Disclaimer: Still don't own anything you recognize.

A/N: Here's Chapter 1!

"Are you sure you guys wouldn't want to do something else?" Sam asked.

"Sam." Tucker said blackmailing her still.

"Fine," The Goth said angrily. "But if anyone gets disturbed or dirty images blame Tucker."

Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, in a dirty, sleazy part of a farm, lived three pigs and their hooker mother.

"Samantha!"

"Hey! You guys wanted a story, you're getting a story. Now no interruptions, I'm making this up as I go."

Now, anyway, the three pigs: Danny, Tucker, and Jazz lived with their hooker mother: Paulina.

"Hey!"

"Danny!" Sam growled.

One day, Paulina couldn't afford to keep her children because she was letting Dash and his children: Valerie, Kwan, Star, Nathan, and Elliot live with her.

"Scram, rodents!" Paulina said to her children and slammed the barn door.

So the little pigs, walked out of the barn, getting high on cocaine and getting drunk and one day they got put in jail for DUI.

"What the hell?" Danny yelled.

"Get over it."

So the pigs decided to separate and find their place in the world. Danny, the clueless one, decided to make a house of cigarettes.

"Hey! Wait…isn't it straw?"

"Shut up!"

Tucker Pig:

"Hey!"

"Tucker! Stop interrupting her! This was your idea!"

"Thank you Jazz."

Tucker Pig: the more technical; yet not the brightest pig, made his house of PDAs and porn magazines.

"TUCKER!"

"I didn't do anything!"

Jazz: The smartest of the pigs, made her house of bricks and uh…teddy bears.

"HUH?"

"Sammykins, this story isn't making sense!" Sam's mom said.

"It will; or not."

One day Vlad came by and went to Danny's house to ask for a cup of cocaine.

"I don't do cocaine!"

"Never said you did! Now shut up!"

"Hello," Vlad said, "may I borrow a cup of cocaine?"

"Uh…what's cocaine?" the clueless pig said.

"I know what cocaine is!"

Then Vlad threatened to kill Danny Pig if he didn't hand over his drugs.

"Dude, you are one seriously crazed up fruit loop!" Danny Pig said, slamming the door in Vlad's face.

Then, the crazed up Fruit Loop went to Tucker Pig's House of Porn and Technology.

"Hey! I would never mix technology and porn. Uh… I don't even like porn!"

"It's my story, you're just in it."

"Hello, may I borrow some cocaine?" Vlad asked.

"Uh, Danny has some." Tucker said smoking on some marijuana.

"I don't use crack! Wait—this is for blackmailing you isn't it?"

"Yep!"

Then Vlad threatened to kill Tucker—and you get the picture; death threat, name calling, onto the next pig.

"Wait doesn't some of the pigs die?" Jack asked.

"I can't give away the ending."

When the murderous Vlad approached Jazz's house she was stabbing a teddy bear outside her house.

"Sam, you're thinking of you."

"Oh, well."

"No you can't have any crack. I'm calling the cops!"

So Vlad left without any death threats.

Instead, he went to Paulina's house where there were 15 kids running around.

"Someone was busy." Tucker said.

"Wonder how many's Dash's" Danny whispered.

There Valerie gave him a really big ray-gun thing. And he approached the house of drugs.

"My character's dead."

"Hey. Aren't you the dude that wanted drugs?" the clueless pig asked.

Then Vlad left with a dead pig.

"Hey!"

"You said yourself your character was dead."

The same followed with the porn obsessed Tucker Pig.

"Killer."

And then there were ten burials: One for Danny Pig, one for Tucker Pig, and six for Vlad's severed body parts. Except his head. Jazz put his head over her fire place.

The End

"I think I'm gonna hurl!" Danny said.

"She's disturbed!" Tucker said staring at Sam terrified.

"I'm going to be sick!" Jazz said.

A/N: So? Disturbed? Crazy? Stu—wait don't answer that. Review please! I still have some fudge and a lot of Vladdy-Os! For some reason no one wants Vladdy-Os!