Chapter 21: Life Lessons
Sean
I drummed my fingers nervously against the car door. Why am I doing this? I don't need to see him. Mrs. Nash is right- he'll kill me. Here I am, Mr. Tough Guy basically shaking in my shoes at the site of his office. The tall tower loomed over me. This is insane. I just need to go in there and tell him what's up.
"Um, are you getting out of the car or not?" Tracker punched me lightly in the arm, and I gave him an annoyed look.
"Believe me, this guy isn't as easy to talk to as you'd think."
"Well, then you better start now since it might take all night. Don't tell me you're scared of him. Since when is Sean Cameron scared of anyone?"
I see what he's doing. He's doing that whole psychological thing on me- tricking me into working up the nerve to storm right in there and give Mr. Nash a piece of my mind. He's making me feel like a pathetic wimp right now. Well, it's not going to work.
"I'm not scared. In fact, I can't wait to go in there and tell him what I think of him."
Okay, so maybe it did work.
Tracker gave me a smirk and leaned across to pop open the door. "Hey, he's not going to wait all night. You're chariot will be around in a few minutes."
"Whatever," I muttered, kicking the beat-up door open the rest of the way and stumbling out. I don't even know what frickin' floor I'm supposed to go to. There's about a million in front of me. Which one?
I walked in and glanced around at all the adults dressed in business suits and talking into their cell-phones and glancing at their watches. How stupid. Don't they realize that there's more to life than the stock market or closing the latest deal? I shook my head and walked up to a desk.
"Um…" I swiped the hat off of my head. "Uh, I'm here to see Christian Nash?"
The man in front of me wasn't as friendly as the blonde back at the interior design firm. He raised an eyebrow and glanced me over. "And you are…?"
"Sean Cameron. I'm dating Ellie Nash?"
"Eleanor. Right. Listen pal, how about you just walk right back out before I call security?"
Who does he think he is? "Listen pal, I'm not joking here. I really need to talk to Mr. Na- to Christian. Got it?" I gave my most menacing look and the man stared back at me bored. So I see where Ellie learns it.
"I'm not amused, little boy. Mr. Nash is a very busy man with a lot of priorities. You aren't one of them. So I suggest you leave before I ca-"
"What are you doing here?"
I turned around at the voice and gave a silent sigh of relief at the sight of Ellie's father. He gave me a cold stare as he stood in his coat, holding a cup of coffee in one hand and a briefcase in the other. The man and woman standing next to him gave impatient looks at their watches.
"Uh- I'm… here to talk. About Ellie."
"Ellie? What's wrong? Is she okay? How's the baby?"
Did he really just sound concerned for his daughter? "She's fine," I reassured and the worry lines on his forehead went away.
"My daughter… gave me a little scare," he explained to the couple next to him and they gave fake sympathetic laughs.
The woman looked at her watch against and rolled her shoulders back. "I'm really sorry, but if we're going to talk about this… We have to get going." She gave me a rude look and adjusted her purse on her shoulder.
Witch.
Mr. Nash shared a glance with the couple and with me. "It's about Ellie?"
"Well, yeah… kind of."
He turned towards the man and woman. "I'm sorry, but it's about my daughter. You can't blame me for being more worried about her than a business deal. Maybe some other time?"
I squelched a smile at how disgusted the man and woman looked, but they tried to hide it from Mr. Nash. They shook his hand and gave me a nasty look. Yeah, that's right. He chose me.
"I hope you don't mind we take the stairs. I never take the elevator."
"Stairs. Fine." How many stairs could there be?
How many stairs could there be? Try a thousand. Try a million. I was practically dripping in sweat by the time I reached his office and collapsed into a chair. He, on the other hand, sauntered on in as if he does this every day. Which he probably does.
"Have to keep fit during the off-season. Can't let being off-duty slow me down. You okay?" He opened a small fridge and took out a water and handed it to me. "Here."
"Thanks."
"You're lucky I'm seeing you. You're lucky Elisabeth called me and told me to expect you sometime soon. That was an important business deal down there that I just walked away from."
I just blinked.
"But my name is Nash. Meaning I can do whatever the hell I want."
He smirked and picked up his phone. "Cynthia? Hold my calls. Thanks."
He folded his hands in front of him and stared hard at me. "So, I guess you're here to apologize for what happened the other day?"
I took a sip of water and held it in my mouth for a moment. I could take the easy way out and just apologize and have him forgive me and we could go play golf this weekend… Or… I could stick up for myself, risk him hating me, and possibly lose Ellie. Let's see- make Ellie proud or keep my pride? Keep Ellie or my pride?
"Then again… You're probably here to stick it to me. To tell me you did nothing wrong. Am I right?"
I tried to find my voice. I couldn't.
"Which is it, son?"
"First of all," I began, my teeth chattering slightly. "I am not your son. Second of all, you're right. I am here to stick up for myself. Sure, I made a mistake. But the biggest mistake is made by you- you self-righteous prick who barely lifts a finger and gets billions for it."
He didn't say anything. That's right- stand there.
"I'm also here to stick up for Ellie since she obviously can't do it on her own."
"Don't you dare act as if my daughter doesn't stick up for herself. She sure as hell got away from you, didn't she? My daughter will leave your ass before she ever lets you talk about her the way you did the other night."
"Her leaving is temporary. And what I said the other night was the truth." My fists shook as I kept myself from punching them into his shiny mahogany desk.
"The truth? The truth is you're a fool. And you don't deserve her."
"You're the fool, you bastard. You don't deserve anything you have," I hissed, taking in his plaques and fancy paintings- just everything in his office was pissing me off. Everything was so expensive and one-of-a-kind. He flaunts it.
"I deserve everything I have! You don't know where the hell I came from!" He bellowed, slamming his fists into his desk.
I took in the way his tanned, youthful face had turned a deep red and the way his eyes were wide with fury- almost insane. A vein in his neck popped out with every word he forced out of his mouth. For once, I wasn't afraid of him because he was wealthy and because he has Ellie's dad. This time, I was afraid because he seriously could kick my ass if he wanted to.
He walked around from his desk and stopped in front of the chair I was sitting in. He placed his hands on the chair arms on either side of me and stared me in the eye. "You think you have it so tough, don't you? Alcoholic parents. Living in a trailer. Hanging out with the wrong crowd? You think I don't hear anything Ellie's told me? She's told me everything. I listened. I remember. You deafened some kind in the ear, so you ran away. You couldn't face up to your actions, huh? Who's the tough guy now? You think you're so bad, the way you swagger around like you own the world- like the world owes you something. Well, listen up- the world doesn't owe you a thing. Nobody owes you a thing, except for yourself.
"You think I don't deserve what I have? You think I just sit around here and give orders? You know nothing about me. But just because I'm rich and I can afford to travel around the world and eat out at five-star restaurants doesn't mean that I don't know where you've come from. My parents had nine kids and I lived in an orphanage when I was four with my younger brother and sister for four years of my life before they could afford to have me around. I lived in a room with forty other boys who pissed their beds and cried all night. I barely saw my brother or sister because they were younger and were kept in a different part of the building. That orphanage was a shit hole. It wasn't even government run. My parents didn't understand. They didn't know how terrible that place was. I ate paper to survive. You know what it's like to be so hungry that you eat paper? I bet you don't. I hope you never get to that point.
"But I didn't complain. When my parents visited me, I put that smile on my face and I made sure they didn't leave there feeling that they failed me. And I stayed in school no matter what. I didn't make any excuses. I didn't let myself fail because I wasn't raised in a family for five years. I just tried even harder. I didn't let it hold me back, and I didn't let Elisabeth getting pregnant so young hold me back either. I went and made something of myself. I made my daddy proud. So don't you dare say I don't deserve any of this. I've worked my ass off for this, and I've made something of myself. And it's taken my father forty hard years, but he's finally made something of himself, too."
"I-…" I tried to think of something to say. Something decent or intelligent or profound, but there was nothing. What are you supposed to say to something like that? I swallowed hard and tried to think of a way to save some face.
He let go of the chair and walked over to the window. "You're going to finish school, Sean. And you're going to go to college. And you're going to become that doctor you want to be. And you're not going to make any excuses, okay? Because you don't get by on excuses. The world won't give a shit about the boy who beat you up in second grade or field trip to the zoo that you missed unless you make something of yourself."
"Okay." I felt like I should have said "Yes, Sir" but was that really necessary?
"And you hurt my daughter. You humiliated her. Don't you think I know she has a problem? I was there. I heard her. I've seen her. I've known her longer than you have. So don't be all proud of yourself for detecting she has a problem. Anyone who can see can tell that she does. So, you going to help or not?"
"Yes," I mumbled. He stood before me, hands behind back, feet spread- at attention. And I really did feel like I was in the army or something and standing in front of my commanding officer. Or sitting.
I slowly stood up in front of him. It hurts to be put in your place. "I didn't realize your past… I'm sorry." There. I swallowed my pride and apologized. Not really because I felt like I had to, but more like I wanted to.
"It happens. People make assumptions. I made assumptions about you, too."
"You probably thought I was some thug. That I didn't care about Ellie."
"Yeah. I thought that. She set me straight, though."
"Yeah, well…" I looked towards the door. I just want to get out of here. "I should be-…"
"Sean," Mr. Nash picked up a framed photo on his desk and looked at it. "I didn't tell you all that stuff to make you feel guilty. It's a lesson. You can't hate everyone else who has what you want. Sure, there are people out there who just happen to fall into fortune or inherit it. Still, that doesn't mean they don't deserve it. Someone in their family worked hard for it. Right?"
"Right…"
"And there are people out there who work their asses off for it. I told my parents I wouldn't let living in poverty and having all the odds against me bring me down. And I didn't. I rose to the occasion."
"You did," I agreed.
He handed me the picture. "That's my father. He worked hard, too. He didn't really strike it rich until more recently, but still he worked for it and he got it. We believe in the economy and business and ethics and doing the right thing. We both earned our money in honest ways. I've been proud of all of my decisions in life."
I looked at the photo of Mr. Nash when he was a boy and his father. It's hard to think that just even thirty years ago people lived in poverty this bad. I handed him back the picture and he looked at it one more time before placing it back onto his desk.
"He's sick right now. My dad."
My eyebrows scrunched together.
"Ellie doesn't know. It'd kill her. So don't mention it," he went on gruffly.
He blinked his eyes a few times and looked at his watch. "Well, I better get going if I'm going to make it in time for dinner. I have a lot more to do."
I nodded and stared at him as he got his things together. He glanced back up at me. "Remember what I said, okay? The world owes you nothing. No one else can bring you down but yourself. Okay?"
"Yes, sir." I immediately felt embarrassed by my military speech. I just wanted to smack myself across the face.
But he smiled.
"Well, uh, thanks for… everything." Thanks for teaching me life lessons? Thanks for putting me in my place? Thanks for scaring the shit out of me? Thanks for… accepting my apology? Did he even accept my apology? Wait… Did I even apologize?
"I'm really sorry for dinner the other night…"
"Hell, things got out of control. It usually does with my family. Don't worry about it."
"And I didn't mean to say that Ellie doesn't stick up for herself."
"I know," he turned off the lights and I followed him to the stairwell. "Ellie makes it pretty clear when she's unhappy. She doesn't take crap from anyone."
Except you. Should I even bother mentioning it? "Listen Christian-…"
"You remembered this time!"
"Yeah…" I shrugged nonchalantly. "Not that it's a big deal or anything, but… Ellie doesn't always stick up for herself around you and her mom."
There. It's out now. There's no turning back.
He stiffened, "What do you mean?"
"I mean, she doesn't exactly tell you guys how she feels about some of the things you say or how you treat her or…"
"Be specific, Cameron."
"Like she doesn't want to be a doctor!" I blurted out. "She can't stand seeing others hurting. You know she wouldn't be able to be a doctor and not become attached… And she doesn't want to be a businesswoman. She'd be a hell of a businesswoman, but she doesn't want to do it. She wants to teach or something like that. And she's scared because teachers make barely any money and she thinks you'd be disappointed in her."
He nodded, but didn't say anything.
"And have you seen her on stage?"
He smiled, his grey eyes twinkling. "Yeah, I have. She's amazing isn't she?"
"Yes, she is. And that's my point. Why won't you let Ellie do something she loves to do? I mean, there are so many things she'd be good at, but maybe there's only one thing she wants to do for the rest of her life."
"I never said she couldn't be something other than a doctor or…"
"But she doesn't know that. She feels all this pressure from you and her mom to be the perfect little girl who gets A's in everything and never gets in trouble and goes to medical school and becomes some top physician. And it's not what she wants. And she doesn't think you'll listen to her if she says so."
We reached the main floor and stepped out into the lobby. Mr. Nash looked at me and gripped his briefcase tighter. "I didn't realize she felt that way. I mean, I know I tell everyone she's going to be a doctor and stuff, but that's always been me bragging about her. I'm proud of her, you know?"
"Then you should tell her. Seriously. Tell her. She needs to hear it," I coached earnestly.
He nodded, "You're right. Sean, this has been a meeting that has definitely benefited both of us. Wouldn't you say?"
I glanced down the street and saw Tracker heading towards us. "Yeah, it definitely has."
He waved and I started to open the car door.
"Oh, Cameron?"
I looked over at him.
"Ellie tells me you like cars?"
"Yeah," I mean. "Yes. I do."
"Well, I was going to take you golfing or something, but a few of my friends and I are heading up to a car show this weekend. There's going to be a few classics, but also some new models from Jaguar and Porsche and…"
"Jaguar?" I couldn't wipe the stupid smile off of my face. Ever since I was little, I've always dreamed of driving a Jaguar.
"Yeah, it's pretty limited who goes. You want to come along?"
Do I want to spend a day with him? Well, after today, I'm beginning to think he can be a pretty cool guy. A lot of people wouldn't give a shit about me enough to yell at me for that long. Care enough to try and teach me something about life. Usually I'm told there's no use for me- no point in even trying- and I'll never amount to anything. And to hear him say I'm going to graduate from high school, I'm going to go to college, I'm going to be a doctor… That's pretty cool. Maybe our conversation today didn't have a whole lot to do with Ellie, but it was still something I needed to hear. He's right- I have been blaming the world for my crappy hands. I've been putting it all on everyone else. When really it's me who has to take control of my life and steer it towards where I want to go. I'm in control.
"That'd be cool," I tried to play it off as if it were no big deal.
He smiled and started walking backwards. "I'll give you a call later with the details. So, yeah, it'll be… cool."
Ellie
"Do you think he's going to call me?" I checked my cell phone one more time to make sure it was on.
Alex groaned and threw a few cans of spaghettios into the shopping cart. I was helping her do the grocery shopping for her mom. Not like I have anything better to do, right? Plus, I really need some advice right now.
"Ellie, chill. He's going to call. You and Sean are like magnets. Sometimes you repel, sometimes you attract."
"Wow," I responded sarcastically. "I love being compared to a magnet. What if I always want to attract?"
"Not going to happen. You two will always have your little fights. Every couple does."
"Wise words, Alex. But I don't really buy it. Sean and I are going to reach that plateau where we never argue. You'll see." I picked up an apple and scrutinized it.
"Woah, woah, woah…" Alex took the apple from me and set it back down with all the others. "Are you still into this whole perfection thing?"
"What do you mean?"
"You know what I mean. This whole- I can make everything perfect, you'll see- type of thing? Because if you are, fat chance." She laughed and threw a few apples into a bag, tying it up with one of those twisty things.
I pouted sullenly for a little bit before snapping back to attention. "It's not as impossible as you think. It's going to happen."
"Listen Ellie, I really admire you're idealistic views. Seriously. Because I could never be as… unreal as you are… but you have to think realistically once in awhile. Nobody has a perfect relationship. Including you and Sean."
What is she talking about? Of course people can have a perfect relationship. It's called true love. It's called finding that one person who loves everything about you- even your faults. I know Sean loves everything about me- even if I get overly critical sometimes and if I can be moralizing bitch at others… He loves it. I mean, how can he not? And I love him for everything he is, even the annoying parts of him who leave his dirty socks everywhere and always leave the toilet seat up.
"I know what you're thinking- what does Alex know about relationships? I mean, I am dating Jay… I've had enough experience with arguing and the ups and downs… I should write a freaking book, I know so much about being part of a couple. So, listen to me- You're going to argue. You're going to have huge fights even. But that's what keeps it interesting! And, Nash, sorry to say this- but you're the one who's always starting the fights."
"I am not!"
"Yeah, you are. Hate to break it to you, but you start it all. Maybe not intentionally, but you do."
I folded my arms against my chest and clenched my jaw. I do not start the fights. Do I? I mean, I sure as hell didn't start this last one. Then again, if I wasn't so messed up in the first place, Sean would never have to reveal that I have an eating disorder to his parents. But I can't blame myself for that, can I? It's not like I meant to be inflicted with this. I never asked to be so obsessed with my body.
"Sean did a shitty thing when he told his parents about you, but it's not like he meant to hurt you. And believe me, if Sean didn't love you, he would have dropped you by now. Take it from someone who's known Sean longer; he doesn't let just anyone order him around. And he lets you order him around. That means a lot. And he barely trusts anyone, but he trusts you. And do you know that you're the first girl since Emma who's really made him laugh? I mean, really laugh. He loves you, Ellie. And as much as you two make me sick, you're also kind of inspiring at the same time."
I sighed and felt a sick feeling grow in my stomach. She's right. Sean does really love me. He's proven it to me so many times before. And I've been so caught up in making this whole relationship perfect, that I've barely put enough time into it to make it just work.
"You know what I think?" Alex stopped pushing the cart and smirked at me.
"What do you think?" I asked nervously. Here it comes. Alex is going to psychoanalyze me. I just know it.
"You're scared."
"Scared?" I laughed. "What would I be scared of?"
"You've been hurt in the past. I don't know by who or to what extent, but you've been hurt. You've let boys walk all over you. And you don't trust girls. For some reason, you don't trust us women. And you're scared to be hurt again. So you're constantly pushing Sean away just as he gets close. Am I right?"
"That's bullshit," I muttered angrily.
"Well, from the way you're acting- I can tell I hit it right in the bulls eye. What happened? What made you so scared to be in a relationships?"
"I'm not scared of relationships. God!" I was starting to get defensive. The biggest give-away. Good going, Nash. "Look, okay… Maybe you're right. Maybe I am scared to get hurt again. I've had some awful stuff happen to me when I was younger. Stuff I wouldn't wish on my biggest enemy, okay?"
"Like what?" Alex sounded concerned.
She really is my friend. I used to think of her as just Jay's girlfriend. And since I was dating Sean and since Sean and Jay are best friends, we just naturally were around each other. But she really is my friend.
"I don't want to get into the torrid details, okay?" I laughed it off.
"Okay…" Alex gave me a look and started towards the front of the store. "But you know you can tell me anything, right?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Good. Ellie… don't stay mad at Sean, okay? He made a mistake. He's human. And he's not perfect. No matter how much you want him to be, he's not. And you guys are going to have a baby soon! You should be happy." She flashed me a rare smile.
I ducked my head to the side and looked at the magazines as she started putting groceries on the register belt. She's right. She's totally right. I need to stop complaining and start making this relationship work. From now on, I can't get upset about everything- even if it really hurts me.
And what happened at dinner really hurt me.
"Hey lazyass, start helping!" Alex pinched my arm and brought me back to the present.
"Oh, yeah…" I started helping her put groceries on the belt. "So you really think I should forgive Sean?" Normally I wouldn't ask for a second opinion- I do what I want… but, this is Sean. So, I definitely need to make sure I'm doing the right thing.
Alex let out an exasperated sigh and slammed a two liter of Mountain Dew onto the belt. "Yeah, princess. I do."
I smiled slightly. Things are back to normal now. Alex is back to her sarcastic self who doesn't feel the need to give me constant relationship advice. But at least the advice was good advice. I really should listen to her more.
Okay, I revised this chapter a tad. Thanks Maibe Josie for pointing out my mistake!
comment/suggestions please! thanks!