Warning(s): Hey we're getting close to ten! That means Ill have written ten of these. I would like to think that anyone who has stayed up to this point knows what to expect but I'll write another warning anyway. You can anticipate reading Relena-bashing, there's shounen-ai in the works, characters have been known to use mild to strong language and be entirely out of character from their anime counterparts. Oh yeah and it's very odd, but I guess that's part of the reason anyone still reads it.

Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Gundam Wing. Not the head, or the wings, or the beam saber, or the computer, or the shield, or the gundanium, just pick a part and I don't own it…or the show. Just thought I'd make that clear.

Parabola of Mystery

Chapter Eight

"What a treasure. What are we supposed to use it for? Heh, it doesn't surprise me that the Cowardly Lions are after the world's oldest binky," Duo said.

"Have some respect for someone else's culture," J retorted as he took the artifact from Heero and placed it on the table so the other pilots could see.

"Yep…definitely a pacifier," Quatre said. He took one of the chairs and nudged the object lightly with his hand. J crossed his arms. He was visibly irritated at the fact that not one of the five boys had shown the least amount of awe over the 'impressive ancient pacifier'.

"There's a definite use for it but I don't think I'll tell you. All five of you have no imagination," J stated. When speaking like that, his accent made him sound like a snob which didn't endear him to the boys at all.

"We could figure it out too if we took it apart…or put it around children," Duo mused.

"What does it matter anyway? The point is that OZ doesn't have it. We can go put it in our safe," Heero said as he crossed his arms.

Patience and tempers were high as Trowa unexpectedly snatched up the artifact and threw it against the kitchen cabinet. It dented the wood, impressively enough, and then sailed in a slow-motion arc into the sink. Quatre moved in and his eyes widened in surprise.

"I don't believe it. It went down the drain…"

"Typical. Why'd you throw it anyway, Trowa?" Duo asked.

Trowa shrugged. "I guess I wanted to see what would happen."

"It's always the quiet ones."

"Wonderful. Now you're going to have to fish it out," J started.

"No fucking way. It's a…pacifier or more like a tribute to them since it's made of stone," Wufei exclaimed.

"It's a matter of security, part of the mission," J explained as his eyes flitted to Heero. The pilot sat up straight, got to his feet, and moved next to Quatre by the sink.

"Hmm." He stuck his hand down the drain. Everyone sighed.

"That's just asking for someone to turn on the garbage disposal," Duo said as he knocked his forehead against the table.

"You're too much of a coward to do that," said Wufei.

"Don't throw around that word without reason."

J crossed his legs along with his arms, effectively showing them his level of displeasure.

"I thought that you five would be much more…oh I dunno…interesting? Since I've been here all you've done is stand around and get Yuy's hand stuck in the garbage disposal."

"Such is the way of the world," said Duo.

"Heero don't try and reach further in there or you'll really get your hand stuck," Quatre said as his companion continued struggling.

"Yes. If anyone should be sticking their hand down the drain it should be Maxwell. His hands are already greasy," Wufei stated.

"Thanks Wu-man."

"…Got it," Heero grunted. He pulled back, jerking his arm but it wouldn't budge.

Quatre sighed. It seemed he was less patient with his friends lately. "You won't be able to get your hand back through since it's probably in a fist. We're going to have to figure out another way of getting it."

"I agree with Wufei. Duo should try," Heero said and he pulled his arm, binkyless, out of the sink. All eyes turned to Duo. The still turbaned pilot got to his feet and staggered to the kitchen. He made a big show as he jogged in place, touched his toes, and did running stretches before smiling at his irritated spectators. Without much more ceremony, Duo stuck his hand down the drain. It went significantly easier then Heero's. He smiled and a minute later his arm was back, this time with the binky.

"Thank you. My bill will be in the mail." He bowed and handed Heero the pacifier before returning to his seat.

"I guess it never occurred to you that you could have gotten it from under the sink by undoing the pipes?" J asked dryly.

"Why didn't you suggest that?" Wufei asked back.

"...I don't know. I suppose I wanted to see where you were going. I was slightly amused so maybe I shall help you after all."

"Do we even want to know?" Quatre queried.

"I'll be okay as soon as I know where that binky goes…" said Duo.

With a burst of energy no one would have ever associated with him, J leapt to his feet and snatched the artifact from Heero's hands.

"If you'll all be so kind to follow me to the Gundams."

"Oh my God, what are you going to do to them?" Duo asked in horror.

J ignored him and happily skipped ahead, artifact in hand. He glanced around and then turned back to the morbidly curious boys.

"Oh and if you'll also be so kind as to lead me to the Gundams. I get lost quite easily."

Quatre took that assignment and led the scientist down the hall while the other four were left to eat this information and presumably follow.

"So do you think he actually knows what he's doing?" Wufei asked.

"He did when I was being trained. I can't say he hasn't fried his brain since then but…it's worth a try I guess," Heero answered.

Wufei rose and moved out, followed closely by Heero. Duo put his hands behind his head and watched Trowa leave as well. If it had something to do with his Gundam then he would feel the need to follow but there was something in him that said it wasn't worth it.

They were all back in three minutes flat. The American didn't even bother sitting up straighter. It would probably only provoke them.

"So what happened?"

"Well he told us some nonsense about attaching all the Gundams together so he could…connect them to it. Winner asked what he meant and then that idiot doctor rubbed his head and said he forgot how to set it up. He still won't budge on what the damn thing is used for," Wufei explained.

"Seems to me like he's going to need a few days," Duo said. Oddly enough, it seemed like there was something else behind his words. Heero returned to his laptop and resumed typing.

"Unfortunately so," he said.

Duo steepled his fingers and glanced over toward the others. "Well now it's just a matter of where he's going to stay. I know you don't want him over here so the question really is who annoys you more?"

Quatre nodded from where he and Trowa were setting up Monopoly. It appeared that they pretty much remembered what had happened in their ongoing game before Heero ruined it. Trowa was in the process of putting hotels on Broadway so he didn't acknowledge Duo's proposition.

"I think that we should let Duo have a room on this side. You've hassled him enough."

Wufei sighed. "I really don't care so long as I can monitor that man when he's around the Gundams."

That made it three out of four. Duo locked his eyes with Heero's eyebrows, the only thing visible over the computer screen from his vantage point. The braided pilot then made the most pathetic, puppyish expression known to Duokind.

"Pleeeaase? I swear if you let me come to this side I'll feed and clean myself each and every day and I'll go for walks and I'll be good…"

Heero looked like he didn't want to be bothered. There was another stretch of 'clack clack clack' before he muttered a response.

"Fine. I just don't want to wake up to your music or antics or whatever it is you do in your room."

"Score! You won't regret it, I promise on Deathscythe!" Duo soared from his seat and back toward the hangar to start collecting his possessions. As he danced over the catwalk between the parts of the building he called down to J. The man jerked in surprise from his position at Wing's leg.

"I can't thank you enough for showing up. You're room is over on this side. The main part of the building closes at nine so get anything done before then unless you want to risk being blown up, shot, or volunteer to take out the trash."

J blinked, smiled and went right back to work. Either he didn't exactly get it or he didn't mind being blown up.

It took a week for J to figure out how to utilize the binky. It would be best to not detail the amount of mental anguish that the pilots had to endure just having him there. Scientists notoriously work long hours and never clean up after themselves. The one thing that all five Gundam pilots had in common above all else was that the hangar where they store their precious mobile suits should be kept in the best shape possible. Not a shred of trash settled on the floor for long before J came into the picture. Thus they spent most of the entire week either trying to keep him from setting the place on fire or cleaning up after him.

It was a stormy day when J claimed to have finally completed his work. He stood in front of Trowa's Gundam since it was in the center, and laughed in triumph. The picture was complete as he wore a metal helmet with light bulbs protruding from the side and goggles he stole from Quatre. The five pilots each sat around in the background, four of the five playing the game of Life. None of them paid any attention to him anymore.

"Aww, I wanted to go three," Quatre said and he sat back on his hands.

"My little girls are so beautiful…but it's hard being a single rockstar mom," Duo sighed. He appeared to have recovered from the jungle over the week.

"Too bad there isn't a petition preventing you from spawning," Wufei muttered.

The other two were silent. Heero managed to tear his attention away from his laptop to check on J. The man jumped up and down, laughing like mad, while rushing between the Gundams and using the overhead crane to put large replicas of his helmet on each one.

"Uh…you guys care that he's doing that?"

Duo gave his attention to the spectacle. "What could that do?"

"As long as he doesn't damage Nataku…" Wufei said darkly.

"Somehow I don't think it's going to work. It hasn't all the other times," Quatre added.

The lights dimmed, the power had been playing tricks on them all day due to the three day raining spree. J cleared his throat, begging for silence before he put a hand on his hip and brandished the artifact out toward the crowd.

"Finally I have deciphered the forbidden code and now I can unlock your Gundam's true potential!" he said.

"So that's what he's going to do with it?"

"With a binky?"

"Stop acting like a suburban mom. It's a pacifier."

"Screw you, Wuffie. I'm better then a suburban mom."

"Silence!" J commanded. He turned and placed the binky in the large-ancient-pacifier-from-the-future shaped groove in what they assumed was a sort of control panel that he had built over the week. The lights flickered again, but not as badly as the last time.

"Now nothing can stop this fated chain of events! I leave you all to it," J said. He bowed and headed over toward the catwalk. Heero slammed the top of his laptop down and put it to the side.

"Where are you going? It's pouring outside but more importantly you haven't done anything."

J tossed his helmet aside and straightened his coat. "My work here is done. I used the pacifier. It already happened. You know, the small power surge?"

"That was from the storm. It's been doing that all day," Quatre said.

"Well whatever. I'm off the clock. I need to get back to the colonies and assist a small ice cream rebellion."

They didn't ask but let the man retreat presumably into the stormy night. Duo sighed and turned the counter and he slid his car four spaces.

"Well that accomplished nothing," Wufei stated. Everyone nodded assent.

They went back to their game and Heero to his laptop. The safest place to be during a storm was in the hangar and besides it would be far too much work to move the game back to their living area. Quatre spun, two again, and the rotation continued.

"Heh I bet I get there first," Duo said.

"This game is ridiculous," Wufei complained.

"Why are you still playing it then?"

"I refuse to be beaten and I have to see it through to completion since I started voluntarily."

Quatre was amused. "It's nice to see you stick to your principals even with something as insignificant as this."

Or he didn't want to lose to Duo, hard to tell. They were in the race to retirement when the lights went off entirely. The only illumination was from the machinery and a bit from Heero's computer. They all sat in silence, listening to the rain assault the windows while waiting for their backup generator to kick in. It did a minute later. It wasn't nearly as bright as the usual lights, just a red glow from their backup lights right before each Gundam. It was still enough to play by and Duo spun the turner anxiously

"Eight! Yeah, I totally beat you to retirement!" He cried, moving his car the appropriate spaces.

"You haven't won yet. It's who has the most money at the end…" Trowa trailed off and glanced over toward the Gundams.

"Did you hear something?" Quatre asked.

Heero put down his laptop again and all five turned their attention to the other side of the hangar. In between thunder crashes and the sound of the rain itself, there was a steady whimpering. Duo stood up and slowly snuck over as to not alert suspicion. He moved from Heavyarms toward Sandrock but ended up back near Deathscythe. He finally stood before his Gundam, where the whimpering was the loudest. Duo glared and put his hands on his hips.

"Who's there? You're brave enough to sneak in here so why the Hell are you crying over some rain and red lights?"

There was no answer. Duo moved around the suit to check behind its legs, the best spot for whoever this was to hide. He emerged a second later, shaking his head.

"Who's back there?" Heero queried.

"No one…"

Before they could speculate, thunder crashed again. It was so loud and hard that it rocked the entire building. Duo put his hands on Deathscythe's leg to steady himself. His head turned upward as the whimper turned into a shriek.

"It's coming from…Deathscythe…"

"Waa…."

"Uh…someone in there?" Duo asked as he grabbed the line to his Gundam and rode it to the cockpit. He opened it from the outside and predictably enough, there was nothing inside.

"Waaaaah! Someone make it stop! Crashing is scary!"

"Shut the HELL UP!"

They all turned their heads. This time it was a female voice coming from the far side.

"Don't argue. It's hard enough to sleep as it is," said a different voice right by Deathscythe.

Duo fell back into his Gundam's cockpit in shock.

"Uh…is it just me or are our Gundams talking?" he asked.

"No Shit, ya moron! Well, you are Deathscythe's pilot after all." The female voice from afar replied.

"…Okay. Who wants to go J-hunting?"

Now I should say 'odd enough'? Yes, the Gundams are talking so everyone can hear them and there's more where that came from. Hmm guess this is a bad place to stop but there shall be more so you have been warned. Thanks for reading!