Chapter 13: Not Enough

Marco

"Okay, your mom said it's fine you go home. Just sign out, and you can leave."

I gave a thankful smile to Mrs. Richards and signed out from school for the day. Thank God she bought my whole "I'm so sick" story. And my mom did, too. But, then again, my mom's always been a pushover. I grabbed my backpack and headed out of school. The wind was blowing hard outside so I zipped up my pullover and stuffed my hands in its pockets.

Why, why, why does it seem I learn something new about Ellie every day? Why can't there be no surprises between us? That's all I want. No secrets, no suprises, just consistent loyalty and honesty. Do I get that, though? No. I get to learn everything about her through Paige and every other gossip in the school.

Okay, that's not exactly fair. It's not like I was completely blind. We almost staged an intervention earlier, but that just sort of fell through... And then I started to feel that maybe she really has been okay this entire time. She seemed so happy about being pregnant and living with Sean and just... happy about everything. She's such a good actress.

Still, I thought I knew her well enough to know when she's acting and when she's not. I should have known better. I should have known that Ellie Nash will always have some sort of drama going on in her life no matter how hard she tries not to. It's just... it's what is with her. And it drives me crazy. It drives me crazy because I'm constantly worrying about her, concerned for her, breaking my back to make sure nobody ever hurts her. And, in the end, it doesn't help it all. It does jack shit. And I feel completely helpless.

I'm supposed to help her. And I can't even do that.

But that's going to change.

I checked my watch and looked inside the window at Ellie's front door. It looked like nobody was home. But Ellie's window was open a little, and I could hear noise. Good, she's home. And as soon as I open this door, I'm going to go straight up to her room and tell her exactly what I think about her. I'm going to tell her I'm mad, upset, disappointed, everything because she won't talk to me. She won't tell me when something is going on with her. How can we be best friends if she won't even talk to me?

I stormed through the door and up the stairs, not even bothering to check if her parents were home. Knowing them, they're not. They're in their corner offices, looking out of their huge bay windows, and talking on their cell phones. Whatever... The door to her room was open, and I could hear the strumming of her guitar. I started to barge into her room, but the sound of her voice stopped me in the doorway.

She was sitting in a chair in the corner of her room, turned away from me. She looked sad, pensive, and, above all, beautiful. My shoulder hit the door frame, and I crossed my arms, taking her in.

"She can't tell me that all of the love songs have been written,

'cause she's never been in love with you before.

Your skin smells lovely like sandalwood.

Your hair falls soft like animals.

I'm trying to keep cool, but everyone likes you.

I want to kiss the back of your neck,

the top of your spine where your hair hits,

and gnaw on your fingertips and fall asleep.

I'll talk you to sleep.

But I'll be the one, I will have chosen.

I'm trying to keep cool, but everyone here likes you.

I'm not the only one.

Your skin smells lovely like sandalwood.

Your hair falls soft like animals,

and nothing else matters to me.

She can't tell me that all of the love songs have been written,

'cause she's never been in love with you before.

Your hand,

so hot,

burns a hole in

my hand.

I wanted to show you."

My fell open the moment she uttered the first word. Was this really her? I struggled to say something myself, but I couldn't. I was... speechless. Literally. She looked outside her window for a few moments before strumming a few more chords and looking towards the door.

"Marco," she looked at me in surprise, placing her guitar on the floor and standing up quickly. "I... I didn't hear you knock."

I found my voice. "I didn't. I just kind of... came in."

She looked at her watch. "Were my parents down there?"

"No. Does that surprise you?" I asked harshly. I mentally slapped myself for the tone of my voice.

Ellie gave me a hurt look. "They just went to go pick up some juice. So... why are you here?"

I let out a growl and punched my fist against the door. "Why am I here? Do you really have to ask that? Do you think I'm stupid? That I wouldn't find out?"

I couldn't stop myself from screaming. I didn't want to scream at her. I just did, though. I was frustrated. Frustrated that she always has to have a problem, frustrated that she didn't tell me, frustrated that she was hurting herself.

Ellie didn't tear up, she didn't get upset, she just gave me a sad smile and walked closer to me. "You heard... I should have known. I should have never told anyone," she muttered the last part and gave a sideways glance at her reflection in her vanity mirror.

I looked down at my feet, a little embarrassed by my outburst. As if she wasn't feeling horrible enough, I go and try and make her feel even worse. "Yeah, well, Ashley and Paige aren't known for keeping their mouths shut."

"Ashley?"

"It was more Paige," I recalled hurriedly. There's no way I want Ellie blaming Ashley for this. "Ashley got mad at her. I don't know how Ashley knew, but she really just wanted advice on what to do and what to say to you."

Ellie nodded and wrapped her arms around herself. "I'm sure she found out from Sean... She probably got it out of him by force. She's stubborn," she smiled wistfully.

"I didn't mean to yell. I'm just... I'm frustrated."

"With me?"

"No... yes... with everything in general. Why can't you just be happy and healthy and..."

"Don't you think I want that?" Ellie snapped. She flounced down on her bed and grabbed a stuffed giraffe, holding it close to her chest. "Believe me, Marco. I wonder everyday why I can't be happy. What I did that was so wrong that I'm burdened with this... pain."

I took a seat next to her and put a hand on her knee. "Listen, I'm here for you. I might be angry for awhile, but only because I care about you so much that I can't stand to see you hurting yourself."

"I don't think anyone understands just how hard this is. I'm going to be a mother, Marco. A mother. I'm only sixteen."

"You're going to be a great mother," I whispered softly, my eyes smiling.

Ellie played with the hem of her skirt and rolled her eyes.

"There's the old Ellie Nash that we all know and love... Come on. Talk to me, Els."

I placed an arm around her shoulder and pulled her close as she told me what was going on. About the past, the pressure, the fear... I listened intently, interjecting my own thoughts and feelings on the subject every now and then. But mostly I just listened. I think that's what Ellie needs most right now- someone to listen to her and not pass judgment on her so quickly.

Ellie

"Are you still angry with me?" I looked up at Marco's face. I still can't tell exactly what he's feeling about all of this. He's so hard to read right now.

He shook his head, "Sort of. Most of all, I'm angry that this has gone on for this long and nothing has been done about it. Do you know how... how... pathetic that is? I don't know. You'd think that someone would have noticed. Or that your parents would have been firm with you."

"Don't blame them. Seriously, I can manipulate them so easily... It's a wonder they even were able to keep me there for long as they did. But will you help me?"

"Of course, Ellie!"

"No, Marco, I really need you to help me. I talked to Ms. Sauve today. We found me a therapist who I can talk to. Mrs. Brahm. She seems nice... I don't know. I guess I'm not supposed to be excited about this. I'm still a bit... angry, I guess, that I let it out. I wish I had kept it a secret."

"No, don't say that."

"It's how I feel. I can't help that. This has been who I am for so long, it's going to be scary to let it go."

Seriously, how am I going to get through this? It's like asking someone who's smoked a pack of cigarettes every day for ten years to just stop one day. It's near impossible. I'm really going to try, though. I tried before, I failed. This time, I can't fail. If I do, it could mean my baby's life. I can't let that happen. I won't let that happen. I'm going to beat this.

"I'm going to beat this, Marco," I announced out loud.

Marco smiled and squeezed my knee. "I'm glad you're so positive. You've already done the first step- admitting. Now you're doing the second step- staying positive."

"It's easy to say it when I think about my baby. I think it's the only thing keeping me going at the moment..." I put a hand to my stomach and rested it there. As if it heard me, he or she started kicking.

"Marco, feel this." I placed his hand on my stomach and his face broke out into a huge grin.

"Woah! Feisty!"

I laughed, "Oh, Marco. What would I do without you?"

"I don't know, Els. But what would I do without you?"

"Have peace of mind..." I joked. I wasn't all kidding, though. Marco's life would be so much easier without him worrying about me all the time. I looked at his worn face and saw how much I was hurting him. I was stressing him out.

Still, he shook his head and pulled me in for a hug. "I'm supposed to worry about you. You help me out, I help you out. You've helped me more than I could ever express."

I looked in his eyes and blushed. He always gets me so emotional. "Quit it... We're equal then?"

"Yeah. I'm really sorry for yelling before."

"Eh, it's your job. I deserve it."

"No... you don't. You can't help it."

"I think I'm really starting to believe that..." I ran a shaky hand through my hair and wiped at my eyes. "We're being way too serious, though. I don't think I can take being serious for one more second."

"Ellie Nash wants to not be serious? Call the newspapers!"

"Alert the Grapevine!" We laughed at ourselves, and I put my giraffe back in it's place on my pillows. "What now?"

"Now? Now you can explain why you never told me what an amazing singer you are... Seriously, Ellie. You move me to tears."

I blushed again and looked down at my hands. "I can't believe you heard me... I'm not that good, really."

"Not that good? Not that good?" Marco shot off of the bed and gestured towards my guitar. "That was one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard. You should be showing that off!"

I shook my head and dug my fingernails into the bed covers. "No... I shouldn't be. Especially not right now... with everything going on."

"I guess you're right... Still, I wouldn't mind hearing more. Please?"

I opened my mouth to protest, but Marco was already pushing the guitar into my hands. I took the musical instrument and strummed a few chords. Maybe I could do it. It'd take my mind off of things. And he's already heard me before, what difference would one more song make?

Sean

"How about some bananas?" I held up a bunch of bananas that appeared to be ripe. They

looked pretty good. I mean, they weren't black or anything.

"Those aren't good," Ellie muttered.

I set the bunch back down and moved onto a different fruit. "Apples? You like apples right?"

"I prefer green or yellow apples..."

"Well, there are some yellow apples right here," I pointed to a display of golden delicious apples.

Ellie shook her head and moved on. "Not the right shade of yellow."

"Carrots?"

"No."

"You love carrots!" I protested.

Ellie screwed up her mouth and crossed her arms. "I don't want carrots."

I sighed heavily and pushed the cart in front of me. So far we had a bag of chips- and those were for me. Ellie barely argued with me over them either, not like before. I went down another aisle and looked around. "Macaroni?"

Ellie shook her head.

I grabbed a few boxes anyway. Hey, I'd eat it. I'll eat anything. "What about just spaghetti?"

"Do you know how many carbs is in pasta?" Ellie sneered. She threw a box of bowtie pasta in anyway. "Just so you'll shut up, though..."

I glared at her from behind. Seriously. I get that this is hard for her, but does she have to be such a bitch about it? I tried again. "Spaghettios?"

"I don't eat food that comes from a can. And just to save your breath- I don't want Ramen, I don't want soup, I don't want-..."

"WHAT DO YOU WANT THEN?" I shouted loudly. A few people in the aisle looked my way and my face flushed.

Ellie rolled her eyes, "Cute, Sean..."

"Ice cream? Pregnant women love ice-cream!" I'm seriously trying to help here. I'm trying to be kind and considerate and not too pushy, but, seriously, she's pressing all the wrong buttons. I'm trying to help and she won't even let me. How is this supposed to work?

She didn't even answer me. She just continued to stroll down the aisles, arms wrapped around herself, eyes looking straight ahead. She couldn't even look at the food.

"Pickles? Donuts? Pizza? Mustard? Eggs? What the hell do you want?"

She didn't hear me. I gripped the handle to the shopping cart, trying to calm myself down. It didn't. Instead, I rammed the cart into a row of shelves and turned around. Screw the chips.

"Sean!" Ellie ran after me. "What are you doing?"

"Making a scene. What does it look like?"

"Aren't you going to get your chips? You need something for dinner, Sean." Her voice was concerned.

She was concerned about me. About my eating habits. About whether or not I was going to get dinner that night.

"Well, I'll eat when you start eating. There. That's how it's going to be."

"You're being immature."

"You're being impossible."

"I don't know if I can do this."

"I don't know if I can do this either."

"What do you mean?"

I stared long and hard at her. "I mean, I can't help you by myself. You won't let me. Maybe you need to move back in with your parents."

Short, but I found it more effective this way. Next chapter- Ashley/Ellie, Ellie and her therapist, and will Ellie still live with Sean? Feedback/ suggestions for povs and anything are always welcome. Thanks for the awesome reviews.