Title: Reactions & Fear
Series: Crazy's rescue mission
Author: Sevangel
Disclaimer: Not mine
Rating: PG-13
FYI: I'm still completely unsure bout this, don't know if I'll continue. Got some comments bout River sounding too sane and forgot to mention in the first part that she would be. This whole idea came about when I was thinking about how the crew would react to a mostly sane but deadly River. If she got better but they had to learn what she's done and how they would react. So, like the last one, keep going or trash it.
-
Jayne stares at her for a few seconds before pouring another shot and downing it. She ain't as insane as they all think she is, her reaction just showed it. She knew exactly what she was doin and what it would do to her.
"What's wrong?" Jayne questions when he sees her wince.
"Got a scratch." River answers. She touches her left side and then holds her fingers in the air; they're covered in blood.
"Why didn't ya ruttin say somethin?" Jayne growls.
"Not important, just a scratch." River replies. She starts to dig through the kit when he reaches out and grabs it.
"C'mere." Jayne grunts.
River stands up and walks over to him to stand between his spread legs, being careful not to hit his injured one.
Jayne turns her sideways and grabs her dress. Placing a finger where the bullet entered, he rips her dress apart so that her skin is showing. Grabbing the towel, he cleans the blood off her skin. It's a clean shot so he don't have to worry bout tryin to dig out a bullet. He uses some of the peroxide pads to clean the wound and then bandages it.
"There." Jayne grunts.
"Thank you, Jayne." River replies. "They'll be up here in a few minutes to talk about what happened; I'm going to go change."
Jayne starts to ask her how she knows that but realizes he don't really wanna know. He watches her walk out of the room and sure enough, bout 10 minutes later the rest of the crew comes walkin into the mess.
"Jayne, Mal said you were shot in the leg." Simon says, walking over to the merc. "If you'll follow me down to the infirmary, I'll patch it."
"No need, doc." Jayne says. "Your sister done did."
"What?" Simon questions. He bends over to examine the merc's wounded leg. "She did this?"
"Yep." Jayne replies.
"Alright, it's nice and all that River is fixing Jayne instead of hurting him," Wash says, "but I'd like to know what the hell happened. How did she end up with you guys? Last time we seen her, she was throwing things and then running out of the room to hide."
"That was all fake." Jayne comments.
"Fake?" Simon questions.
"Why don't ya all sit down and we'll discuss this." Mal orders.
"Mal, I think you should go to bed, Zoe too." Simon suggests.
"We're fine, doc." Mal replies. "Ya done bandaged us up; we've done runs after gettin shot, a little conversation ain't gonna hurt us."
"Alright, but if I feel that you're overexerting yourselves, I'm going to have to insist on you both going to bed." Simon replies.
"What's with ya Tam's and bossin me round?" Mal mutters. "Did everyone here forget I'm the gorram captain on this ship; I don't take orders, I give them."
"And I'm your doctor." Simon argues. "I know what's best for your health."
"Fine doc." Mal agrees. "If we start to feel like death's knockin, we'll let ya know."
"Thank you." Simon replies. He takes his seat and waits for the rest of the crew to sit down before turning back to Jayne. "What do you mean, fake?"
"She faked that gorram fit." Jayne answers.
"How do you know that?" Simon asks.
"She told us." Mal answers. "This is right before she shot 3 men between the eyes with her back turned."
Simon's jaw drops and it takes a few moments before he can say anything. "She killed someone?"
"Three someone's that we saw." Zoe comments. "She mighta killed more while we was escaping, don't really know."
"I don't……are you sure?" Simon asks, disbelieving.
"It's a scene I ain't gonna soon forget." Mal comments. "I ain't ever seen someone shoot like that. I also ain't seen too many people so untouched after takin a life."
"Yeah." Zoe agrees. "We may shoot people but she warned them before killing them and then acted like it was nothing."
"She might not have realized." Simon says. "She might have thought it was a game."
"She realized." Jayne argues. "She knew what she was doin and she knew it weren't a game. And she was affected by it."
"How do you know that Jayne?" Mal questions.
"Done watched her throw up and cry bout it." Jayne answers. "She just waited till it was over b'fore reactin to it."
"She threw up?" Simon questions. "I should give her something; she's probably having another episode."
"Ain't a fit doc, she's dealin with takin a life." Jayne argues. "She still gets the shakes after killin someone."
"Shakes?" Book questions. "How do you know this?"
"We're the same." River answers, walking into the room. Everyone but Jayne jumps with her quiet entrance. "Two sides of the same coin."
"Mei-mei, what do you mean?" Simon questions. "Who's the same?"
"Me and Jayne." River answers.
"How?" Mal asks.
"We're both killers." River says evenly.
Simon starts to protest but nothing intelligible comes out.
"Now, River, just cause ya killed some folk, don't make ya nothin like Jayne." Mal argues. "He's a trained merc. Ya've just done it this one time."
"Go ahead, Kaylee." River says. "It's okay; you wanted to tell them a while ago but didn't."
"Tell us what?" Mal replies. "Kaylee, ya got somethin to say?"
"It happened back when Niska took ya two." Kaylee whispers.
"What's that have to do with anything?" Simon questions. "River wasn't even in that fight."
"Tried to stay away." River says. "But Kaylee's fear was too much. She should have never been there; she's not meant for that kind of life."
"I have to agree." Mal says. "I don't like the thought of Kaylee usin a gun, for any reason. Still don't get what this has to do with you though."
"I got pinned down by 3 guys." Kaylee answers. "I couldn't do….then River came up and took one look. They was spread out and had some cover. She only looked for a second and then closed her eyes and killed em."
"Ya shoulda told me." Mal growls.
"I know." Kaylee whispers. "But she's my friend and I was afraid of what ya do."
"Her eyes were closed?" Simon questions.
"Yep." Kaylee answers.
"You shouldn't of left her." River says. "You were supposed to hold that line but you left her alone."
"I'm confused." Wash says.
"You want to know why I'm not sounding crazy." River states.
"Uh..yeah." Wash replies, startled that she knew what he wanted to know. "A few days ago you were rubbing soup in our hair and now you're sounding all sane."
"He's right." Simon agrees. "When did the drugs start working?"
"They haven't." River replies. "They never really did anything but you felt better giving them to me so I didn't say anything."
"Ya sayin you've been fakin this whole 'crazy' thing?" Mal growls.
"Not at first." River answers. "When I first got here I was crazy but I've been able to start piecing myself back together."
"Why did you pretend?" Simon questions, hurt. "Was it a game?"
"No, Simon." River replies. "You weren't ready to know what I am; you still aren't. But I had no choice."
"No choice about what?" Zoe asks.
"About saving you." River answers. "Had I not, we would have all died."
"You don't know that." Mal answers.
"Yes, I do." River retorts. "The three men I shot were coming to kill you and then they would have taken over Serenity, killed the rest of us, and then junked the boat. I did what I had to."
Everyone stares at her.
"They made ya a reader." Mal states.
"Not on purpose." River answers. "It was a side effect."
"Side effect of what?" Simon asks.
"Making the perfect assassin." River answers. "Gave the training and then removed a part to make it perfect. Enabled the weapon to hear, see, and feel everything."
"That's why they cut into your brain?" Simon asks.
"Yes." River replies. "It's why I don't have to look; I feel everything and know where everyone is standing, what they're doing, how many weapons they have."
"Assassin?" Mal questions. "Ya've killed people? For who?"
"Alliance." River answers. "I was their best weapon; they insured that. Spent months perfecting it and millions of credits to insure it."
"How many?" Simon questions, not really wanting to know.
"Don't know." River answers honestly. "I never counted after the first job."
"What was your first job?" Mal asks.
"Former leader for the Independents." River answers. "They wanted to make an example of him. They were able to get me an invitation to his daughter's birthday party. I attended and killed him."
"How old were you?" Mal asks through clenched teeth. He knows who's she talkin bout. Never served with the man himself but word got around bout how he was killed at his daughter's birthday party.
"15."
"Gao yang jong duh goo yang." Mal yells. "Ya were killin people at 15?"
"I didn't have a choice." River replies. "It was either him or they would have taken out the entire party."
"River, you can't be serious." Simon croaks out.
"I am what they made me." River answers. "I didn't want to but they had ways of making me."
"What ways?" Jayne asks.
"At first they used mind control." River explains. "Certain phrases that would result in certain actions. But eventually I was able to fight those. Then they used physical force but that didn't last long; I can handle too much and they didn't want me dead, just controlled. Their last resort was mental torture, making me relive memories and dreams but Simon got me out before it could be tested."
"Mei-mei, we can fix this." Simon protests.
"No we can't." River says. "There's nothing to fix."
"No." Simon whispers.
"Simon, I wish I could change." River replies. "I wish I could be the 14 year sister that you sent away but I can't. She's dead. She died a long time ago. All that remains is a slightly crazy, assassin."
Nobody else says anything; most of the crew is looking everywhere but at River. River watches them and then let's out a hollow laugh.
"It's ironic." River explains when everyone turns to stare at her. "The only person who has a real, legitimate reason to be afraid of me is the only person who understands me."
River looks at them for a few more seconds before walking out of the mess.
"I want her door locked at night." Mal says a few minutes after she's gone. "Kaylee, Inara, Book, and Wash you're not to be alone with her at anytime. No more games little Kaylee, dong ma? Jayne, I want ya keepin an eye on her whenever she's out of her room."
"Alright." Simon agrees.
"Everyone else understand?" Mal asks.
"Yeah, we get it." Jayne replies.
"I don't want her wanderin around this boat alone." Mal orders.
"Sir, what are you going to do?" Zoe questions.
"I'm not sure." Mal answers honestly. "I've got to think on this situation a while. I suggest we all go to bed; it's been a rough day."
Mal doesn't wait for them to respond; he just stands up and leaves the mess. He's got a lot to think on. On one hand, she did save them. But on the other hand, she's been trained to kill, heartlessly. She could be a danger to his crew and he don't like that.
-
"Whadda ya doin, Crazy?" Jayne questions as River walks into the mess. "I ain't seen ya but a couple of times this week. Why ya out of your room?"
"Everyone else is planet side." River answers. She sits down and watches him clean his guns for a few moments. Reaching her hand out, she grabs one of his pistols off the table and breaks it down. She grabs his extra rag and dips it into the grease before cleaning it.
Jayne watches her for a second then turns his attention back to cleanin Vera. "Why ya been stayin in your room?" Jayne questions a few minutes later. "I'd gone stir-crazy locked in a room for that long with only a couple breaks."
"They don't want me out." River answers. "Feel much safer when I'm behind locked doors. Besides, it's not fair for you to have to baby-sit the assassin."
"So ya know bout Mal's new rules?" Jayne questions with a smirk.
"Yes." River answers. "They're all afraid of me."
"No, that ain't true." Jayne lies.
"Yes, it is." River argues. "Kaylee doesn't want to be in the same room with me and when she has to, she stays close to Simon or Inara and won't come near me. Simon won't look at me and if he talks to me, he always pulls on his ear; it's something he does when he's nervous. Inara will give me a fake smile and pick at her nails when she sees me. It's a nervous habit she broke after entering the academy. Book either puts his hands in his pockets or if he has his bible, he holds it in front of himself. Zoe always keeps her eyes on me and the safety off her gun. Wash still acts as if everything is the same but stands close to Zoe. Mal's hand is always on his pistol when I'm in the room."
"I think ya're just seein things." Jayne grunts. He knows they're all a bit afraid of her but don't think it's as bad as she's makin it out to be.
"You'll see." River replies.
He glances at her for a second then returns his attention to his guns.
"What's goin on here?" Mal questions when he walks into the mess and sees River and Jayne cleanin guns. "What's she doin?"
"She can answer for herself." River replies. "She is cleaning a gun; don't worry, Jayne keeps all his ammo in his bunk."
Jayne snickers at her tone and glances up at the crew entering the mess. Kaylee glances at them and then walks to the end of the table and sits down, Inara holding her hand. Inara sits down, glances up at River, and then quickly looks down at her hands clasped on the table. Her finger picks at the skin on her thumbnail.
"Hi Simon." River says.
"Um, hi, River." Simon says. He looks down at her hands and then turns his gaze to Kaylee, his hand tugging at his ear.
"Hey River." Wash says cheerfully. "Hey Jayne."
"Hi." River responds.
Wash drops into his chair, Zoe right beside him.
Book walks into the room and looks around before sitting down beside Kaylee and Inara, his hands in his pockets.
River quickly puts the gun back together and sets in down in front of Jayne before leaving the room.
"Ta ma duh." Jayne says. "She's ruttin right."
"Who's right?" Mal questions.
"Crazy." Jayne answers. "Ya're all ruttin terrified of her."
"What?" Mal shouts. "I ain't afraid."
"Then explain why your hand's still on your gun." Jayne retorts. "And Zoe, why'd ya put the safety off your gun when ya walked in here? Nara's pickin at her nails, Shepard's got his hands in his pockets, Kaylee won't get near her, Wash is hidin behind his wife, and doc won't even look at his own sister, too busy pullin on his ear."
"Not afraid, just cautious." Mal protests.
"If'n she was planning on killin us, we'd all be dead." Jayne says.
"Why ain't ya nervous round her?" Mal questions. "The whole time they've been here ya've done but bitch bout them gettin off, now ya're bein all friendly with her."
"Yeah." Wash agrees. "You're always bringing up how she cut you."
"Guess she's right." Jayne replies. "We're bout the same. Plus, I'm startin to think if'n she wanted me dead when she cut me, I'd be dead. Ya're all treatin her like she's a gorram reaver or somethin."
"We are not." Simon protests.
Jayne ignores him and gathers his guns before walking out of the mess. He drops them off in his bunk and starts to walk back towards the mess to get somethin to eat when he hears someone sobbin. It takes him a few seconds to realize it's Crazy and he almost ignores it when he remembers ain't gonna be no one else checkin on her. He walks to the passenger bunks and stops outside her door.
"Ya hurt yourself?" Jayne questions.
She doesn't answer him, just continues what she was doin. It takes him a few moments to realize what it is.
"What's goin on?" Jayne asks. "Why ya packin your go-se for?"
"I'm leaving." River answers, wiping the tears off her face. "They don't want me here; would sleep better if I were elsewhere."
"Your brother know?" Jayne questions.
She just laughs. "How would he know?" River questions. "He won't come near me."
"Ya gonna tell em?"
"No, you can." River answers.
"Wait one ruttin second, I ain't no messenger." Jayne growls. "Ya wanna leave, ya can tell em yourself."
"I can't." River replies. "I'm barely hanging on; I can't handle seeing the relief in their eyes when I say goodbye. You can handle it."
Jayne mutters under his breath before walking over and picking her up. He throws her over his shoulder, his hands locked around her legs to keep her from kicking him.
"Put me down." River growls.
"No." Jayne replies, walking towards the mess. "Ya can tell em yourself."
River tries to move her legs but he's too strong. She debates on trying to pinch him, but he's too large and her arms aren't long enough to find purchase anywhere painful. With a growl, she digs her teeth into his back, right above his belt.
"Tyen-sah!" Jayne growls. "Did ya just bite me?"
"Yes." River answers. "Put me down."
He ignores her and speeds up until he's in the mess.
"What's goin on?" Mal yells when he sees Jayne carrying River. "She do somethin?"
"No, she didn't do nothin." Jayne growls. "Tell em."
River ignores him and tries to leave the room when Jayne grabs her wrist to keep her in the room.
"Tell us what?" Simon asks.
"She's ruttin leavin." Jayne answers. "She was packin her go-se when I walked by."
"What?" Simon shrieks. "River, what's going on?"
"Do you really care?" River questions. "You would all be happier and feel safer if I wasn't here."
"Now, River…." Mal starts when she cuts him off.
"You sleep with a gun in your hand." River interrupts. "Kaylee has a screwdriver under her pillow and Simon always has a sedative in his pocket. Everyone locks their rooms and avoids me at all costs. What am I supposed to think?"
"River." Simon whispers.
"Simon, look me in the eyes and tell me, if you knew what they were doing, what they made, that you would have still given up your life for me." River says.
Simon's mouth opens but he doesn't say anything.
"There's my answer." River whispers. She wipes tears off her face before turning to Jayne. "On the next run, kill the man wearing red first. Your instincts will be to kill the other but the red one will kill the captain if you don't."
"Whadda ya doin?" Jayne questions. He tries to tighten his hold on her wrist but she shakes him off and runs out of the mess, slamming the door behind her.
Jayne looks at the rest of the crew and then follows her. He sees the flutter of her dress headin for the bay and speeds up. He figures he can stop her before she makes it down the steps. He's wrong. She jumps over the banister to land heavily on the bay floor before running out the bay door into the crowded docking bay of Boros.
He can hear the rest of the crew running up behind him and turns to look at them. "She's gone." Jayne grunts.
-
Chinese translations:
Gao yang jong duh goo yang: Motherless goats of all motherless goats
Ta ma duh: Fuck me blind
Tyen-sah: Goddamn