Chapter Four: Talking to God
Instead of going straight home, Jordan went to the grocery store first. She didn't even know if a regular grocery store sold mustard seeds…but then again, she'd never looked for them before.
Deciding that the natural foods isle might be the best route, Jordan perused it until she found a section that looked promising. Surprised, Jordan found them right away. Without giving it a second thought, she picked up the small bag of seeds and headed to the cashier.
Once she was home, Jordan sat down at her kitchen counter and opened the bag. A bunch of the seeds spilled out onto the table. Jordan picked one up and held it in her hand. It was tiny.
She examined it closely for a minute before getting into a drawer and finding a knife. Carefully, Jordan managed to split the seed in two. Both pieces shot off in different directions and scattered across the floor. Unphased, Jordan picked up another seed and tried again. This time she set a book in front of her so the seed half wouldn't fall off the table.
Once she had half of the seed, she tried to cut it in half again. It was so small, though, that she couldn't do it. Her fingers were way too big to hold it in place, and the seed popped out of place before she could put enough pressure on the knife to make the cut.
Finally, Jordan gave up. She pushed the leftover seeds around the table…with nothing left to do, she was getting jittery again.
Jordan wondered vaguely what kind of puny plant a mustard seed turned into. She got up from the table and moved to her desk. It wasn't hard to google "mustard seed" and get a ton of links.
She clicked one that said it had pictures. On the screen was a huge plant with pretty yellow flowers. The description said that the plants could potentially grow 12 feet tall. Jordan looked down at a seed she'd brought over to the computer with her. It was hard to believe that a plant so huge could come from a seed so small.
"So I guess you make things happen," she mumbled at the seed. She contemplated it a bit more, and then added, "One fourth is pretty tiny…I think maybe I have enough faith for one whole seed." She glanced up at the ceiling briefly. "What do you think, God?"
She chuckled to herself…she must be going crazy. Jordan continued staring from the seed to the plant on her computer screen. Before she knew it, she was talking out everything that had happened in the last day. All her feelings, fears…tears.
When she was done, Jordan realized that she had said all of it out loud. The thought that she was nuts went through her head again…but maybe not.
"Well," she said. "There certainly isn't anyone else in the room to talk to…so I guess I was talking to God." She paused. "So…if You're really there, could You please help me?"
She didn't say "amen" because she felt silly. It hadn't really been a prayer, anyway. Just a bunch of mixed up sentences. Wearily, she dragged herself into her bedroom. Without bothering to take of her clothes, Jordan slumped down on the bed and fell asleep almost instantly.