Ellie's POV
All I could think was that Marco- my best friend Marco, my soulmate, my gay ex-boyfriend- was kissing me. Hard. As if he meant it. I knew this was no little friendly kiss. This was passionate. Searching.
And it was wrong.
"Marco!" I pulled back and pushed him away from me, sending him off the bed.
Marco quickly stood up and ran a quivering hand through his hair. "Ellie-"
"No!" I held my finger up and shook my head. "You don't talk. Don't you understand that you can't just do this to me? You can't just kiss me and expect me to be okay with it and kiss you back and then we'll live happily ever after. You're gay. That's what you are. You can't keep switching back and forth what you are."
"I know, Ellie. If you'd let me explain."
"I'm not finished yet!" I screamed. "You can't waltz in here, kiss me, and expect everything to be alright. Because it can't be. I have a boyfriend. I'm having my boyfriend's baby. You and me? We gave this a shot. You turned me down. You burned me. You used me. Don't do this to me. Seriously, I can't mess this up anymore than I already have."
"Mess what up?"
"Sean!"
He took a step towards me, but I stepped back from him. I stayed on my toes. "We don't have to talk about Sean, okay?"
"No. We have to talk about Sean. Marco, if you're my friend, you won't do this to me. You won't make me feel this way. I'm not going to become some stupid bitch who lies and cheats on her boyfriend just because her soulmate decides he wants to string her along again. You just love to keep me hanging on."
Marco covered my mouth with his hand and sighed. "Ellie, you're going to shut up now and listen to me. Because I can explain. And it's really not as bad as you think."
I ripped his hand away from my face and walked across the room. Didn't he realize it was worse than he thought? If he knew what I was feeling for him right now... How much I just wanted to jump on him because I loved him before I met Sean and I still love him. And he was the one who got away from me. Who tore my fucking heart out and now I just want to hand it back to him. It's like love suicide or something.
"I kissed you because I wanted to see what I was missing out on. I'm upset. Dylan and I are over. My best friend is going through a tough time right now-"
"You mean Paige?" My voice was dripping with sarcasm. Yes, I was jealous. Because now he tells Paige everything. And no matter how many times he's told me he wants to hang out with me more or that he'll call me later or that we need to spend more time together, he never means it.
"Dammit, Ellie. You. I know I'm an asshole, okay? You don't have to keep rubbing it in."
"Oh, I'm sorry. How thoughtless of me."
"You're pregnant. And I feel guilty because I haven't been your friend lately. I've been horrible to you. And I'm just trying to say I'm sorry. And I got caught up in the moment. Don't you realize how much I want to be normal? How much easier it would be to just be with you?"
"Well, you can't. And you can't keep doing this to me. Jerking me around like this. You can't be my boyfriend, so either you be my friend or not. What is it going to be?"
"It sounds to me like you don't even want me around. Just because I can't be with you, that doesn't mean I don't love you. Because I do. We're soulmates. We're meant to be. And I'm trying to do the right thing here and tell you that I know I'm wrong, but you're not making it any easier on me."
I clasped my hands together behind my back to keep them from shaking. This was horrible. Were Marco and I seriously discussing our friendship? Actually deciding whether or not we could still be friends?
"But anyway, I still want to be your friend. I've always been your best friend. And I'm sorry I did this tonight. I was just trying to be something I'm not. I just wanted to see what it was like to be with you."
"And how was it?"
"Painful."
"Gee, thanks..."
"No. Not that way. Just... it's hard to explain."
"Yeah. I think I know what you mean. It's okay."
Tears sprung to my eyes. Why was this happening? Why did our friendship have to go through this and feel so threatened all the time? I don't know why this is happening to me. I've never done anything wrong. I've never hurt somebody. So why do I keep getting hurt?
Marco wrapped his arms around me and it made me feel a little better, but I was still shaken over the night's events. I feel horrible. I'm a horrible person. I have the most perfect boyfriend and all I can think about is this other guy. What kind of person am I?
Ashley's POVOkay. There she was. Leaning against her locker and laughing with Sean as if nothing was wrong. How could she be so passé about all of this? Didn't she realize how much she was ruining her life by getting pregnant? Of course, I wasn't urging her to get an abortion. That is so wrong. But, I can't believe she was so careless in the first place.
But here I go again. I was not going to tell her what to do. No matter how much I want to do it, I won't. I'll let her live her life, make her own decisions, and do what she wants. I can't control her life.
I walked up to the happy couple and watched them for a few more minutes while they were oblivious to the fact that I was standing next to them. I swallowed hard. I had never been a huge supported of Sean and Ellie, but I had to give him major props for sticking with her. And the way he treats her, like she's the only person in the world. That's something Ellie needs. She's always felt like she's been ignored and to have someone give her his undivided attention is just what she needs to feel better about herself.
Sean brushed a piece of Ellie's hair away from her eyes and smiled, leaning in for a kiss. So romantic. Some girls got all the breaks...
"Hey Ash!" Ellie chirped. I broke out of my thoughts and looked at my best friend. I could see Sean sauntering back down the hallway, probably towards his shop class or something.
"Ellie, how's it going?" I was definitely worried about her. We didn't even get to talk yesterday about what had happened in the cafeteria.
"Fine." She had that tone of voice, like she didn't want to talk about it or something. How could we not talk about it?
"Sure it is. Ellie, let's go talk."
"About what?"
"You know what. Come on." I grabbed her arm and led her towards the bathroom as she squirmed the entire way.
"Ashley, I really don't feel like talking right now. I have to go talk to Miss Hatzalakos and Ms. Kwan and..."
"And you're really stalling here. Stop making excuses."
We both hopped up onto the bathroom counter and sat silently, waiting for the other one to speak. Okay, she was playing hard to get. She expected me to give up and just walk away. I was not going to relent. This was my friend and I was going to do whatever it took to help her out. "When did you find out?"
Ellie rubbed at her hands, "Pretty recently."
"What did your parents say?"
"They were upset. Naturally. But... I don't know. They're getting better. My dad wants to kill Sean."
A laugh escaped me and my eyes watched as Ellie kicked her feet back and forth. "I bet he does."
A moment of silence passed between us, but it wasn't awkward. It was comfortable. I had forgotten how comfortable I feel around Ellie. I feel more in control. "Aren't you scared?" I couldn't help but ask it.
Ellie let out a deep breath and met my eyes for the first time during our conversation. "Like hell."
Her voice was barely audible it was so soft, but I still caught her words. I didn't even need to hear them. I could tell from her face. She looked so young staring at me like that. Scared, hopeless, pitiful... but most of all young. This is what she must have looked like to Paige when Paige had found her cutting. Not even someone as cool as Paige could walk away from this face.
I reached over and grabbed Ellie into a tight hug. Ellie had always been the strong one, but now I had to be strong for her. I had to help her through this, let her know that she isn't alone, that I'm always here for her. I squeezed my arms even harder and sighed into Ellie's ponytail. This was the perfect picture of vulnerability.
Ellie's POVI'm getting plenty of weird looks in the hallways. Seriously, you'd think nobody remembered Manny Santos. As if I was the first one or something... By the time lunch rolled around, I was sure I was the topic of everyone's conversations that day. God, did everyone know?
Sean had to stay behind in Ms. Kwan's class and take some sort of quiz so I was left on my own for lunch. No worries. I figured I'd just work on a little homework to get it out of the way. I casually strolled towards my usual table outside, trying desperately to ignore everyone's looks, but somebody else had already claimed it.
"Hey."
I turned around and came face to face with Marco. We hadn't talked since last night. He gestured towards the table, "Do you want to sit with me?"
"You're sitting there?"
"Yeah, I figured I'd find you here."
I smoothed my skirt underneath me and sat down on one of the benches that flanked the small table. Marco sat next to me and started to peel an orange on his tray. "Who else is sitting here?" I motioned towards the second tray that was loaded with food.
"Oh, that's yours."
"No, it's not."
"Yes, it is. I got it for you."
"I'm not really hungry."
Marco threw down his orange. "Ellie, it wouldn't hurt you if you ate just once in your life."
I was slightly taken aback by the edge in his voice. What exactly did he mean by that comment? My hand went to my stomach on reflex. Marco ducked his head sheepishly. "Sorry... I didn't mean to snap. I'm just embarrassed by what happened last night."
I slowly pulled the tray towards me and looked over the contents. "Marco, don't be. Seriously. I'm over it."
"That's good. Because I don't know what I'd do if you ever stopped talking to me. I got you some carrots by the way. They're underneath that bag of chips."
I tossed the bag of chips aside and snatched the carrots. "Thanks, babe."
"Anytime. You're not going to tell Sean, are you?"
"Of course not. By the way, Sean told me how you threatened him last night?"
"Yeah... that..."
"Cute. Very cute. But you don't have to worry."
"Well, just so he knows..."
I took a nibble off of my carrot stick and smiled at Marco. His protectiveness of me was just so cute sometimes. He was just so cute sometimes. Like he was all flustered just before about kissing me. And that just reminds me of how much I wish he would kiss me again. And I'm the most horrible person in the world...
Sean's POVWednesday afternoon. Our first doctor's appointment. Kind of scary, but also exciting at the same time. Ellie's stressed out because we're running late and she's been sick all day, but I told her to just relax and everything is going to be fine.
"You try relaxing when you're carrying around a damn bowling ball."
"You're not even fat, Ellie. Stop being so dramatic."
She refused to talk to me after that so we walked the rest of the way in silence. One thing I wasn't enjoying was the fact that she has constant mood swings. And I can't even tell when one is going to start. She just snaps all of a sudden. And I know I shouldn't get angry because she's going through hell right now, but still, I do. And so we fight. And is this what it's like to be married and have children? Fighting all the time?
"Sean." I turned towards Ellie and watched as she licked her thumb and rubbed it at a spot on my cheek. "You had a little grease."
We both smiled and continued our walk. I was forgiven.
"You're a little over three months along."
"So she should be having the baby in like six months?" I couldn't believe it was already so soon. Six months felt like six days.
Ellie sighed heavily on the hospital bed. "Only?" she repeated sarcastically.
Dr. Martin smiled and rubbed his chin. "Only six months."
"Wow." In six months, I'd be a father. I'd be holding a little baby in my arms.
"Now, I have to say that Ellie, you need to be eating healthier and taking better care of yourself. Someone at your age, as tiny as you are...it can cause difficulties during delivery. Miscarriage, premature births, still-borns..."
I interrupted, "So she needs to eat more?" I knew the answer to that. But I wanted Ellie to hear it from a doctor herself.
"Exactly. Definitely needing to be eating more. And relaxing a little more. You're an awfully busy girl. You need to have some "me-time" also."
"Yeah, sure," Ellie scoffed and rubbed her stomach a little. "So when do you think I'll have an ultrasound done?"
"Next appointment. Okay, so go home and take it easy. Eat lots of healthy food, indulge a little."
We thanked Dr. Martin and walked out of the office. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. I could imagine Ellie lying on the couch as I brought her drinks and donuts and pretzels and God know what else. This might actually be a fun experience.
How pathetic, huh? Degrassi's leading bad boy getting all soft in the heart over his pregnant girlfriend. But you know what? To hell with my image. All that matters to me right now is Ellie and our baby. And if I wanted to wait on her hand and foot, then so be it. I would do whatever the hell I wanted.
Ellie's POVI leaned back against Sean and opened up my book for English. Maybe I could get a few pages in before dinner tonight. Which reminded me... "Stay for dinner?" I twisted my neck and looked behind me at Sean.
"If I have to."
I laughed and went back to my reading. A few moments later I slammed my book shut and snuggled up against Sean's chest. There was no way I was going to be able to concentrate right now. Not when I had just gotten back from my first doctor's appointment.
"What are you thinking?" Sean looked down at me.
"About the appointment."
"I can't believe in six months we'll have a baby. Doesn't that sound crazy to you?"
"Yes. And next appointment we'll have a picture of him or her."
"Do you want to know what the sex of the baby is beforehand?"
"I'd rather keep it a surprise. But if you want to know..."
"I wanted it to be a surprise too. It's more fun that way."
I closed my eyes and started to imagine what our family would look like. Sean and I holding our baby for the first time, pushing it in its stroller for the first time, its first steps, first word... would it say mommy or daddy first? How were we going to decorate its nursery? There was so much stuff that still had to be done and so little time.
"Hey Elle?"
"Hmm?"
"Maybe... well, we're going to have a little family, right?"
"Yeah."
"And you're already my family. So, maybe, it'd be pretty cool if you moved in or something. So we can be a real family."
My eyes shot open and I sat up quickly. "Move in?"
"Yeah, we'll be moving in together sooner or later anyway, right?"
Truthfully, I hadn't even thought of that. But that was right, wasn't it? Naturally, Sean and I would start living together with our baby. Maybe he was right. Maybe we should just start now so things wouldn't be so awkward. Of course, I'd have to talk it over with my parents, but they wouldn't care. They're never around anyway.
I smiled. "We should definitely move in together."