Chapter 19: This Ruined Puzzle
Sean
I nervously knotted the tie around my neck and tightened it. It hung crookedly, causing Ellie to giggle at my helpless expression. She walked over and adjusted the blue and yellow striped tie. I look stupid. Completely stupid. The oxford shirt is too tight at the top, the tie is choking me, I don't like wearing my shirts tucked in, my new shoes are pinching my feet...
"Tonight is going to suck," I muttered at my reflection.
"Hey!" Ellie wrapped her arms around my neck from behind and squeezed. "Only positive attitudes, remember?"
"Yes, Mr. Rogers," I droned. She smirked at my reflection and kissed me briefly on the cheek before letting go. She looks phenomenal. She really does. I couldn't help but smile as I caught sight of the little bump underneath her scoop-necked black dress. She added a few silver strands around her neck and slipped a pair of black flats on.
"Do I look fine?" She tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear and presented herself in front of me.
"You look beautiful."
"Thanks. Are you ready?"
"Not really."
"It'll be fine."
"No. No. I don't think so. Our parents- not alike. Very different." I was struggling. Dinner with both of our parents isn't my idea of a good night. In fact, it's more like hell. What the hell are they going to talk about? Mr. And Mrs. Nash will probably brag about all their trips around the world and their stupid yacht parties or whatever it is they do. My parents, on the other hand, will share their worldly knowledge on beer. I can already imagine the look that will be on Elisabeth Nash's face.
"Nothing good can come from this," I predicted.
My dad cleared his throat and shifted in his seat, obviously nervous at being in such a fancy restaurant. How are my parents paying for this? Are they paying for it? Or maybe Ellie's parents are... Christian Nash adjusted his tie and smiled easily at me across the table. How can he look so calm? My heart is beating like crazy right now, and he's acting as if he goes through this everyday. This being hell.
"So, uh, what do you do for a living... June?" Elisabeth Nash pulled at her silver necklace and smiled cooly at my mom.
"Well, I work at a local drugstore back home. Just a little corner store called Hickory's." My mom was nervous. She was patting her hair- that's always a sign that she's nervous.
"I can't say I've ever heard of 'Hickory's'..." Christian took a sip of his water and leaned forward. "What about you, Phil?"
"I just do a little factory work. Nothing too special."
Great, a corner store and a factory. My parents look quite ambitious compared to Ellie's...
"Well," Christian smiled. "Someone has to do it. I, myself, happen to..."
Run around fifty businesses, have a law degree, and travel all over the world... Could my parents look any more lame compared to Ellie's? Seriously. I felt Ellie's hand squeeze my knee under the table and she gave me a reassuring look. Damnit, we haven't even gotten our food yet, and I'm already losing control. My leg is bouncing, little beads of sweat are gathering at the top of my forehead, and I'm burning up. I took a big gulp of water, hoping it'd cool me down. It didn't.
"I've always enjoyed being creative... and I think I have quite an eye for color and design. Interior design was a natural choice for me... Plus, I had the support of my husband. I can't imagine life without him."
Could she sound any more condescending? My parents have been together for a long time, too. And they didn't get pregnant while in high school- so take that, Mrs. Nash.
"You don't happen to know the Boston Cameron's, do you?"
Is she serious? Is she freaking serious? Do we look like the kind of people that know some rich family from Boston? I don't think so. Cameron is a pretty common name.
My dad thought about it for a second before shaking his head. "I can't say we do. We've never traveled outside of Canada. Barely been outside of Wasaga, huh June?"
"Nope. No sirree. I'm afraid we're a regular pair of homebodies."
I looked my mom over in her simple green dress. It wasn't anything special. Very plain. Just like my parents and my life. We don't have a big mansion or a garage full of cars or money to just throw around... My parent actually have to work to survive. I can't believe I'm defending them, but it's like defending my honor. I'm not going to let a pair of rich snobs break apart everything my parents worked for. Even if they worked for mostly beer and whiskey.
I almost cringed at the sound of my parents nervous laughter. They're completely out of their element. Stick a few beers in their bodies, put a beer in their hand, sit them down in a local diner or in our small 'living room', and they're the life of the party. Here? Here, they're like a charity case. And they know it. An elbow jabbed me in the side and I started from my heavy thoughts.
"Sean?"
I glanced up and saw the waiter was back, my plate of linguini and vegetables in one hand and my bowl of broccoli and cheese in the other. I scooted back a little and gave him room to set it down in front of me. My mom nervously clasped her hands and smiled. "He still likes his broccoli and cheese..."
"Didn't think you ever noticed," I shot back irritably. Listen, I'm giving them another chance, but that doesn't mean they can act as if they were there for every moment of my life before. As if they even knew me before.
"Sean," Ellie warned. She primly placed her napkin in her lap and I sneered. What a joke. Who is she kidding? I can't believe she's been giving me advice about my parents when she can't even get the attention of her own. I mean, her own parents don't even love her- who is she to tell me how to act towards mine?
"Whatever," I muttered and scooped a spoonful of soup up to my mouth. The soup sloshed around and landed right in my lap. "DAMNIT!" I snapped, throwing my napkin and scooping away from the table, my chair screeching.
"It'll be okay- they're black pants," Elisabeth remarked.
"Wow, thanks for the newsflash," I snarked as I wiped at my parents. Why is this happening? I just want my deadbeat parents to make a good impression and, so far, the Nash's have been complete assholes to them, and I've spilled my entire dinner on me.
I saw the look Ellie gave me- shocked and disgusted. Her dad started to get up angrily, but she sent him a look. As if he could take me... I sat back down and glared at my soup. Why the hell did I ever agree to come to this dinner? It's turning out to be the worst night of my life.
The rest of the night, I sullenly listened to different snatches from the dinner conversation.
"Well, I've never been on a yacht before, but I hear it's nice..."
"Oh, it is. The fresh air, the smell of the water... it's great. We have a yacht down in..."
"Well, we don't really have a house to decorate. We live in a little trailer..."
"Well, maybe I can call a friend near Wasaga and she can take a look at your, uh, trailer..."
"I'm not sure if we'll ever be able to invest in a house. We're quite content on where we are."
"Well, there's always room for improvement. If you ever need an interior decorate, you know who to contact. It's just a shame you'll be so far away from the baby."
"Yes, it will be a shame. Who knows, maybe Ellie and Sean can get a place halfway in between all of us."
Ellie's mom let out a peal of laughter. "Well, Christian and I have already offered to buy Ellie a place for her and the baby near the University. That way, it'll be easy for her to take care of a baby and continue school. We've already been looking at a few apartments and townhouses..."
"There's always the college in Wasaga..."
"A community college, I'm sure..." Did Ellie's mom have to sound so... so... bitchy? Maybe some people are happy with going to a community college. I'd be happy to go to any college.
Her dad gave his wife and adoring look at she scrunched her nose. "What Elisabeth means is that Ellie will be going to Med school or Law school. Maybe even business, huh sweetie?"
"Yeah...," Ellie gave a sickly smile, and I noticed she was twisting her napkin in her lap. Strangling the napkin, is more like it.
"Who knows, maybe she'll have a place in my company. I'd love to have her there. She already helps out with a few things such as..."
Why can't she just tell her parents she has no desire to be a doctor or lawyer or businesswoman? What is she so afraid of? What can they do? Ground her? Tell her they're disappointed? Who honestly cares? I'd never let anyone run my life the way she lets her parents run hers. Even if they don't know they're running it.
"Well, Ellie seems as if she has a good head on her shoulders. Too bad she's barely touched her dinner! Eat up, honey. You're so thin you hardly look pregnant!"
My head jerked up, and I gave my mom an embarrassed look. "Mom! Don't push her. Ellie's anorexic."
Ellie
Anorexic. Anorexic. Mom! Don't push her. Ellie's anorexic. Who the hell does he think
he is to reveal something so untrue? I glanced down at my plate, my eyes wet, and set my fork down. That is it. The last straw for tonight. I calmly pushed myself away from the table and stood up.
"Dinner was great, but I'm getting a little tired. I'm going to call a cab."
"Honey?" my dad stared at me with worried eyes.
"Ellie, don't leave on account of your boyfriend being a jerk. He just doesn't know what he's talking about." Good old mom. She sure knows how to start conflict.
Sean's face grew red, "Excuse me? Me, a jerk? All I did was tell the truth. My parents have a right to know, too. It does affect their grandchild."
"Well, you didn't have to lie," I snapped harshly.
"It isn't a lie..."
My mom gave a laugh of disbelief. "Can you believe this? Ellie has weight concerns, just like any other girl. She's not anorexic."
I almost laughed. My mom is actually coming to my defense? This is new...
"What is with you people?" Sean cried. "You're crazy. She's in therapy, we just all talked about this the other week. She came to you, upset, because she has an eating disorder. And now, here you all are denying it ever happened."
"Stop it, Sean!" My voice sounded strained. Why did he have to do this? We're in the middle of a restaurant. People I know come to eat here. People can probably hear everything.
"Why are you being like this? Why are you ashamed of what you are? So you have an eating disorder. Big deal. You're getting help. You have me."
I glanced around the small group at the table. His parents were sitting, hands in laps, looking just a little uncomfortable... My mom kept rolling her eyes at everything Sean was saying. My dad looked like he was ready to pound Sean into the ground. And, for once, I don't think I'd stop him.
My mom laughed again, "A girl goes on a diet and she's automatically anorexic. And this is the future doctor talking? Dear God, the world is in trouble if Sean is the future of our society..."
"Now, listen here!" Sean's mom stood up abruptly. "My boy is a smart boy. I don't appreciate you insulting him like-..."
"Why don't you both shut up and go drink yourselves stupid? That's what your best at!" Sean spat.
His mom sat down quickly and was comforted by her husband. My mom, on the other hand, started to make her way around the table. "Why you little bastard!" she whispered sharply.
I'm ready to scratch my eyes out. I really am. This was supposed to be a nice, perfect dinner for both of our families to get acquainted and know a little more about each other. They were supposed to talk about politics, backgrounds, and the future and agree on everything. Instead, Sean and my mom are slowly unraveling the relationship that we've all worked so hard for. After tonight, my parents will never approve of Sean again. They'll forbid me to see him.
"And you," Sean turned and pointed his finger at me. "I am sick of you letting your parents walk all over you! Since when are you moving into a new apartment with the baby?"
"I never-..."
"Oh, sorry, townhouse. Whatever. The point is, you're not getting rid of me that easy. And Ellie isn't being a doctor. Or a lawyer. And she's not going to work for you, Christian. She has other goals."
Why is he doing this to me?
"Ellie, what's going on?" I almost cried at the confused expression on my dad's face.
"Tell them. Tell them about you're acting or directing. And tell them about how much you love teaching others. Tell them!"
I could easily admit it right now. Then my parents would have years to get over it before I went off to college and started my life. By then, who knows? Maybe they'd approve of the whole teaching idea...
"Ellie would never teach. It wouldn't be wise financially. She knows that."
"Shut up about money. Ellie doesn't care about it. She's not selfish like you two!"
I finally found my voice. "Just lay off my parents, Sean! Mom, dad... he's lying. I would never consider doing as stupid as teaching. Okay?"
They let out a sigh of relief and laughed a little. "Whew! You had us worried there for a second, sweetie."
"Don't worry, daddy. I'm fine." I shot a warning look at Sean.
He just stared back at me. Disappointed.
Sean
I unlocked the door and Ellie pushed past me, heading towards the bathroom.
"Are you going to go throw up now?" I can't believe I just said that. But I did.
She turned around. "You'd like to me, wouldn't you? That way you could tell everyone that I made myself throw up, right? You know, since you love telling everyone about my personal business."
"Oh please. As if everyone doesn't already notice. You're anorexic, Ellie. And I don't want to hear you ever denying it again. Especially when I held you as you cried in your bedroom. You confessed to me. Don't take it back now."
She blinked rapidly. "I never said that word."
"What? Anorexic?"
"Stop it."
"Anorexic."
"Why are you doing this to me? I'm in therapy, I'm trying. Isn't that good enough?"
"No! I want you to own it. Face it, Ellie. You have a problem. If you can't admit that anymore, how are you supposed to get better?"
"I am getting better."
"But anything could set you off. And then you'd be right back where you started- starving yourself and spending the night at home hunched over a toilet. Isn't that right?"
"You're a mean person, you know that? You're mean. You were a jackass at dinner and now you're being a jackass to me."
"Maybe I was a jackass at dinner because your parents are evil. Could they have made my parents feel any worse for not having a nine hundred billion dollar income?"
"What are you talking about?"
"The fact that you and your parents just love to show off all your money. It's so obvious!"
"I still don't know what you're talking about. But my parents were trying to be polite during dinner. You are the one who messed it all up! You over-reacted to everything! And then you went and told your parents that I'm... You tried to make me look bad! As if I'm a bad mother or something!"
"Well, you're the one who's leaving me to go live in some townhouse!" my voice broke a little. The thought of her leaving breaks me.
"My mother said that. You know she'll say anything to start drama. I'm not leaving you, nor did I ever have the notion of leaving you. I know nothing about the apartment or townhouse or whatever my mom was talking about. Okay? I'm not leaving you. I love you. I'm crazy about you."
"I love you, too. And that's why I wish you would just admit to things. Like you're eating disorder or the fact that you're letting your parents plan your future for you and it's not what you want!"
"I'll tell my parents in my own way, okay? I don't need you to tell them for me. If I hadn't denied it earlier, my parents would have killed me!"
"So you're just going to do something that you hate for the rest of your life?" I mused bitterly. "That sounds great, Ellie. That way, you'll be so miserable, you'll never get better. But maybe that's what you want."
She didn't move from the doorway. She just stood there frozen. Finally she opened her mouth, "You don't think that I want to get better? Do you honestly think I enjoy doing this to myself? I don't. I find no enjoyment in it at all. I hate it. But I can't have you going around telling everyone and trying to unravel my life all at once! I have to do this for myself."
"Then DO it!" I bellowed. "Stop talking about doing it and do it!"
"Don't yell at me. Why can't you just admit that what you did tonight was wrong? You revealed personal things without any acknowledgment of how I'd feel. You don't do that..."
I sighed and tugged at my hair. "I know," I let my shoulders drop. "I fucked up. I'm sorry I said it. I was pissed, nervous, and I wasn't thinking."
"Thank you for apologizing. I'm going to call Ashley and ask if I can stay the night."
"Please stay."
"Not tonight. I need to think tonight."
I let her slide past me to the phone. I watched as she slowly dialed Ashley's number and talked to her in a low voice. When she hung up, I hurried to her side. "Don't be mad at me. I say things without thinking."
She shrugged. "I'm not mad. I'm just disappointed."
Even worse.
"I'm disappointed in you, too," I admitted. I knew it'd hurt her, but I had to tell the truth.
"Why?" Just as I thought, she looked panicked.
"Because you aren't being honest with your parents. You're not telling them what you want."
"I'm not like you, Sean. I can't just do that to them. You might not need your parents, but I need mine."
"For what? What do you rely on them for? Money? Okay, I'll give you that. But what else? They don't give you anything else."
She played with the edge of the couch. "Contrary to popular belief, my parents do love me."
"I'm sure they do. Somewhere in there. But where's the proof? Some of us need proof."
"Sean? Can you hold our baby yet? Can you hug or kiss or play with our baby?"
"No."
"But you still love our baby, right?"
"Yes."
"There. Proof isn't always physical."
I followed her into the bedroom and watched as she got out an overnight bag and started to pack some clothes in it. Each thing she put in there made the distance between us greater. Her jeans, her shoes, her toothbrush, her brush... My stomach constricted as she took a framed picture of us and put it in her bag, too.
"How long are you staying away?" I tried to act nonchalant, but I failed. I was hurting.
"As long as it takes."
"Takes for what?"
"For me to get over tonight."
"That'll be forever! You never get over anything. You just store it away for future arguments."
I small smile crept out from behind her frown. "You know me too well... you know that?"
"Even better than you know yourself sometimes."
"True," she looked up and, finally, met my eyes. "I still love you. I just need a little time. What you did tonight was wrong."
"Argh! Okay! I get it! I don't understand why you're so pissed off about this!" I smacked my fist against the wall to get my point across.
"Nice. Punch walls right in front of me. I feel real secure."
"I would never lay a finger on you."
"I know," her voice was small. "But... what if... what if I told someone you punch the walls when you're angry? Or that you deafened a kid in one ear?"
"That's nobody's business!"
"Exactly. And what if I told my parents that you stole from school?"
"I'd be pissed."
"Exactly. So don't act as if I have no right to be angry with you. It might be easy for you to admit to others that I have a problem, but it is my problem. Not yours. You hear me?"
I felt like I was a little kid again who did something he thought was right, and then realized it was wrong after spending hours screaming with his parents over it. I felt guilty. She's right. I never should have said she was anorexic, especially say it so casually. And to act embarrassed by it. It sucks to realize that you did something incredibly stupid and wrong.
I put a hand on her shoulder and we pulled towards each other for a hug. I held her in my arms for a few minutes, thinking about how lucky I am to have her. She's always there to help me. She makes me laugh everyday. And she's not afraid to tell me when I do something shitty. That's quality, right there.
Ellie
I slipped my purse onto my shoulder as Sean grabbed my bag and backpack and carried it out to Ashley's car. Ashley hugged me briefly and helped put my stuff into her trunk. I hung back as Sean and Ashley exchanged a few words. Ashley's mouth was set in a grim line as she talked to him and she rolled her eyes before getting back into the car.
Sean walked over to me and opened the door for me. Before I slipped into the car, I pulled him into another hug and kissed him quickly on the cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow in school."
"Bye. Love you."
"Love you, too."
He closed the door after me and watched as we drove off. I know this because I watched him in the little side mirror of Ashley's car until I couldn't make out his figure anymore. And then I pounced... "What did he say to you?"
"What?" Ashley looked over at me.
"Sean. What did he say to you? When you guys put my bags into the trunk?"
"Nothing."
"Ashley."
"He wants me to call him and tell him how you're feeling after you go to bed."
I tried not to smile, but I couldn't help it. He is crazy about me. It's nice to know that someone loves you. I don't have to worry about whether or not he's falling out of love with me or maybe that he never loved me in the first place. I can just tell.
"I thought you guys were fighting? You're smiling as if everything is all fine and dandy!"
I rolled my eyes and inspected my nails. "We're not fighting. We did fight. But now I just need a few days to relax and get over it."
"What happened?"
"You know, I'd rather not talk about it. I don't want to rehash it."
"Ellie!"
"Ashley, please... Anyway, if I told you, then Craig would know by midnight, and tomorrow, a play by play of the fight will be in the morning announcements," I joked.
She pouted a little, but cracked a smile. "You're treating me as if I'm a Paige clone."
"You're not?" I feigned surprise.
"Ha ha. The different between me and Paige is that she deliberately spreads gossip. I do it accidentally. I swear."
"I know."
"Anyway, we know who the real gossip is around here..."
"Hey, don't even talk about me like that. Just because I like to hear the news around school doesn't make me some big gossip."
"You live for the stuff, Ellie."
"Just because I find it pathetic."
"Yeah, sure... If by pathetic, you mean highly entertaining and detrimental to your existence."
"Oh, please..."
"So, how was dinner."
"Painful."
"Uh huh... And how are things with Jay around the place?"
"Painful."
We laughed and I shared stories about Jay's latest antics with her. By the time we got to her house, our sides were splitting from laughing so hard. Maybe this little "vacation" from Sean and the apartment will be a good thing. It'll allow me to clear my head, to have a little space, a little me time. I'm already starting to feel a little better about tonight. And in a few days, I can go back to the apartment and things can go back to normal. Whatever normal is.
So I finally got the chapter out there. I hope everyone enjoys it. Next chapter- Sean/Mrs. Nash, Sean/Mr. Nash, Ellie and her parents, another therapy session, and who knows what else. The next chapter or two will be tying up things before the big event happens. :) Reviews/Pov's please! Thanks!