Warning(s): Now I think I can add something else to the usual suspects. There shall be Relena-bashing, shounen-ai, oddness, characters out of character, more language then before, and Gundams acting in ways no one would expect.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or any other franchise, really. These disclaimers are a great way to pass the time while listening to the People's Court. Yep, good reminder of what I'm avoiding.

Parabola of Mystery

Chapter Nine

They stood in shock before the Gundams. In the reddish light it all seemed quite demonic. Duo stuck his head out from inside Deathscythe and looked left and then right. He could still hear Death's voice, it sounded like it came through a bad filter and the whining did nothing to help that. He patted the control panel awkwardly.

"Uh…stop crying. There's nothing to be afraid of."

"Yes there is. Thunder and lighting came to get me." Deathscythe answered.

"Huh?"

"The don't like me. That's why they turned off the lights."

"Yeah, shit-for-brains. If I were lightning I'd strike nothing but you."

"Nataku?"

"What is it Justice-boy?" Her tone was a little less annoyed as she spoke to her pilot.

Lighting crashed again and Death yelled. His pilot patted his controls again and spoke in what he hoped was a soothing voice.

"Look, it's all out there. You can't be struck by lightning in here and even if you were then nothing would happen…I mean you're tougher then that," Duo said.

"…You promise?"

"Uh…yeah."

Death's voice took on a distinctly happy-go-lucky-zero-brains quality, "Okay. I'm good. No. Better then good." He was obviously pleased with himself.

"At least the crying has stopped. So do you other Gundams say anything?" Wufei queried.

"I talk, I just don't have anything to say," said Wing, Heero was pleased to find that he didn't sound pissed or like an idiot.

"Lalalalalala it's-raining- it's raining- it's raining." Duo went back down to the floor since the audio was at its loudest in the cockpit. He landed hard on his feet before he turned and surveyed his Gundam with noticeable concern.

"I think I liked it better when I didn't really know what he was saying."

Quatre, who had mainly been smiling at his Gundam, raised his head with Duo's remark. "I could hear Sandrock before now. He's always been there for me, encouraging me and telling me I'm doing a good job." He turned his eyes back to his still mobile suit and continued. "He also tells me to kill people."

Everyone took a step away and Sandrock took his cue. His voice was slightly raspy, like he was used to yelling…or laughing manically.

"Mwah. You can run but you can't hide."

"Yeah, I totally get that too, Cattie. Mine's a voice always saying 'kill yourself, do society a favor, do it NOW'," Death remarked.

"That's just me," Nataku said with a certain amount of dark satisfaction.

"Your real name's society?"

"Shove it."

"We've been over this time and time again, you two. That's why you are so far away from each other…and you aren't allowed to speak either," Wing sighed.

"I say we let them take each other out." This came from Heavyarms whose voice was, oddly enough, female.

"YAY!" Death cried.

"I'd be happy to self-detonate here…near an orphanage…on a planet full of kitties and puppies…near a colony of Red Cross volunteers. No., kitties, puppies, flowers, and bunnies! Hateful little things." Sandrock raved.

"I love bunnies!"

Trowa glanced over at Duo. "You were right."

"What's that supposed to mean? You humans are full of shit," Nataku exclaimed.

"Well mine may be 'special' but at least he's not PMSing," Duo muttered loudly.

Wufei whipped around to face him. He and Nataku yelled in unision. "HEY!"

"You're certainly in no position to be talking about PMSing, girly-boy. I could kill you right here and now," Nataku said.

"Yeah and I'm sure that if I cared then that would be a frightening statement. Though you talk, not one of you have moved," Duo said.

"…We just haven't figured that part out yet." She answered.

"I have but I won't use it until you least expect. When you're all snuggling with your adorable stuffed animals and are dreaming of more adorable bunnies then I shall strike and you will nev-ah know what hit you! MWAHAHA!" Sandrock exclaimed.

"Can you…calm him down or get him anti-psychotic hookups or something?" Duo asked as he shot a disgusted look at the kindest pilot's Gundam.

"It offends you? I think he's funny," Quatre said. Everyone took another step away from him.

"He does make a goofy sort of villain I guess."

"Ohh ohh I know what you mean. There was this thing about that guy who was with that other guy and they tied another guy…or was it a girl? Well they tied Somethin' to train tracks. And then another guy shows up and the guy that Sandy's like is all 'hahaha' and so the guy saves the other guy or the girl from the tracks and she's all 'I love you, let's go home and eat sandwiches' and then they lived happily ever after. Except for the guy Sandy's like. He died."

Duo easily ignored his Gundam but Wufei stood starting at Deathscythe as his mind tried to decipher whatever the Hell he was babbling about.

"At least Duo resembles his Gundam," Trowa said before he turned to collect the Life game board.

"Hey, where're you going?"Nataku asked.

Quatre fielded that one, "We…uh…need to talk about some things…"

"And assassinate Dr. J," Heero supplied.

"Fine, go ahead and leave me with these losers. Bastards, all of you. You had better hope that we don't get the ability to move on our own or I'll kill that idiotic sonovabitch with the scythe," she explained.

"I'll visit you later, Nataku," Wufei said as he followed.

"Yeah, I probably won't," Duo smiled as he picked up the cards and followed his fellow pilots out of the hangar. The moment they left the chatter managed to get worse. Heero slammed the door behind him and they abandoned the game as the five of them settled around the kitchen table.

"A couple of things…" Heero started.

"I swear, we should have let the Cowards take the damn binky. I don't think I can put up with Deathscythe if he's going to be a brainless idiot," Duo interrupted.

"So just like you then," Wufei said scathingly.

"Still better then the bitch of justice," Duo retorted.

"Stop bickering, you two," Quatre said routinely as he folded his hands on the table.

"Don't even get me started on the few lines I've heard from your Gundam."

"Shut up all of you," Heero said. He typed a few keys and then turned his laptop around. He then backed his chair over toward Trowa's so he could see as well. There was a small pause and a mini-wing replica danced as the loading icon. Duo raised an eyebrow and his mood was visibly better but other then that there was no reaction.

"So what are we waiting for?"

"I put in a live call with J, he should be on in a minute," Heero said, tapping his fingers impatiently.

The screen flickered and J's unwanted, familiar face swam into focus. There wasn't much to be said about his background, it looked pretty bland with white walls. There was audible chatter from behind him.

"Hello guys. I suppose you haven't called to chat about the weather?" J asked.

"Uh no. More like the problem you left us with. Or actually five problems when you break them into individual segments," Heero remarked.

"Wow, that happened faster then I thought it would. Glad I got out when I did," J muttered.

"What was that?" asked Wufei.

"Nothing. So…what happened?"

"You should know. You're the one who rigged our Gundams up to your freak-ass machine. They started talking and not only is that strange enough they're kind of hard to listen to," Duo explained.

"…Isn't that more your problem then theirs? Those are your mobile suits, won't you rely on them either way?"

"I SWEAR I'LL KILL YOU HERE AND NOW!" All eyes flitted to the hangar door.

"All the chatter might make it hard to pilot them," Quatre added.

"Well I'm sorry but I can't help you. It would be useless for me to come back. I have many duties here already and I've only been back for ten minutes," J stated.

"Where are you? Down the street?"

"No. I'm on one of the colonies…"

Wufei moved closer to the screen in frustration, as if he wanted to reach right in and kill the scientist. "That's impossible! You can't make it from here to…the grocery store in the amount of time you've been gone. Has it even been an hour?"

"Forty-five minutes to be exact. I utilized new technology."

Thunder crashed, they could hear it reverberating in J's background too.

"I hope it's the same technology you used to make our Gundams talk so you can be in as much agony as we are." Said Heero.

"More importantly, how can we fix it?" Trowa asked, getting right to the point.

"Hell if I know."

Wufei leapt at the computer but was pushed back by Heero who wanted to protect his only tool of entertainment.

"I swear I'll find wherever it is you're hiding and kill you with my bare hands if you don't. Maxwell's Gundam is more then enough justification."

The camera at J's end rattled and he glanced behind him before looked, panicked, back at the boys.

"We're getting some interference here. Could be space mines. I'll have to go check. I can barely see you anymore so call me back later and tell me how it goes. Cherrio!"

"…Bastard."

Quatre sighed and turned every which way. His eyes settled on the game board then to the laptop and back around to the kitchen. His mind went through the motions as to what the best solution to their current problem would be. He wasn't thinking about the talking Gundams or even tracking J down. No, Quatre's most pressing concern was getting the other four's attention away from said Gundams and said quack. He dived for the remote and switched on the barely used tv pushed in the corner of the room.

The perfect time for something convenient.

All heads turned toward the source of noise and a female reporter swam into view. She had full lips and a mock-serious expression on her face, a sign that only promised disaster.

"We have just received word that three of the five diplomats held in London by a faction calling itself 'The Cowardly Lion' have been released from the hospital. Reports indicate that the remaining two have died at the hands of this group when they fled the scene and blew up the conference center."

"Huh. Those idiots killed two British Diplomats? Who were they?" Heero asked. He decided to answer his own question as he pulled his computer onto his lap and the typing began anew.

"From what I read they were advocating the downgrading of mobile suit factories. They were working in the interest of so-called peace. That there isn't a need for such things," Quatre said. He turned up the volume as her idle, useless speech about how sad a day this was ended.

"Here is the video that their leader sent to all the major news providers yesterday morning…"

She trailed off and it cut to a video of a lesser quality. There was a sort of stage with a large, red banner in the background depicting a lion running from a replica mobile suit. There was a long pause and then a man in OZ uniform came into the limelight. He was young, maybe in his early thirties, but his expression was grim enough to give him the face of a fifty-year-old. He glared at the camera and spoke. There was a large scar going down the side of his face. Duo winced and pointed at the screen.

"Oh my God! It's scar! He was one of the Cowardly morons!" Duo said.

"We are the Cowardly Lions, former OZ though we still consider ourselves loyal to the organization. We have been in hiding ever since its downfall, waiting for an opportune time to resurface and take back the civilized world."

"Ooh, he said a big word like opportune. I'm impressed," Duo said.

"Predictable too. My bet was on wanting to take over the world or destroy it," Quatre added.

You could tell he was reading all of this from a card. He took too many pauses and the squinting and looking off camera were a dead giveaway.

"My units are located all over the world and in the colonies. We are heavily armed and have already gained control of several small territories on the Earth. We demand that all military factions surrender to us or else we will use force and battle to the death."

"Blah blah blah. I'm just surprised that the media's been able to keep it a secret for this long. This will definitely up our workload. Nothing like a bunch of trigger-happy elitists to get us on the move," Duo exclaimed, stretching.

"Easy enough but we do have a rather critical problem on our hands…" Quatre said.

"Yeah, if Scar's really their leader they have a critical problem too."

"I was thinking more of…"

Taking their cue, the pilots immediately heard muddled screams from the hangar. Heero's screen lit up a second later and the other's cell phones rang. They all opened theirs up and read the information provided.

"England?" Duo asked as he closed the top of his phone ceremoniously.

"Unfortunately yes," Wufei replied.

"Mission accepted."

"It seems we're going to try and take out the leader while this is still something laughable," Quatre said. Trowa nodded. Sigh city.

"So we have to take those loud things into a possibly hazardous battle right off the bat. I think I'll need some sleep first and yes, I know I'm in no position to speak, Wuffie," Duo said as he stood and stretched. Wufei glared as he took his leave of them. Natrually, Quatre and Trowa went back to Monopoly. It seemed that they would think about preparations at the last moment possible.

Sorry this chapter is a little shorter then the others .I hope it's not too far-fetched or confusing for your reading enjoyment. Well, I'm off to produce more so till next time. Thanks for reading.