Hey guys. I figured since I skipped like three days before I updated last time I should put out another chapter today. Why? Because I'm cool like that. Ha ha.

Dess: Thank you for the review. All the questions will be answered in this…sad excuse for a chapter. I don't think I like it much but I did my best. I hope you like it.

Angeloves1: Oh my gosh! You're like my favorite reviewer ever! Thank you SO much. I hope you like this chapter. I don't know if I like it or not but I did my best.

To everyone: I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter either. I hope it doesn't seem rushed…Let me know what you guys think. If you like it, I like it.

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Joey's POV

It was official. Mom died. She was admitted to the Tulsa Hospital yesterday after collapsing at work and had passed away half an hour before I had arrived there. The doctors had said it was a tumor. I didn't know how I felt about that. Maybe it was the doctors fault for not noticing it before, or maybe it was mom's fault for not looking into it earlier. If anyone was guilty in this, it was me.

They had been trying to get a hold of me since she had gotten there and I was too busy throwing a fit over something I should be used to by now to care.

If I wouldn't have been so selfish, I would have noticed something was wrong and I could have seen her before she…died.

It was a hard concept to grasp. I wasn't thinking of her coming home drunk. I wasn't thinking of her hating my friends. I wasn't thinking of her ignoring me. I was thinking of my birthdays. I was thinking of those nights when she watched dad tuck me in at night all those years ago.

I couldn't even cry. I wanted to but I couldn't. I tried thinking of Soda, dad, and mom but all I could do was stare off in the distance and think about how it was only a matter of time before I didn't have anything. I was too overwhelmed to cry.

When everything piles on top of you at once, you go numb. It's like insomnia. You're never asleep and you're never really awake. You simply exist. I couldn't laugh, cry, think rationally, or care that everyone around me was worried sick.

It had been three days since Laura Jacobs had passed away. Relatives I've never met and all the boys had come over and told me how we were all going to get through this and how everything would be okay. How would they know? They didn't know how I felt. Okay…Darry, Soda, and Pony might know a bit of what I'm feeling but they can't understand what its like to be torn between loving and hating their mother at the same time. The Curtis's parents were great to them. There weren't any thoughts of drunken nights and cold greetings when their parents passed. My confusion only made it hurt worse.

I couldn't decide if I was mad at her or sad that she was gone. She was horrible to me for the past few years and I hated her for it. But for the first eleven years of my life, she was my best friend. She played with me in the park and let me help her in the garden. She loved me.

The worse feeling in the world is sadness and confusion bundled into one road that led to a dead end. I wish I could cry.

At least I didn't have to leave. I was scared to death I would have to go live with Uncle Joseph or some other relative in New York or some place even further away from my friends.

Joseph told me how an older cousin of mine, who I had never met, owned a restaurant on the East Side and she was going to come and live with me so I wouldn't have to leave.

Her name was Melissa. All I knew was that she was thirty, she always wanted a child and she would probably have to redecorate the house to her liking but all I cared about was staying in the house. I didn't care how it looked. The wallpaper was rolling off the walls and the floors were stained with paint and god knows what else.

Three days after my mother passed away and I'm thinking about paint on the floor. Crying would make it a little better if only I could will the tears to spill. I had cried enough in the last few years to know that it makes you feel better, if only a little. I couldn't feel anything.

I was sitting outside my overcrowded house in the pouring rain. The dozen relatives in my living room probably didn't even see me leave. They were too busy trying to think of ways to make me feel better so they could sleep at night. I didn't care if they felt guilty. I just needed to feel something. Anything, even if it was just the cold rain bouncing off my skin.

I sat in the grass in the middle of the yard with my legs crossed underneath me. It wasn't dark yet but it was getting close. The sky was a dark shade of blue and I had every intention of watching it until it went black.

The rain pouring into my face made me feel like I was crying. I knew it wasn't real but it was of some relief. Maybe if I stayed there longer I would feel better.

I looked in front of me and saw Soda standing there looking at me.

He had his hands shoved in his jean's pockets and he looked worried.

'Not now…' I thought as I looked back up to the sky.

I felt him brush my shoulder as he sat beside me in the rain.

"What are you doing Joey?" He sounded tired.

"Getting away" I didn't look at him. I was afraid to.

I silently prayed that Steve hadn't told him that I'd been listening to him and Darry talking.

"From what" He was talking so softly I could barely hear him over the pounding rain.

"Relatives. They say they care about me but why should I believe them? They weren't here when I was growing up." Even though I couldn't talk to Soda about the more important problems I always had, but I could talk to him about this.

"and your mom was…?" Soda was entirely too good at understanding people. I just wasn't used to him being able to understand me. Soda always hated my mother for the way she treated me and I couldn't blame him for that…I could get mad about it though.

"Yes" I was getting angrier as my voice rose slightly. "They weren't there when I needed someone. They weren't there when I learned to ride a bike. They weren't there when I broke my arm. They weren't there when I was in trouble. They weren't there when I got my first 'F'. They weren't there when I turned twelve, thirteen, or fourteen! She was the only person who was!" My voice got louder as I stood up and shouted at Soda.

"I was" he looked hurt.

My voice softened drastically and I was almost whispering. "No, you weren't Soda," I turned and walked up the steps.

"No, you weren't."

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Aww! How sad!