Clark stood, maneuvering Lois gently in his arms so he didn't wake her. She had fallen asleep nearly an hour ago, but he couldn't bear to let her out of his arms just yet. After nearly losing her, the thought of letting go was not one he was particularly inclined to indulge, but after an hour of softly stroking her hair and reflecting, he decided he should probably put her to bed.
He walked from the living room to his bedroom, holding her in one hand as he pulled back the covers with the other. After settling her in, he pulled away, letting his hand rest on the curve of her cheek.
"I'm sorry for everything, Lois," he began, so quietly that neither Lois nor Jason stirred. "I know you say it isn't my fault and a part of me knows that's the truth… but I can't help blaming myself. But then, maybe in time I can forgive myself. And maybe then you can forgive me." He looked toward Jason, who had curled up at his mother's side.
"Jason, I know I can never take Richard's place," Clark was speaking so softly his words were barely intelligible. "But I want to be in your life, I want you to look at me the way you once did, like I was a superhero. Not when I was being Superman, but when I was being regular old Clark Kent. When you smiled at me... The world's a better place when you and your mother smile."
Clark pulled the covers up to Jason's chin where he had kicked them off and then made his way back to Lois' side.
"Maybe time can heal all of these wounds…"
He bent his head down and gave Lois a feather light kiss. "Goodnight,"
Clark returned to the sofa and settled down on it. A minute later his eyes shot open and he turned and shifted, trying to get comfortable. He tried to stretch his feet and nearly rammed them through the end of the sofa.
He groaned and rolled over.
Onto the floor.
Rolling his eyes, he looked to make sure his windows were shut and then levitated, situating himself on a cushion of air.
"Ahh…" he sighed. This was much better. Ten minutes later, Clark Kent was fast asleep, hovering five feet above the sofa.
When a slice of the first glimmer of sunlight filtered through the blinds, Jason woke almost instantaneously.
He looked around the room curiously. He had spent the last three nights here, but he hadn't really "seen" the room at all.
The bed was comfortable; almost as comfortable of his jetfighter bed. But the sheets were a boring white and the covers an even boringer brown. He turned over to see his mommy sleeping. He was glad she was finally resting, she had seemed so tired lately.
His mommy had had a nightmare earlier in the night. She was kicking and thrashing and her whimpers had woken him up. Before he could sit up to shake her awake, Clark Kent had rushed in.
Jason didn't know what to think about Clark Kent, so he shut his eyes tightly, pretending to be asleep.
He knew his mom had told him he was his Daddy… his bio- biolo- real daddy. But his real Daddy had died a few days earlier. When he had first learned about Clark, he had been so excited! Superman was his daddy! Superman loved him! It had been so easy to call him Daddy. It just seemed to fit. But that was when his real Daddy had been there too. If he called Clark Daddy now, what would his Daddy in heaven think about it? He might get sad and Jason definitely didn't want that.
Still confused, Jason opened his eyes slightly and watched as Mr. Clark—for that was what he had decided to call him again—gently shook his mommy awake.
Mr. Clark wasn't paying any attention to him, so he opened his eyes a little wider. His mommy had fought against him, still dreaming, Jason supposed.
He hoped she'd wake up soon, he didn't like to hear her sound so scared.
Mr. Clark firmly held her by the shoulders and spoke in a clear voice.
"Lois, it's me, it's Clark," he said desperately.
Finally her eyes cleared and she stared at Mr. Clark for a moment before throwing her arms around him. Jason squinted at this, unable to decide if he should break them up or not. His mommy had hugged Mr. Clark before. And yes, she had even kissed him! A small smile, the first in days, appeared on Jason's lips. Oh he'd get in trouble if his mommy knew that he had seen her kiss Mr. Clark.
But that had been before, before his Daddy died. His mom had sat him down and explained that she still loved his Daddy, but it was a different kind of love. The kind of love that means you just care about the person a lot. She loved Mr. Clark. The kind of love with a lot of kissing and hugging.
Though she hadn't said it in so many words.
But now his daddy was gone. Was it ok if his mommy kissed and hugged Mr. Clark? His mommy's whimpering had died down at the soft words Mr. Clark was whispering and when she pulled back, Jason could even swear he saw her smile a little.
That sealed it; his mommy hadn't smiled in days. If Mr. Clark made her smile and stop having nightmares, than he could hug and kiss his mommy all he wanted.
Jason saw Mr. Clark turn a questioning eye on him and he immediately squeeze his eyes shut, trying to decide if he should start snoring or not. He must have been fast enough, because Mr. Clark didn't question him to see if he was awake or not. With his mommy now calmly asleep beside him and Mr. Clark back in the living room, Jason decided he had kept a good enough watch on his mommy and had fallen back asleep.
Returning to the present, Jason shook his head at the memories of the previous night. It was time he had a talk with Mr. Clark. He jumped out and bed and strode purposely for the door. If he had given the go ahead for kissing and hugging, he had better make sure Mr. Clark was well aware of the rules.
When he walked in the room, he jumped slightly to see Mr. Clark floating in air above the sofa.
Hmm. No matter.
Jason strode over to the coffee table near Mr. Clark and stood on it. He was just high enough to have his chest level with Mr. Clark. Preparing his legs for a bit of a jump, Jason launched himself at the floating superhero.
Clark awoke with a jerk and dropped like a stone when the impact hit him.
He landed half on and half off the sofa and the additional weight of Jason on his chest made him tip off the edge. Clark managed to lift Jason's small body up, so Clark took the full brunt of the impact. When he head finally smacked on the floor he opened his eyes questioningly at the little boy he had dangling above him.
"Mr. Clark, I think we should talk."
Masking the hurt Clark felt at becoming Mr. Clark after having been "Daddy" for a few short days, Clark agreed with Jason and they sat on the floor opposite one another, cross legged.
"Mr. Clark, you probably don't know it, but I was awake when my mommy had a nightmare last night and you came in," Jason began.
Clark tried his best to look surprised.
"Really?"
"Yes, and you hugged her," Jason fixed Clark with a hard stare.
Unsure of what protocol demanded of him in this situation, Clark stared back and let Jason continue.
"I have decided that it's ok if you hug and kiss my mommy."
Clark raised his eyebrows. "Why… thank you Jason, thank you very much."
But Jason wasn't finished yet.
"But only if she wants you too! I know you're stronger than her but I'm strong too! I threw a piano!"
Clark was at a loss for words. "Jason, I'd never touch your mommy if she didn't want me to. I care about her a lot Jason, just as much as I care about you."
"You don't care about me," Jason said softly.
Clark immediately responded. "Of course I do! Jason I love you! I love you and I love your mommy more than anybody in the entire world. Why would you even think I don't care about you?"
By this time tears were in Jason's blue eyes. Instead of answering, he crawled over to Clark and wrapped his small arms around his waist.
Clark picked him up and settled him in his lap, letting Jason cry into his shirt.
"My Daddy died Mr. Clark!" Jason sobbed. Clark held Jason tighter, wishing he could take the pain away from his little five year old boy.
"And I was mean to you," Jason continued miserably. "I ran away and made mommy cry and then I said you weren't my daddy anymore and you looked so sad."
"Is this what this is all about?" Clark asked incredulously. "Jason, you don't need to worry about me, I love you and I'd be honored if you called me Daddy. But you don't need to yet, or ever. Just do whatever feels right to you. I am your Daddy and I love you very much, but you just lost your other Daddy who also loved you."
Jason nodded into Clark's shirt and he continued.
"Both your other Daddy and I, and your Mommy love you so much Jason. You're very lucky to have that."
Jason nodded again. "But what can I call you?"
Clark smiled at his boy, aware that he wasn't ready to replace his Daddy just yet.
"Call me anything you want, Mr. Clark, Clark, Kent, C.K…."
Jason looked at Clark very seriously.
"Can I call you sweetheart?"
Clark nearly jumped a mile. "What!"
"That's what mommy called you! I heard her! I heard her!" Jason let out a giggle and Clark froze, aware that this was the first time Jason had showed any happy emotion since that night.
Jason was still giggling and Clark lifted him up, dangling him upside down as he growled in mock anger.
"I'm Superman! Nobody calls me sweetheart!"
"Mommy does! Mommy does!"
That did it; Clark broke down laughing and fell sideways onto the couch. He knew they all had a long way to go before they could pick up and begin a real life, but right now time had already healed a very small part of Jason and allowed him to smile again.
And patience was always something Clark Kent had in spades.