Author's Note: There comes a time in everyone's life where they fall in love and things sometimes come crashing down around you. I wanted to write a story about a loved that was lost. This may be pretty angsty. I got the idea for this story from the song Bleed Like Me by Trapt which I also borrowed the story title from. Hope you like it.
Bleed Like Me
He was filled with anger. He just couldn't get over what she had done to him. How dare she hurt him like this? Hadn't it been enough that he had given up everything for her? Squall felt hollow. It was like the life had just been slowly sucked out of him. And worse of all Rinoa didn't get why. Yes, she understood she was the cause and that she was sorry. He knew deep down she didn't intentionally mean to hurt him and that she still loved him very much. But he just didn't know what to do about it. On one hand he wanted to run back into her arms and love her and have her love him back. And on the other he was so angry that he wanted to isolate himself from everyone and everything.
The other night I just lost control. She was screaming at me to just feel something and the next thing I knew I had snatched her and I was holding my hand over her mouth to drown out the sounds of her screams. I couldn't understand, couldn't comprehend all she wanted to; I just wanted to retreat into my dark hole. I couldn't promise anything, I never could anyways. Promises just weren't my thing. Neither was getting close to people. But somehow some way I feel in love with her. I risked my life for her. I would have even died for her. To make it even worse I lost everything. I gave up my family and I gave up my friends. I even gave up my job for her. She said it was too dangerous and that she was worried for me. So I gave it up.
Rinoa was like poison to me yet at the same time she healed me. But I wasn't sure if I even wanted her to this time. I knew that deep down I loved her but did she even deserve it. I could tell by the look in her eyes that each time I said I didn't care. That I didn't love anyone she began to believe it more and more and subsequently every time I looked into her eyes I could see that she began to die a little bit more each time. I just knew I was killing her inside but I didn't care. But then I did. I was just so confused and everything became a conflict.
I always thought that I was better off alone. But she showed me something different. Everything was always in black and white and she showed me how to dream in color. She warmed my heart and lit me on fire. And it was the most amazing feeling. Now I wonder if learning how to love somehow made me weak. Rinoa swears that it didn't, that it only made me stronger but I'm not so sure. I didn't think that I was ready to settle down no matter how much she wanted me to. And then that's what I wanted too. For her to be my wife and maybe a little baby girl. But then I didn't want them anymore and I never realized how much that hurt her. I never realized that she took it as me not wanting her. Not that I didn't want a serious commitment like that. She always had a bad habit of doing that. Just assuming what was going on in my head and not asking me. I guess she figured that if she asked I would just clam up and not tell her anyways.
There just came a point where I didn't feel like I had anything left to say to her. The night before I shouted that I hated her. That she was evil and a monster and that she was a mean-spirited bitch. I know I shouldn't have said those things to her. I know that her calling me a pansy and a coward didn't make it right. I guess I also know that she didn't mean those hurtful words she said. Neither did I.
She needed to hurt just like me. The pain that I feel, I wanted her to feel it too. I wanted to damage her just like the way she damaged me. I just don't know what I'm feeling anymore.
So here I am waiting outside for Rinoa. I look at my watch and realize that she was over half an hour late. I couldn't believe that I was that lost in my thoughts. So I decided to go to her dorm and find her. When I got there I didn't get any answer. I tried calling her but no answer. I decided to just let myself in. When I opened the door there she was. Hanging from the ceiling. This wasn't what I wanted. Not by a long shot. I collapsed to my knees in despair. I didn't want this.
All I wanted was for her was to feel what I felt. To bleed like me.