"Fin, a word?"
Liv leaves the door to her office ajar, an open invitation for her sergeant to join her.
She had Sunday to think. To reflect on the revelations intimated to her, ponder over questions she still had, decide what was worth the fight.
Truth be told she was tired of fighting. Flat-out exhausted. She spent months fighting with herself, with Elliot, with demons that permeated her soul when she thought she exorcized them forever. The past was the past, and she desperately wanted to leave it there.
She thought about Fin and Cragen. The men she valued as family, a brother and a father, and what the Lewis saga was like for them. The horrors and trauma they faced as loved ones and caregivers. The guilt and remorse over the timeline of events. The decisions they made to protect her in the wake of that fateful time. She wanted to be mad, but if she were in their position she would have done the same thing. She knows that she wouldn't have been able to handle seeing Elliot unconscious, knowing he came back to save her and practically died trying. There wasn't much left of her in those early days of the aftermath; she wouldn't have been able to fight for the two of them. Although, she wonders if it would have given her something to fight for, instead of being stuck in her circumstances. There's no use debating it now: what's done is done.
Does she wish things happened differently? Of course. But, then maybe she and Elliot wouldn't be here now, tentatively finding their way back to one another. It was messy and devastating, but now she feels hopeful. Maybe they were always meant to be the rainbow after the rain.
Fin enters quietly, sheepishly, closing the door behind him. He knows why he's been summoned, what this weekend unearthed from a time buried long ago. Liv gestures for him to sit on the couch, and she sees him visibly wince under his tough façade. He's expecting a tongue-lashing.
She sits next to him, thinking of their last conversation in this same office. "Can we just be 'Liv and Fin' for a minute?"
"You don't even have to ask."
"I just have one thing to say, and then I want to put this to rest between us."
He's bracing himself, looking down at the floor. Hands clasped tightly, stoic.
"Odafin Tutuola… I love you very much."
She knows she's stunned him, and she quirks the tiniest of smiles. "I'm sorry you were put in the middle of a no-win situation. I can only imagine how difficult that was for you." She places a sisterly hand over his. "I'm grateful that you're in my life. Always looking out for me."
Fin's perplexed expression makes her grin even more. She leans in for a quick side hug before standing and resuming her position behind her desk.
Fin chuckles, exhaling a startled, surprised breath. "Gotta say, Liv, wasn't expecting that."
"One thing I've learned over the past few days is that life's too fragile to waste it on anger with the people we love."
"Does this mean what I think it means?" Fin raises his eyebrows at her in mock surprise.
"We're working on it. He's in Italy with Eli until tomorrow. But, we're talking."
He nods. "Good, Liv, that's good. You know I'll still kick his ass whenever you need me to."
She chuckles. "I appreciate that."
He stands to leave and turns to face her one last time from the doorway. "I like seeing you happy. You deserve it. Even if it's with Stabler."
"I know you missed him too, Fin."
"Shhhh… I got a rep to protect." He winks at her and makes his way back to his desk.
It's lunchtime when there's a knock at her office door.
"Come in."
The door opens, and Amanda walks in with a bag of food and a giant iced coffee.
"My savior! How did you know-"
Amanda waves her off. "Not from me. There's a surprise delivery here for the entire squad. This bag has your name on it."
Liv stifles a laugh as Amanda drops it all unceremoniously onto her desk. There's a beat of silence as Amanda eyes her carefully.
"Say what's on your mind, Rollins."
"Stabler's back in the picture, huh?"
Liv meets her stare. She could be icy and rude to her friend and colleague, but she knows Amanda's wariness comes from a place of protection. Instead, she sighs contentedly and smiles. "If I'm honest with myself, he never left the picture. He's been the entire picture for two decades." She waits for Amanda's reaction, relieved when she softens her stance.
"I'm happy for you, Liv. Truly." She places a warm, meaningful hand on her shoulder. "We should grab a drink soon. The four of us. I'd like to get to know your partner."
"That would be great, Amanda. Thank you."
"Well, I already know he's a great detective. He got everyone their favorites out there. I think Fin might marry him if you don't."
Liv watches as Amanda cringes, realizing her joke is a bit too on the mark. She quickly tries to apologize, only to be met with Liv's laughter at the sight of her friend's internal struggle.
"I've always suspected a bromance between those two. Beer and sandwiches- the way to each other's hearts." As Amanda relaxes, Liv presses on. "Why don't you bring your food in here and join me? I feel like we haven't caught up in ages."
"As much as I'd love to, Velasco and I are going to head out to interview that store owner that witnessed last night's assault. We are taking our sandwiches to-go. And before you ask, no. Stay here. Eat. Enjoy."
"Thanks. Let's make plans for that drink soon, okay?"
"You got it."
Starved, Liv opens the bag, discovering way too much food inside. She grins, seeing not just her deli special from back in the day but his too, including fries, extra pickles- the works. She grabs her phone and dashes off a quick text:
I see you got me both sandwiches so I could steal half of yours, huh? ? Seriously, thank you, El. Wish you were here to split these with me. Hope the rest of your trip is going well.
She hits send and immediately hears a message notification *ding* coming from her doorway. She glances up to see a pair of amused blue eyes meeting her gaze.
Stunned, she blurts out the first thought in her mind. "It's not Tuesday."
Elliot chuckles as he fully enters her office, closing the door behind him. "Very astute, Captain."
Regaining her composure, she stands to meet him. "You flew home early to… split greasy deli sandwiches with me?"
"Yes."
"El?"
He's playful, leaning against the door. "Well, you see, it turns out that Eli has a New York girlfriend that he neglected to tell me about. I guess two full weeks away was too long for his liking. He missed his Italian friends, but he asked if we could come home early."
"I see," she smirks amusedly. "Absence made the heart grow fonder, huh?"
"Mmm, something like that. I gave in, considering that I also have a New York girlfriend that I neglected to tell him about." He winks and gives her that trademark Stabler grin, the one she so desperately missed in the years (and recent months) they'd been apart.
Liv raises her eyebrows in gleeful danger. "Oh, I didn't know Dani Beck was here!"
Elliot barks out a laugh, and grabs his heart as if he's been wounded. "Ouch!"
"So," she saunters, stepping cautiously closer. "Girlfriend, huh?"
Elliot reaches out and takes her hand in his. "Sorry, too presumptuous?"
"No. it's just… girlfriend sounds a bit immature for… this." Olivia gestures between them with their joined hands, a pantomime of questions lingering in their shared space before he places his free hand gently on her hip.
"I don't care what we call this, just tell me we're calling it something." He looks at her, his eyes wistful, pleading.
Olivia steps into him fully and, without hesitation, plants a kiss on his lips. He's letting her lead, but when her tongue grazes his mouth, he reciprocates hungrily, caressing her face and pulling her in deeper. The tiniest whimper escapes her throat, a hopeful, quiet thing, allowing decades of want, need, and love to finally bloom from within. She only pulls away from him to catch her breath, and Elliot chases her lips with a couple of soft pecks before exhaling in blissful relief.
Olivia grabs his hand, pulling him to their lunch. "C'mon, partner, no one likes cold French fries."
They eat and talk in a relaxed rhythm, a shorthand perfected once upon a time and resurrected in this amiable give and take. They are side-by-side at Olivia's desk, occasionally sneaking a gentle nudge, flirtily feeding each other fries, splitting their sandwiches, reliving a time and place so familiar and bittersweet. A text from McGrath breaks their newfound comfort, and Olivia groans and rubs her forehead as she plucks her glasses from her desk to read the offending message. Elliot silently cleans up, lips upturned in a prideful grin as she pounds back a frustrated yet carefully constructed response. She perches the glasses atop her head and sighs. Unfortunately, her break has to end.
"El, I'm sorry-"
"No need to apologize, Captain," he grins with pride. "Can I see you this week? Maybe take you out on a date?"
"I thought this was a date."
"Deli sandwiches at your desk is not a date, Liv. Christ, who have you dated since I've been gone?"
"Careful, Detective," she warns with a cocked eyebrow and smoldering gaze, "I'm not sure you can handle my decade-long dating history."
"Is that so?" He teases, a mixture of humor and jealousy dancing in his crinkled eyes. "I bet none will compare to how I want to wine and dine you, Benson."
"Challenge accepted. How about tomorrow? I had already cleared my schedule because…" She hesitates, sheepish to admit the truth, which Elliot picks up on immediately.
"Ah… because tomorrow is Tuesday, and that's when I said I'd be home. Admit it, Liv, you like me." He stands smugly, arms behind him in his at-ease military stance.
She pretends to scoff as she steps into his space, surprising him with another kiss. "El, I don't like you," she murmurs as she pulls away from his mouth, hand caressing his chest, locating his heartbeat, strong and steady. She sighs in contentment, forehead to forehead. "I love you."
"Olivia," he whispers, watery eyes shining with gratefulness and adoration. "I love you, and I'm so sorry."
"Uh-uh, no more of that, okay? No more apologies or regrets. I know we still have a lot to talk about, and we will, but I don't want to live there. Let's move forward, together." She seals her decree with another soft kiss, and he's molten, a pool of lava at her feet.
"I like the sound of that."
"Good. So… pick me up at six tomorrow?"
"Perfect."
Olivia watches him through the slats in her blinds as he practically glides out of her squad room, stopping to pat Fin on the back on the way out. She smiles, momentarily forgetting about the drastic way her mood will change once McGrath appears, and takes out her phone, scrolling through Google for something she's half-remembering from Elliot's poetry book. After typing in a few words, what she's looking for pops up (as a cute Google Image, no less) and she sends it to Elliot before she loses her sappiness or nerve:
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
I love you because I know no other way than this:
where I does not exist, nor you,
So close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
So close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.
It's hours later when Olivia finally leaves her office, the meeting with McGrath only the start of a litany of responsibilities taking her time and sanity. Lunch feels like a lifetime ago, and her stomach protests the late hour as she leans against the back elevator wall. Her phone is remarkably silent- no new messages to respond to, and she wonders why Elliot never responded to her earlier text.
She doesn't have to wonder for long.
As she rounds the corner to her SUV, a familiar body is leaning against her passenger door. She smirks and shakes her head, all of a sudden not feeling so tired anymore.
"It's still not Tuesday."
Elliot chuckles, adjusting his stance to greet her with a hug, which she gratefully accepts. "What can I say? I'm a sucker for love poems."
"Ah. So, you on a stakeout, Detective?"
"Eh, I may have asked a certain Sergeant to give me a heads-up when it looked like his captain was close to finishing up. Still waited a half hour, though."
"You know, you could have just texted me," she replies, playfully toying with the open buttons on his henley.
"What's the fun in that?" He gestures to his car door, opening it to reveal another stapled paper bag. "Here, dinner for you and Noah. Figured you'd be starving by now."
Her eyes dance over his offering as well as his Cheshire grin. "You know, if you keep feeding me like this, I won't be hungry for our date tomorrow night."
"Who says we're eating tomorrow?" He takes the opportunity to kiss her before she can retort with something sarcastic. "Maybe I have other plans for us instead."
"Oh, so no wining and dining me like you promised, huh, Stabler? Just trying to get me in bed?" She shocks herself with her candor, her eyebrows raising alarmingly fast as she realizes what she just said. She wants to blame it on exhaustion, but Elliot's warm laugh and hands on her waist leave no room for doubt. They want each other.
"Liv, you are controlling the speed of this, okay?"
"Good." She gives him a final kiss before heading to her passenger car door, then turns, giving him a quizzical look. "Coming?"
"What?"
"For dinner? After all, there's enough here for a Stabler army, and I know Noah will lose his mind when he sees you."
His exhale is almost giddy, his eyes misty and bright. "You're in charge, Captain."
She hands him her keys as he slides into the driver's seat, their mutual touch briefly lingering, lovingly. "Mmm… I prefer 'Partner'."
"Always, Liv. Always."