne asks.
"She'll have no nightmares here." River answers as she rubs her face against his chest.
Jayne spins the chair around and puts his feet back on the console, adjusting the bundle on his lap. She stretches her body and yawns loudly. She then closes her eyes and lays her head back on Jayne's chest. Jayne rests one hand on her ass, to keep her from sliding down and the other across her back. Her legs are lying over his, her smooth skin rubbing against his hair-roughened. The blanket is pulled up under her chin but he can still feel the even puffs of her breath against his chest. For someone who couldn't fall asleep, she sure did awful fast.
Jayne's gotta admit watch duty ain't so bad with a warm body on top of his. Probably the reason Wash is always wantin' Zoe up here. He glances down at her face and can see the black marks under her eyes. How she's been hidin' this from all of them, he don't know but he aims to figure it out. Somebody shoulda know she ain't been sleepin'.
He don't know how long they've been loungin' there, him with his feet up on the console and River all curled up on him when he hears somebody walkin' up behind him. He reaches for his gun when a voice stops him.
"It's just me." Mal says when Jayne grabs his gun. He walks around the pilot's chair and stares down at the lump curled up on the merc's lap. "How long has she been there?"
"Don't know." Jayne answers a few seconds later. He's waiting for the captain to flip out and threaten to castrate or throw him out the airlock. "Bout an hour or so."
"Oh." Mal mutters.
"She ain't been sleepin'." Jayne says quietly. "Said she ain't slept since tellin' you that story. Says she'll have nightmare bout Reavers or some such."
"How'd you get her to go to sleep then?" Mal questions a few moments later.
"Didn't." Jayne answers. "She just crawled up on my lap and said she was safe. That she wouldn't have nightmares here."
"Huh." Mal mutters. He walks over to the cabinet and grabs a couple of pillows and another blanket. "Follow me."
Jayne puts his feet down and stands up slowly. He adjusts River against his chest and carries her off the bridge and after the captain. He assumes they're going to take her back to her room and is a bit startled when Mal turns into the mess. The captain throws the pillows down on the couch.
"Give her here." Mal orders.
Jayne grits his teeth but hands River over to the captain.
Mal smirks at the look on Jayne's face.
"Captain daddy." River whispers, opening her eyes.
"Right here." Mal assures her.
"Jayne." River whimpers.
"Just a second, little witch." Mal replies. "You'll get him back in a second."
River whimpers again and looks towards the large, confused mercenary.
"Cap, what's goin' on?" Jayne asks.
"Take your boots off and put your gun on the floor." Mal orders.
Jayne glares at him but does as ordered, curious as to what the captain is planning.
"Lay down and get comfortable." Mal says.
Jayne plops down on the couch and stretches out on his back, the pillows under his head. Mal sets River down beside him and she settles against his chest, her leg thrown over his hips and her face snuggled against his neck.
"I'm headin' back to the bridge." Mal says as he starts to leave.
"You're just gonna leave us here?" Jayne asks unbelievably.
"Yep." Mal replies. "She feels safe with you, that's all that matter."
"Oh."
"And Jayne, if you're lookin' at her and just seein' a easy piece of trim, you best get off that couch now." Mal says, spinning around to glare at the merc. "Girl's already been through enough hell, she don't need to be played."
Jayne just closes his eyes and pulls River tighter against his body, his arm wrapped around her back possessively.
Mal watches the way Jayne holds her for a second and then leaves the mess.
-
Simon finishes getting dressed and glances at his watch. It's just a little after 6am and he knows most of the crew is sleeping. He walks into his sister's room and notices her absence with a sigh. He then walks down towards the mess to get something to drink and comes to a complete stop right inside the doorway. River is curled up on Jayne, sleeping more peacefully than he can remember seeing her. Normally, her eyebrows are furrowed and she mumbles but she looks so peaceful that he almost wonders if she's actually breathing.
"Hey doc." Jayne rumbles, startling Simon out of his thoughts.
"Jayne." Simon replies. He moves over to the couch to look down at them. "How long has she been asleep?"
"What time is it?" Jayne grunts.
"A little after 6." Simon answers.
"Bout 3 hours then." Jayne answers.
"Oh." Simon replies. "Wash and Zoe will be up soon. You should take her to her room; you guys can sleep there."
"We?" Jayne questions as he sits up. River moans and wraps her arms around his neck.
"She needs to sleep." Simon replies. "I can tell she hasn't been for a day or two. She seems to be resting quite peacefully with you."
Jayne slips his feet into his boots and then stands up. "Been almost 6 days actually." Jayne corrects.
Simon's face goes pale. "Just take her to her room." Simon orders. "I'll explain to Mal where you are."
"Okay." Jayne replies. He adjusts River against his chest and reaches down to grab his gun.
"Jayne." Simon says quietly.
"Yeah." Jayne replies, coming to a stop in the doorway.
"Thank you." Simon says.
"Yeah." Jayne mutters. He carries River down the hall, into her room and sets her on her bed.
"Jayne." River whispers. "Don't leave."
"M'not." Jayne grunts. He kicks off his boots and sets his gun on the table before looking down at her. "Scoot over."
"Why?" River questions.
"Cause I sleep on the edge." Jayne replies. River dutifully scoots back against the wall, lying to face Jayne on her side. Jayne lies down on his back next to her. She scoots closer to him and buries her face in his side and throws one leg over his hips while one arm wraps around his stomach.
"Comfy?" Jayne questions with a chuckle.
"Yes." River answers.
Jayne moves onto his side a ways and wraps his arm around her, putting his face in her hair. He feels her breaths on his side and breaths her scent in deeply before closing his eyes and falling asleep.
-
Jayne wakes up slowly to feel a light weight on his chest and soft fingers tracing his face. He opens an eye to see River peering down at, her fingers moving over his face.
"What're ya doin?" Jayne rumbles.
"Learning." River answers as she traces down his nose.
"Learnin' what?" Jayne grunts.
"You." River answers. "But now you're awake and she'll have to start over again. Your parts are all different now."
"They are, huh?" Jayne questions with a smirk.
"Yes." River answers. She traces across his eyelids and forehead before moving down his cheekbones.
"What time is it?" Jayne questions as she moves across his lips.
"A little after noon." River answers.
"Damn, we slept a while." Jayne comments. "You okay, have any nightmares?"
"No nightmares." River replies. "You were her dream catcher, kept all her nightmares away."
"Um, how?" Jayne questions.
"You make her feel safe." River answers. "Big and strong, you scare her nightmares away."
"That so?" Jayne questions with a fake scowl.
River giggles. "She likes that face."
"Ya ain't supposed to like it." Jayne growls. "You're supposed to be all scared."
"Sorry." River replies. She opens her eyes widely and her mouth drops open while she stares down at him. "Is that better?"
"Brat." Jayne says with a laugh.
River sticks her tongue out at him. Her hands move to trace his goatee and before he can say anything, she bends down to rub her face against his.
Jayne exhales heavily. "What're ya doin' now?"
"Feeling your face against hers." River answers as she rubs her cheek against his goatee.
"Uh, you're gonna get razor burn." Jayne replies a few seconds later.
"I know." River replies. "Doesn't matter though."
"What was that?" Jayne questions.
"She knows that she'll be burned." River replies.
"Oh." Jayne mutters. "Think it's time we got up. Crew must be wonderin' where we are."
"Okay." River replies as she rolls off his chest. She walks over to her trunk and grabs a dress before walking into the bathroom.
Jayne sits up and puts his boots back on right as River walks out of the bathroom, dressed in a clean, but over sized dress.
"Inara wishes to talk to her." River says. "She must go but will she see you later?"
"Ain't gonna be nowhere else." Jayne replies. "Whatcha gonna talk to Nara bout?"
"Captain daddy wants Inara to talk to her about the academy." River answers.
"Oh." Jayne mutters, again. He stands up and follows her out of the room. "I'll walk with you."
-
Inara hears a knock on her shuttle door and gracefully stands up to walk over to open it. "River." Inara says cheerfully. "Please, come in."
River smiles and follows the companion into her shuttle. "You wanted to see her?" River states, cocking her head at Inara.
"Yes, I did." Inara replies after a moment's hesitation. "I'm going to assume you know what I want to talk to you about."
"Yes." River agrees. "She didn't read your thoughts but knows what captain daddy was too uncomfortable to ask."
"Actually, Mal thought you were too uncomfortable to talk to him about it." Inara replies. "Would you like to discuss it with me?"
"Not particularly." River answers. "But she will answer your questions so that everyone will stop wondering."
"If you're sure." Inara replies. River nods. "While you were in the academy, did they touch in a sexual nature?"
"She was never touched physically." River answers. "Their interests were in different areas. They would send her thoughts; what they wanted to do to her, what they wanted her to do to them."
"Like fantasies?" Inara questions.
"No." River replies. "It was…they pushed their thoughts into her head until she had to feel them. She knows the difference between fantasy and what they did. Fantasies are about person's desires and wants; they're not meant to push in on people. She's seen fantasies, had some of her own. What they did was about seeing if they could make her feel desire, if they could effect her physically through her mind."
"But they didn't touch you?" Inara asks as she pours River a cup of tea.
"No." River answers. "They had as little physical contact with her as they could. They had a fear that if she were exposed to more physical contact than necessary, that it would lessen her mind reading abilities. They wanted all her contact to be through mental instead of physical."
Inara grabs a box off the table and pulls out a syringe. She fills it with the correct dosage and moves over to sit down next to River. River holds out her arm and waits for Inara to inject her. "You already know what this is, don't you?" Inara questions after she puts the syringe away.
"Yes." River answers.
Inara takes her cup of tea and looks back at River. "Would you like to talk about what the Reavers did to you in those simulations?"
-
Inara walks into the mess and glances at River, Kaylee, and Simon sitting on the couch. She walks over to the counter Mal is leaning against before looking back at River.
"Simon, she wants you and Kaylee to play with her." River says suddenly.
"Play what, mei-mei?" Simon asks.
River cocks her head as though to think about it before looking back at her brother. "Jacks." River answer.
"Oh, River, ya kicked my ass at that last time." Kaylee says.
"She will use her left hand and close her eyes." River replies. She turns to look at her brother with large eyes. "Please, Simon. She wants to play."
Simon groans. "You know I can't say no to that."
"Kaylee?" River whispers.
"Fine." Kaylee replies.
River laughs happily before she jumps up, grabs Kaylee and Simon's hand, and pulls them out of the room.
Mal follows them to the door and closes it once they're out of sight.
"Alright, Nara, what'd she say?" Mal demands.
Inara doesn't answer; instead she walks over to open a cabinet and takes out a bottle of whiskey and a few glasses.
"I'm startin' to get a bad feelin'." Mal says as Inara pours a healthy amount into each glass. "Any conversation that starts with booze ain't feelin' me with any sense of confidence."
"Well, it shouldn't." Inara replies as she sits down.
"Nara, what'd she say?" Jayne growls as he downs his glass.
"Enough." Inara answers. "They never physically touched her but that doesn't mean she wasn't violated. They would make her feel what they were thinking, what they wanted to do to her."
"They never touched her though?" Mal growls out.
"No." Inara answers. "She said they had no desire to physically touch her; that they wanted to keep their contact with her mental rather than physical. But they would push their thoughts, images of what they could do, into her to see if they make her feel physical desire."
"What about the Reavers?" Jayne questions quietly.
"She wouldn't really talk about it." Inara answers. "She said she knew that it didn't really happen, that it was something they put in her head. She said sometimes it comes back and she can remember what happened but that mostly happens in dreams. Which is why she didn't sleep for almost six days."
"She's done it before?" Mal questions. "Gone days without sleepin'?"
"She can feel them coming. She knows when the nightmares will come and she won't go to sleep." Inara replies.
"How did we not notice?" Book questions.
"She uses her hair to cover her face, doesn't look directly at people when they talk, and keeps to herself a majority of the time so none of us will notice she's not sleeping." Inara repeats what River told her. "That's why she doesn't wear shoes most of the time; they're too heavy and she's afraid she'll trip over them. She said she doesn't go to sleep when she feels them coming; that she will fight it with everything she has. If she waits until her body just gives out, she'll fall into a dreamless sleep."
Inara sees Mal and Jayne both clench their fists and glances over at Zoe to see the former soldier normally expressionless face flash with emotion before going blank again. "The night that Early came, when she grabbed Jayne's gun in the bay…." Inara starts.
"Yeah, we remember." Mal replies.
"She hadn't slept for 5 or 6 days then, not really." Inara replies. "She said she would fake it until Simon went to sleep and then she would just sit up until he woke up and then she would pretend to be asleep again. She almost fell asleep but made herself get up and walk around the ship. That's when she grabbed the gun; she didn't realize what it was. I'm guessing she was in some type of delirious state from exhaustion."
"Why didn't she say something?" Zoe asks.
"She didn't want to be a burden." Inara replies, holding up her hands to put a halt to the protests. "Her words, not mine. She said we gave up so much to protect her that she doesn't want to be a burden on us. Said she could handle it on her own."
"She ain't handlin' it." Mal replies. "She avoidin' it."
"Why not ask Simon for something to help her sleep?" Wash asks. "He must have something that will keep her from dreaming."
"She don't want drugs." Jayne replies. "Told me it reminds her too much of the academy; wakin' up not knowin' what's real and what ain't."
"Did she fake it today?" Zoe asks. "Does anybody know if she got any sleep?"
Mal and Jayne look at each other, being the only two there that knew where the genius slept.
"Yeah." Mal replies. "She slept."
"How do you know?" Inara questions. "She could have faked it."
"She didn't." Jayne answers.
"And you're sure because?" Wash prods.
"Cause she slept all sprawled cross my chest for close to 9 ruttin' hours." Jayne answers, not liking how he's suddenly the center of attention.
"Sir?" Zoe questions, looking towards the captain for his reaction.
"It's okay, Zoe." Mal replies. "I already knew. She was sleepin' on top of him when I went to check the bridge. Made him bring her down to the couch and they crashed here. Doc made em go to her room when he woke up this mornin'."
"And you're sure she slept?" Book questions.
"Yeah, I'm sure." Jayne replies, rememberin' the little, almost silent, purrin' sounds she makes while sleepin'. "She said she wouldn't have nightmares with me; called me a gorram dream catcher, don't know what that is though."
"It's an ancient object that Native Americans used back on Earth-that-was." Book explains. "Supposedly, the dream catcher would catch all a person's bad dreams, only letting them have good ones."
"So Jayne catches River's nightmare?" Wash asks confusedly. "How does that work?"
"She said I scare her nightmares away." Jayne replies gruffly.
"But you don't scare her?" Wash questions. "Cause, I know I'm not the only one who thinks you can be frightening as hell sometimes."
"Jayne doesn't scare her." Mal replies with a wince. "She likes his, how did she put it, oh, yeah, darkness."
Inara quickly puts her hand over her mouth to hold in her laughter.
"Ain't funny, Nara." Mal growls.
"Oh, I believe it is very funny." Inara replies with a burst of laughter. "I just wish I could have seen the look on your face when she told you."
"Told you what?" Zoe asks. "I thought you told us everything that she told you."
"I left out some things." Mal replies with a groan. "Some things I'm still wishin' she didn't tell me."
"Something to do with the academy?" Book questions.
"No." Mal replies. He looks over at his uncomfortable merc with a smirk. "Somethin' to do with her intentions towards Jayne."
"What?" Jayne grunts. "What bout me?"
"Is it something to do with what Simon told us?" Wash questions.
"Yep." Mal replies.
"What?" Jayne says, sitting up straight. He glances at each person around the table, trying to figure out what they're talking about. "What'd the doc say? And what intentions?"
"Oh, her plan to let you court her." Mal replies, smirking as Jayne goes stiff with shock. "She's done asked for permission and everything."
"And you gave it to her?" Wash questions when Jayne doesn't.
"Not like she gave me a ruttin' choice in the matter." Mal replies. "If I told her no, she said she'd just have to sneak around."
"River is really planning on having sex with Jayne?" Wash asks.
"She's what?" Jayne yells. "When did this happen?"
"Not really sure." Mal replies. "And no, Wash, she ain't plannin' on havin' sex with Jayne."
"Oh." Jayne grunts, sitting back in his chair, looking rather disappointed.
Mal smiles evilly at Jayne. "She's plannin' on mating with him."
"Wuh du ma huh ta duh fung-kwong duh wai-shung doh." Wash squeaks. "Mate? Like animals?"
"Yep." Mal answers, wincing again. "It ain't a conversation I like thinkin' on. Look on her face was enough to give me nightmares."
"You ain't gonna stop her?" Jayne questions, still slightly shocked.
"Ain't really got a choice." Mal replies. "Sides, it's the lesser of two evils."
"How is River 'mating'," Wash says, using air quotes, "with Jayne the lesser of two evils?"
"Cause it's either that or let her go on jobs." Mal replies.
"She ain't goin' on jobs." Jayne growls.
"I couldn't agree more." Mal says. "But that's the only other way to cure the 'blood lust' she's got for you."
"You're not going to tell the rest?" Inara questions with a smile. "How she's taking care…"
"DON'T." Mal yells, putting his hands over his ears. "I can't think on that again. Bad enough hearin' little Kaylee talkin' bout those batteries of hers."
"Huh?" Jayne mutters, trying to figure out what Kaylee's batteries have to do with anything. "What's that got….oh." He can't hide the look that comes when thinkin' bout River and whatever she's usin' in place of batteries.
"Jayne, if'n you value your life, you'll get that ruttin' look off your face." Mal growls. "I ain't gonna stop her but that don't mean I wanna see any of it."
"I'm disturbed." Wash states a few moments later. "Is anybody else disturbed? It was bad enough when Book starting talking about dancing horses and now I've got some mental picture of a couple of animals going at it."
Everybody stops to think about it, the lustful, animalistic look crossing Jayne's face again.
"JAYNE!" Mal yells.
Jayne doesn't even flinch, just continues staring into space.
"Ruttin' hell." Mal growls. "I give up. He's done got the same look River had."
"I'm still disturbed." Wash says.
"You ain't the only one." Mal replies as he stands up and starts across the room. "I'm gonna go see how that games goin'."
Everybody stands up and starts to leave, finally startling the merc out of his thoughts.
"Where's everybody goin?" Jayne questions as he follows them.
"Bay." Zoe answers.
"So, Jayne, have you starting working on how you're going to court our little genius?" Wash questions.
"Court?" Jayne grunts, coming to a stop. "What the hell do I know bout courtin'?"
"I don't think he has to worry about that." Inara comments. "She doesn't approve of the 'courting ritual', remember? I believe she said it's 'a waste of time'."
"Yeah." Jayne replies with a smirk. "Thinks if two people are wantin' to sex it up, they should just get to it."
Mal groans again, his hand covering his face. "I think the gorram doc was wrong. This is what going mad feels like."
-