Author's Notes: I am sure most of you know what happened in the anime and what parts are from my story. But just so I feel better, this chapter is filled with things from the anime. I tried to keep the plagiarism at a minimum but there are some sentences that were just too important to leave out.
Major overhaul completed on 6/12/07 chapter length more than doubled.
-
-
Living
-
One month after Roy Mustang's release from the hospital found his still walking down the slow road to recovery. Riza Hawkeye had stayed by his side the entire time and she continued to do so even now. Once he was ready to be released she made all the preparations and came to stay with him at his place, Black Hayate in tow.
Riza sat in her chair close to his bed paring the skin off an apple. Her hair was cast down as was the look on her face. She sat lost in her musings as Roy quietly watched her work. On the outside his body had almost completely healed, but he was still terribly weak. He now wore a patch over the left eye that he lost when he was shot by Colonel Archer. It was a large patch that covered a good portion of that side of his face to hide the scars.
She was surprised when his quiet voice broke through her thoughts. "Don't look so gloomy."
She quietly regarded him for a moment before speaking. "Your plan was perfect. But because I didn't make it there in time…" She slightly paused.
He broke in before she could continue to blame herself. "There is no such thing as perfection. This world it's self is imperfect." He moved his hand towards her shoulder and gently touched her hair. She quickly moved her eyes there and back to his face. "That's what makes it so beautiful." He had a loving look on his face and she knew those words were directed to her.
She made a quiet acknowledgement to his words and almost had to smile. Quickly using her only defense she shoved an apple slice into his mouth that was perched on the end of her knife. One would think after all this time that she would be ready to accept such an advancement from him.
Roy jumped a little at her response to his attempt to tell her how he felt. In defeat he had to laugh inside as he took a bite of the apple. Black Hayate raised his head to see what was going on only to flop it back down for another nap when he realized it was nothing interesting. Things went quiet again as they silently enjoyed the comfort of knowing they were together.
Add one more week to his recovery and you would find it to be the loveliest day outside. Riza needed to go to the market and she thought today would be a great chance for Roy to get some fresh air. She was still on leave from the military so that she could care for Roy. He had made so much progress but he was still fairly weak and he needed a cane to support himself when he walked. There was nothing like exercise to help build up those muscles again, Riza told him.
Although Roy did want to recover he also couldn't help but think maybe it would be nice not to. After all, if he recovered he wouldn't need Riza's constant care and companionship. It was going to be quite lonely at his place once Riza and Black Hayate were gone; maybe he still had time to do something about it.
The market was filled with the normal hustle and bustle of daily shoppers. The sky was mostly clear with a very few puffy clouds that would drift by lazily. The sun shone brightly and the temperature was absolutely perfect for taking a walk. Riza, Roy, and Hayate looked just like a family as they strolled along looking at the many food vendors. Riza couldn't help but feel like a married couple as that very thought crossed her mind. It gave her butterflies to think that the strangers they met might think he was her husband. She only wished.
Stopping by a fruit stand Riza checked over the many types of apples displayed before her. Roy gazed at her from behind, Black Hayate faithfully at his side. He was delighted that they could share such a simple moment together. It really was a nice feeling indeed. Roy took in the sights and sounds of the market as he waited for his First Lieutenant. No, that wasn't right, Riza. They looked more like lovers right now than the Colonel and his subordinate. This was the way he wanted things to be, the way he had wanted them for so long now.
Riza turned to him from examining the apples her face displaying one of much happiness. He gave her a slight smile as he felt the pains of the past lifted from his shoulders at such a simple joy. Looking at her this way, he just couldn't help but think everything was going to be alright now. He was so close to allowing himself the luxury of the normal life he likely would never feel he deserved. But still, he wanted her so much. He wanted her to stay by his side not only in this time to heal but for always.
After purchasing some fruits and other foods from the vendors they continued on with their walk. Carrying her bag with Black Hayate on one side and Roy on the other she found pure bliss. She reveled in the feeling of this "normal life". A life away from the military and all the hardships it had brought them. Although she was fond of her guns, she never liked aiming them at a living, breathing target. She only did so to protect him. It was what she had to do to fulfill her pledge to watch his back and make sure he did not stray from his path.
By time their walk brought them back to the place they all currently called home it had become late after-noon. Riza urged Roy to lie down and rest while she got started on dinner. It was the first time they had spent so much time away from home since his injuries and she didn't want him to overexert himself. He tried to protest and had wanted to help her out in the kitchen but she insisted and he thought it wise not to argue with her.
The evening sun set found them quietly eating dinner at their usual small table in the kitchen. Roy's voice broke through the silence in a low and quiet manner. "Riza, can you ever see yourself having a life outside the military?"
Riza stopped all action and gently placed her fork on her plate. Her eyes were wide with surprise. "What was that?"
Roy held her gaze for a moment before he continued. "Could you see yourself settling down and getting married? Staying home and having children?" He paused slightly and she found no voice to answer him, she could only give him that same surprised look. He continued. "Would you marry someone like me? Could someone as unworthy as I make you happy?
"Roy…" Riza still couldn't believe what she was hearing. Something almost seemed wrong with this picture. She had no complaints at the thought of marrying Roy. Hell, she'd love to! But the look in his eye told her that something was dreadfully wrong. What had brought this on all of the sudden?
"I…" She was having problems with her words, but she had to get this out. She didn't want him to misunderstand. He was her everything. She lived for him! "You know that I would follow you anywhere." Her words were low, but still reached his ears. "If you were to quit as well, I could see myself happy with you. Just the two of us and Black Hayate." She gave a sincere smile as she thought of how happy she had been today with that very image.
"But…" There was that word that was hard to get around, she continued. "As long as you remain in the military, I will too. If we are to serve in the military I will always serve under you. To be there for you, to protect you. To do my job until the day I die. That is all I can be for you right now."
"I was afraid you would say something like that." His tone was grim, like he was getting ready for yet another funeral. "I don't want you in danger any more. I can't stand the thought of losing you. Losing Maes was…." Tears threatened the only eye of his she could see but he quickly recomposed himself and skipped on to what else he had to say. "I can't quit yet. I know that the position of Fuhrer is something I can no longer attain. But maybe I can still reach my goal. If such a position no longer exists then did we still accomplish what we set out to do?" He looked at her with pain and confusion and she felt every word of it.
"I think the answer is... yes." She spoke with a bit of confidence surrounding her words. "You set out to make changes to the way this country is led. The position of our "one" leader is now gone and the decisions are now made by the people. In the end, don't you feel that you have reached your goal just the same?" She had just answered his question with yet another question. But he understood what she meant. It all made sense; he just needed to hear her say it for it to really sink in.
"But there are so many sins that I still need to atone for. How can I do that now? By dedicating myself to that position I could have accomplished so much more." This time the tears did more than threaten. So much guilt was piled upon his shoulders that she was surprised it hadn't crushed him completely in all these years.
Riza stood from the table and approached him; gently she wrapped her arms around him pulling his face to her chest. Fighting hard not to let tears fall herself she composed her voice to be strong as she could muster. "I think that if you go back and do the job you have always done, Colonel, that that would be enough."
After a few moments she felt as though his sadness might be under control. She delicately removed his now encircled arms from around her waist and placed a kiss on his forehead. "Why don't you go get ready for bed, it's been such a long day for you. I will clean up the dishes."
She was glad he had waited until they were done with their meal before he started up this conversation. Neither one of them would have been in the mood to eat after getting so emotional. If only he could let go of all that guilt. Yes, there had been a lot of killing in the past and he was responsible for many deaths. But so were many other soldiers and it was more than time to rejoin the world of the living instead of living in the world of the dead.
After cleaning up the dishes Riza retreated over to the bed where Roy was now laying stretched out on top of the blanket. He was laying face down with his hands beneath his face, elbows out to his sides. As she approached to check on him he tuned his pain filled eye towards her. She sat on the edge of the bed next to him and rubbed his back in soothing motions. She tried to comfort him the best she could and told him getting depressed wasn't going to help anyone and that he needed to let the past go.
She started to talk about the many positive things that had started to take shape since the fall of the Fuehrer. As she had done many times before she coaxed him to let go of his guilt about Ishbal, they were all used by the military. Actually, the whole military were the ones being used by those whose greed outweighed the many lives that were sacrificed for their cause. Because of their personal sacrifices she guaranteed him that the whole world was now a better place. None of that would be possible if it weren't for him. After talking for a while she noticed a bit of the spark of determination returned to his eye. He rolled over and sat forward, leaning right into her now startled face. "Thank you." It was low and almost desperate sounding as the words left his lips. Then he leaned into her completely and pressed those lips on her own.
It was a flood of emotion like she had never felt before. Her heart raced and her mind swam, or actually it felt more like it was drowning. She had been here over a month with him and this was the first time he had ever been this close to her for something other than needing help to get up from the bed. What was more, through all the years she severed under him and the month and a half of living with him, not once did he try to claim her sweet lips before this.
The feeling was always there, oh yes, they both knew it. It was why he could so casually ask her about her future plans and if he was a part of them. Their love had only been unspoken, that didn't mean it wasn't there. It had been there all along. It was there when she protected him from scar in the rain that day and he knew. It was there when she stood by his side at Maes funeral and once again endured the rain with him. He had known that time as well. It was also there when a rock struck her in the forehead when they went to Ishbal to find Scar. He had paused as the chaos had started to take hold, only broken from his trance by the image of her hurt and bleeding. He acted cold towards her at that time. But she knew as well. She knew that he loved her and a battle raged within him to not express it on the battlefield.
It had always been there, kept in the shadow where others could not see it. It was love that was there through all those times of war and conflict, during missions and quiet times. It was love that caused her to protect him from the misunderstanding of others. It was love when she told Winry she was only in the military to protect someone. It was love when she was jealous of that nurse that had tried to flirt with him right before they left for the Fuhrer's mansion.
They never spoke it to each other, they didn't have to. They both held it in their hearts and felt the same. That love came crashing down around Riza that night she found Roy's lifeless form on the steps of the Fuhrer's mansion in a puddle of blood. Her cries wracked her body and reverberated though Roy's soul as he lay beneath her. Although he was unconscious he could still hear her wails and it made his heart break. He had made her cry. For that he could never forgive himself.
Now after all this time, he no longer wanted it to be unspoken. He had had enough of loving her from the shadows. He wanted to touch her, taste her, and feel her close to his own body. He had always needed her, wanted her, he couldn't wait any longer. Pulling her even closer, he deepened the kiss. She could only comply, reaching around his body and pulling him closer to her own body. His hands touched her curves, like a blind man feeling his way he ran his hand up and down her sides and to her strong hips. He caressed her and reveled in how soft her body was despite her strength.
His hands slowly reached for the buttons on her shirt. She said nothing as he slowly undid them one by one, sliding it off of her frame. He broke the kiss for a moment to speak. She gazed into his eye and saw his want and need for her. She couldn't resist either. "Just for tonight." He whispered. "Tomorrow, I shall contact Central and request a meeting. I will return to my former duties and do all that I can." The passion was coming back into his eye and his voice.
"I will be right there by your side." She smiled at him, happy to see traces of the man she had once known.
"Even if it's just for tonight…" Roy's voice trailed off as he repeated these words.
"Just for tonight" Riza repeated. She displayed love and longing on her own face. "Everything I have is yours. I love you."
Roy felt his heart tighten in his chest at the sound of her words. How long had he waited to hear her say that to him? "I love you too, Riza."