Title: Alliances 10/10 (There will be an Epilogue)

D/H, angst and child abuse, spoilers for OotP

This part is long.

NOTE: this part has been severely edited. I have cut out a huge chunk (4,187 words) were cut of this chapter to make it acceptable for should you want to read the real version, a much, much longer FRAO version go to http/www(dot)livejournal(dot)com/users/azure(underscore)k(underscore)mello/102095(dot)html

So does Draco love his boy or were they really just sleeping together?

Thank you to Cassy (jameschick) for the quick and thorough beta reading. Any mistakes remaining are mine alone.

The common room was abuzz when he opened the portrait and fell silent the minute he stepped inside. "Please," he said with a caustic smile, "don't let my presence put a damper on your gossip. . . about me." He crossed to Harry's favourite seat by the fire and was pleased to see his lover starring into the flames. A small tub of pale blue powder sat open on the little side table next to the chair while the image of two war boats duked it out over a sea of flames. Harry did so love the Fire Films powder Draco had given him for Christmas. "A word, Potter?"

"Now? I'm at a good bit," whined Harry.

"Now, Potter."

"Fine, you bastard," muttered Harry loudly as he shut the tub and put it into his pocket.

Draco stomped upstairs as Harry followed hot on his heals. Casting a silencing spell on the room Draco watched his lover lock the door. "I love that act; you're so hot when you're angry."

"So it worked then?" Harry asked as he walked towards Draco.

"Like a dream," Draco said sinking down on the edge of his bed, "I feel as sick as a pig. I had to leave the infirmary quickly: Madame Pomfrey was ready to keep me over night." After studying his green lover Harry got him a cold glass of water from the sink in the toilet. "Thanks," said Draco sipping it slowly, "I threw up all over Severus and then he followed me out so I had to fake being well because he's liable to be more protective than her. Saw Blaise, told him the happy news, had a quick word with Sev, and dragged myself back up here."

Feeling Draco's too-cold forehead Harry said, "Maybe you should be in the infirmary."

"No, I don't want to spend tonight with all my memories in a sterile white metal bed." The blond drank his water while Harry watched him. Putting aside the empty glass, Draco stood, stretched, and said, "Besides, we need to talk."

Harry felt his face blanch. He had wanted to just forget everything. He had thought -from the way he was talking- that Draco wanted that too.. "Can't we just forget the last two months?"

"No, too much happened."

"Please, Co, I only said the things I did because you needed to hear them."

"I never knew how badly you needed to be told that I love you."

"I don't! I'm fine."

"You aren't fine, Har!" Draco shouted as he loomed over his short lover. "This isn't fine!"

Looking down Harry whispered "Please."

"Please what?"

"Don't leave me," Harry looked him in the eye and desperation was clear all over his face. It was a plea more than a comment when he said, "We're so good together."

"Oh. I didn't realize. I didn't know that "good together" meant that one of us would end up in a coma and the other would be one solid mass of neuroses."

With a nod Harry said, "I get it. I wouldn't want to be with the guy who caused me to have a coma, either. It's ok."

"It wasn't your fault."

"I should have been there."

"You told me not to go home but I wouldn't listen to you. I thought my father would play by the rules and stay in prison. But he didn't and, of course, he knew I wasn't a spy. He's not a fool. And when his fist hit my face I thought, 'I should have listened to Harry.' It wasn't your fault."

"Ok," said Harry feeling beaten down and not able to argue. "What do you want to talk about.

"Before, I thought I was in love with you. But I didn't even understand what that meant."

"I know-" started Harry but Draco interrupted.

"No! You don't. I heard you and Blaise. But you don't know what I'm going to say."

"I do! Don't say it. I know you don't love me. It's fine, but don't say it. Don't rub it in. Can't we just forget this and pick up where we left off?"

"So you would be happy to stay with someone who doesn't love you?"

"I just want to be with you," Harry said as he sat down heavily on his bed. It had been a long day and he was awfully tired. His eyes stung from staring into the fire for so long, his head pounded from the shouting, and he wanted nothing more than to sleep. Reaching out he took Draco's hand, "Can't we talk about this tomorrow? I know some part of you still wants me."

"You're telling me to think with my dick? I was right, I have treated you like a whore! And what do you get in return? A warm body to stave off your nightmares?"

"Fine, don't come to bed with me. Continue this fight by yourself because I'm going to sleep." He kicked off his shoes, threw aside his glasses, and climbed into bed fully dressed save for his socks. Before he shut the curtains he said, "I'm pleased you got your memories back. I hope you'll sleep easy now."

"I can't," said Draco looking at the now shut curtains, "I'm madly in love with you."

The curtains sprung open without the help of human hands. Blue flames ate at the material and Harry was staring at him, eyes blue. Blue, liquid-less tears were pouring down his face as he said, "Shut up. Now is not a good time for one of your mind fucks! It's not clever or funny. I'm not amused and you shouldn't be either if you have any sense of self-preservation." He looked at the boy expectantly.

With his eyes cast down Draco said, "No it wasn't funny. I'm sorry." Harry pulled the ragged curtains closed around him as Draco walked into the toilet with an angry sigh. He washed his face with cool water. Even though he was physically cold he was sweating and he wanted to be clean. Toeing off his trainers Draco let the coldness of the flagstones sink into him via the soles of his feet. Breathing deeply he told himself to calm down. He wasn't sure if his shaking was caused by the potion or anger. All he wanted was for it to stop.

After twenty minutes of silence Harry wondered what had become of his lover. He knew Draco had not gone to bed because he would have heard the boy. The joke hadn't been funny but maybe he over reacted. Feeling guilty Harry pulled open the tattered curtains and saw light pouring out of the toilet. He reached for his glasses so he could make out a shape on the floor. As he walked slowly towards the door he called softly, "Co? You alright?"

The boy had pulled himself into a tight ball with his arms around his legs and his face resting against his knees so that he was facing down into his lap. He was rocking slowly back and forth from his toes to his bum and back again. Under his breath he was muttering one phrase over and over again, "calm down, calm down, calm down." Harry knelt down and pulled the boy to him, stroking the blond's head repeatedly. "I thought I would know everything."

"What?"

"I thought there would be no more questions. I thought I would understand you once I got my memories back."

"What?" repeated a very stunned Harry.

"I pumped poison into my body to get it to make sense."

"Poison?"

"The potion I used hasn't had favorable results in a 112 years. But I was getting desperate!"

"For what?"

"To understand why you would want me. Why anyone would ever even tolerate my company. . . let alone enjoy it. So I pumped this shite into my system and it felt like my flesh was burning. And instead of finding the answers to my questions I just found out that none of them are new!"

"Draco. . ."

"Why the fuck are we together? Don't say it's because you love me. Why do you love me? I'm a cunt!"

Harry laughed, "Co, you're not a cunt!"

"No? Then what am I? You never gave me a real answer as to why we're together: just anecdotes. Well guess what! I laughed at your "Stupid jokes" because I thought they were funny. And I held your hand in that cinema because I was scared witless."

Unused to Draco being honest Harry was unsure of what to say. "Oh," was all he could think of.

"Shocked, Har?" he asked snidely, "There were huge images of people seemingly bleeding to death. It was loud, dark, and we were in an enclosed room of muggle strangers."

"I'm sorry. I didn't think. I thought you'd enjoy it. Slasher films are supposed to make for fun dates."

"Don't apologize. I was fool enough to go along with you," said the blond coolly. He sounded bored with the memory and the conversation at hand. "Why are you with me, Har, really? What do you get?"

"A better question, Co," he stressed the name as he didn't like Draco calling him Har while berating him, "is why do you care?" He didn't want to explain his feelings when it was so obvious that they weren't returned.

"I need. To. Understand," Draco spoke through gritted teeth as though he was trying to control himself, "We're friendly but not friends. We're lovers but not in love. I need to understand it if we're to go on. I could ignore it before but we've spoken about it so much over the last week that I need to know. Please, explain it to me. Why are you with me?"

After thinking about his words carefully Harry said slowly, "We're very different people." Draco grimaced and it was clear that he was unsatisfied with the answer. "Stand up."

Draco stood with a slightly put out sigh,. All he wanted was a straight answer. "Why am I standing?" His tone suggested Harry was a moron.

"What do you see?" asked Harry gesturing to his mirror.

"Your smart-arse looking glass?"

"Stop being so bloody clever. What do you see in the mirror?" he positioned Draco so that he was standing in the center of the refection.

"Hey, Co!" said the mirror cheerfully, "you need to get normal soon, 'kay? I can only cope with one mental at a time and Harry's got dibs."

"Yes, he's a head case. But he's our head case." Draco smirked at the mirror and then to Harry said, "You did a good job of acting sane while I was being mental."

"I'm sane! I hate it when you two gang up on me! Co, stop winding me up and look in the mirror!" Harry was pleased that they were talking like old times.

"All I see," said Draco shaking his head ruefully, "is you and me in a rather posh toilet. So what? I'm too hot to dump? Is that the point of making me look in a mirror."

"No. Do you know what I see?"

Sneering Draco drawled, "Do tell."

"I see a scared foolish boy and a very strong man."

"I'm not scared!" Draco replied angrily.

"Yes, you are. But I wasn't talking about you. My life has been built off of other people's expectations. I've done exactly what was expected of me. I've never thought for myself. I just did as my parents and Dumbledore wanted barely asking any questions. And no one questioned my motives because they all decided they were noble while really I had none. I've been too cowardly to ever really think about any of it. But you, you fought with me, questioned me, and hated me more than anyone ever has. You forced me to think, and feel, and give a damn. My whole life has been controlled by other people and then you made me realize that I had options! I can't live my life for them and you made me want to do what I had always seen as being an obligation. You've gone against everything you were taught and you are so brave. You stood up to everyone who questioned you right from your father, to McGonagall, to Fudge. So strong. Someday. . . someday I hope I have children who are half as amazing as you. What you lack in kindness, thoughtfulness, and tact you make up for with your scary intelligence, caustic wit, and ability to cling to freewill." He shrugged as if to say, "so that's that". His breath was ragged and he felt ill at having admitted so much to Draco. But the boy had seemed genuinely desperate and Harry had felt the strange urge to assure him. Leaning against the sink he tried to compose himself. He had just supplied his lover with months worth of ammo to belittle him with. Shock washed over Harry as his lover took him into his arms. "I'm so sorry," he said as he buried his head in the blond's neck.

"For what?" asked Draco gently as he stroked his boy's hair. "Sorry for what?"

"For making it all so complicated. This is meant to just be fun right? I fucked it up."

"No, Har, you're fine. I get it. Thank you for explaining it." Draco studied his lover's posture for a moment before saying, "I wasn't brave or clever. I'm an idiot."

"No," Harry said trying to comfort the man as he sounded so sad. Harry wasn't sure what was going through the other boy's mind but he wanted to fix it. He pulled away and said, "No."

"Yes!" Draco argued testily. "I'm a fool. I didn't think you really loved me. I thought you just loved being in love. I'm sorry, I should have trusted you." He ran his tongue over the backs of his front teeth thinking for a moment, "I love you." The only sound was Harry's harsh breathing. Draco swallowed hard before continuing, "I didn't think you really cared for me. I am a cunt. No one really gives a fuck about me. . . unless I'm in a coma. Even when you said you loved me I didn't believe it because. . . well, why would you? I've never felt this before and I didn't want to. I'm supposed to be in control of my life. I've always controlled everything and I was slipping. I couldn't tell you because then you'd hold all the Chocolate Frog Cards. I am a coward." Harry opened his mouth to argue but Draco hushed him tiredly, "Say that you can forgive me and come to bed."

The skin under Harry's fingers was cold. Too stunned to react to Draco's admission he said, "Maybe you should be in the infirmary. You're so cold."

"No," Draco moaned as if pained by the idea, ""Don't leave me alone. You can keep me warm."

"I'll stay with you down there. I'll even share your bed, screw Madame Pomfrey's sensibilities. Please let her check you out?"

Harry sounded worried but Draco ignored the request, "Bring me to bed, Har. It's just the potion's aftermath. There's nothing she can do; I have to ride it out." Harry seemed to calm down at his lover's words so Draco spoke softly when he asked, "Make love to me? It'll keep me warm," he justified.

"What?" Harry was still too dazed to have fully taken in everything. "You're sick, Co, you don't want to supplicate yourself to me. Trust me, you'll regret this in the morning." His tone was resigned and Draco wanted to stab his own eye out with his wand for making the mage feel like that.

Draco tipped his lover's chin up and kissed him softly. All he could think was, I'm almost 18 and this is my first real kiss. Breaking away he said, "Not supplication just love. I always wanted this; I was just too much of a coward to ask. Couldn't let you in. . . literally," he laughed dryly.

Not amused Harry sounded completely fogged over as he said, "You kissed me. . . You don't like kissing. You don't kiss me. It's intimate and unhygienic."

Without pause Draco reclaimed Harry's mouth. He licked the dark boy's lower lip in a plea for admission. Startled Harry jumped a little before tentatively parting his lips. The dark boy laughed into Draco's mouth in slight hysterics but the sound was quickly swallowed. Harry was warm to the touch and, without opening his eyes, Draco knew the mage was blushing. Their tongues fought for dominance and the battle was as violent and tenacious as their verbal spars. Pulling at Harry's robes Draco tried to get a purchase on his lover's hips so that he could pull Harry up to his height. Shaking fingers managed to lift him a few inches, forcing Harry to stand on tiptoe. He grabbed Draco's shoulder in an attempt to keep his balance. He lost the fight with gravity as he fell against the blond, their lips parted to steal gasps of air. A hiss escaped from Harry as he felt a hardness under Draco's robes rub against his stomach.

"And you said you didn't like snogging," laughed Harry breathlessly.

"I's not that," panted Draco, "i's the honesty. Feels so good to not be lying." He let go of his death hold on Harry's hips and allowed him to stand normally. Leaning down slowly, he kissed Harry with near painful tenderness. A silent pledge of love, acceptance, and protection was offered and accepted there in the Head Boy's toilet.

As if only just noticing their surroundings Harry said firmly, "It's no good. Invalids should be in bed." He waited for Draco to frown before adding, "With their extremely randy lovers."

"No!" cried the mirror, "It's just getting good!"

"If your lucky we'll fuck in the shower tomorrow," Draco said with a grin as he pulled Harry out of the smallest room by his collar. Discarding clothes as they went, the pair failed to make it to bed. Half way across the distance Draco dropped to his knees to nuzzle his lover's stomach.

Standing half naked Harry laughed, "What are you doing?"

"Worshipping," whispered Draco as he stroked the puncture wound on Harry's left hip. He lavished attention on the scar. Before he hadn't understood Harry's fascination with the scar on his body that mirrored the one he was currently licking. Now he got it. The mark stood as proof that they could have destroyed one another as easily as save each other. Harry stood over him whole, proud, strong, and his.

Cut due to graphicness. Again, go to: http/www(dot)livejournal(dot)com/users/azure(underscore)k(underscore)mello/102095(dot)html

They laid together for a few silent moments. Irreverently breaking the peace Draco said, "Top ten ever."

Laughing at the fact that his lover was already rating their sex, Harry said, "Y'know something?"

"What?"

"We are friends. And we have been for a long time."

"But I'm Draco Malfoy, the Malfoy heir: I'm supposed to have cool friends." He laughed as Harry smacked his hip. He saw Harry drifting off but they still had a lot to talk about so he made a move to piss off his lover, "That was an amazing fuck."

Eyes flying open Harry said, "That wasn't a fuck!"

"No," Draco smirked, "For one thing we never stopped chatting."

Defensively Harry said, "We had a lot to discuss."

"And we still do," Draco spoke in a placating tone.

"Ok," the mage still sounded put out, "for starters, why were you shocked when I said I would stop if you asked?"

He flinched, he had been hoping his lover had forgotten that, "I just-"

Interrupting angrily the dark boy spat out, "You don't think I'm considerate enough?"

"No!" that had never even occurred to him.

"Then what?" The dejected and bitter tone of the question made the blond flinch again.

Draco paused. He really didn't want to answer, "I just never expected that sort of consideration from. . . anyone."

Clearly it was a reply Harry hadn't been prepared for. Thrown off kilter the boy asked, "Why not?"

Swallowing convulsively Draco considered his reply. The truth wasn't going to please the mage but he was trying to be honest. And so, throwing caution and sense to the wind he said, "Because I don't deserve it and I'm not really worth it." He saw the horror on Harry's face and he shut his eyes, "respect is something you work for and I've never put in the effort, not for that sort of respect anyway." He shrugged, still not opening eyes, "Pretty pathetic, huh? I don't even respect me. I know you love me so, even if you hurt me, it wouldn't be malicious. I don't know what I expected, Har, you just caught me off guard when you said it."

"But," the mage's voice was gentle now, "care like that should be taken for granted. No one is allowed to hurt you; anyone should stop if you say stop. Otherwise it's just-"

He didn't want to hear the word out of his lover's mouth so he started to argue before Harry even started, "I've taken nothing about you for granted because I was sure this would end poorly and sooner rather than later so I just appreciated everything, not outwardly though obviously. And it wouldn't be rape never -no matter how badly it hurt- not with you."

Harry was shaking against his as he asked, "Why?"

"You love me. There are no circumstances under which it would be anything but making love."

"You're saying you'd enjoy my raping you?" the question sounded shaky and frightened.

"No. I'm saying that if it was motivated by love I'd enjoy it." Opening his eyes he glared at Harry. The gray glinted dangerously in the dim light, "You could break my body and just so long as you adored me I would consider my gift to you gladly given. I guess I am the perv because you could make me bleed to death and if you held me as I drained and told me that you loved me and that I was pretty, I would still get off on it." Shaking his head tiredly he said, "Are we done debasing me? We have other topics."

Harry was scared. He'd never realized how much pull he had over the boy. The responsibility of protecting Draco finally hit home. Maybe that was why Dumbledore had made him Head Boy and given him a private room. He wasn't meant to fix Draco but to protect him once he was fixed. He almost felt grateful to the man. . . almost. "Of course. I'm sorry. I love you. I would never abuse your affections like that, promise."

Uncomfortable with the apology Draco announced, "I spoke to Severus after I saw Blaise, just before I came back here. He's going with me to see my father tomorrow. I'm going to beg him to let me back in to the family. Once he lets his guard down I plan on killing him. It's not vengeance, really, I'm just taking care of the threat." His lover tried to pull away but stopped when he felt Draco's hands caressing his skin, "Stay with me a little longer? You feel amazing inside of me, like I have the all power of a mage."

"Don't kill him," Harry knew that Draco was deeply torn over his father and worried that murdering the man would upset the blond in ways Draco couldn't anticipate. "Let Snape do it: he'll enjoy it."

Pulling back slightly Draco asked, "Do you think I can't do it? You've seen me kill in the past."

"I know you can. I just don't think you should have to deal with the guilt you will feel. Snape won't feel that. He's hated the man for years. He only hasn't killed him yet because of you and because he'd no longer be able to spy. If he uses your wand the Ministry will think you did it. They won't punish you. You're the nation's sweetheart. And they know I'm on your side and no one wants to upset the boy who lived." He sounded bitter at the title and it reminded Draco of one other promise.

All of Harry's ideas sounded so logical and Draco nodded, "Another promise?"

"Why all the promises?" asked Harry softly.

"Because everything you've said tonight came true. If the powers are rooting for us right now I want to exploit it."

"When I found out about your memories I told the powers they could fix you or fuck themselves. Maybe this is our night of grace. . . before they expect us to do their bidding again."

"Maybe," Draco agreed cupping Harry's face in his hands, "and this is about that in a way. If you die, before me, promise me you'll pass-over and not linger here as a ghost just to keep me company. I'll fend for myself until I can be with you again. Ok?" The whole thing scared him badly. In the weeks before his father had broken out of jail it was all he had thought about.

"Where is this coming from?" Harry hoped he could assuage his lover's obvious worry without committing himself to the strange pact.

"When you speak about the government, or the powers and god, or the war you sound so tired and resigned. You wrote a will. You even got it witnessed. You think you'll kill each other: that you won't make it through the "last stand". And if you're already accepting it, you won't make it. That's ok, if that's the way you have to think to get through it. But (once it does happen) move on. I can see you trying to stay to protect me. Don't. Go up there and I'll find you later."

Again Harry was struck by the power he had to affect Draco. That his morbid fascination with his imminent death had caused Draco to think things out so thoroughly. "I won't die. That's my promise. I'm gonna win outright."

"Excuse me?" asked the blond thinking he'd misheard.

"You're right, I've taken this laying down. He has some stupid cause to live for but I've got you and a future. So I'll win. I have no choice, it's already decided. It seems so obvious now." The blond was struck dumb as Harry kissed his nose in closing. "I think we should go to sleep now. Big day tomorrow." Draco just nodded still unable to find his tongue. With slow grace Harry pulled out of him and moved off of the taller boy. Turning on his side the mage pulled his lover back against him saying, "Night, Co, sleep well."

Draco turned over and said, "Are you still having conversations with my evil clone when you sleep?" he saw Harry's shock, the boy had been trying to keep the dreams a secret from him. "I didn't realize until I got my memories. You did a good job of coving up but I know you and I know the way you look the morning after a nightmare."

"I'm still having them," Harry said in an uneasy tone.

"We can't have him finding out about this turn. I don't know if you've realized this but that's not a dream, it's Voldemort. Now that I am whole again I know his signature. That thing in your head isn't of your making."

"I figured that out the second night."

"Ok, This will be horrible, but I'm going to be a Pensieve for you. But I'm going to take them completely. It's the only way, you're useless at Occlumency." Harry nodded and Draco said, "I swear you'll get your memories back in ten minutes. He usually visits the instant people fall asleep and only stays a few minutes for fear of being caught out. Are you ok with this?"

"What memories are you gonna take?" asked Harry.

"Everything from tonight. But in under a half hour you'll have them back. I'm sorry."

"It's the only way. I understand." He kissed Draco.

"Ok," Draco breathed in deeply. He touched the boy's temples and said, "Don't look away from my eyes." He pulled the last ten hours out of Harry's mind and hated himself for doing so.

"Co?" asked Harry softly, "did you get your memories?"

"Yeah, you bastard. You made me go into a coma." Draco climbed out of bed and said, "I'm going back to my father in the morning. Maybe it's not too late to get the mark." He climbed out of the bed and stomped over to the other one.

He listened to Harry who was trying to cry silently. He curled up and held his knees as he listened to the boy fall asleep. Harry made whimpering noises and then said in his sleep, "This is your fault, you took him from me! And now he's going back to your lapdog!" He listened to Harry moaning softly as if pained. Finally after a few minutes his breathing became even and Draco knew the dream was done. He practically ran to the bed.

"Wake up," he climbed under the covers.

"You're not gone?" Harry said bitterly.

"Look into my eyes for a moment?" Draco touched the boy's forehead and let all the memories flow back. "Ok?" Harry nodded silently and Draco said, "I'm sorry. I know it's a total violation."

"No, it made sense. It's ok."

"Are you ok?" Draco asked, staring into his lover's eyes. It was a rather complicated piece of magic to cast not once but twice in a half hour. He grabbed his wand from the bedside and said, "Lumos." He shined it in Harry's eyes and saw that his pupils reacted. Snape had taught him the skill years before but he had never had an occasion to use it on such an immense scale before. "I love you."

"Say it again," Harry demanded shakily.

"I love you." He kissed Harry slowly, putting everything he had left into it. "Come to bed now, you must be exhausted." Draco wrapped himself around the mage and Harry relaxed and held him close. "I love you," Draco said again and Harry smiled brightly.

"This has been a very long day," Harry said softly and he kissed Draco again, lightly, affectionately before he shut his eyes and slipped into a dreamless sleep.

Draco stayed awake for an age.

Stay tuned for the epilogue!

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