Warning(s): Relena-bashing, adorably endearing characters out of character, even more endearing foul language, shounen-ai, wonder if you can guess who, and last but certainly not least…oddness aka insanity caused by the writer's preexisting condition of dorkiness.
Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Gundam Wing.
Parabola of Mystery
Chapter Six (Subtitled Chapter 5.5)
"Freeze!" yelled a remotely familiar nasal voice. There came the sound of several guns caulked in unison and many of them not. One even went off by accident and a soldier cried out in pain. Wufei and Duo both groaned. Heero spun in place to be greeted enthusiastically by none other then the Cowardly Lions. Were you honestly expecting someone else?
"Maybe we should have killed them after all," Duo said with a slight wince as his head obviously remembered the feel of their barrels. Wufei shook his head and moved in to attack the group again.
"Fire, men," Commander Nasal said in an unexpected show of competence.
The worn Chinese pilot rolled to the side and the other two ducked as the Lions open fired on them. Their aim wasn't too good but the sheer amount of firepower they put out was a point of concern for the three young men. That and since there were so many lousy shots in one place, they literally covered the entire clearing (albeit by accident). Duo rolled back into the trees and glanced out toward Heavyarms. How could they not see the two Gundams in their midst? Talk about short-sighted.
"Stop firing or I'll return it," Trowa said. It wasn't too hard to figure out what his next action was. The Cowards finally all looked up to see him looming above and the firing instantly ceased.
"Wh…what's that doing here?" Scar asked, literally throwing his gun aside just to be sure.
"It's a transformer!"
"No, I thought they called those crappy things Rangers?"
"Well it's certainly a mobile suit…"
"It's a Gundam you losers!" Duo yelled over the din.
"…No, I still think it's a Ranger. Gundams are more…round."
Nasal sighed, "Where have you guys been? The Gundams were the main enemy of OZ! There were pictures of them all over all the news media and the reports. I think that pilot was even televised!"
"…Well I was living in a cave."
"We didn't have the internet."
"I just don't care."
Wufei rolled his eyes and prepared to leap at the soldiers again. The first one who saw him coming, Tower, screeched like a little girl and tried to make a break for it. He didn't get far with his bandy-legged sprint and Wufei was far too fast for him. The man was again unconscious in a matter of seconds. Heero wasn't too far behind him so all the other three could do was watch as the soldiers were swiftly taken care of. Wufei surveyed his handiwork and wiped his forehead ceremoniously.
"…I actually think you're right, Maxwell. Killing them would be akin to insulting the terminally weak."
"You mean the disabled. And it's laughing at them," Duo yelled. Wufei really looked like he cared.
"Let's just get back to the carriers," Heero said.
To conserve sanity and to further prevent jungle-ickyness, the three on the ground simply rode Heavyarms and Sandrock back to the planes. Duo dramatically collapsed the moment Sandrock set him down.
"Civilization! Sweet air-conditioning and running water!"
Wufei promptly stepped on him when he got off the other hand. Duo grimaced and pushed himself to his feet. He waved at Sandrock feebly.
"Ugh, all I have to say is that you're going to have to fly, Quatre. I think I'm going to sleep for about five days and then get a tetanus shot."
Quatre replied as he eased his Gundam back into the underbelly of the carrier.
"Why would you need a tetanus shot?"
Duo shrugged. "Why not? I'm going to the nearest clinic and asking them to give me every shot known to man. I wouldn't even say no to a smallpox vaccination."
"Whatever you say…"
The bitten pilot scoffed haughtily. Quatre obviously didn't know the horrors of being the prized entree on every bug's menu. Duo stood next to their carrier and looked pathetically up at the long distance between the ground and the door. There was a small ladder to assist in getting up but his sore and tired muscles sobbed at the thought of making it. He smiled and held out his arms as Heero passed.
"Carry me up?"
Heero promptly pushed his face into the side of the plane. Duo took the hint and started climbing on his own.
Quatre turned when he saw Duo stagger into the other pilot's seat at the front of the plane. The blonde had already secured Sandrock, put the cards and Mall Madness back in Deathscythe, turned on the carrier, and belted himself in in the time it took for Duo to go twenty vertical feet. He smiled at his friend knowingly.
"That's just pathetic."
"Duo stuck out his tongue as he limply secured himself to the seat. "So's my life when I can't even get sympathy from you."
Quatre laughed and followed Heero and Trowa's carriers into the air. Duo sighed and settled back into the regrettably uncomfortable chair.
"I think I'm going to take a few minutes to d-i-e," Duo said as he closed his eyes and tried to fall into a light or deep sleep, he didn't care which as long as some peace could be had.
As is the case with all of these situations, when Duo was half-out, Heero's face appeared on the vid. Quatre's eyes flitted toward his comatose friend before he turned up the audio. Heero didn't look too pleased. His eyebrows were knit close together and even through the fuzzy screen Quatre could tell that he was clenching his jaw.
"Did Duo pick up the artifact?" Heero asked.
Quatre blinked. Oh yeah, there was the promise of treasure in mythical Sorolaff.
"One minute…" Quatre kept one hand on the controls while he leaned over and shook Duo awake as gently as he could manage. The dazed Duo's eyes snapped open and he sat straight up looking right and left with two quick jerks of his head. Quatre's stomach churned slightly with guilt for waking him.
"Duo, did you pick up the 'artifact' that Heero had with him?"
Duo rubbed his eyes and yawned. "uh huahah?"
"Huh?"
"The box?"
Heero nodded and Duo put up his own vid.
"You lost the box? Great going…I thought that was what we came to Sorolaff to get…"
Heero fumed. "I thought you might have taken it."
"Why would I want a piece of crumbling rock? What was it anyway?"
"Just what you said it was, a box, but it was an artifact at a temple that I found in the middle of the jungle."
Duo raised an eyebrow but it was undermined by his smile, "so that's where you went when you abandoned us. Is the box really that important?"
Heero nodded and the vid went offline for half a second. They saw through the windshield that the carrier in front did a 180 and back the other way. The braided pilot slammed the panel with both his hands to try and clear the feed. Heero's face came up a few seconds later.
"We're going back."
Duo took a deep breath and, "noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo."
"Okay I'm turning too," Quatre said as he jerked the wheel hard to the right. They literally spun in the sky with maneuverability that you wouldn't expect from such a clunky plane. Duo put his head in his hands the moment he was able and the 'no's continued. Wufei came onscreen then, presumably to yell at Heero.
"The Hell?"
"You got the message, we're going back," Heero said needlessly.
"Nooooooooooooo."
"Just for a damn box?" Wufei demanded.
"It's part of the mission."
"Nooooooooooooo."
"Could you guys just calm down?" Quatre tried.
"Nooooooooooooo."
"Shut up, Maxwell."
The lines of communication between their carrier and the rest cut off abruptly and Duo stopped yelling. Quatre glanced at his friend in curiosity. Duo went from looking like he lost his Deathscythe plushie to oddly thoughtful.
"Tell me…do you think that this thing Heero found is really some ancient artifact?" Duo asked.
So that was it. "…Well the Cowardly Lion thing turned out to be right and I thought you said that they were after something too? It makes sense."
Duo snickered and pushed his temporarily nasty hair back (it would be temporary if he had anything to do about it).
"Yeah they definitely delivered what they promised. But somehow I don't think that Heero knew about all this ahead of time. Why would he be the only one to get the mission in the first place? We usually get more information then 'go to the magical kingdom of Sorolaff and find an ancient artifact while you're chased by the biggest screwups formerly in OZ'."
Quatre didn't speak right away. He was most likely caught in the quandary of his puppyish trust of his friends and its conflict with the slight amount of logic in Duo's words, which was a surprise in itself. He followed the first carrier down and they were soon in the decently open part of land in the middle of the jungle. He released the wheel of the plane and messed with the buttons on his sleeves as he still appeared deep in consideration.
"It's odd, to be sure, but I still would like to wait it out and see what happens. I don't think that we can decide what's going on until we get more information. I just wonder why we've never heard of this former OZ faction before…"
"Especially considering they're a bunch of idiots?" Duo tried. "Yeah, me too. Well, they were fringe so they probably only did something every now and then. It was easy enough to slip under the radar."
There was a long beep and the other three came onscreen. If it was possible, Heero looked more pissed then before but the other two were their usual selves (except for Wufei's disheveled state).
"So I'm going back out to look for it. I don't want…" Heero started.
"I'll go," Trowa said. His companion's eye twitched as he turned to look at him.
"No. You…"
"I'm going too!" Wufei added.
"I'd feel bad if you did it on your own," Quatre interjected politely.
"I wouldn't. He can run into a pack of crazed Releans for all I care," said Duo.
Heero gritted his teeth but other then that he didn't show any further signs of annoyance with the others. He took a deep breath and waited to make sure no one else was going to volunteer before he spoke.
"I'm going on my own. If you recall the last time I took people out they got captured," he said.
"That's mainly because you abandoned us," Duo said as he leaned back in his chair, settling in again.
"We'll go out in our Gundams again and you can be on the ground, Heero," Quatre suggested. Heero shook his head. They turned their attention back to Wufei's vid as he tapped the screen impatiently.
"Look, we're not entirely a unit so we can act as we want to," Wufei said.
"Wufei I think that you should stay here too…you've been out long enough today," said Quatre.
"Like that's going to stop him," Duo sighed.
Wufei gave him a short frown and his screen flickered off. Heero and Trowa did the same a second later, leaving Duo and Quatre alone again.
"Hmm…that settled a lot. If you want to go then go, I'll stay here and guard the carriers," Duo said.
Quatre nodded. Duo watched him leave before he brought the plane's computer to life and set it to alert him when there was movement in the area. He then curled into a little ball on the uncomfortable seat and was asleep in a record five seconds. He was probably the smartest of them all but that was due to his fear of being bitten rather then any real desire to stay.
"I told you to stop following me, you'll only get in the way," Heero yelled as Wufei came level with him. They currently ran at top speed through the jungle, eager to get back to the place where the Cowardly Lions were previously unconscious. Wufei scoffed and pulled ahead of his cohort.
"Who do you think you're talking to? I'm not Maxwell. I'd worry about you slowing me down."
"Fine…but I do wish that Quatre hadn't decided to come."
True to what he said earlier, Quatre was following but in his Gundam. Heero assumed that Trowa stayed since he nor his Gundam were nowhere in sight. They took a sharp left to avoid a tightly clustered bunch of vines and trees. It was unusual but both pilots seemed to have already made an internal map of the place even though it was horribly dark and everything would have looked the same to any casual, sane observer.
They both tensed internally as they neared the clearing, just one branch out of the way and they would be there. It was bathed, but only slightly, in the moonlight that won the battle between the smallest of slits in the trees.
"Freeze, ladies…"
Wufei paused, ready to go into a crouch, the moment he heard those words. He blinked and glanced around for the source. It was definitely Mr. Nasal but he was nowhere in sight. Heero walked to the edge of the trees, where they attacked, to find several sleeping bodies partially covered by the tall grass and leaves, like the jungle wanted to absorb them. Poor jungle. Heero nudged the commander with a toe roughly and turned him over to make sure he was asleep. He was, so it must have just been him shouting…in his sleep.
"…I would say typical but I can't even muster that much of a response," Wufei said. He put his hands on his hips and turned in place to quickly search the perimeter.
"Where did you lose it? You were near here when you first showed up."
Heero continued checking among the fallen soldiers. This was pretty easy as he had excellent night vision, like all psycho robotic-men with catlike reflexes and a God complex.
"How many men were in the unit?" he asked.
"Ten."
Heero paused. "…There are only nine…"
"Huh. Guess that explains where the ancient artifact went," Wufei said. As easily as he breathed, he kicked his shoe off and let it sail swiftly to the right.
"Ow!"
"There's number ten."
Heero and Wufei both dashed at the figure cloaked by the leaves. Though he should have had a gun on him, he decided to try and make a break for it rather then defending himself. The Coward didn't get very far, only a few steps before he smacked right into a tree. Heero blinked as something bulky flew back and landed conveniently in his hands. Wufei stopped in his tracks and rolled his eyes, especially since Heero had his 'mission-accomplished-now-I-can-die-in-peace' smile on his face.
"Now we can go," Heero said.
"So…does that mean that we came all the way out here just to watch Tower knock himself out?"
"…Guess so."
"Putting ourselves and more importantly our Gundams in questionable danger?"
"Yes."
"Coming all the way back out to this hole of a jungle even though our legs are about to give out, not that anyone would admit that sort of thing?"
"You got it."
"Fuck it."
"My thoughts exactly but…"
"The mission, yes I understand. I just really want to kill someone right now."
Sandrock stepped in behind them at that point.
"Did you find it?"
"Yep."
"Okay, then let's go back," Quatre said.
Wufei leapt up on the Gundam's foot without warning. He did another one of those physics-disregarding jumps to land on the right hand before arrogantly looking down on Heero.
"Just don't lose it this time."
Thus they left the Cowardly Lions, again unconscious; to go back to the carriers for what they hoped would be their last trip out of the jungle of Sorolaff.
Annoyed? Yeah, sorry that they literally accomplished nothing. Now they're right back to where they were at the end of last chapter. I promise to actually let them get away from Heero's Sorolaff next thought I think Heero would prefer to be king of the jungle rather then back in a place where he can be stalked. Thanks for reading and your comments are greatly appreciated. Thanks again and G-boy plushies for all.