I did a drawing for this story! Please check it out here:

www. deviantart. com/deviation/ 27233998/ (remove the spaces!)

I know it's a bit of a bother, but… please? Pretty please? (Click on the image for the full sized one!)

PLOT SUMMARY:

Plot's confusing? Or so I've heard. Umm… okay… sorry, it's sometimes hard for me to tell, being the writer and all. Let's see… goes something like this:

Raven is depressed (eating disorder, suicidal thoughts, etc) because she knows Robin will never like her. Her powers are going haywire because she is sad and is experiencing this new emotion… (not just crush, like with Malchior or whatever and Aqualad…). Robin is being a jerk because Raven is, well, confusing him. He knows he loves Star…

Raven gets worse as she sees this love for Star developing. Robin finally can see she's in a really bad state (as the other Titans already have), she breaks down in front of him. Robin is beginning to realize he actually likes Rae rather than Star.

Rae gets even worse… gets really sick… During a fight she loses control of flight, sets a building on fire, kills the bad guy… resulting in dangerous chemical getting close to fire and then huge explosion… Rae is protected by her powers but is assumed dead by the Titans. She is found by Robin, Robin then realizes he loves her.

Robin, with the aid of Raven's creepy dark powers, somehow steals Raven's sickness with a kiss by transferring it to his body. Rae wakes up and is sad because she thinks it's only prolonged an incurable "sickness" (depression), and now Robin is dangerously ill, having Raven's sadness inside his body in a physical form.

Raven now knows Robin loves her (BB and Cy try desperately to keep it secret from Star the whole night), but still can't be happy… she's fallen too deep into this depression. She feels she can never be happy, and it'll only end up in pain. Robin tries desperately to convince her that she is beautiful and that he loves her, and that it's okay for her to like him back. He gets through to her a bit and the two share a sweet, romantic (yet not too much) moment.

Star walks in, sees the two asleep together (Raven hadn't realized how it would look, she had sat in his bed as a mother would do for a child). Star is heartbroken and feels betrayed… (who could blame her?) Starfire unleashes her fury upon Raven, and Raven's happiness vanishes. Cy and BB are meanwhile trying to fix things (console Rae, try and make the situation sound more positive for Robin, try to find Star who has left the tower…) but things seem beyond repair.

Raven has the same thoughts running through her mind the next morning. Robin tries again to convince Rae, but he can't get through to her this time. She slams the door in his face. Even Robin can't reach her now.

Star has spent the rest of the night walking (can't fly) around the city reflecting on everything and has finally decided to forgive Raven… but it might be too late.

Sooo.. Does that clarify things? I hope so, I just spent a long time writing that summary!

Whoa and if you're wondering, I'm not suicidal! Gosh, I don't even know which way you're supposed to cut. I'm not depressed and I'm not anorexic and I'm not masochistic… Maybe a little sadistic, judging by my writing… Heh. But, yeah, no… I honestly scared myself just thinking about razorblades.

Oh, for the record? Starfire doesn't really hate Raven. She was just upset. The not so nice statements she made about her appearance, they weren't meant to be hurtful. More of… a joke. I dunno, think that line she said in "Switched", about how sad she was to be stuck in that body forever. Her act of comforting wasn't meant to be mocking or fake. Maybe it just turned out like that due to the overall extremely high cheese factor of the scene…

Shards of Distortion

Chapter Eight: Steel and Glass

Starfire pranced into the infirmary, radiating with happiness and glee. The room seemed a lot more welcoming with the curtains drawn back and sunlight gleaming through the huge windows. "Robin, I am back!" she said cheerily.

"Hmm? You were gone?"

Starfire winced. "Yes… I was."

"Sorry," Robin said, a slight apologetic smile on his face. He lay upon the sheets and pillow, too tired to sit up and talk to her. He shifted his head slightly in her direction.

"Did you have a pleasant resting?" Star asked.

Robin pondered a bit, but realized thinking would only make him dizzy and confused. "Yep." It wouldn't do any good to say 'no'.

"Starfire?" he asked. "I need to talk to you about something…"

"Yes, Robin?" she responded gently. She grasped his hand in her own.

"About…" What was it again that he had to talk to Starfire about? He couldn't quite remember. I… me… and you. Us… "About us…" Raven? And Raven. Me, you, Raven. "Us… and Raven, too."

"Robin, you speak slowly, as if you are unsure or confused. Perhaps this is the wrong time to be discussing this 'us'," Star said softly.

"No… I think it has to be now," he said.

"Are you certain this 'now' is the right 'now'?" she asked.

"Quite," he said, smiling slightly. "Starfire… do you know me?"

She had a puzzled look upon her face. "Of course I do. You are Robin, leader of the Teen Titans. You have hair that is black, and you wear the mask that conceals your eyes-"

"I meant," he interrupted softly, "do you understand me. Do you know how I feel, or why?"

"I… I am not sure," she answered, her grip loosening on his hand. "If you would just tell me…"

He shook his head ever so slightly. "You… don't understand. I am full of anger, hatred, sadness. And you… I don't think you would understand. I don't think you would, because you… are you. You feel anger and hatred and sadness, but not in the way I do. You're too good for me," he said.

"I do not follow you," she said, eyebrows furrowing.

"You're… too pure. Too virtuous, too innocent to ever really be able to understand me."

"But… I was under the assumption that being this 'good' was a nice thing to be," she said, confused.

"It is, Starfire! I respect you so much for it. I admire you more than I could ever, ever tell you."

"Yet not in the way that you admire friend Raven," she stated, distantly, confirming it.

"I…"

"I know what you are doing, Robin. You are doing the 'breaking up' with me," she said sadly. She loosened her grip on his hand.

'We never really started,' he thought to himself, but thought it better not to say it out loud. "Star, I-"

"I understand, Robin," she said, voice wavering. She turned her head, bright green eyes glimmering with tears.

"No, no… Star, please. Look at me…" he took her hand again. "Star, I'm sorry… I wanted to love you. I wanted to have a perfect relationship… but it can't work out if I know that deep down I love someone else," he whispered. "Please, don't take this out on Raven. This is my fault alone."

"I see," she said softly. "We are still allowed to be friends, yes?" she asked.

"Yes," he said quietly. "I want that more than anything in the world. I want us to be friends. I want you and Raven to be friends. I want this decision not to change anything."

"Robin," she said. "We shall remain friends… But your decision - it will change me, it will change you. It will change everything. Let us just hope that this change… will bring good," she said softly.

He nodded with as much effort as he could muster. "Are you… okay, then?" he asked cautiously.

"…If this decision will make things well again, then I am glad," she said quietly. "I am glad that you have found one with whom you have a pleasant and special association. I am glad it is friend Raven who has secured your heart, as she is more than deserving of your affection, including the sharing of enjoyable recreation and occasionally the buying of bountiful floral arrangements. I am glad that this may make friend Raven well again. I am glad that this may cure your illness. And I am glad that we will remain the closest of friends. All I desire, Robin, is for you to be happy," she said, and let go of his hand.

"Now… if you will excuse me," she said. "Unless you are in need of anything?"

He shook his head as best he could.

"I shall return to observe your well-being shortly. However at the moment… I believe I require 'the space'," she said softly, and walked away.

Robin watched Star leave the Tower. It hadn't been easy… but it had been necessary. Though Raven had just slammed the door in his face, he knew he loved her, and he knew she loved him back.

Exhaustion staked its claim and took over as Robin felt his eyes close. The infirmary was never a place he'd liked… and he liked it even less now that he was alone.

Raven held the razorblade in her pale slender hand. She was shaking, shivering. Was it fear? Or excitement?

The thought of relief at long last made her feel something. She wasn't sure what, but at least it made her feel. She lusted for the touch of metal against her skin. She wanted the pain. She wanted to hurt.

The tears on her face were no longer warm. They were cold as they licked her face and left trails. She felt frozen all over, cold with despair and loneliness. Even the metal was cold in her hands, but it offered warm relief. The warm, crimson blood would spill and release the coldness of her heart.

But she was afraid. She had power. And power scared her. She was frightened and so very alone.

The very fact that there was nobody to stop her was absolutely terrifying.

"Robin," she cried, voice trembling. "Robin… please… help me," she said, shaking uncontrollably as tears streamed down her pale face. "Please, come stop me…"

"I… need you," she whispered.

But nobody came. Nobody was there to hear her scream. She was alone.

She held the blade, helpless and weak against it. She could not fight it any longer. She was pathetic.

"Robin," she said, gasping, as the razorblade made contact with her pale skin. Deep crimson tears spilled as the metal carved her flesh.

The mirror reflecting her tear-stained face and emaciated body exploded. Thousands of mirror shards flew; sharp daggers lethal in nature.

The crystal pieces showered her, but they did not touch her. Her soul-self had risen and spread its wings, sheltering her as pieces of the dangerous mirror fell against the black and white of the tiles.

And then it left her. Her soul-self took flight and abandoned her, giving a final cry before it disappeared. She'd lost control. She collapsed to the ground, helpless. Pieces of her distorted self-image lay around her on the floor.

"Robin," she whispered, tears falling onto the cold tile floor. She gazed at the shards of distortion that lay around her before giving in and letting her eyes close.

"Robin…"

"Raven?" Robin murmured. The illness seemed to have worsened tenfold. All of a sudden, it was as if he could barely move. Was she in trouble? Had he worsened in condition because she had too?

He swore he had heard her calling for help. He had heard her voice in his head clearly, above the throbbing pain and ambiguous noise.

He opened his eyes and thought he saw the glowing black soul-self of Raven, majestic wings spread but crying for help. But it disappeared just as suddenly as it had appeared in less than a blink of the eye. He would have thought he was just hallucinating or overreacting, but this time it felt real. It seemed to cut past the blurry haze of everything else, and sent him shivers down his spine.

He threw the sheets back, stumbling out of bed. Come on, he urged himself, breaking into a run. He never gave up, no matter how weak his condition. He pushed the exhaustion and dizziness to the back of his mind. He wouldn't let it overcome him.

"Raven!" he called. "Raven, where are you?" He felt momentarily disoriented. He closed his eyes, trying to focus. Where was he?

He ran blindly, following what seemed to be the right path. His subconscious would lead him to Raven, it always did.

He stopped running, blinking several times to see where he was. A door. Raven's door? No, the bathroom door. The door behind which Raven was, the one she had been behind moments ago when she had told him to go away.

"Raven?" he asked, knocking on the door, listening intently.

There was no reply. "Raven!" he shouted, and instinctively kicked down the door with a surprising amount of strength.

He took in the scene before him slowly, his mind struggling to comprehend what had happened. On the floor lay a pale, starved girl; the girl he loved, Raven. In one hand lay a razorblade, glinting with droplets of crimson. Around her lay countless pieces of broken glass; a shower of glittering mirror shards had sprayed from an explosion.

Her indigo hair framed her ashen face, stained with black tears where her eyeliner and mascara had bled. She wore a red dress, which contrasted starkly with her pallid skin but matched the blood that had spilled onto the black and white tiles.

Ignoring the broken glass, Robin ran to her side, desperately listening for a pulse. Her heart was still beating; her chest still rose slightly with shallow breaths. Robin took the blade from her pale hand, and placed it on the floor. He poorly bandaged her wrists, then gently put his arms around her, embracing her, holding her on the bathroom floor.

"Raven," he said softly yet frantically. He held her in his arms, gently caressing her face and hair. She was cold, and if he didn't know better he would have thought her to be dead. He could feel no life in her.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. "I'm so sorry… I didn't find you in time. I couldn't stop this from happening. I couldn't save you…"

A tear fell down his face, splashing onto her red dress. It was followed by another, and then several more. He was immobilized with an overwhelming sense of guilt and sorrow, but remembered there were bigger things at stake. 'Crying gets nothing accomplished. Push your feelings out of the way, swallow them, ignore them for now, just like you do every other day,' he told himself, but found it difficult to do.

He reached for his communicator, and tried to wipe away the tears. "Titans," he spoke. "Titans. I need you here. NOW. Get back to the Tower IMMEDIATELY. This is an emergency," Robin yelled as best he could with the remainder of his strength. He tried to suppress a choke, but only half succeeded. "The bathroom… Get here as soon as you possibly can. I need… help…" he trailed off, unable to speak anymore. He closed the communicator and felt it slide from his hand and hit the floor.

He felt immensely weak, hardly able to support Raven's upper body. As she got weak, so did he. Her depression had reached a critical level, and his physical form of her own illness would too. Yet he refused to put her down. Maybe his voice, his familiar touch, the reassurance of friendship could revitalize her. "Raven… Raven, wake up. I need you to wake up," he mumbled.

He felt his vision fading as the room started to spin. Though he was kneeling, he still felt completely unbalanced. "Come on, Raven… come on. You have to get up now… please… Please, Raven. I need you…" he gasped as his mind clouded over with delirium. "Please, you're hurting me…"

He felt his body give in, despite his attempts to fight it. His arms gave out, slowly releasing her. He was now on his hands and knees, weak, helpless. There was nothing he could do. He was useless.

Robin felt his arms buckle and hi body hit the floor, but he could no longer tell what was happening. He could feel the cold tile floor against his face… or was it hot? But all signs pointed to the fact his efforts had been futile. He couldn't save her. He had failed. He felt another tear fall down his face as his eyes refused to open. It was his fault… everything was his fault. "I'm… sorry…" he whispered.

"Raven…"

Starfire had hesitated a moment before she'd opened the communicator. She had been flying freely amongst the clouds. She had been once again blessed with flight; although she was sad that Robin was no longer hers, she had accepted it graciously and was in fact happy for the two of them. Robin was still her best friend, and Raven a close second, despite everything. She was glad – and a little shocked – that she was able to fly again, and hadn't wished to return to the ground so soon…

"Robin, you have not given me much of 'the space'," she had sighed, opening the communicator. But upon hearing the urgency in his voice, she raced down to Earth and towards the Tower as fast as she possibly could.

"Starfire! Yo, Star!" she heard her voice being called. She looked behind, seeing Cyborg flying upon a giant green pterodactyl.

"Hello, friends!" she greeted them. "You are as well making the haste for the Titans Tower, yes?"

"Yeah, that's right," Cyborg replied. "C'mon, BB… just a little further…" he urged, as the green pterodactyl started to tire from flying at breakneck speed across the city.

"Hey, wait, how'd you know? You left your communicator in your room," wondered Cyborg. "We were looking for you, you know."

"Yes, I apologize, friends," she said. "And I am sorry you spent so long searching for me, however I required 'the space' of which Robin often refers to."

Cyborg nodded. "That's no problem. We were just worried about you."

"Do not worry any longer," Starfire smiled. "Oh yes. To respond to the question, I went back to the Tower. I went to, what is the term, fetch the communicator from my room after I was done with the anger. I went to inspect the health of friend Robin, and he then told me that he was in need of a conversation. About us, and friend Raven. Our relationship."

Cyborg and the green pterodactyl made similar, petrified faces. Beast Boy faltered a bit at the word 'relationship', but resumed flying. "Ah…"

"Is this word, 'relationship', one that generates a particular facial expression in all Earth boys?" Star asked, tilting her head as she flew on.

"Sorry," Cyborg said, laughing a bit. "Go on…"

"Robin performed the act of 'breaking up' with me," Star said sadly. "But… everything is well now," she said, smiling a bit.

"Well… until a few minutes ago," Cyborg said grimly. "I'm worried about Robin."

"Me as well," Starfire said. "I… I should not have left the Tower!" she cried angrily.

"No, no… This isn't your fault at all," Cyborg reassured her automatically. "Really, it's not. But… did you speak with Rae?"

"No… I did not," replied Star. "I first went to do the checking on of Robin. I did not encounter her… and the moments afterward, I was preoccupied with jealousy," she admitted.

"No, no, that's alright. It's just… Rae didn't answer when we tried to call her," he said.

"Do you believe Raven may as well be in some sort of danger?" Starfire asked. "Perhaps the Tower is under attack?"

"I somehow doubt it. Looks pretty quiet from the outside," Cyborg said, as the Tower was now in view. He now had a sinking feeling in his gut, not unlike the sensation one gets from a dropping elevator. And it wasn't just because Beast Boy was plummeting to the ground at top speed, either.

"I guess we'll find out," he said, jumping off of the giant green pterodactyl and running towards the Tower base. Beast Boy morphed into a cheetah, while Starfire continued to fly.

The Tower was quiet. Too quiet. All they could hear was the sound of their feet as they ran and their hearts racing, pounding with anxiety.

And when they finally reached the bathroom, door already kicked down for their eyes to behold the scene, they felt their hearts come to a screeching halt.

The two lay on the tiled ground, both unconscious. Raven lay with her wrists bandaged haphazardly as crimson leaked, with Robin right beside her, collapsed. Fate was cruel, as they had been moments away from safety, from happiness.

Though the scene was tragic and distressing, Cyborg's leadership instincts kicked in immediately. He rushed to their side, making sure they were still breathing, then proceeded to do anything he could to help.

"Come on… help me take these two to the infirmary," he said quietly. "Then I can hook them up to the most advanced med equipment there is. I'll do everything I can to cure them." His voice was eerily devoid of emotion.

Star and Beast Boy didn't say anything, but walked forward in silence, obeying Cyborg's instruction.

Silent tears were shed, but did not interfere with the important matter at hand. They were superheroes. They were trained to handle this sort of thing all the time. They were supposed to always be prepared, to always be vigilant, to not let emotions interfere with anything. But superheroes were not supposed to fall…

The white lights shone brilliantly as they flashed and circled the circus tent. The spotlights rotated in a fixed pattern, but came to rest over three individuals. Up high, they stood, together as a family, just as it had always been. The crowd, it cheered wildly, but the voices were muffled. They were so far up… but it had never bothered him. He had never been afraid... until…

"…Mom? Dad?" the eight-year-old spoke quietly. He had overheard a threat… The bad man had asked for money. No, he had demanded money. He'd wanted the circus's hard-earned money, and he'd been refused…

"Hush, my little Robin," the woman said softly, and the boy forgot about any premonition of danger. Her husband smiled reassuringly, nodding once, and the two stepped out onto the rope.

The roaring cheers instantly ceased at the sound of the snapping high wire. The silence turned to screams, as the two figures fell in what seemed like slow motion. They reached out for each other, arms outstretched, but it accomplished nothing. The two figures had fallen to their deaths. The audience below was panicked and frightened, but it was nothing compared to the turmoil a single boy was going through.

His stomach felt sick as the scene fell before him. The deaths of his parents were confirmed as he saw their bodies on the ground, so far away. The crowds left in panic, and he was left alone in the world…

"He's stirring," Cyborg said in a hushed tone to the communicator before closing it shut. "Robin? Robin, you alright?"

Tears fell from beneath his mask, as the boy curled up into an almost fetal position. His hair, and his body, was damp from his profuse sweating. "M…mom? …Dad?"

"Robin? You awake?"

Robin moaned softly, shivering. He was still asleep. "No… No!" he cried softly. The heart monitor he was hooked up to was rapidly spiking. "No… Mom, Dad…!"

"Robin, wake up! Robin…"

"…didn't warn you in time… I… sorry…" he gasped, tears readily flowing.

Cyborg swallowed. "Come on, Robin… Wake up; it's just a nightmare… just a dream…"

Robin seemed to settle a bit, and his heart rate became more consistent once again.

Cyborg sighed with slight relief. He opened the communicator. "He's alright," he reported. Starfire and Beast Boy were out fighting crime. They had taken shifts watching the two; three-hour shifts at a time. Even during the worst of times, crime never relented. The price of being a hero…

Cyborg sat, monitoring both Raven and Robin. His head felt heavy, not just with the overwhelming situation, but with not enough rest.

He would not fall asleep… he could not fall asleep…

Raven awoke from her state of unconsciousness to find it was near evening, judging by the purple sky outside the window. Was it even the same day? How long really had she been out for? And what… what had just happened?

As her eyes adjusted to the light, she caught sight of Cyborg. He sat in a chair by her side, watching her attentively. Or, at least, he had been. He now was sprawled out in the chair, fast asleep. "Cyborg?" she asked cautiously, quietly. "Cyborg?"

He didn't wake, or respond in the slightest for that matter. But that was okay. He deserved some rest. She'd caused him enough grief the past few days to last a lifetime.

Pushing thoughts of the other Titans to the back of her mind, she wondered about Robin. Robin, Robin, Robin. What had happened, exactly? Her mind was foggy, unable to recall exactly what had occurred. She slowly tried to string fragments of her memory together.

She'd been battling the darkness. It was consuming her. The razorblade, it had been calling, and she couldn't resist the temptation any longer.

And so she'd called. She'd cried for help, screaming and pleading on the inside. But only on the inside. The most she'd done was whisper his name, and hope he would come to her rescue. Her knight in shining armour… he hadn't come.

Of course he hadn't come. She'd only wished for his aid, and wishing got you nowhere without accompanying actions. She'd whispered his name, saying it softly. Like a prayer, or a death wish.

And so without him, she'd been lost. The darkness had won. The razorblade had won, and she had lost. The mirror exploded and she was left crying, and she was very alone. She had fallen.

But wait. He had come. He had heard her, after all! Because even in the darkness, unable to find her way to consciousness, she had felt him there. She felt his presence. She felt his skin touching her own, and heard his voice. She'd drank in his reassurance, and though she hadn't been able to react, she'd felt him there. And when she heard him say her name, she'd felt alive again.

And it was through his touch, his presence, his love that she had been able to find her way out of the darkness just now. He had released the demons from her soul, and freed her from the entanglement of dark thoughts and masochistic feelings.

Her burden seemed to have been lifted. It was as if she'd been momentarily purged of her depression, with release coming from the razorblade itself. And though traces would still remain, she finally felt as if she had found a handhold. She would be able to survive and hold her ground against the tide. Robin would protect her, and save her every time. And it wouldn't have to be a literal display of heroism, as with this particular incident. No, his very existence was enough.

"Robin…" she whispered again, but this time her lips formed a hint of a smile.

END OF CHAPTER

So, as always, reviews are appreciated more than you could imagine. It's past 4 AM – I hope it was worth it.

Penguin Pop

PS – don't forget to check out the illustration mentioned above!