Chapter 5- Come Clean
Kate sat down at the kitchen table. It was night now, and kissing Jack in the bathroom earlier was still fresh in her mind. She closed her eyes and smiled at the thought of how warm his lips had been. Despite her current dilemma she was amazed at how easily Jack's kisses eased her worries. Jack had helped her to forget everything, and she wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing.
Kate sighed and then leaned forward on the table. Jack was asleep now, and Taylor, Sawyer and Chloe had went out to look for pumpkins. Taylor liked to cook and she had told Kate that she was making pumpkin pie with dinner tonight.
The window was open and the smell of burning firewood drifted towards her nose. The outside air was crisp, and perfect for a cup of hot chocolate. Kate stood up and walked towards the cabinets, her bare feet trailed along the cold linoleum on the floor. She hated being alone, and she didn't realize that until she had Jack and Sawyer to keep her company.
"Amazing how much can change in a couple of months," She said to herself. Kate rummaged around for some hot chocolate, and as she did a smile crossed her face at the thought of Sawyer and the three big marshmallows that he had put in her cup last time. Seconds later her eyes rested on the box of hot cocoa, she stood on tippee toe to pull it out, and then rested it down on the counter. Outside Taylor's truck pulled back into the driveway. Kate smiled as she watched Chloe jump out of the vehicle in a jacket, and brown moccasins, Taylor killed the engine and came out shortly afterwards. She had two big bags of what Kate assumed to be clothes in her hands. Sawyer was the last one out, and he was gingerly carrying two pumpkins.
Kate smiled again.
There was a series of small knocks at the door, and then Chloe called, "Open up Kate and Jack, trick or treat,"
Kate stopped rummaging through the boxes and then walked towards the door. She opened it for Chloe and then patted her on the head. "Hey,"
Chloe hugged Kate, "I missed you, where is Jack?"
Kate felt awkward receiving a hug from Chloe, and also the "I missed you" comment through her for a loop. She wasn't used to being hugged or being missed…with the exception of Jack, and maybe Sawyer, so this was new.
Her eyebrows furrowed low over her eyes as Chloe pulled away. The little girl then skipped through the house, "Jack, we have pumpkins!"
Taylor and Sawyer came in afterwards.
"Did anyone call?" She asked handing Kate a bag full of clothes.
Kate nodded, "Cecile?"
Sawyer's eyes widened and he stared back at Kate in shock. "You answered the phone Freckles?"
"C'mon Sawyer, don't be ridiculous. There is such a thing as caller-ID," Kate replied.
Sawyer closed the door behind him, and then watched as Taylor walked into the kitchen to check her messages. "Whenever we get some money we gotta help Taylor out."
Kate couldn't believe the words that just spilt out of Sawyer's mouth. So a part of him did care about someone besides himself. Exactly as she thought.
"Don't look at me all golly eyed, I just said that…"
"I know I heard you," Kate confirmed. She looked down at the pumpkins in Sawyer's hand, and then took one. "How are you?"
"Good," He said.
"Thanks for the hot chocolate yesterday, and by the way I know you didn't do anything to Jack's."
Sawyer trudged towards the kitchen. "How do you know that?"
"I just have a feeling that you didn't." Kate followed after him into the kitchen and then sat down the pumpkin on the table.
Chloe turned on some Cyndi Lauper in the background and then started to dance.
"That little girl is crazy," Sawyer muttered.
Kate smiled. "She's young, let her have fun."
Sawyer looked down at the table. His hair fell in his eyes. "I want a beer,"
Kate wasn't sure where this was coming from so she just gave him an odd look. "Are you trying to get hammered again as badly as you were that night in the woods?"
Sawyer looked up and then shifted in his seat. "I'm not an emotional kind of guy sweetheart, so I don't like feelin responsible for…" He paused and then looked away solemnly.
"Feeling responsible for what?"
Sawyer bit his lip. "Worrying about other people isn't my style, so I don't want to worry about you anymore."
His words stung, Kate closed her eyes and looked down.
"I want to hate you as much as I hate Jack…"
She opened her eyes and then stared back at him accusingly, "How dare you,"
"But I don't hate you Freckles, and I don't hate him either…" Sawyer smiled to himself, he flashed his dimples quickly and then cast his blue eyes back at Kate. He was trying to appear nonchalant but she could see the sadness. "The person I really hate is myself."
"Sawyer…"
He chuckled to himself, "I know Freckles, what do I expect you to say. These days my head hasn't been on too straight, I've been rambling and talking shit. Falling off bridges, hearing voices in the woods. I think all these years of runnin' from myself is finally catching up." His eyes widened and then he lowered his voice. "You ain't the monster sweet cheeks so you can get that idea out of your head."
Kate placed her hand against her forehead and then leaned forward.
"Maybe I should ask for an appointment with the Doc, surely the savior can save me." Sawyer tapped his hands along the table, and then looked back at Kate. He hadn't meant to let his thoughts slip out. But he felt guilty that she was having nightmares on the account of him. He was the murderer and whether Kate was with Jack or not, she didn't deserve his burden. "I was just kidding about the Doc part, so don't go scheduling me an appointment,"
Kate winced as she tried to find the right words to say to Sawyer. He had never been this open with her before, and she wasn't sure why he choose now in order to tell her how he felt. This wasn't Sawyer's style, and it made her sad to hear him say that he hated himself.
"I just thought you should know the truth, before ya went on blaming yourself."
He moved to get up, but Kate promptly grabbed onto his sleeve. "Jack and I don't hate you if that's what you think."
"I don't give a damn to tell you the truth sassafrass,"
"Yes you do Sawyer, if you didn't then why would you be opening up to me,"
"Maybe because I'm drunk,"
"No you're not."
Sawyer reached in his pocket and then pulled out a small bottle of vodka, "Yeah, I'm drunk."
"It takes more than one measly bottle to get you drunk,"
"I had a couple of these bottles, now stop questioning me before you start sounding like Jack…yeah Dear old Doc where is he by the way?"
Kate stood up, "He's sleeping,"
"He should be pretty happy with himself," Sawyer mumbled.
Kate took the small bottle of vodka away from him, "No more,"
"Give it back,"
"No," Kate shot back stubbornly.
Sawyer clenched his jaw and then stared back at her in anger. His eyes bore a hole into her. "Gimme it back Freckles,"
Jack walked into the room with Sawyer and Kate. He raised an eyebrow suspiciously. "Is everything okay Kate?"
Kate slowly nodded, "Yeah, we're good Jack,"
Jack dangled Taylor's keys in his hands. "Kate will you come with me for a little bit?"
"Where are we going?" Kate asked.
Jack shrugged, "Um…you'll see."
Sawyer glanced at Jack, and then at Kate. "Give me back my bottle," He reached for Kate's hand and then snatched the complimentary bottle out of her grasp.
Her mouth dropped as she looked back at the brooding figure in front of her. Sawyer looked down, and then back at Jack. "She's all yours, make sure the Marshals don't get her,"
"Sawyer!" Kate yelled.
"Kate, keep you're voice down," Jack advised quickly going over to her, and then resting his hand on her arm. He then turned around to face Sawyer, "What's going on here?"
Sawyer walked back over to them, "Why don't you tell him Kate, because I know you're dying too, tell him what I did."
"Sawyer!" She screamed again with tears in her eyes.
Jack's eyes widened as he looked back at Kate. He slipped his hand around her arm protectively, and then motioned for Sawyer to follow them inside. "We all need to talk."
"I don't need to talk to you," Sawyer spat.
Taylor stepped into the room with them, an expression of concern was stretched across her face. "Is everything okay?"
"We're fine, we just need to talk," Jack said.
"No, they need to talk." Sawyer corrected as he stalked towards the back.
Jack followed after Sawyer and then grabbed his arm. "We all need to talk, don't make me repeat myself. Outside Sawyer now,"
Sawyer yanked his arm out of Jack's grasp and then pushed him back words. "Get your fcking hands off me boy, you ain't my daddy."
Jack clenched his jaw, and then took in a deep breath. He looked down and then ran his hands over his short brown hair as he struggled to calm himself. "Could you stop arguing with me,"
Sawyer crossed his arms, "I could ask you the same question Jackass,"
"Let's just go outside and talk," Kate suggested as she looked over at Taylor. She walked over to Jack and Sawyer, and then reached out for the sleeves of both of their shirts. "We're sorry Taylor,"
"No it's okay, I just came in to check up, because I don't want Chloe to hear ya'll arguing."
"We'll go outside," Kate replied. She tugged on Jack and Sawyer's shirt leading them outside. Sawyer reached for her hand and then forced her to let him go, while Jack continued to let Kate lead him.
After they were outside, Kate walked a little ways into the woods. She stopped when they were far enough in, where Chloe and Taylor couldn't see them, and then turned around to face Jack and Sawyer.
Sawyer stared back at Jack angrily, his nostrils were flared and he seemed like he was seconds away from attacking Jack, seeing this Kate quickly stepped in between them.
"Sawyer, why don't you tell me what's going on?" Jack asked.
"I don't have to tell you shit."
Jack glanced at Kate, and then his expression hardened when he focused back on Sawyer. "Actually you do, I don't know what happened that night you and Kate went to get rid of the truck, but something did, and you're going to tell me what it was."
"Why don't you ask your girlfriend." Sawyer snapped.
Kate raised her chin as she looked back at Sawyer in hurt. Sawyer's eyebrows lowered over his eyes, and he turned away.
"Kate, tell me what happened." Jack focused his complete attention on her, and then placed his hands on her shoulders.
Kate tried to avoid Jack's piercing eyes, but he was staring at her to intent on the truth for her to lie. Jack held onto her a little tighter, and then used one hand to place underneath her chin. "Kate, what did Sawyer do,"
"What the hell do you mean! What did I do! You don't know that I…"
"Shut up!" Jack yelled pointing a finger at him.
Sawyer walked over to Jack, and then clenched his fists, "Want to say that to me again, d'ya want to tell me to shut up again."
Kate started to shake with anxiety, as she watched Sawyer approach an already timid Jack. Tears welled in her eyes at the thought of finally having to tell Jack the truth. She should've known that it was inevitable, Jack was going to hate her after it all came out. "Wait!"
Sawyer stopped where he stood, and Jack turned back towards Kate.
"Jack…" She looked down at his hands on her shaking shoulders, and then pulled his hands away. "When we left that night…" Tears started to well in her eyes, as she paused to wipe at her mouth with the back of her hand.
Sawyer clenched his jaw, and watched Kate with difficulty.
"What happened!" Jack yelled back at Sawyer.
Sawyer was unable to speak, so he just stood there and watched as Kate explained the situation with difficulty. With every word she spoke, a sob followed afterwards. The tears were falling like rain down her cheeks, and it was more apparent than ever that she had been through a lot. Sawyer needed a cigarette right now, but he didn't have any on him, so he reached in his pocket for one of the mini vodka bottles that he had smuggled earlier, but he had drunk them all.
Kate collapsed into Jack's arms. Her hands griped at his shirt as she cried. "I'm such a horrible person."
"No," Jack said quickly in her ear.
"You don't know what I did, you don't know…" Kate tried to push Jack away, but he held onto her tightly. She started to fall from his arms, but he held onto her still. Jack stumbled backwards as Kate tried to push him away again.
"Just let me go!"
"No," As Jack struggled with her he passed murderous glances back at Sawyer. "You did this to her? Whatever you made her keep from me is tearing her apart inside, You see what the hell you did to her!" Jack accused.
"Sawyer didn't…" Kate stopped fighting Jack, and then buried her face in his shirt. She beat against his chest with her fists, and then let it all out. "We hit a man with Taylor's truck, we hit him, and I tried to save him." She fell backwards once again, Jack lunged forward to catch her before she hit the ground.
Jack knew that Kate was having a breakdown, and whatever she had been holding inside of her was coming out.
"I tried so hard to save him, there was just so much blood…and Oh god…" She clamped her hands over her mouth and then rested her head against Jack's shirt again.
Jack and Kate fell to the ground.
"I didn't want you to know, because I thought you would hate me…" She wiggled out of Jack's grasp and fell forwards onto the ground. Mud stained Kate's hands as she struggled to get up. Jack pulled her back into his arms.
"I'm fine, I'm fine!" She screamed.
Jack turned away from Kate, rage had engulfed him as he looked back at Sawyer's nonchalant expression. He stood up, his fists were clenched, and a murderous expression was stretched across his face. "You knew about this the whole time, and you didn't think I should know?"
"I don't have to report everything to…"
Jack rammed his hands into Sawyer's chest and pushed him back aggressively. "Look at Kate!"
"I see her," Sawyer growled staring back at Jack daringly. It did tear him up inside to see Kate like this, but she wasn't his responsibility, she was Jack's.
"You did this to her, you son of a bitch!" Jack pushed Sawyer again.
Sawyer snapped his neck in Jack's direction. "Lay your hands on me one more time boy and I'll kill you!"
"Right because you're the murderer!" Jack yelled.
Kate cried even harder. She struggled to force herself up, but she collapsed back onto the ground.
"I'm the murderer huh, and what makes you any different from me, If I remember correctly you got blood on your hands too."
Jack slammed into Sawyer. They both fell onto the damp ground.
"I got blood on my hands from trying to save your life!" He yelled with anger.
"Get offa me!" Sawyer wrapped his hands around Jack's neck, and then forced Jack onto the ground. Sawyer took advantage of the situation as Jack tried to steady himself. He released his grip from around Jack's neck and then started to hammer his fist into Jack's face. Jack groaned in pain, but Sawyer continued to let him have it.
Kate forced herself up. "Stop!" She screamed.
Sawyer couldn't hear her. Anger and pain was rushing through his veins. He never meant to hurt Kate, and he never intended to kill that man. But Jack always did this, the hero, always made him out to be a monster. Satisfaction crept through his tortured soul as he watched blood start to fall from Jack's nose. Every fist that connected with Jack's face, sent feelings of relief and satisfaction through his body. Like everyone else in the world, Jack belittled him, and he was tired of it.
Kate screamed. She quickly grabbed onto Sawyer's arms and tried to stop him from hitting Jack.
As Kate held onto him, Sawyer suddenly snapped back into reality. He had lost himself momentarily. His mouth dropped, and he looked down at his hands. Sawyer swallowed down a wad of nervousness.
Kate tried to pull Sawyer off of Jack, but before she could Jack shot up. He grabbed Sawyer by the shoulders and threw him backwards. Kate was thrown off her feet, and she fell hard on the ground.
"You let Kate take on all your problems!" He yelled. Tears welled in Jack's eyes as he held Sawyer down on the ground. "Why would you do that to her, why you fcking bastard!"
"Get the F…"
Before Sawyer could finish Jack slammed his fist into Sawyer's jaw. Sawyer's head twisted to the right, and blood spilled out of his mouth.
Jack grabbed him by his shirt, and then slammed him down roughly on the ground. "You can bring yourself down on your own, but don't drag Kate down with you!" He hollered.
Sawyer jammed his knee into Jack's stomach, and then turned over on his side so he could push himself up. "I never meant to hurt her, I would never…"
Jack fell backwards clutching his stomach in pain, he was about to fight Sawyer again, but Kate promptly ran over to him. "Stop!" She screamed.
Jack closed his eyes, and tried to mentally calm himself down. His clothes were now coated in mud.
Kate's eyebrows furrowed low over her eyes as she looked back at them.
Jack glanced at Sawyer's bloody face, and then at his eye which was starting to turn purple. Jack placed his hand against his forehead, and then tried once again to forget everything that had happened in the last fifteen minutes.
With trembling hands Kate traced her hands along his jaw, "You're bleeding, we have to clean you up." She said. Kate tried to pull Jack up, but he was too heavy. "Jack could you help me out," As he started to stand up, Kate wiped away at her tears. She then turned around to face Sawyer who was just standing their. "Sawyer,"
"Help him." Sawyer scowled.
Jack held his hand underneath his nose as blood started to gush out.
Kate felt her stomach grow squeamish at the sight. She closed her eyes in horror, and tried to erase the image of all the blood Jack was loosing. He was fine, but still. Kate placed her hand against Jack's chest as she felt herself to grow dizzy.
Jack caught her in his arms as she passed out.
Sawyer spat on the ground, and then turned around to head back into the house. His fists were clenched and his expression read one of infuriation. Taylor greeted him at the door. Her mouth dropped and she placed her hand over her mouth.
"Oh migod Sawyer!"
"I'm fine, I just got…Don't worry about it." He growled walking towards the bathroom, hoping that she wouldn't follow after him, but of course she followed after him anyways.
"I'm fine," He said reaching for the door. Sawyer winced at the pain that surged through his jaw. His skin felt raw and bruised, and his lip was bust open. Sawyer gingerly licked at the blood falling from his cut, and then turned around to face Taylor. "Just leave me alone."
"No," She stepped into the bathroom, and then pulled him inside. Concern covered her face as she stared back at Sawyer. She reached forward and then pulled his hair out of his eyes.
"I'm fine,"
"You're bleeding, cut and bruised, you're not fine, and you can holler as much as you want too, but I am not leaving until I clean you up."
"What about the kid, ya don't want her getting ideas."
Taylor shook her head, "You like to chase people away Sawyer, and that might work on someone that doesn't know you," She bent down to grab some hydrogen peroxide from the cabinet, and a cotton ball. "Listen to me Sawyer,"
Sawyer looked away, "You made a mistake by letting us into your house,"
"No, I didn't." Taylor placed her hand underneath Sawyer's chin and then poured some of the peroxide into the cotton ball. "This might hurt a little bit."
"I can clean up my own damn wounds…"
Before he could finish Taylor placed the cotton ball against his lip. He cringed at the stinging sensation.
"I told you it was going to sting." She said softly.
Sawyer opened his eyes. He groaned at how sensitive his swollen eye was to the light. "I'm telling you I can take care of myself,"
Taylor smiled back at him as she tossed the cotton ball into the trash and then grabbed another one.
"Dontcha wanna know why the bastard punched me,"
"Jack's not a bastard," Taylor said quietly.
"Are you on his side too,"
Taylor tilted Sawyer's head to the right, "I'm not choosing sides, I just think you and Jack have a misunderstanding, and…"
"Woman…"
"Sawyer, I'm not suggesting that you become best-friends with Jack, but I am suggesting that you try to get along with him, for all of our sakes,"
Sawyer remained silent.
"At least you're off the hook, after I finish cleaning you up, you can go ahead and shower, Chloe and I will finish making the pumpkin pie, and I'll save you a slice and some iced tea,"
"I don't want no pumpkin pie."
"Look at me Sawyer." Taylor gave him a half smile and then brought the cotton ball up to his swollen eye. "Pumpkin pie and iced tea cures a broken heart at least in my book."
"My heart ain't broken."
"Then smile for me."
"I don't wanna."
Taylor hugged Sawyer. "You have a beautiful smile, and I like it better than your permanent scowl."
Sawyer placed his hand on Taylor's lower back, and for a quick second closed his eyes. His cheek brushed against her golden locks, and he smiled briefly.
"Are you okay?" Jack asked sitting down on the porch next to Kate.
"I'm fine," Kate rested her hand against her cheek, and then looked out at the darkened night. Leaves rustled gently in the breeze, and high in the sky a series of constellations illuminated the southern sky. "Are you okay?"
"I didn't mean to attack Sawyer like that, but I…" Jack clenched his jaw, and then sighed. "I couldn't understand how he could be okay with you carrying his burden."
Kate shook her head, "He's not that bad Jack,"
Jack rested his arm against the porch rail, and then looked down at his muddy hands. He wasn't bleeding as much as before, but he still felt blood trickling from his cuts. "I'm going to go inside and get cleaned up, and try not to get in round two with Sawyer,"
"Sawyer never intended to hurt me, it wasn't his fault that I reacted the way I did."
"He ran over a guy Kate,"
Kate closed her eyes.
"I'm sorry," Jack whispered after he realized that his statement brought back negative flashbacks. "I just wish you told me earlier so we could deal with this together,"
"I didn't think you would want to deal with this together, because of the person you are."
"I've changed, at least the part of me that doesn't trust you. I don't blame you for what happened, and I'm not going to even ask about the details, all that matters is that you are okay."
Kate sighed, "I want to talk about it though sometime."
Jack waited, he looked down at her, and then gave her a nod. "I'm here whenever you're ready."
"I'm not ready to talk about it now though, but when I'm ready I'll let you know." Kate bit her lip and then shoved her hands in the pockets of her denim jeans. "But I did want to talk to you about Sawyer."
"I'm not sure if I want to talk about him,"
Kate brushed a leaf off of Jack's shirt, and then thought over what she was going to say. When the right words came to mind Kate looked back at Jack. "I know you and Sawyer don't exactly see eye to eye, but I care about him, and I want to see him get through this with is. He's not as bad as he plays himself out to be."
"Well he has yet to show that to me," Jack huffed.
"Sawyer's had a rough life, and the only way he knows how to deal is through anger and comedy, I've seen inside him, and there's pain there, I understand where he's coming from."
"I don't hate him, I just don't appreciate the fact that he allowed you to suffer."
"Sawyer didn't allow me to suffer, he tried to reach me in his own way, but the truth is Jack, he is suffering as much as I am. And I didn't realize that until today. I love Sawyer…"
Jack closed his eyes.
"Not like I love you. Sawyer is like a brother to me, we fight and argue until we'll blue in the face, but deep down there is something there. I know he would protect me, and I think I'm being bold by saying this, but I think he would even put his life on the line for me."
"I would too," Jack spoke up.
Kate wiped away at the last of the tears that formed on her face. "I know you
would and that's why I am in love with you. But I love you differently, I care about you as much as Sawyer, but I…" Kate sighed, "I actually love you, and I didn't realize that until…" Kate closed her eyes.
Jack reached for her hands, and then leaned closer, "Until what?"
"I realized that I loved you when you didn't turn your back on me after finding out what Sawyer and I had been hiding from you."
Jack answered Kate by pulling her into his arms. She started to cry again. "We're going to get through this together, you, me…and Sawyer,"
(Thanks everyone for reviewing last chapter, Midterms are this week so I might update again next Monday, or maybe sooner.
Jillian- Not related, but he does have an eerie linking to Kate's past, and Cohen 101- Jack has no idea that Kate had the ring, and he doesn't even know it's missing now.)