Allocation
"Choice of attention - to pay attention to this and ignore that - is to the inner life what choice of action is to the outer. In both cases, a man is responsible for his choice and must accept the consequences, whatever they may be." -W. H. Auden, A Certain World
Chapter 8: Remorse
"I'm sorry I just ran home like that, just to put the Egyptian God cards in my drawer. I know it was really stupid of me. It just felt really important at the time..."
Yami's probing my mind, asking me why. And I know I was sloppy. It was stupid of me to just decide to run home and put the God cards in a drawer, even though it seemed like such a good idea. All because I'd gotten an idea from Donkey Kong. I'm such an idiot. Yami would never make that mistake; then again, Yami would never be in the situation I'm in...
"Yug'!" I look up and see Joey running towards me, his sneakers smacking against the pavement. He grins. Apparently he's been looking for me.
"Joey! Sorry, I said I'd be right back, but Yami and I were..." Arguing. Were we arguing? I want to use that word, but it doesn't seem to fit into my puzzle. "...talking, and I just came out..."
"It's not problem. What did you need to go home for, anyway?" Joey asked casually. I shudder. "What's wrong?"
"It was stupid. I just... I felt like I shouldn't be carrying the God cards."
Joey cocks up an eyebrow. "You sensin' some sort of evil or somethin'?"
"No... Like I said, it was stupid. I just totally ran home on a whim to put three pieces of paper in a drawer. Well, I'm back now. Sorry." The sun is shining. For some reason, I feel like there should be a sunset, dominated by pink, in the sky, but it's only mid-afternoon.
"That's ok. I don't really get it, but whatever..." Joey grinned. "Let's go to BurgerWorld!"
Tea works there. "Ok," I agree. "And on the way, Joey... um... do you remember Miho?"
"Yeah, why?"
"She asked me out."
Joey gave me 'a look.' "She did?"
"Yeah."
"Doesn't she like Bakura?"
"Yeah."
"So why is she askin' YOU out?"
"I don't know."
"When did she ask you out?" Joey inquires. I wonder why this is important, then realize that it could be pretty useful information in trying (as I'm sure Joey was doing) to discover Miho's motives. After all, it was automatically evident that Miho wouldn't ask me to spend time with her without a reason. Everyone knew she'd been crushing on Bakura for some time now.
"Remember when we were talking on the phone, and I said somebody else was flashing in? That was her on the other line."
"Oh. Was that all she said, is that she wanted to go on a date with out?"
"She didn't say she wanted to go on a date with me. She said she wanted to see if we could go see X-Men 2 together. Now that I think about it, she probably just wants to talk more about Bakura."
"Don't sound so bitter, Yug'. I'm sure there's a girl somewhere that likes you." Joey gives me a cheeky grin. I shiver despite the warmth.
"I guess so. But Miho isn't exactly the type of girl I would want to be my girlfriend anyway," I say. "Especially if she's allocating me to be her eyes and ears on the subject of Bakura. I mean, we don't talk as often as she makes it seem... actually, I haven't hung out with him at all lately."
"Maybe you should," Joey suggests. I try to calculate what he's saying. How would hanging out with Ryou Bakura solve my problems? If anything happened involving his darker half, my darker half would want to pursue his destiny even more. That wouldn't help me...
I give up with a sort of melancholy sigh that I didn't mean to expel. "How would that help me?" I ask Joey.
Joey looks surprised. "Help you? I just meant Bakura probably wants to hang out with us more."
Oh... Of course. I'm friends with Bakura, aren't I? His lighter bit, that is. Although his lighter bit, still, can be very morbid sometimes, and it freaks me out. The card choices he's made in creating his deck are creepy, to say the least, and it's pretty obvious from the books he reads that he's heavily into horror.
"...Yeah... of course. So what should I say to Miho?"
"You should say 'yes.'"
"Why?"
"Don't you want to see what she has to say?" Joey looks at me worriedly. "Yug', are you feelin' like yourself today?"
"Not really, Joey," I admit with a small fey smile. I probably going to feel a bit off for awhile. After all, an attitude adjustment is in order to fend off Yami's interests in his past, isn't it? It is. But isn't as if I'm going to lose myself in it. But so what if I did? If it makes people happy... If it makes Tea happy, that's the most important part.