Mercy Me

Something new:

Songs to listen to while reading:

Unwell-Matchbox 20

Miligrim Smile-From Autum to Ashes

Unholy Confessions-Avenged Sevenfold.

Angel-Massive Attack

Cute without the E- Taking back Sunday

Radio- Alkaline Trio

Down with the Sickness-Disturbed

She's not coming today. Because today is the day that I visit The Doctor. And tommorow is the day The Doctor never wakes up. The voice hates The Doctor too.

Weak. It rasps. Too weak.

"Gaara, how is life treating you?" The Doctor asks Question One, lowering her eyes to stare at my feet.

That's the only question The Doctor asks. Sometimes she doesn't even ask Question One and just waits for me to start but it never works because of the secret rule Don't Say Anything, so we just sit there until she can't stand it anymore and finally asks Question One. If I'm not playing Don't Say Anything I'll say fine or make up a story about my day. The Doctor is weak. She will believe anything I tell her either that or she pretends to. Pretending makes her even weaker. Today I'm not playing Don't Say Anything.

"Today I'm going to kill someone." I tell her

"Why?" The Doctor asks. She is not surprised.

"Because they are weak." I ran a hand over the knife safely tucked in my pocket.

"Maybe you just can't see how strong they are. Maybe their weakness is what makes them strong." The Doctor murmurs.

Silence. I'm not playing Don't Say Anything as The Doctor thinks. This game is much better. I don't have to think. I just move. Like, Don't Say Anything, my mouth doesn't need to open so the words can jumble out. All I need to do is slide the knife is out of my pocket and my fingers are perfect for the handle. Carving out a heart has never been so much fun. I've never felt skin so easy to tear in to. I've never seen so much surprise in her face. And as the knife slides in again, for a moment, I feel like I belong. But then the feeling is lost. Until the knife disappears into her skin again.

"M-M-Mama..."

I turn around. I thought I wasn't going to see Her today. I guess I thought wrong.

"M-M-M-Mama" She is frozen in fear. The knife molded in my hand drops. Tears flow but no hand comes to wipe them. Her whole body shakes but not on her own will. She opens her mouth and screams loud enough to wake the dead. Only it doesn't.

Her face is glittered with tears. Her mouth is still open. But no sound comes out. Instead, She takes my face in her hands and presses her lips against mine. And I plunge in to a different world of pure feeling. It's like I have a fever in the middle of a snow storm while my heart is being ripped out, inch by inch. The kiss becomes a delicious frenzy by now. She tastes like the ocean. Salty and bittersweet. In her flavor I'm drowning, and I have nothing to hold on to. Nothing but Her. So I grasp Her shoulders, swallow Her in my arms and hold on. She seems so frail, so easy to break, so weak. But I keep holding on, keep holding on like it will save me. But from what? Death? This hell? Myself?

It doesn't matter because I'm going deeper in to the pitch black abyss. Every thought registered in my mind is in a jumble. I can't think. I can only feel the beating of her heart against mine.

B-bump. B-bump. B-bump.

Never in my life have I ever wanted to hear that redundant beat continue forever. I could listen for hours. I could listen to her breathe until she stopped altogether.

I can feel her panting heavily now, gluping air between kisses. I can't do the same. It's getting harder to take a breath without feeling like it's going to kill me. I never want to let go. I want to hold on to the feeling for as long as possible. I never want to give it up.

I lose everything anyway. Because she turns away and runs out of The Doctor's office. She ran away with the blood of her own mother stained on her clothes and a piece of my soul as well. I take a deep breath in. Then another out.

This was hard to write despite it's shortness but I had to update today because a dear friend of mine died. We just found out two hours ago. I decided the best way to honor her life was to update her favorite story. Isabelle, are you up there yet? This is Lauren. This one's for you.