Chapter 22: Ballad for the Lost Romantics

Tracker

"So," I began as I flipped the grilled cheese in the pan. "Things went well with Ellie's dad?" I glanced over at Sean, who was laying back on the couch, throwing a mini football up in the air.

"Yeah, it was actually... okay."

"That's good."

"Yeah, it is."

"So... that's all you're going to tell me? What did he say? What did you say?" I placed his grilled cheese sandwich on a plate and handed it to him. "There you go, bro. Eat up."

"Thanks." He took a hug bite out of it and mumbled his compliments. He swallowed and set the plate on his stomach. "He just gave me some advice."

"About...?"

"Since when did you become so nosy? I never knew Tracker Cameron was such a gossip. You and Ellie will get along beautifully."

"I can't imagine her really caring about anyone's business other than her own."

My little brother let out a huge laugh and gasped for air. "God, you really don't know her. Believe me, that girl can get into anyone's business. She just weasel's her way in without you even noticing. And then she'll tell you exactly what you should do, and if you don't follow her advice, she'll get all offended and give you the cold shoulder and-..."

I rolled my eyes and flopped down into the chair opposite the couch. "Hey bro, hate to break it to you, but I don't need that much information."

"I was just telling you how she is. I mean, you don't even know her and she's going to be giving birth to your nephew soon. You really should get to know her. The quirks might drive you crazy at first. Seriously, they just might. But, all in all, she's a good girl. She can have the most wicked sense of humor you've ever even heard before in-..."

"You really love her, don't you?" I couldn't help but let a sincere smile stretch itself across my face. I've never heard Sean talk this way about a girl. He's never even mentioned girls to me before. Now, I can't get him to shut up about Ellie Nash.

Sean gave me a weird look and took another bite of his grilled cheese. "Yeah, I love her," he responded, as if it was the most stupid question he'd ever heard in his life.

"Yeah, I know that. I'm just saying you really love her. I can tell."

"How can you tell? I can't even tell half the time. Half the time I want to strangle her..."

"Sean, you'll learn someday that there are some people who just know this sort of thing. You're gone. You're completely gone."

"Gone from where?"

"It's an expression- meaning you're definitely in it with her."

"In it?"

"In love. Attached. I don't know, man!" I shook my head with annoyance at the blank look on Sean's face. "Just the way you talk about her. You're whole face lights up."

"It does not."

"Yeah, it does."

"Whatever."

"And just the way you say it."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah... Enough about it. You're making me sound like I'm some lovesick puppy. Which I'm not."

"Yeah, sure," I teased.

He rolled his eyes and became grumpy all of a sudden.

"It's not a bad thing, Sean."

"Bad thing what?"

"To be in love."

"Who said it was?"

"Well, just the way you're acting. You're all defensive. I'm your big bro! You can tell me anything."

He sighed and sat up, wiping his hands on his knees. "I know, but... this is really new to me. I mean, this girl makes me feel things I never thought I'd feel. If you told me two years ago that I'd be having a baby at this age and be fine with it, I would have you beat your ass down. And before, if I was dating some girl with baggage like Ellie has, I'd drop her in a second. But this is Ellie, man."

I held up my hands and laughed, "I know, I know! It's Ellie. I can't believe wannabe-gangsta Sean is spilling his soul to me right now."

"Shut the hell up," but he smiled.

"Well, I don't really know what else to tell you, Sean, except- don't let her go. No matter what, don't let someone who makes you feel this good go. Don't do it."

"So, I should call her?"

"Nah, calling is overrated. Go get her."

Sean gave me a weak smile and shrugged. "Yeah, I will."

"Will?"

"Later."

I lifted an eyebrow but didn't say anything. Obviously, my little brother is in deep love, but is also a little confused about the whole situation still. I guess me reassurances didn't really... reassure him. I watched him out of the corner of my eye as his eyebrows scrunched together slightly and he stared at the TV in confusion. I don't know a lot about Ellie, but hopefully she's ambitious. Because she sure as hell is going to have to make the first move.

Ellie

I set the last piece of china down on the table and stood back to appreciate my table settings. Looks pretty damn good, if I say so myself. Maybe it's a little empty... only three settings... but it still looks pretty.

"Did you finish?" my mom came in, head down and papers in hand.

"Yeah. How does it look?" I stood back and watched my mom as she glanced up quickly.

"Fine," she commented shortly.

The smile fell from my face, and I leaned back against the china cabinet.

"Ellie!" my mom frowned. "Don't knock the cabinet over!"

I stepped forward and folded my arms defiantly. Like I was really going to knock over the china cabinet...

My mom noticed the look on my face and rubbed a hand over my hair. "The table looks beautiful. I'm glad you picked out that china."

I felt a little better. "What time is dad coming home?"

"Soon. He's picking up some groceries for dinner."

I can't help but smile at the thought of my dad coming home with groceries. It's been forever since I've watched him cook dinner. I remember when I was little he used to perch me up on the block counter in the kitchen, and I'd just sit there and watch his every move as he chopped vegetables and strained pasta and made me little pancakes in the shape of woody woodpecker and mickey mouse.

"You're lucky, you know?"

I looked up into my mom's face. She placed a hand on the small bulge in my stomach.

"When I was pregnant with you, I was much bigger than you are now. I was waddling everywhere."

I scrunched up my nose at the thought. Yeah, thank God I didn't have a huge belly. That would be mortifying. My mom rubbed my stomach a little and stood back smiling. I stared in amazement at the real smile on her face. She was actually smiling- not just one of those half-ass smiles she likes to give out.

"I don' t know..." she started. "I kind of liked being so big and letting everyone know I was having a baby. It's pretty... amazing, isn't it? The whole pregnancy and birthing process. Painful, but amazing. Well, I guess you'll see."

I nodded silently. Secretly I was scared to death of giving birth. Hopefully someone will be kind enough to just knock me out until it's over. There's no way I can ever express my fears, though. I'm the strong one. I'm not allowed to be scared. Inside, though, my stomach is in knots thinking about the future and what it'll bring.

The front door opened and closed in the foyer, and I turned around to greet my dad. He came in carrying a few grocery bags and kissed me on the head before bringing my mom towards him for a lingering kiss.

"Hey," he whispered to her.

"Hey," she whispered back.

I smiled and quietly slipped out of the kitchen to give them a little privacy. My dad would call me when he was ready to get started on dinner. I walked into the living room and turned the TV on, trying to focus on something other than my baby and Sean. But as I flipped through music videos and various newscasts, my thoughts kept coming back to what Alex had said earlier.

You know, she's right. As much as I hate to say it- I'm completely wrong. Okay, maybe not completely because I did have a valid reason to be upset, but maybe I shouldn't have blown up at Sean the way I did. The way I always do it seems.

"Ellie! I'm making dinner!"

I turned the TV off and scrambled into the kitchen just as my dad was pulling out everything he needed from the grocery bags and the refrigerator. He had put on his chef's apron and had a big grin on his face.

"Wanna help?" he glanced at me as he pulled out a sharp knife from a drawer. "You can chop the vegetables."

I took the knife and stood in front of the cutting board. "What are we having?"

"I thought we'd make some sauteed vegetables, some brown rice, and orange chicken?"

I gave him a wan smile and started chopping up a potato. I know I'm supposed to help cook meals to deal with my... problem... but just thinking about making the dinner was stressing me out.

"How was school?"

"Fine," I lied. "Rather uneventful."

"Yeah, sometimes it is. How's yearbook going?"

My dad actually remembers that I'm editor of yearbook this year? Wow! "We're making a lot of progress. Of course I'm going to have to work on it over the summer a little because of the seniors graduating and everything, but it shouldn't take too much more time."

"That's good. You're going to have to start taking it a little easy. So... have you talked to Sean today?"

I gave my dad a look and set down the knife with a sigh. "No... I don't think he wants to talk to me right now."

"Why's that?"

"Dad! You know why."

"That whole dinner thing? Ages ago. Are you really going to let something like that get in the way of you two?"

I chewed my bottom lip thoughtfully. Everyone's telling me to get back with him. But it's not like we're exactly apart in the first place. We're still together, just... in different places right now. I crossed over to the kitchen counter and hoisted myself up on it, placing my feet on one of the bar stools in front of me.

"Okay, so how do you think I should go about this?" I decided to humor my dad. Let's see what advice he has for me.

"Ellie, you don't need me to tell you what to do. Go talk to him. Figure this whole thing out. A relationship is all about compromises and honesty and trust, remember?"

"I know, I know." I can't even begin to explain how many times I've heard this speech come from my dad's mouth. I feigned annoyance as I hung onto every word my dad said.

"It's obvious he cares about you. And I know you care about him, too. El-boo, he came to see me today at the office."

"What?" He went to see my dad? Oh God... I can only imagine the way that conversation went... Sean and my dad are both stubborn and completely opinionated. A shudder ran through my body as I imagined them lunging at each other from across the room.

My dad laughed and craned his head to look at me from the stove, "Relax! We had a decent conversation. And I think we're okay with each other now."

"What?" My jaw dropped and I tried to think of something more to say. "So, you two actually... got along?"

"Yeah, surprisingly."

My dad wasn't offering anymore details. He continued to fix dinner and ignore the shocked expression on my face.

"Dad!" I squealed.

"What?" He chuckled, shaking his head slightly.

I hopped down and stood next to him, my hands wrapping around his upper arm. "What did he say? Did he defend me? Did he say anything mean about me? Or was he nice? Did he say he still loves me? Did he say he misses me? How did he look? Did he look exhausted- like he was up all night? Or did he look good? I mean, you have to give me the details, dad. I have to know!"

"Let's see. He seemed perfectly fine. He was laughing and smiling. He told me that he's doing great and still feels the same way he did at dinner and..."

"Are you kidding me? That jerk! That complete jerk! He's not supposed to be happy without me! He's supposed to be suffering without me around! Did he seriously say he feels the same way?" I was furious. Livid. This is now how I expected it. This whole vacation from each other for a few days thing was supposed to strengthen his love for me. He's supposed to come seek me out on his knees and beg me to come back to the apartment. He's supposed to shower me with compliments about how smart I am and how I'm always right and how he's always wrong and...

"Yeah, I am just kidding," my dad admitted, a twinkle in his eye.

"Daddy!" I groaned. I playfully socked him in the shoulder. "That was a horrible trick to play on me. So, what did he say?"

"He loves you. He's sorry. He's worried about you. He wants you back. And, uh, he really cares about you, El. Really."

I lifted a corner of my mouth into a satisfied smile. "So, did he look like a wreck?" I asked hopefully.

"Complete wreck. It looked like he hadn't slept or showered in weeks!"

"Ew. Well, at least he's paying for it, right?" I had to keep myself from smiling at the image of a completely unkempt Sean Cameron. God, that's a sexy image...

"So, now that your every desire has come true- get back to those veggies!" my dad ordered.

I saluted, "yes, sir!"

I slowly lifted the forkful of roasted carrots and potatoes to my mouth. How many calories is this bite? How many crunches will it take to burn this off? Maybe I should just skip my meals tomorrow...

Stop it, Nash. Get over yourself.

I lifted the fork to my mouth with a new resolve. I was going to eat this bite no matter what. I didn't realize I had set the fork down until my mom gave me a concerned look.

"Ellie?"

I raised my eyes and looked at her and then at my full plate of food. How long had passed since I had sat down for dinner? A glance at the clock told me a good forty minutes. And my plate was still full. It's taken me over forty minutes to lift that stupid fork to my mouth and then drop it.

"Sorry," I muttered, embarrassed at my weakness.

"It's okay." She placed a comforting hand on my wrist and squeezed slightly. "Work at your own pace."

I can't work at my own pace, though, because I have a baby to take care of. My baby needs those carrots and potatoes. And my baby needs me to eat this chicken and this rice. All I want to do is throw my napkin on the table and lock myself into my bedroom, but I can't.

I reached for the fork and tried again. This time I managed to slowly place the fork in my mouth and chew slowly on the carrots. They tasted like mush in my mouth. And I love carrots... I sighed and tapped the prongs of the fork against my plate. Ting. Ting. Ting. Ti-

"Ellie," my mom said sharply. She lifted an eyebrow and I stopped clinking my utensil and plate.

My dad cleared his throat and set his fork down. "So... Sean brought up something interesting today in my office."

I looked at my dad in shock. Now he's going to reveal what Sean said? I quickly looked at my mom to see her expression. Nothing. She didn't look mad or angry or anything. Did she already know that Sean went and saw Dad?

"What's that, dear?" she rested her chin in her hand and leaned forward expectantly.

"Well," my dad began. "He brought to my attention the subject of destiny. You know?"

"Destiny?" I asked, incredulously. Sean was talking about destiny? I'd pay to hear that.

"Well, not exactly destiny, but the future. And I don't know if you're suited to be a doctor, El-boo. Seriously."

What? What? Did my dad really just say I shouldn't be a doctor? I slowly strangled my napkin in my lap. Where exactly is this conversation going? What exactly did Sean say? If he even told my dad that I should-

"I think Ellie should do something different. Maybe something like teaching? Or maybe even making films?" My dad looked at me sideways and gave a discreet wink.

A smile burst across my face.

"Teaching?" my mom's face dropped. "But Christian, she might as well go live on the streets! There is no way Ellie could live the lifestyle she's used to on a teacher's salary. I mean, it's definitely an honorable thing to do, but... what are the benefits of it?"

A scowl fell across my face.

My mom turned to me and started to talk in her "adult" voice. I hate when she talks to me like I'm some child. "Ellie, you don't really want to teach, do you? Wouldn't you rather do something like open your own successful business or be a rich lawyer? There are so many things you could do in life that wouldn't resort you to such low income."

"Elisabeth, maybe Ellie doesn't care about money. I mean, maybe she-..."

"How can you even say she doesn't care about money? This is the girl who used to sell herse-..."

"Ohmigod!" I cried out, pushing away from the table and standing up. "Can you please not bring that up? God! Can you, for once, not judge me on my past mistakes? I screwed up! So does every other kid!"

"Ellie, not every other kid is sleeping around and having guys pay her to-..."

"Mom!" I held onto my chair and gritted my teeth. "Please!"

My mom rolled her eyes but stopped talking.

"Think about it, Elisabeth. Ellie won't be the doctor or lawyer- she'll be the person behind the doctor or lawyer. The woman who made them who they are. Isn't that exciting?"

"Well, when you put it that way. It sounds like a nice power trip- make people into what you want them to be. It does have a nice ring to it."

"I wouldn't be making people into what I want them to be, mother. It's what they want to be."

"Minor detail, El." My mom waved my opinion away, and I slumped back into my chair.

"And just think about it, in her spare time she can write award-winning scripts and direct Oscar-winning movies! She could even star in a few and get an award herself. She'd be like an Audrey Hepburn or a Lauren Bacall!"

"I like Audrey Hepburn and Lauren Bacall!" my mom looked like the bird who ate the canary. "And who else but us would she think in her speeches? After all, we're the ones who suggested she give up her dream of being a doctor and instead wri-..."

"You're joking, aren't you?" I cut in. "You seriously did not just say what I think you said, did you?"

My mom gave an annoyed noise and looked over at me. "Ellie, what?"

"Did you seriously just say you told me to give up on being a doctor? To, instead, pursue Hollywood and the classroom? Because you didn't."

"Min-..."

"I know," I interjected. "Minor details... Go on," I sighed and sat back, watching as my parents slowly built my entire future to the tiniest detail.

"Of course she'll wear green when she receives her first Oscar..."

Sean

"Jay, get the door!" I shouted after the doorbell rang. I was way too lazy to get my ass off of the couch to answer it. Instead, I chose to continue to lie down on the sofa in a pair of shorts with a coke can resting on my stomach. My fingers were resting in the open bag of Cheetos, ready to grab a handful at a moment's notice. It was probably just my parents dropping by to say Hi or something.

"Oh, hello... Ellie," Jay's voice carried from the entry way.

"Shit!" I whispered, pulling my hand out of the Cheetos bag, slamming the can down on the coffee table, and standing up before Jay could unblock Ellie's view. Why the hell is she here? She should have called...

I looked down at my baggy shorts and the mess that covered the apartment. In one day, I had managed to completely destroy everything in my apartment- with Jay's help.

"Um, hi Jay. Why are you acting dumb?" she barked, pushing past him. I watched as her eyes narrowed and then widened at the site in front of her.

"Listen, El. I can explain-..." I began.

"Sean! What the hell happened?" she screeched, grasping onto the nearby banister for support. She shot a disgusted look at the empty pizza boxes and dirty dishes spread out everywhere as well as my dirty gym clothes tossed around the room. "I leave you for five seconds and this is what happens?"

She toured the room, picking at every single wrong thing I had done. "Dishes belong in the sink, your gym clothes belong in the washer, throw away trash, there is mud caked into the carpet right here, and there are books all- Oh. My. God."

I closed my eyes and waited for it. It's coming. Oh, it's definitely coming... I braced myself for the verbal attack that was sure to come.

"What the hell is my book doing in this disgusting bowl of macaroni! It should be catalogued in between- nevermind, who cares where it should be catalogued... the fact is, why is it sitting in a bowl of macaroni?"

"Um, I, uh..." I tried to think of a reasonable explanation rather than the pitiful one of my attempt to upset her- which worked. But it's not like I'm happy about it now.

"Seany decided it'd piss you off. So he threw it in there. Didn't you, Seany?" Jay smirked and crossed his arms.

Ellie snapped her attention from Jay back to me. "Cute. Real cute. Hmmm. It looks like all of my books are spread around. Not in order. Like they should be. Same goes for my movies. And I bet if I opened up the pantry, all the cereal boxes would be out of order too, wouldn't they?"

I nodded sheepishly. She's good. She's real good.

She put her hands on her hips and began to saunter around the room again, making little noises to everything she found disagreeable. She started towards the bedroom and I hurried to catch up with her.

"Before you go in there, I just want to tell you that I was just cleaning out my drawers. That's it."

She kicked open the door and pursed her lips. "Yeah, and you did a great job. I'm happy to see that all of my belongings are carelessly thrown in a corner. Real considerate..."

"Ellie, I only did it because-..."

"This just settles it."

"Settles what?"

Ellie shook her head in disbelief and threw her hands to her side. "That I have to move back in. You just can't handle living by yourself."

I clamped my mouth down tight to keep myself from grinning. She's moving back in. She's moving back in. My heart pounded and I swear I got a little light-headed with excitement.

"You're life is just a total wreck, Sean, without me. I'm really doing you a service here," she sighed and glanced around the room. "So, what do you think?"

I looked into her big hazel eyes and shrugged nonchalantly. "You do what you have to do..." I played it off cool.

So did she.

But as our eyes met again, a flash of smile spread across both of our faces before we both squelched it. This is how it's going to be. She'd go on pretending to be mad at me for a little while longer. I'd go on pretending as if I really don't care if she comes back or not. Jay will tell us to just go ahead and jump each other already. We'll head for bed later on and, as soon as we get under the covers, I'll pull her towards me and hold her the entire night as we talk about how much we missed each other and how we could barely live without each other...

And right before we fall asleep we'll remind ourselves that we were only apart for a day.

so there it is. sorry it took so long for this chapter. things have been hectic! i hope you enjoy it! next chapter- sean/ellie talk about their fight, tracker/ellie bonding, and who knows what else... if you have any suggestions on who you'd like to see if the next chapter, i'm always willing to listen! thanks for the awesome reviews!