Warning(s):Shounen-ai, Relena-bashing, language most foul, strangeness, Characters may be more different then they originally appear…anything else? No, I think I got it all.

Disclaimer: Thought you'd get off easy with that last one, eh? Since I only wrote the disclaimer and none of these other useless words I bet you thought 'she finally ran out of ideas!' I was just saving it for this one. Oh yeah 'I don't own Gundam Wing'. Got it out of the way before I forget. Anyway, disclaimers…fun…I'm sure no one actually reads this so I'll get to writing the actual chapter.

Parabola of Mystery

Chapter Seven

"Duo, get up, we're here…"

Duo frowned and shrugged away from the hand that tried to pry his arms from his knees.

"Leave me alone. I don wanna go to school."

"Since when has he gone to school?" this voice was far less soothing then the other one which did nothing for the childishly asleep Duo. He screwed up his face, not that it was visible, and dug his forehead into his knees.

"Duo please, I've been trying for fifteen minutes…"

"Nnnnggh."

Duo rolled over to get away from them but his beloved, comfortable among comfortable position was interrupted by cold steel. He struck his head against that same horribly hard surface and he splayed flat as a pancake. Being awake wasn't too far off.

"Good. Now open your eyes before I lose my patience."

He presumed that it was the harsher voice that was responsible for the pressure on his midsection. It started light and then steadily heavier, causing pain to course through Duo's arms and legs since he hit him in just the right spot. His eyes snapped open and Duo saw Quatre and Wufei far above him. The former's face was masked with morbid concern while the latter had obviously been forced into helping. Duo sat up and lucky for him, Wufei backed off.

"You could have been a little nicer. I'm infected here," he said groggily.

"You look fine to me," came Wufei's snappy retort.

"That's true 24/7."

"You're okay?" Quatre asked.

"I guess I'll live. Sometimes I get really tired though and it's impossible to wake me…"

Quatre was satisfied enough with Duo's responses. He leaned forward and fully turned off the plane before offering Duo a hand.

"You slept the entire way home. I asked you to sit up and put on your belt but I couldn't wake you. And you're sure you're not sick?"

Duo nodded and even managed a snappily timed smile. He yawned and followed the questionably happy pilots out of the plane. He immediately felt that weird, timeless jolt as he recognized the secondary hangar around the; the kind that come on when you see something familiar after being in a horribly unfamiliar place. Deathscythe was even in place as they moved through the main hangar.

"Thanks for putting him back. You could have just waited for me though," Duo said as he flashed a smile at his precious Gundam. Wufei scoffed and made an offhanded comment before he broke away from the line and moved to his Gundam.

"It wasn't any trouble." Quatre came to a stop and allowed Duo to go ahead of him up the stairs and into the main part of their 'base'. The braided pilot was perfectly happy. He could almost convince himself that the weird Sorolaff stuff was just a funny yet sad nightmare.

"Hey guys, how are you holding up?" he bellowed as he spotted Heero and Trowa sitting at their strategy table. It was located in the far corner of the living area so he couldn't see what fascinating object they were crowding around. He also didn't particularly care. Everything was good now that he was back indoors. It certainly didn't matter that the other two hadn't even lifted their heads when he so kindly called out to them, no, they could continue being silent, anit-social jerks as far as Duo was concerned.

He nearly skipped but something caught his eye. There was an old armoire pushed against one of the walls, they hadn't felt the need to get rid of it when they moved in and he usually didn't give it a second thought. This time was decidedly different. The Duo in the mirror didn't look like his usual perky, wonderful self. No, he was red, white, and something that resembled a dying animal's nest was on the top of his head. Duo froze and shakily moved his hand to his hair. Gooey. Disgusting. He brought it before his face to find a monstrously huge, barely dead insect. Its six, string-like limbs still waved faintly in his hand.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Nothing more needed to be said.

The two pilots unlucky enough to be in the room with Duo when he saw his reflection could be considered legally deaf for two hours after 'the explosion'. It was quickly apparent that the brunette was the worst off of all of them. It was to the point that Wufei was the only other one who showed wear and that was quickly remedied by a fast shower and a change of clothes.

Heero turned over the artifact in his hands. He and Trowa still sat at the table just trying to figure out how to open it. You'd think that something created by the ancient, primitive people of Sorolaff would be easier to open. So far they had just reestablished that there were recognizable numbers on the side but they didn't make any sense.

"We still aren't closer to opening it. Maybe we should try a more dramatic approach," Trow said coolly.

"Such as?"

"Breaking it open."

Heero frowned. "I don't think that's the right tone to take. This is supposed to be a valuable treasure."

If Trowa seriously thought it was worth it he would have mentioned something about the fact that while Heero was right on about the Cowardly Lions, there still was quite a bit of doubt about the validity of 'Sorolaff'. It certainly didn't come up when he looked at a map or typed it into a search engine on the 'net.

Heero was silent and then he put the box down on the table. "Ah screw it, get me something to hit it with."

Trowa moved to their 'handy supplies' cabinet conveniently located just a short distance away. He tossed aside random Gundam parts and finally pulled out a long crowbar. He tossed it to Heero and Spandex-boy got right down to work.

There was a small sort of groove in the top of the box; the lid could probably be lifted with the appropriate amount of force or trickery. Heero pushed one end of the crowbar under the groove and he kicked chair back so he could get enough leverage standing. Trowa stood aside to watch as Heero took a long breath and pressed down with all his might. His arms shook with the effort and so did the box but the groove and lid didn't move at all. Heero relaxed his grip and wiped his hands on his spandex before trying again. The results were pretty much the same.

"Do you want some help with that?" Trowa asked.

"No, I'm fine," he snapped.

Heero strained further, this time a little more pathetic as he ran in place to try and push the lid up. It was either really ancient and stubborn or there was something they were missing. Either way, twenty-five tries (three with Trowa helping) later, the box was victorious. Heero collapsed into his chair, breathing heavily. Trowa wasn't tired at all but then he had only helped as much as Heero would let him.

"Is there something that we can look up?"

Heero kept his head down.

"That's certainly a stubborn box. Maybe you're not doing that correctly," Quatre said from his position in the small kitchen. His arms were fully submerged in soapy water as he did the dishes. Quatre was actually the only one of them who would; the others would rather let the dishes pile up for various reasons. No one had remembered to purchase a dishwasher so that duty was all Quatre.

"The lid is just too stubborn," Heero said.

"Well where did it come from? Maybe you can look up tricks that the culture or religion used."

'That is, if you're not making all this up' was the unsaid implication in that statement. Quatre could be quite cruel sometimes. Heero put his hands on his head idly before inspiration hit him as suddenly as Relena does. He leapt from his seat and walked quickly to his room. One mustn't look too eager or they would fall to Duo status. He ignored the sounds of agony coming from the bathroom and rushed into his room to pick up his laptop. It was surprising enough that Heero parted from it for even a minute. He moved back into the room to see Wufei and Trowa trying their luck at opening the artifact. Disregarding the fact that the other pilot materialized conveniently out of nowhere in the two seconds he was gona, Heero sat at the kitchen table and started typing like mad. Quatre rinsed off the bowls and glanced quizzically at him.

"Is he really looking it up?"

"He's probably just trying to get out of opening the box," Wufei said optimistically. The two flew back as the crowbar broke in two.

They kept trying and nothing changed until Duo came in. He wore long, loose black pants and a matching shirt. He showcased numerous Band-Aids, even on his feet, and he looked like he was still wet from his infinitely long shower. Duo hair wasn't visible from under his turban-towel so he had either ripped it all out from the stress or it was still in progress. All in all, he closely resembled a crazed housewife recovering from going on her eight-year-old's field trip to the zoo. He sat down at the opposite end of the table from Heero and gave a smile that clearly said 'I dare you to ask'. Nobody asked.

"I've got it," Heero said victoriously.

"Got what?" Duo asked.

"I just called on an associate of Dr. J's. I met him a long time ago. He was an expert on things like this."

"You called him…on the computer? With no sound?" Wufei asked.

"He's an expert on make-believe artifacts?" Duo added.

Heero only addressed Wufei's complaint. "It's a figure of speech. Fine. I emailed him and he got right back to me."

"So what is his name?" Quatre asked.

"Dr. J."

"No. The name of Dr. J's associate," Duo corrected.

"Dr. J."

"Huh?"

"His name is Dr. J," Heero said impatiently.

"You keep saying Dr. J! You mean Dr. J's associate is Dr. J?"

Spandex-boy waved a hand, "And you keep saying Dr. J. His name is Dr. J. You're not saying it right. It's a completely different name."

"Dr. Jey?"

"Exactly."

"How's it spelled?"

"J."

"I see the distinction."

"Either way, he'll be here within the hour," Heero explained.

Duo's Coward induced headache went up a notch but it was easily ignored when he thought of the one that would hit with a scientist coming. Any associate of Dr. J was bound to be as insane as he was.

For some inexplicable reason, they had a doorbell. Their current home used to be a factory so it didn't make much sense as to why an office would have something so homey and asinine preinstalled. It was one of those issues that they would probably talk about when they were rip-roaring drunk, but without logic it was nice to have a warning that they were about to blow up solicitors and girl scouts.

The moment that same doorbell rang, Heero made a mad dash for the door. They had the bell rigged to several nasty contraptions aka anti-Relena security that included tar, feathers, and a bazooka. He disarmed these functions quickly and checked through the peep-hole (you never can be too careful) before he opened the door.

"Heero Yuy? It's been awhile."

Duo and Quatre both glanced over toward Heero and this 'Dr. J'. They had expected to hear the same, arrogant, raspy voice of an old scientist but the man at the door didn't sound elderly at all. His voice was actually quite pleasant, with a slight British accent rounding out the words. Heero moved back to reveal a man who visibly wasn't old either. As far as scientists went, he was quite handsome with his sandy brown hair and light blue eyes, framed by glasses. The only indication that he wasn't some solicitor or girl scout was his outfit. He wore a long white lab coat (so what else could he be?) and he had a steel briefcase in hand.

"So these are the others? Interesting," J said as he entered the room, pushing past Heero and kicking off his notably muddy shoes. The pilot obviously seemed used to him as he merely closed the door and reset the security measures.

"I guess that's Chang Wufei," J said as he pointed to well, Wufei. J's eyes then settled on Trowa. "Trowa Barton." He turned toward the kitchen and nodded to Quatre, "Quatre some-name-I-can't-remember Winner and…" J leapt three feet in the air when he noticed Duo.

"Relena Darlian! Are you sure you really need me to help?"

Duo's smile literally evaporated. "Now you're just trying to mess with us."

J pulled off his glasses and wiped them on his coat before trying to focus on Duo again.

"Oh…sorry. All I know about Relena is that she's supposed to be a frightening woman. I guess you're the annoying one?"

This guy was just making points right and left. At least Duo had a sense of humor about himself. He nodded and extended his hand.

"Duo Maxwell. I'd say it's nice to meet you but I don't lie."

J returned his grin and moved forward to shake the turbaned-boy's hand. He pulled away as soon as they touched.

"Blimey! You're all slimy."

Duo's showed all his teeth, "I had to use a lot of lotion to get my skin to stop itching. That reminds me, do you know a good clinic?"

"Well I mentored with First Medical in London but let's move on." J turned and addressed Heero. "I heard that you got an ancient artifact, a stone box with numbers on the side that you found in a temple with an underlying metallic structure. I believe you called it Sorolaff?"

Heero moved in and picked up the box, making it obvious to the scientist. "Good memory. Here it is. We can't figure out what the numbers mean or how to open it up."

J wiped his hand on his coat before meeting Heero and taking the artifact from him. He turned the box over in his hands before smiling smugly and setting it down on the kitchen table. He then motioned for the pilots to gather around. Only Quatre came.

"I know exactly what this is and I'm surprised it's held up this well. You see, there's a trick to getting the lid off."

J pushed down on the top of the box and slowly turned it, like a childproof prescription bottle. Heero cursed under his breath and moved in to look inside when J pulled the top off.

"It's still here. The ancient artifact from the future," J said ominously.

Duo was predictably the first to attack that statement. "…What's that supposed to mean?"

It would be a simplification to say that J regarded Duo as if he were stupid.

"It's really obvious, pay attention. It came from the future and then it went back to the past, then to the future again for revisions, back to the past, and then it went through several hands before waiting at the temple till the present. What did Mushroom man teach you anyway?"

"Though I hate to agree with Maxwell since I can't understand what he says half the time, I think he does have a point. You still aren't making sense," Wufei said.

"I get it," Trowa said. All heads, save J's, swiveled toward him.

"The numbers on the side. They're dates," he said.

J held up the box to display the side. Suddenly it all made sense. There were always two numbers for the month, two for the day, and four for the year for each entry. Heero sighed and stuck his hand into the box without further ceremony or chatter.

"Thanks for ruining it," J added.

The others thought he deserved the patented Death glare he received and Heero pulled the artifact from the future out of the box. It was decently big, about the size of a softball but oddly shaped. Duo stood up and leaned in for a closer look. The entire thing was stone grey and appeared to be rough, like concrete. The top end was shaped like a half-inflated balloon that went down into a ring, obviously for a finger, or five with the size, to grip.

"Uh…it's a binky," Duo said as he bit his lip to fight back the urge to laugh.

"I think the proper term is 'Pacifier'," J said, giving him that same look.

"…What, are people from the future giant babies or something?" Duo queried.

"…The HELL?" Wufei echoed.

J just smiled.

Thus another chapter is complete and I'm sure I cut off at the worst possible place. Come on, just humor me for awhile, thought it may not look it, I have a plan! Now I can take time to laugh evilly whilst I continue with this all-consuming project. Thanks for reading!