Chapter Four….. On Ice.
A/N : I've been fantastically busy and a depressed puddle of goo, so please forgive the non – updation. Luvs a Myriad Dewdrop! P.S. I know I switched from first to third person last chapter…. And that was because I forgot that I was writing in first person. But, you see, I don't like writing in first person – so screw it – screw it upside down and backwards. The rest of this story may be all third person – which is sad, cuz I was writing this in first person to improve my first person skills. But screw it six times on the planet Mars. I like third person.
Disclaimer: nothing Harry Potter is mine, I'm just going to go and sulk in a corner now.
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It was morning. No, really – it was. Only Tom couldn't see that. No, he was in the attic of the Three Broomsticks with a lampshade over his head. The previous night he had charged up the stairs, and upon greeting the dusty floor lamp that had made its home in the attic had begun to tango. However, he must have groped the lamp in a way that it hadn't liked, he thought to himself. That would explain the bruise on his elbow and the lampshade on his head.
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A few floors below the attic, there was chaos, starvation – well, no – not really. Everyone was just looking for Tom. They wanted breakfast. Because breakfast was yummy and wonderful, and totally a good thing when you woke up hungry. Snape and the Girls were hungry. Really hungry…. and irate.
They made there way down the corridors, calling his name and checking all the broom closets, finally when they were just about to give up hope, they found a housekeeping woman. From the looks of it her name was "Cheery Face Linda", apparently Tom had given his staff nicknames.
"Uh-er Linda!" called Snape, abandoning the 'Cheery Face'. She turned around and stared at them. She looked annoyed.
"How may I help you?" she inquired, jerkily.
"We're looking for Tom." Stated Snape
"So I gathered – I've been hearing you for the past hour."
"Yes, well – where is he? Is he out?" replied Snape curtly.
"No, he's just another man with a dick in his ear." said Linda, and she turned and walked away.
"Well that's one way to put it." Kaitylan said, breaking the stunned silence.
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Meanwhile up in the attic Tom was being assaulted by a spider. Tom doesn't like spiders. Shrieking he leapt from his spot and ran screaming out the door.
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"I wish we could find Tom, I'm hungry." mumbled Leene, her stomach a rumbling. The minutes were slowly ticking by, they hadn't searched the basement or the attic as they just knew he couldn't possibly be there, despite Anna's frequent insisting. It was getting close to ten o'clock when they heard the voice they had been longing to hear. Although the words it was saying were not really what they had expected.
"CRACK WHORES!" shouted Tom, running towards them on the third floor corridor with lampshade on head and toilet tissue on shoe. "CRACK WHORES! GET THEM OFF ME!"
"I don't see any crack whores," stated Kaitylan blatantly.
"No, but that sure is a huge-ass spider on his back!" squealed Anna, flattening herself onto the wall.
"Incendio!" shouted Snape, and the spider was down. Unfortunately now Tom was on fire. Tom was quick to act, by stopping, dropping, and rolling about. Tom, minus the hole in his shirt, was fine.
"I love it when you play hard to get floor lamp, baby." swaggered Tom as he made his way towards Severus.
"And you know what I love," purred Snape, to everyone's surprise, "breakfast."
"Oh yeah, baby? I'll just get you some of that breakfast. Toast and bacon, with pumpkin juice sound good?" replied Tom, whom had not removed the lampshade yet.
"Oh yes, and bring some for my friends, Severus, Anna, Kaitylan, and Leene. And don't forget to bring some coffee."
"Yes, m'am!" and Tom was off to the kitchen, trotting happily.
Snape was then greeted with many raised eyebrows. He shrugged and said, "Worked, didn't it? Let's make our way to the table before it gets too late."
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Everyone was seated by the time Tom arrived with the food. After they were all served Tom went over to Snape and began to pet him. "Floor lamp, my dear floor lamp." Severus was not pleased. In a sudden, jerky movement Snape whipped the lampshade off of Tom's head and glared at him. Tom sniffled and mumbled, "Where's my lampy baby?"
Snape thought quickly and said the first thing that came to mind, "She went home. She said she wasn't feeling well…. And that you should bring her shade to her." Tom's eyes widened.
"My beloved is still in the attic!" he squealed, "I must save her from the crack whores!" and he charged back upstairs. Anna now looked more than faintly annoyed.
"I told you he was in the attic. But did you listen – nooooooo."
A few moments passed in silence and then Severus said very gravely, "When we get to Hogwarts you will not mention that you are now witches. You are to act as though you are still muggles, got it?"
"Why do we have to act like we're still muggles? Aren't you taking us there to be students?" Leene asked, smelling something fishy, probably the sea siren at the next table.
"In a manner of speaking, however, Potter's punishment still stands – he said I had to live with muggles for a month – but he didn't specify where."
"And what's so bad about muggles that you can't live with them for a month? Are they too far beneath you?" questioned Kaitylan, a fire burning in her eyes.
"No. This is not safe to discuss here, not now, anyway."
"What do you mean not now?" hissed Kaitylan.
"I mean, Bill Weasley just walked through that door," snapped Snape, indicating the new customer in the Three Broomsticks. In a moment Bill spotted them and headed towards their table. "Keep your mouths shut." Ordered Snape.
Before they could protest, Bill was at their table and asking, "Where's Tom? Mum heard about the accident with the frying pan and she told me to come here and give him this 'Get Well' card, I told her we could owl it – but no, it's nicer to give it to him in person she says, it'll make his day, she says, it'll - "
"Bill, you are doing ze rambling rambling zhing again. Excuse me ladies, hello Profezzor Snape," it was Fleur. " Do you 'appen to know where iz Mister Tom?"
"Tom," stated Snape, evenly, "is in the attic, although you may want to knock before you enter."
"Aw, ze tootless bald man has zey girlfriend?" asked Fleur, beaming brightly, no matter how long she had been married to Bill, her French accent was still as heavy as ever.
"In a way. You see - Tom has become infatuated with a floor lamp." Replied Snape, staring fixedly into his coffee mug, while the girls' stifled their giggling.
Bill's eyes widened, as did Fleur's. "P – perhaps one of the maids will give it to him?" squirmed Bill, looking as though he were trying to figure out something.
"You can try, but the only one on duty right now is Linda, and I doubt she'd do it for you. Not exactly the most helpful person in the world." He replied, fixing his gaze now on Bill.
"Er, right then….. guess I'll just go then, Fleur, dear – you stay here while I - "
"Oh you are always trying to be ze man!" said Fleur, throwing her hands up into the air, "I'm coming wiz you, I do not care what you say! If I am brave enough for battle, I am brave enough for zis – now come on! Nice meeting you, ladies." She said as an after thought, not wanting to seem rude. The group watched as Fleur dragged Bill up the stairs, huffing and puffing all the way.
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Fleur dragged Bill the entire way up the stairs and to the attic door. Bill was now a sickly green color. "What a wuss you are!" exclaimed Fleur, "It iz all your muzzer's fault! When we have childen, your muzzer may not come near zem!" Bill looked at her sadly, he hated not being brave enough for her, Fleur noticed this and continued affectionately, "But you are my wuss – and I love you anyway."
"I love you too, Fleur." Bill said, smiling.
"Good. Zhen you will knock on ze door."
Bill gulped, stepped forward and wrapped loudly on the door. "Come in!" came Tom, brightly and Bill froze.
"Oh for goodnez zake!" exclaimed Fleur and she pulled the door open, mightily.
The scene that met their eyes was not the one that they had been expecting. Tom was not having a steamy love affair with a floor lamp, but he seemed rather to be tending to it. It appeared as though he had found an old mattress and quilt and had made a make shift pillow out of cotton balls for the floor lamp to rest on. As Bill and Fleur stepped inside Tom shushed them and said, "She's not feeling very well, so keep your voices down." At that point Fleur nudged Bill and he stepped forward, card in hand.
"My Mum heard about the accident," Bill began, "and she wanted me to give you this – it's a 'Get well' card." Tom's face brightened.
"Oh, why thank you, young Bill, here let me read it to her – I'm surprised your mother found out so soon about Lampy's welfare! Tell her that her concern is always so appreciated! Hey, this card says dear Tom! Oh! She must have thought it was me – ha ha, I'm fine silly woman! And Lampy didn't get hit with a frying pan!" Tom was puzzled. Fleur then tried to explain things.
"No, no Mister Tom, it iz you who 'as been hit wiz a frying pan! Zat iz why you are wishing to make love to zis floor lamp!"
"OH! SO YOU THINK OUR LOVE IS A JOKE, HUH!" screamed Tom, " Well, it's not! AND FOR YOUR INFORMATION WE HAVEN'T EVEN HELD HANDS YET – OR KISSED!"
"Of courz you 'ave not 'eld hands!" yelled Fleur " Floor lamps don't 'ave any!"
"DO NOT MOCK HER!"
"Now, Tom – calm down." Stated Bill.
"Oh, look – LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!" Lampy's awake now, and it's all thanks to you – oooohhhh! She's upset – look at her, you've upset her! GET OUT – BOTH OF YOU, JUST GET OUT!" and Tom threw them out the door.
"Oh, very good explaining, Fleur – very good." Muttered Bill sarcastically, as he skidded to a halt on his rear.
"Shut up! I do not want to 'ear it! We are done wiz what we came for so let's go!" and Fleur dragged Bill back down the stairs.
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"It's eleven-thirty." Stated Snape, from his room, as they were all finished with breakfast and had started packing. "Get your things, bring them here and I shall shrink them." After a few moments past, he had a menagerie of suitcases in front of him to be shrunk. He did so and watched in amusement as the girls marveled at the tiny size. "Put them in your pocket and grab onto me," he instructed. "We shall be apparating to Hogsmead." And with a tiny 'pop' they were on their way.
It was a short trip from Hogsmead to the Hogwarts grounds. The girls were in awe at the sight of the castle, many 'woah's were uttered. It was not until Snape cleared his throat to get their attention that they tore their eyes off the big structure. " We will be heading down to the dungeons before my little chess match – I expect you to behave yourselves – and to remember what I told you." Two 'yes sir's and one 'yes m'am' later and they were down in the dungeons. Snape's office to be exact. In his office there was his desk, and on that desk there was a note – a note from Professor McGonagall. It said in big letters…..
Severus,
Please meet me at the lake at Noon today for our scheduled chess match. Oh, and do bring your friends.
Sincerely Yours,
Minerva M.
"At the lake?" asked Leene, "She a big fan of scenery?" Snape was bewildered.
"I have no idea," he replied, running a hand through his hair. "But we shall find out. Leave your things and come with me."
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Snape made his way to the lake, where Minerva stood waiting for him. She had a smug smirk on her face and was standing there with folded arms. "Minerva, dear have you forgotten the chessboard?" Snape sneered silkily.
"Why no, Severus, I haven't." She then pointed her wand at the lake and it froze into a giant chessboard. She then flicked her wand upward and chess pieces rose from it and carved themselves right in front of the group's eyes. "Well, come on Severus. Get on the board. And you girls," she said pointing at them, " have a seat." And she conjured a couch for them.
"Very nice piece of theatre, Minerva – very ah…. Dramatic, I must ask though, how many weeks did it take you to think that whole thing up?" Snape goaded, knowing that Minerva was absolutely horrible at retorts. As expected Minerva puffed out her checks and made several flustered sounds, but never quite got around to saying anything. "Very well, then Minerva. Shall we start?"
"Yes, very good, very good." And then she snickered, causing Snape quite a bit of confusion.
"Minerva, have you gone mad?"
"No, Severus, I have not – it's just that you, being the younger player get to play with the white pieces." And she sniggered some more.
"Oh, come now, Minerva, like I care. Like I really care."
"Would you like to make a wager?" asked Minerva, hoping to have caught Severus off-guard.
"What type of wager, Minerva?" he was not caught off-guard.
"If you lose you have to do something for me, which I will specify, and if I lose I will do something you specify."
"And what would you have me do?" Snape inquired, knowing secretly that he would win. No one had known of is great skills in chess except for Albus, whom he could beat every once and a while. That in its self said something.
"That, my dear Severus, I will only tell you if you agree to make the wager."
"Fine."
Minerva looked beside herself with joy as she exclaimed, " You will, if you lose, have to wear bright purple swim trunks to the next Start of Term Banquet…. And they must be obviously purple, not two seconds away from black. What," grinned Minerva, knowing that she would win, having beat Albus a fair few times, "would you have me do?"
Snape thought about this for a few moments, knowing that he must at least seem slightly apprehensive or Minerva would back out. Finally, with a confident nod, he said, "Minerva, I would have you take your hair down out of that bun for two weeks, starting at the Start of Term Banquet, as well."
Now it was Minerva's turn to act appalled and apprehensive, secretly grinning inside that Snape had seemed so on edge, 'Usually that man doesn't give a hint of his feelings!' she thought to herself gleefully, not realizing that this was indeed a bad sign.
As they boarded the chessboard neither could feel more confident, nor more mistaken in their abilities against the other. Unlike the giant chess game Minerva had designed to guard the Sorcerer's Stone, no one had to stand in for a piece. The players directed the pieces from the sidelines, much like any other game of Wizard's Chess.
The game went back and forth, Snape lost his Queen right from the get go, but insisted that it didn't matter. He then took out both of Minerva's knights, much to her surprise. Not many people would use their Queen for bait. One of Severus's pawns started making funny faces at Minerva – so she took him out. That unfortunately led to the loss of one of her rooks. She tried to call it as foul play, but the pawn had acted on its own, with no encouragement from Severus. The game continued. At what seemed to be the final stand Severus had left a rook, a pawn and a knight, while Minerva was only left with her Queen and a pawn. Minerva grinned wildly as she saw check in sight, and with one swift movement Snape's knight was gone. "Check," she said triumphantly.
"No." replied Snape, as his rook took her Queen, "Not check, Minerva." Minerva's face fell – aghast. "Check mate."
"Oh… Bugger!" was all she could say as she glared at Severus.
"Relax," sneered Snape, "Let your hair down." He then began to laugh at her furious expression. It was a deep, rich melodious laugh that rang across the grounds and stirred the sparrows in the trees. Just then, he realized that Minerva was melting the board and hastily jumped off it, before he could be drenched. "Well you're a sore loser," he said, decidedly leading the girls away from the beside herself Head Mistress and back up to the castle, where he would help them settle into their Dungeon rooms.