Cheatnapped!

By TossingTheScissors

Chapter 1: Bubs' Used Spacecrafts and Toaster Ovens

Strong Mad and Strong Sad dashed towards the KOT's castle as fast as they could – that speed was significantly faster for Strong Mad than it was for the youngest Brother Strong, who started panting after his first two steps and was almost crawling on the ground when they finally reached the King of Town's less-than-splendid castle.

Strong Mad charged up to the KOT's dinky drawbridge and knocked his large fist against it, practically shaking the foundation of the entire building, and called out in a sad-sounding voice (which did not sound too different from his regular voice, as conveying emotion was not one of Strong Mad's stronger suits) "OPEN UP!"

In no time at all, the drawbridge opened and all of the King's servants minus The Poopsmith, who was minding his pile of whatsit as usual, greeted the brothers with nervous glances, and the occasional angry face.

"Why disturb us at this time of night?" The Blacksmith demanded, pointing a hammer at the brothers threateningly.

"There's – pant, pant – been, a, a – pant, pant – an abduct – pant, pant – " Strong Sad tried to explain between gasps, before Strong Mad got to the point by yelling out, "THE CHEAT IS GONE!"

"Are you sure he's not just in the King of Town's grill, like the last time you couldn't find him?" A familiar voice called out from one of the dark hallways to the servants' left. The form of Coach Z stepped out of the shadows, lightly sipping on a bottle of Listerine and clutching a picture of Marzipan, which he quickly stashed inside of a pocket.

"Coach – pant, pant – Coach Z, what are you – pant, pant – what are you doing here?" Strong Sad called out.

"Oh, I got myself a key to the backroom where they store all the Listerine, in case I ever run out. The King thought giving me a key would be a better alternative to me breaking down the door or sneaking through the window like I used to all the time…" Coach Z took another large gulp from the mouth sanitizing liquid he was so fond of, and then twisted the cap back on and stuffed it into another one of his pocket.

"And just what are YOU TWO doing here?" The Coach asked, eyeing them suspiciously.

"THE CHEAT'S BEEN KIDNAPPED!" Strong Mad cried in despair. It was obvious Strong Mad was already beginning to feel the loss of the little yellow ball of fur he had called friend.

Coach Z, apparently taken by a sudden rush of emotions, fell on his knees to the floor, throwing his hands into the air in despair. "BISCUIT DOUGH HANDS MAN! Are even soft, cuddly The Cheats not safe from your vile wrath? One of these days, Biscuit Dough Hands Man, one of these days…" Coach Z stood up again, an angry glint in his eye.

"No, no, no… It wasn't – pant, pant – Biscuit Dough Hands Man. It – pant, pant – it was some form of extra – pant, pant – extra terrestrial life!" Strong Sad exclaimed.

"WHAT?" Strong Mad called out, confused.

"Yeah, what's that jargle? Scripture? You're quoting scripture?" Coach Z asked inquisitively.

"That means – pant, pant – ALIENS!" Strong Sad cried in exasperation. Strong Sad was now very aware of the fact that he was surrounded by idiots.

The idiot party was about to get even bigger, however, as a plump man in a robe shuffled down the right hallway opposite of where Coach Z had come in, muttering all the way.

"What's going on over here? All this yelling in my castle – Unless it's the pizza delivery boy, I don't want to hear it!" The King of Town trudged into the atrium, surprised to see three people who most definitely did not work for him standing amongst his servants.

"Mr. KOT, sir! - pant, pant – The Cheat's been kidnapped by aliens and we'd like to – pant, pant – to try and rescue him!" Strong Sad cried desperately.

"Hmmf! A noble cause, surely, but how are you going to do something like that?"

"Well, isn't this the new headquarters of the SBASAF after Free Country annexed Strong Badia?"

"The Strong Badian Administration of Some Aluminum Foil?" The King of Town sneered as he said this. "Our space program is a joke. Our tax payer's dollars would be much more useful going towards developing that portable All-You-Can-Eat buffet I proposed three months ago…"

"What taxes?" Coach Z asked.

Strong Mad had clearly had enough of the small talk. "WE HAVE TO SAVE THE CHEAT!" Strong Mad cried out, picking up both the King of Town and the Creepy Looking Chef Guy in his rage.

"Uh – OKAY, BIG GUY!" The King of Town cried out nervously from his tight grip inside Strong Mad's palm. "We'll see what we can do about The Cheat. Just let me down!"

A few minutes later, Strong Mad, Strong Sad, Coach Z, and The King of Town were all standing outside of Bubs' Concession Stand. Bubs had fallen asleep leaning against one of the walls inside his concession stand, snoring lightly and clutching a small Bubs plushy under one of his arms.

Strong Sad gave a tiny cough in an attempt to wake up the sleeping Bubs, but to no effect. The King of Town gave a rather loud "doo hoo", but Bubs snored on. Coach Z gave a rousing rendition of his hit single, These Peoples Tried to Fade Me, but Bubs did not even flinch in his sleep. Finally, after Strong Mad had picked up the entire stand and shaken it like a rather large rattle, Bubs' eyes blinked open – and shortly afterwards he fell through the opening in the stand, crashing to the ground and hastily attempting to hide the plushy he had clutched in his sleep.

"Ahh, customers!" He said, smiling with his oddly shaped mouth. "What can I do you for today?" Strong Mad set the concession stand back down, and Bubs quickly hopped back into it, apparently not feeling safe staying too long outside of his shop.

"Well, we were wondering if you still ran that…" The King of Town began with an air of annoyance in his voice, as if he did not appreciate resigning himself to coming to Bubs for help. But before he was finished with his sentence, a familiar sounding voice of one terrific athlete rang out.

"Hey, guys!" Homestar called out cheerfully as he ran towards the concession stand. He stopped in the middle of the forming crowd and addressed Bubs. "Bubs, you got my midnight snack as usual?"

"A bit late tonight, huh, Homestar?" Bubs said, leaning below the counter and grabbing a small meal on a tray. The meal consisted of some curly fries, a half-finished slushy, and a piece of cardboard labeled "more food". He handed the tray to Homestar with a small wink.

"Well, I'll tell you why I'm late… I ran into some trouble with some weird yellow guys asking for directions to the Strong Bad's house! Oh, and I accidentally got a violin stuck in the toilet again…"

"Weird yellow people?" Bubs asked inquisitively. "That's pretty weird…"

"And yellow!" Homestar said smiling, as he took a bite from a curly fry. "So, what're all these people doing here? Is this some sort of party?"

"Not quite…" Coach Z said to Homestar before turning to Bubs. "Look, Bubsy, this is some serious business - The Cheat's been abducted by aliens and we need to know if you still sell those used spacecrafts down by the wharfs." Coach Z pulled out his Listerine bottle and took a swig of it, facing Bubs and raising his eyebrow as if to prove he meant business.

"Well, sure I do!" Bubs said, obviously glad at the prospect of making more money that night. "Come on, follow me and I'll show you some of our better deals."

The whole gang, including Homestar, who had come prancing after them due to a lack of anything else better to do, followed Bubs down to the area near the wharfs as he led them all to surround a small cardboard box. On the side of the box, written in magic marker, were the words "Bubs' Used Spacecrafts and Toaster Ovens". Inside the box, several beaten-up looking toaster ovens shared their space with a small catalogue labeled "Spacecrafts of Today's Tomorrow's Yesterday's Future!"

Bubs picked up the catalogue and handed it to Coach Z, who seemed to have taken charge of the group since his speech at the concession stand. "Pick your favorite model out of the catalogue, and I can go run and get it out of its hiding spot in the bushes!" Bubs said as Coach Z flipped through the colorful pages of the catalogue.

Coach Z spent a while looking at all of the different models, but he eventually landed on one that caught his fancy more than any of the others and made his decision. "We'll take this one!" Coach Z said definitively, pointing at a green spaceship with a colorful looking Z painted on the side.

"Excellent choice!" Bubs said excitedly. "Come this way! I'll show you the ship!"

Bubs led the gang through the tall grasses and large bushes surrounding the wharf. The gang could hardly see a few feet in front of their faces. Strong Sad fidgeted nervously. Homestar took a bite out of his cardboard.

Suddenly, Bubs stopped in midstep, shushing them all. A silhouette was bent over the water, looking around with shifty eyes as if expecting to be caught at any minute. Bubs signaled for everyone to crouch down so that the stranger didn't see them, but his efforts were futile. The silhouette turned around and obviously noticed them crouching behind him, because as soon as he did turn around, he had turned on his heels and began to run.

"After him!" Bubs screamed, and the gang dashed after the silhouette. Strong Sad started back up his panting before he even began to run, but tried nonetheless to keep up.

To Be Continued…

(Ooh, a cliffhanger!)