Ellie's POV
So being pregnant sucks. It really, truly does. I get sick, I'm moody, and I can barely ignore the hunger pains in my stomach. Seriously, I'm trying to force food down my throat, but it's not easy. I'm never this hungry. I'm not used to this "eating for two" business. But Sean's doing everything he can to make sure I take care of myself. I'm so grateful for him.
It's been about two weeks since we found out that I'm pregnant. My parents are being great about it. Seriously. My mom is acting so cute- getting me books on being pregnant, already shopping for baby clothes and toys, taking complete care of me. We're becoming really close. I missed this. Her and me sitting down and talking each night about school and work and everything. It's nice to get back to that. I can't help notice that the other night she had a glass of wine with dinner... and she stopped. Only one glass. I know she went to therapy and everything, but I've always been leery of just how well she's doing. Now I think I can actually trust her again.
My dad is still acting a bit rough around the edges towards Sean, but that can be expected. He's being civil, I can say that much. I'm trying to get Sean to go golfing with my dad one weekend, but Sean pretty much vetoed that idea right from the start. But I'm still working on it.
No one else knows. Not even Marco or Ashley. It's hard keeping this huge of a secret from them, but Sean and I decided not to tell anyone until we're completely ready. I hope I'm ready soon because it's seriously killing me to not be able to talk with them about it. Especially when Marco asks me if something is wrong. I mean, if Sean and I tell one person, the whole world is going to find out about five minutes later. Gossip travels fast at Degrassi.
"Jay knows."
I looked up from my bag of carrot sticks and gaped at Sean, "What?"
"Jay knows. He found out."
"You told him? How could you tell him? I thought we specifically decided that we weren't going to let anyone know until I was further along."
"I didn't tell him. He came over last night and saw that stupid book you left out."
"Excuse me, you were looking at that book when I left. Don't blame this all on me."
"I'm not blaming anything on you."
"Yes, you are!"
"No, I'm not!"
Our eyes met and we chuckled softly. "How stupid are we being?" Sean asked as he laced his fingers into mine.
"Very," I affirmed. "He's not going to tell anyone about me being-"I glanced at the table next to me with Ashley, Paige, Spinner, all of them sitting at it. "Pregnant?" I whispered the last word so no one but Sean could hear.
Sean took a sip of his coke and shook his head, "No way. Jay wouldn't do that."
"I wouldn't do what?"
We both look up to see Jay and his friends... should I say thugs?... standing in front of the table Sean and I were occupying. From the look on his face, he didn't look like he was in a very secretive mood. In fact, he appeared to be gloating.
Jay crossed his arms slowly and lifted his chin, smirking. "So when is the baby due?"
Silence fell over the table next to Sean and me. Great... Paige and Spinner decided to shut up for once just as my huge secret was being let out. It's pretty ironic when you think about it. I stole a glance out of the corner of my eye at the table. Everyone was just staring at me, their mouths gaped wide open.
Sean stood up so fast he knocked his chair over, "What are you talking about, man?"
"Ellie- she's pregnant. When is she due?"
Slowly, I could hear murmurs starting their way around the cafeteria. I could even feel my face turning red and my fingers gripping the edge of the table, as if holding on for dear life. Why did this have to happen? Why couldn't anything go right for me just once? Here I was, trying to make the right decisions, trying to be a good person, and, once again, I'm overcome with bad things. It's true what they say- bad things happen to good people.
"Shut the hell up, man! You don't know shit!" Sean got up into Jay's face and they stared off at each other.
"Cameron, how do you even know it's yours? She's a slut. You really going to fight me over her?"
Sean drew his fist back and quickly connected it with Jay's eye, sending Jay reeling to the ground. Jay was up in seconds, lunging towards Sean and knocking him over, causing a full scuffle on the cafeteria floor. I stepped forward to help and try to break them apart, but Marco held me back. Mr. Simpson and Ms. Kwan both ran over to see what all the commotion was about and immediately stopped the fight.
"Hey! What is going on here?" Mr. Simpson shouted angrily as he stood between Jay and Sean.
Jay nodded towards Sean, "He started it. He hit me first. I was just congratulating him and Ellie on the good news."
"Jay-" Sean started.
"He knocked her up. They're expecting."
Mr. Simpson and Ms. Kwan flashed each other a worried glance. Ms. Kwan took my arm and started to lead me out of the cafeteria. "Ellie, maybe you should come with me."
I grabbed my arm back, "No. I want to stay with Sean."
"Well, Sean and Jay are both going to Mr. Radditch's office."
I watched helplessly as Mr. Simpson led Jay and Sean off towards the other end of the cafeteria. Great, once again I messed things up. Here Sean was, just trying to defend me, and now he's in trouble.
Ms. Suave leaned forward slightly and opened her mouth as if she were going to say something, but shut up quickly. Good. I didn't feel like having to hear her talk about shit. I just wanted to see Sean and talk about what happened and not have to sit here and stare at her for the rest of the day. Teachers had thought it best if I talked with her for the rest of my classes. Funny how no one asked my opinion or what I wanted to do.
If it were up to me, I'd be with Sean right now, watching him work on cars or something. Or I'd be in the bathroom, taking something sharp to my arm and releasing all the pain I feel. Or I'd be locked in some stall snorting a line to make me forget what a shitty life I have. I'd be anywhere but here.
"Ellie, I really think we should talk about this. I mean, is it true? Are you pregnant?"
How stupid could she be? "Do you honestly think I'd sit here and waste my time if it weren't?"
Ms. Suave smiled slightly and I realized that she liked my attitude at times. I guess it did liven the place up a bit. It must get dismal in this office, listening to kids and their problems and never really being able to help. She didn't help Paige win her trial or notice that Ashley was depressed. She hasn't helped me one bit. I'm still as fucked up as ever and no one seems to care.
"I guess not." She sighed and it made me think that maybe she didn't want to be here either. Maybe this isn't what she wanted to do in life. Maybe she had wanted to be famous or travel or just own her own little business. And, instead, she was stuck in this shit hole. "When did you find out?"
"A few weeks ago."
"Did you know before then or did you guess...?"
"Yeah. I figured as much."
"So, how far along are you?"
"Few months. I don't know. My first doctor's appointment is Wednesday. I guess I'll find out then."
"How did Sean take the news?'
"Surprisingly well. He's pretty excited."
"That's good. But it's not going to be easy. Is it safe for me to presume that your parents know?"
"Yes, they know."
"And...?"
"They're getting used to it."
"That's good."
"Yeah..."
Silence. Followed by more silence.
Finally Ms. Suave broke it. "You're involved in the newspaper, yearbook, art club, photography club, your co-op... That's a lot of responsibility to take on while you're pregnant."
"I can handle it."
"Are you sure? Because I could always give Caitlin a call and we could find someone else..."
"I can handle it." Jesus. How many times did I have to say it? I've handled everything before; I can handle it still.
The motion of the clock's minute hand was tedious. It just dragged. By the time school let out, I was practically foaming at the mouth I was so delirious. I sprinted down the hallway, hoping to catch up with Sean, when I heard him call my name.
"Elle!"
I turned around and started to walk towards him as he walked towards me. "Hey. How are you?" I bit my lip waiting for his reply. Hopefully he would still get his financial aid.
"I'm fine. They barely touched me. I have detention for a few weeks, but that's about it."
"And Jay?"
"Same. Except he has to write an essay for Ms. Kwan on respecting other people's privacy. Fifteen pages."
"Ouch."
"Yeah... Thank God I didn't get that punishment. I'd be in real trouble."
He tossed me that irresistible half-smile and I almost melted. God. How cliché do I sound right now? Wait, I can answer that. Very. But who can blame me, right? He's hot. He fights for me. And he's charming. And, most of all, he stands by me.
Marco's POVI have entered the Twilight Zone. I am now in a world where my best friend... my ex-girlfriend, gets pregnant by a guy who can barely speak or read. Who's only form of communication is his fist. A world where my best friend, who I thought told me everything, is actually keeping a whole other life from me. A life where she cuts her arms, starves herself, and has sex mindlessly with said boy.
And, yet, she's still the same girl. She's still the most intelligent person I know, the most caring, the only person who would literally lay her life down for you, who puts aside everything to help another person out, who doesn't even think of herself... She still wears too much black and way too much eyeliner to be healthy and she still writes opinion pieces for The Grapevine and she still doesn't take shit from anybody. She still carries her video camera around with her wherever she goes, you can still hear her strumming her guitar every night, tinkering around on my family's piano as we set the table, or doodling the most extravagant masterpieces in her notebooks.
But something has changed. I don't know exactly what it is yet, but it's there. I find myself not calling her as much as I used to. Instead, I call Paige more or even Spinner. But when we are together, it's just like old times. We still laugh all the time, we're still able to have serious discussions- discussions I couldn't have with anyone else on earth. We still eat too much candy and steal meaningful glances at each other. But I feel... guilt.
Because she has put so much more into this relationship than I ever have. And I've used her. I've used the one girl who means the most to me. I've expected impossible things from her. I wanted her to pretend forever. I never wanted to stop being her "boyfriend". And I know that if I had urged her, pleaded with her, she would still be my "girlfriend" even now. She would have never told everyone that we had broken up that day at the beach.
I didn't even know her father had left for the war until Ashley had told me five weeks after the event. I didn't even stop to wonder why she was acting so depressed. Or wonder why she always covered her arms up. Dammit. I should have known that she was hurting herself. And she still is. And it's the scariest thing I've ever seen. I thought Ellie had had it all together. That she was beyond perfection.
But she doesn't have it all together.
I abandoned my best friend to sit at the popular table.
Sean's POVA knock sounded on my door and I threw down a book I was reading for English to go answer it. Ellie's dad had picked her up about an hour ago. Maybe she had forgotten something. A quick scan around the living room as I walked through it let me know that she hadn't. Maybe it was Jay...
... Or Marco.
"Hey Mar-"
Marco shoved me. Hard. Which surprised me. I stumbled against the wall. "Shut up! Who the hell do you think you are?"
I straightened myself back up and looked at Marco. "What are you talking about, man?"
"You! And Ellie! She's pregnant! What the hell are you doing?"
This little, skinny boy wouldn't stop shoving me. If it had been anyone else I would have gone crazy and grounded them, but this was Ellie's best friend. She'd kill me before I touched him. "Jesus, Marco. Calm down."
Marco shoved me one last time and then started to pace back and forth in the kitchen. "If you hurt her, Sean. I swear... I will kill you. Don't you hurt her. Do you have any idea how much I care about that girl?"
"Marco, I know."
"I love that girl. Don't hurt her."
And he left. Was this deja-vu or something? I could have sworn I had this conversation with Marco before. Didn't he understand that I already knew how much he cared about Ellie? He didn't have to go and threaten me.
Man, he is so lucky that Ellie's his best friend. Otherwise, he'd be a dead man now.
Ashley's POVWhy do I feel like I'm reliving the whole Craig and Manny pregnancy thing? Is this someone's way of punishing me? Of making me think back to that whole fiasco? I'd rather not remember.
I can't believe Ellie's pregnant. I never thought of her as one who would be so careless. Doesn't she realize that you're supposed to use a condom? Maybe Dr. Sally needs to come and have the "sex talk" again. Obviously some people weren't paying attention.
I'm so disappointed in her right now.
Paige's POVOh God. So now I have to look at Ellie being pregnant for the rest of the year. I swear, she'll do anything to get attention. She acts like she could care less, but, in all actuality, she lives for it. It's so pathetic.
Well, good luck to her. She officially ruined her life.
Craig's POVAt least Ellie's keeping the baby. And Sean is going to have a real family now. Lucky him. I don' t know. Ashley doesn't think they're going to make it... I do.
Spinner's POVI knew she was easy.
Jimmy's POVI'm so glad she turned me down last year. Otherwise, I could have some kid calling me "daddy" in a few months.
Hazel's POVPersonally, I don't see why everyone is getting all fired up about it. I think babies are cute. Ellie's lucky she's going to have a little tyke running around. Sure, they're a lot of work, but it's totally worth it when they say their first words or take their first steps... She doesn't seem too upset about it, so why should everyone else?
Emma's POVWow. Leave it up to Sean to screw up Ellie's life.
Manny's POVPoor Ellie. Really. Poor Ellie. She must be going through hell right now. I felt like my world was ending when I found out. I can't believe she's keeping it. I guess she just feels like maybe she is ready. Hopefully she won't make a choice she regrets later on.
Ellie's POV"Come in!" I called out as I conjugated French verbs.
"Hey..."
"Marco!" I turned around in my chair and smiled shyly at him. I still didn't know how he had reacted to the news. Was he going to freak out on me or would he be totally cool with it?
"So... How are you?"
"I'm good. What about you? You look upset. Is something wrong? Is it Dylan?"
"No. I'm just... Ellie, you're pregnant. Don't you understand what that means?"
"Yeah, it means I'm going to have a baby," I said matter-of-factly.
"And you're okay with this?"
"I have to be."
"Yeah, I guess so."
I joined Marco on the edge of my bed and took one of his hands in mine. "Marco, don't worry about me. I'm going to be fine. Sean's taking care of me, I'm taking care of myself, my parents were okay with it... You don't have to worry!"
Marco nodded sullenly, and I tried to make him smile, but he wouldn't. He seemed so preoccupied with something. Suddenly he looked up and met my gaze. "Marco?" I asked.
As soon as the question left my mouth, Marco was leaning towards me and his lips met mine. His hands crept up my neck and held the back of my head. Oh. My. God. Marco was kissing me. Marco was kissing me. Marco was kissing me. What was I supposed to do?
This might complicate things... So thanks for the reviews. Hope you keep on reading! :)