A Dreadfully Convenient Crossover: "Partners In Every Sense of the Word"

By Spectra16 (Fishermen Don't Live in the Real World)

A/N: Anyone still reading? Just wondering. Gimme a buzz and tell me what you think of this series. I'll take any sort of criticism. Even give me ideas! I like ideas. . . Just like how I like reviewers! Woo. I'm desperate. Someone please end my misery by just reporting me for some heinous rule breakage. Like, I wrote a story that is a tri-crossover. That should be illegal. Or, report me for skipping school in order to work on this. That might get something. Fido hates me, and I can accept that. You should read some of my stuff from when I was 13. It's insane. Strictly for ADD patients only! I'm pretty sure I was on crack when I wrote that stuff. I don't have the balls to take it off of my account though.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and Artemis Fowl. I won't have Lemony Snicket show up in this one, unless I find a reason for him. Pretty sure if he does come in, he'll have something less than a cameo appearance. Sorry Snicket fans. (Peace to my VFDers out there! Love ya'll!)

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Chapter Three: Odd Ones Out

Sirius, Remus, and James got quite a few dirty looks as they sat down in the back of the set of chairs that were pointed at the trellis. Bellatrix hair was pinned up in a beautiful mass of black. Rudolphus looked equally dashing, but the sight was spoiled by the constant whisperings of James to Sirius. Remus felt a little embarrassed by the two of them, even though he didn't know any of these people. He had no reputation to keep up, but he still felt intrusive. Remus watched the starry gaze of Bellatrix and Rudolphus. Lupin watched them in envy. He had wished to be married someday, but his circumstance wouldn't allow it. There wasn't a woman in the world that would care to share a bed with a werewolf. Remus sighed heavily.

"And do you, Rudolphus Lestrange take Bellatrix Black as your wife?" The wedding wizard asked. James snickered.

"I know I do!" James laughed. Sirius jabbed him in the ribs.

"My God, my family is going to hate me forever," Sirius smiled. James furrowed his eyebrows.

"I thought they already did," James smirked. Sirius nodded solemnly.

After a few more moments, James decided to cough loudly, and fakely at that. Sirius quietly burst into a fit of laughter. Remus looked at his friends distastefully.

"You may kiss the bride."

"Ew!" James made a high pitched noise. Sirius was near tears still. Remus looked over at the first person who had clapped. It was a long haired, blonde man, of which he had seen before. He had strikingly handsome features, but Remus couldn't have hated him more. He shuddered and tugged on Sirius' sleeve.

"Can we please go now?" Remus asked. Sirius looked at him puzzled.

"But we haven't even gotten drunk yet!" James burst out, yet holding a bottle of champagne that was half empty. Everyone in the small audience stood and started to mingle with each other. Remus' bangs fell on his face.

"See that man behind me? Long hair? He works for the Ministry. Tried to send me to a rehabilitation center for werewolves," Remus spoke sadly. Sirius looked at him closer, realizing that he must have been Lucius, because he was standing awfully close next to his sister. Sirius looked back into Lupin's terrified eyes. He put his hands on Lupin's shoulders.

"We'll leave as soon as I talk to Narcissa again. Just, go sit in the guest room for now, with James. James, stay with him. Make sure he isn't seen by that man," Sirius stood up hastily and pushed through family members to get to his cousin. He caught a few familiar, old faces in the crowd, but didn't stop to speak with them. He finally reached Narcissa and put his hand on her shoulder. She spun around and smiled.

"Hey Sirius! This is Lucius, my fiance," Narcissa grabbed Lucius' arm. Sirius looked up at the tall man. He nodded.

"Yeah, can I speak with you alone?" Sirius spoke hastily. Narcissa shook her head.

"Why?"

"It's important. I have to leave quickly," Sirius grabbed Narcissa's hand and looked up at another woman that stood next to Lucius, with hair that matched his. She looked up at Sirius with a curious look. Sirius felt like melting. She was fantastic, beautiful. He took in a sharp breath.

"Why do you have to leave so quickly?" Narcissa asked. Sirius starred at the woman, wide eyed.

"What?" Sirius asked, not having heard what Narcissa said.

"Why do you have to leave!" Narcissa asked. Sirius looked at her.

"Did I say that? A emergency, but . . . I could stay for a bit," Sirius looked back at the woman. Lucius spoke up.

"Narcissa, let's speak with your sister before she gets too carried away," Lucius suggested, as Bellatrix had already hit the bar. Narcissa smiled at him and took his arm. The woman that was with them starred at Sirius and his strange behavior. Sirius wasted no time dropping to one knee and took her hand.

"Hello, miss," He kissed her hand. The woman seemed shocked and rather appalled by this.

"Excuse me?" She asked curiously, wondering if she had heard right. Sirius released her hand.

"My name is Sirius Black, miss," After all of the years and all of the pick up lines of high school, words seemed to fail Sirius, all seemed cliché (just like this scenario here).

"I'm Angeline Malfoy. Can I . . . Help you?" Angeline had a look of curiosity. Sirius wondered what about him wasn't sweeping her off of her feet.

"Would you care for a ride with me on my motorcycle?" Sirius felt like kicking himself in the stomach. What's wrong with me? I don't even know this woman!

"I don't care much for pureblood lineage," She blurted, as if this had happened before. She had been expecting a certain disappointment from a Black, but she got the contrary. Sirius' eyes widened and he smiled.

"Well, lucky for you and I, both, I don't care much for it either," Sirius stood up, his eyes not leaving hers. Sirius never relented in smiling, so Angeline smiled back.

"Angeline!" Lucius called from a few yards away. She jerked to look at him, and her smiled faded.

"It was nice meeting you," Angeline strode to her brother and Sirius just watched her, shocked that she hadn't bothered to care. Sirius was not used to this kind of treatment with women. Usually they fawned over him, stalked him, if you will. But Angeline just seemed to brush him off. And for some reason, this was more arousing than the attention. So Sirius ran after her.

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Remus hid his shivers under the loose robes that belonged to Sirius. James leaned on the motorcycle, arms crossed. Occasionally, he'd tap his foot impatiently. Remus felt sick to his stomach, not sure if it was from seeing Lucius or from the moon. Remus crossed his arms and held his shoulders close to himself. James was especially worried about Remus now, since he had attended the hearings with the Ministry of Magic, since Remus turned 17 and had to sign confidentiality and license papers. Lucius had made him out to be a threat, but in a way, it was true. Remus didn't have the Shrieking Shack to protect himself and others anymore. If he was to bite someone, he surely would be put in and institution.

"Where the hell is Sirius? It's been almost an hour already. Shouldn't take him this long to talk to Narcissa," James spat. Remus felt more and more uncomfortable as the minutes passed. James looked around and stood there for a few more minutes. Remus sniffled, and James looked over at him. Timid tears ran down his face, although it was clear than Remus was trying to hide behind his hair. James stood up straight.

"I'm going to tell Sirius that I'm taking you home. He can stay at this hell hole for as long as he desires. But we can't wait any more. Just stay here," James set his broom next to Remus and jogged back into the manor. Remus watched him and wiped the tears away with his sleeve.

James hurried through the house, around people who were drinking and talking. It was almost as if a dark magic loomed throughout the air. James felt most uncomfortable with all of these people about. It wasn't hard to spot Lucius in the groups of people. He was talking the loudest, and was one of the few with golden blonde hair. James tried not to be seen, and finally reached a long dark hallway that had many doors on the side. Sirius was most likely speaking with Narcissa in private.

On a hunch, James twisted the brass doorknob. It felt locked as he squeezed it. From inside the room, Sirius, quite frightened, leapt up and was only feet away from the door as the person on the other said shouted, "Alohomora!" Sirius pushed it closed just as it opened an inch.

"Who is it?" Sirius shouted over the thick wood. James pounded on the door.

"It's James! Is that you, Sirius?" James pounded again. Sirius swore under his breath and opened the door, no more than the width of his shoulders. James looked at him with a rather strange expression.

"What are you doing? Moony is really getting freaked out. We have to go NOW!" James was near shouting. Sirius looked back at Angeline, whom had sat upright on the bed, glad that it wasn't her brother. Sirius looked back at James.

"Take him back. I need to stay here a little while longer," Sirius spoke softly. James' eyes widened.

"Why the hell would you want to stay here! You said yourself that you wanted to leave!" James pried. Sirius ran his fingers through his hair, which he had taken out of the pony tail. James was no idiot to this situation. Sirius' collar had been untucked and he smelled faintly of lilacs. James stood on his tiptoes to see into the room, but Sirius stood in front of him.

"I think I'm in love," Sirius admitted. He'd have to tell James sooner or later. James' nose twitched.

"With Narcissa?" he asked, disgusted.

"No! Are you bloody insane? With Angeline Malfoy!" Sirius smiled, yet kept whispering. James looked mortified.

"Lucius' sister! The Malfoy family is one big pureblood fest! How could you fall in love with one of them!" James hissed. Sirius hadn't noticed that Angeline came up behind him. She ripped the door from Sirius' hold and starred at James, having heard everything.

"Don't you DARE associate me with those . . . Cretins! You have no idea of what I've been through!" Angeline glared at James. James seemed pleasantly shocked by this outburst. James looked up at Sirius. A smile slowly formed on his face.

"Well . . . You have my blessing," James smiled at Sirius rather comically.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Remus' nervous tension controlled the death grip he now had on James, more afraid of being on a broom than being on an enchanted motorcycle. At least there was a sturdy seat on a motorcycle. When the sick feeling in Lupin's stomach died down, he spoke to James.

"So why did Sirius hang back?" Remus asked quickly. James debated with himself for a few moments, wondering if he should tell him, or if he should leave it to Sirius to tell Remus.

"Sirius will tell you when he wants to. It's not my place to say anything. Want to go to Hogsmeade before we head home? Get a Butterbeer?" James quickly changed the subject. He could feel Remus nodding, and turned his broom in the direction of the magical town. The cool wind chilled Remus to the bone, but James was immune to the feeling. The adrenaline of flying kept him warm. After a few minutes of silence, James shifted.

"Please, stop thinking about it, Remus. You won't have to see that man again," James spoke harshly. Remus looked up at the green, flowing trees. His eyebrows furrowed.

"You don't know that, Prongs," Remus bellowed. "Lucius Malfoy is more than likely a Death Eater. If I am to become an Auror, then I will definitely be seeing him again." James turned around and smiled at him.

"What a horrible twist of fate for him . . . Being put to jail by the same man he tried to put away," James almost laughed at the irony. Remus smiled slightly. If fate were to give him that chance, he would most certainly snatch it. Remus' hold lightened. James smiled happily.

-.-.-.-.-

James slammed his pint of ale down on the counter. Remus lightly sipped his butterbeer down with a tiny clink. James slouched over the counter.

"This would've tasted better if we didn't have to pay for it," James joked. Remus smiled.

"True story," he stated. Loud voices in the bar almost drown out Remus' mouse like voice.

"When did you tell Lily that you would be back?" Remus asked curiously. James wore a bored expression.

"I expected we'd be much later than 11, but apparently not. We could go to Three Broomsticks before we leave," James spoke nonchalantly. Remus sighed quietly.

"No. I want to go home. I need to . . . Prepare for tomorrow."

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Angeline sat behind Sirius on his black motorcycle. Sirius handed her a helmet, one which he didn't usually use himself. He reserved it for passengers, usually Remus. Of course, a helmet wouldn't do much good if you fell a mile out of the sky. But occasionally, Sirius liked to drive on the roads, hear the engine roar. Angeline inspected the strange object. Sirius looked behind him and chuckled.

"I suppose you don't know what this is," Sirius figured, since her whole family was anti-Muggle. Angeline looked up at him, scooting her body closer to Sirius'.

"Of course I know what this is! It's a rather useful muggle safety device that protects the most vital part of any being, the brain. Seriously, Sirius Black, you need to take me more seriously," Angeline smirked at him. Sirius turned the keys on motor bike. The engine hissed as it started and began rumbling. Sirius also smirked as he turned the bike towards the wedding reception.

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Lucius had just walked outside with Narcissa, looking for Angeline. He strode proudly up to Bellatrix and her new husband. His face looked quite worried, yet composed.

"Have you seen my sister, Angeline? I think he walked off with your cousin, Sirius Black," Lucius spoke quietly. Bellatrix looked around, not seeing him anywhere.

"Well, you know my cousin," She started, "He's definitely a trouble maker." Rudolphus lightly put his hand on his new bride's back. A crackling noise was heard from a short distance away. Lucius looked up into the sky, thinking maybe someone was apparating. Could that be? Someone apparating here? He looked to the left of him and saw a strange moving object coming right at him. He quickly realized Sirius was on it, and his sister was holding onto him. Lucius suddenly felt outraged, the two disgraces of their pureblood, respectable families were together. Sirius pulled up right in front of Lucius, the wheels of the motorcycle ripped the clean, green grass below them. Lucius looked at Angeline questioningly.

"Lucius, I've decided that my meaningless existence in this family has been lived long enough. I'm going to elope with Sirius Black, and assume his name. I will probably never see you or any of my family members ever again," Angeline flashed a smile at him, after ending her blunt confession. Lucius' jaw dropped and he wasn't the only one.

Sirius pressed down on the gas and shot mud up at Lucius' expensive suit. Bellatrix's dress had the least of the damage, but she reacted more much drastically than Lucius did. They drove away for while, but then decided that flying was a much more dramatic exit. Sirius and Angeline laughed at the havok they had just caused. This ended much better than Sirius had anticipated.

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A/N: Wow! If that doesn't just scream cheesy! I apologize for the hokey-ness of this chapter. This is not the climax of the story (thank Merlin). Still got two more short chapters to go. Woot. Don't worry, this story gets better. I wish there was some way to make this chapter suck less. But I've attempted to change it at least five times, and I can't find any way to make it less painful.

I thank all of my reviewers that have lasted this long. Hehe. As a gift, I've been scowering the live journal community for the best icons, and I will gladly give all of you the best if you request it (and give me an e-mail address if you're anonymous). That's the best I can do, unless you guys have a better idea. PEACE!