A/N Alright this is my Guess the Author contest submission. Unfortunately, I had forgotten up the contest and submitted a rushed version. So I've combed through it and re-release it in all its glory. Of course if you find any more errors let me know so I can fix it up.
What once appeared to be a simple task had now turned out to be an overwhelming chore. It was apparent that she would have to clean at least two loads today.
I swear he has more dirt on his clothes than there is at a construction site
Kim reached into the laundry basket and started to sort out the clothes from the useless junk. There were dozens of balls of lint, a yo-yo, a flyer for a videogame sale, the occasional Fearless Ferret pen. Oodles of Diablo sauce packets and plenty of wadded up pieces of paper. Ignoring the rest of the other junk, she took a moment to scan through the many wads of paper.
She considered briefly that what she was doing could be seen as a breach of his privacy. However, after a brief bout with her conscious, curiosity and suspicion won out. Of course, she had no doubt that Ron was faithful; there was nothing wrong with being sure that he was faithful. Besides, after knowing someone for almost twenty years, you should be entitled to go through his or her pockets for signs of infidelity
She got a little scare when she found the name Jenny and a number on a dirty napkin. But Jenny according to Wade; who she had awoken from a nap to search for the info; turned out to be Jenny's pizzeria which was owned by an old man who named the restaurant after his daughter who was now happily married and living in Alaska.
As she had expected, there was nothing to worry about; was there anything more romantic than confirming your complete and utter trust of a significant other?
Finally, she found single pairs of socks who lost without their mate would languish lazily at the bottom of the laundry bin. Somehow, she found it very analogous with Ron's college life.
"Yo KP" Ron said as he entered the laundry room, with a pen and a pad in his hand "Listen to this, a priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says…..What is this, a joke?"
Kim stopped what she was doing and stared at him "you're still thinking about doing stand up at the university talent show?"
"Yeah that's my opening joke, what do you think?"
She shrugged "it's just a little hacky"
"Hacky" he exclaimed "how in the world…." Ron stopped for a moment and looked at Kim first and then the clothes.
"Are you…doing….laundry?" There was a hint of surprise in his voice.
"Yeah" she said as she began folding some shirts.
"Is that my laundry?"
Her right eyebrow raised, what's with the twenty one questions? "Yeah, this is your apartment right"
"May I ask why you're doing my laundry?"
"Because you only have two sets of clothes in your closet filthy and filthy but wearable."
"Uh huh…don't I have somebody who usually does this?"
"You mean your mother? I thought I'd give the poor woman a break this month."
Ron rubbed the back of his neck "you don't have to do this, I mean I would have gotten to it sooner or later. I just didn't think it was time yet."
"Ron you know it's time to do the laundry when you start drying yourself off with newspapers."
"Kimala I'm a recovering procrastinator. You know that, heck I didn't get my birthmark until I was six."
She held up a pair of his briefs "Procrastination is no excuse for streaks."
Ron winced "Ok good point… that is nasty. However, I for one believe that you should live each day as if it is your last, now tell me, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life. Not me sister"
"Word to the wise brother, butt hairs equal underwear streaks, you might want to consider a waxing."
A waxing? I get nervous when I'm getting a haircut
Ron watched wordlessly as Kim continued with the chore, there was something about Kim doing his laundry that fascinated him. "Well I guess it's true behind every successful woman...is a basket of dirty laundry."
"Actually it's a basket of her boyfriend's dirty laundry. If you didn't catch that hint, I'm asking for a little help."
"Sorry babe I gave up doing my own laundry when my mother told me not to over-dry my clothes. How do you over-dry something? It's mind boggling."
"Fine" she told him. "Just stand there and stare"
Therefore with her permission, he did, although Ron found that he was slightly amused at her apparent annoyance "you remember freshman year in high school, when the laundry machine at your house broke down…."
"And my mother told me I had to do my laundry at that public place"
Ron began to laugh, "Yeah then that 'hottie' used the washer next to you, and you got all flustered and nervous. You could barely say a complete sentence around that guy."
"What a coincidence I was just dreaming about that guy last night," she teased
"Ha...Ha hilarious; maybe you should be doing the stand up act" he replied sarcastically "Anyway remember when you tripped and a handful of your underwear went flying out of your laundry bag and landed right next to the guy's foot."
Kim's face turned crimson "and I remember he wouldn't have seen it, if a certain blonde, didn't scream out "Kim you dropped your panties!" and pointed at the floor."
Ron laughed aloud "You ran out of the place like the roadrunner, oh good times, good times."
Kim gave him a hard glance "You know I didn't find it that funny"
Ron quickly regained his composure "alright think of it this way, I must have subconsciously ruined any chance you had with that guy because, I wanted you all to myself. But I just didn't know it yet….That's the way I see it."
He smiled innocently at her; until she could not help but smile herself, "I guess it was pretty funny."
Ron nodded "yes, it was quite hilarious indeed. Moreover, the funny thing is you still wear those frilly…
"Ron!" she shouted, "someone might hear you"
Ron looked over his shoulder "You do realize that we're in my house and not in public?"
"I know but…..someone might be listening"
"Like, who?" he whispered to her in a mocking tone
She searched her mind for an explanation to her unnecessary paranoia "You know people…like Drakken; he might have the whole apartment bugged or something…"
"Really" Ron grinned, "well if he does have my place bugged, he's heard a lot worse then me talking about your underoos, especially last night around two and three and again before breakfast."
"I guess you're right," she agreed before returning to folding "speaking of underoos, Monique and John are no longer an item"
Monique broke up with John. Big man on campus John, Mr. "I'm going to be the number one pick of the draft, so get out of my way loser" John
Ron became intrigued; Kim wasn't the type to air out other people's dirty laundry. No pun intended, (actually it is). If she was telling him this, then it was a story so good she couldn't keep it to herself. "Lay it on me beautiful"
"If I do, you can't say a word to anyone. You got that"
Ron made a zipping motion around his lips.
"John was nice guy and he treated her well but when we she was doing his laundry as a surprise, she discovered that…" She could hardly contain her laughter, "she found out that he wore prettier panties than she did."
That is it this was the big one. He would die laughing and it would be well worth it. St Peter, open the gates Ron Stoppable would be arriving soon. Death by hilarity
He laughed for a full minute before calming down. "Oh thank you that made my day. I've got to use that in my act"
"No you're keeping silent about this one. It is between you and me, keep it in the vault."
"It's in the vault" I can't wait to tell Felix
"Trust me if Monique finds out I told you, no more pre-breakfast snackage, in fact no snackage for a month"
Ron put his hands up to signify his surrender. This was quite a serious threat; he barely survived his last snackage withdrawal.
Kim turned towards the washer and unloaded a new bunch into it. "My horoscope was right when it said I'd be knee deep in a loved one's mess today."
"We Virgos don't believe in horoscopes….." He stopped to reflect when something finally clicked in his mind. "Ah I've got it; this reminds me of my parents when I was little. What we are doing here is kind of like married people stuff….
Kim dropped a pile of clothes "what?"
"Yeah since my dad flooded the basement once, my mom was the only one who used the washing machine, he was never allowed near it. So sometimes, when he had the free time, he would just stand there at the doorway and talk to her about stuff."
Kim didn't say a word.
"It's weird; but seeing you do my laundry, and having me standing here. I just kind of got a married couple vibe out of it."
"Hmmm really" she replied, "….Um have you ever thought about… you know…getting married?"
He smiled "I've thought about the joys of bigamy"
She sighed, "Can we be serious for one minute?"
"Alright, one more joke and then I'm serious" he took a deep breath "Marriage seems like a very expensive way to get your laundry done for free."
"You done?"
"Yes but I can't take credit for that last joke" this time he let out a breath "now I'm serious, have you ever thought about marriage?" he said, quickly turning the question back on her.
"I'd be lying if I said I haven't," she said after a moment of silence "it's a little scary though. They say fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce."
"Bah, I know for a fact that 45 percent of most statistics are made up" Ron said with a wave of his hand.
"Have you ever thought about us…?
"Getting married" he interrupted "Let me put it this way" he said as he helped her pick up the pile of clothes she had dropped "one day after graduation I'm positive that somehow, someway through some weird, bizarre coincidence both of us will be getting married at the same time and at the same place. And that's all I'm going to say."
"Really" she said holding back her tears. It was the most beautiful pre-engagement proposal she had ever heard.
"Trust me it's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."
She drew closer to him, grabbed him by the face, and kissed him deeply.
"KP you're forgetting about the laundry," he said with her lips pressed against his.
"Laundry can wait"
"That is exactly what I have been saying from the beginning" he managed to blurt out before she kissed him again.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Five minutes later; somewhere on an island far away
Drakken threw his headphones down in disgust "ugh they're going at it again, and on a pile of dirty clothes no less."
Shego plopped herself down on a couch and flipped through a magazine "again, wasn't she just doing the laundry?"
"They're like rabbits those two. I swear energy is wasted on the young."
Shego sighed "Dr. D are you upset that Kim Possible has discovered something more fun than screwing up your plans or are just pissed that you haven't gotten any since Taft was in office ."
"Hurtful words Shego, hurtful words!"
Hope you liked it (it maybe the shortest thing I've ever written on this site)….read and review of course.